Meeting people in/around Chicago or NW burbs.

  • spydr3000

    Posts: 2

    Aug 07, 2009 1:43 AM GMT
    Where can I go to meet masculine guys? I'm looking for dating and long term relationships. I'll even settle for friends. I've checked into a few gay bars and "boystown" , but neither were my scene. I'm a very masculine, gay 25 year old who often gets hit on by girls. People never suspect that I'm gay, so guys never hit on me and the ones that do are way too effeminate for me.

    I know I'm not the only one with this issue. Any and all advice will be much appreciated.

    Thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:27 PM GMT
    OK, here's my $.02.

    I live in the far NW burbs after moving from the city with my (now) partner. Ironically, we have more gay friends here than we did when we lived in the city; probably because out here it's a lot less clique-ish. But you have to access what's going on around you where the gay people are.

    We have a recently single friend who went out and joined a gay bowling league in Des Plaines. He doesn't particularly like bowling, but it's only one night a month and he's met tons of other gay guys. He dated one for a while, and has had some dates that were arranged with friends of guys he befriended there. Do you remember the old insurance commercials for MetLife? The tag line was "Get Met, it Pays." That's true in dating too. Chicago has a TON of gay athletic teams and leagues for almost any sport. You won't have to worry about people knowing you're gay if you join the all-gay football league. For true.

    As for being str8 acting/looking. Me too. I have friends for 20 years who tell me they're still waiting for their gaydar to go off. Sigh. That said, it just means that when I was interested in meeting somebody I thought was hot, I needed to put in a little extra effort at letting them know I was interested.

    I'm a firm believer that you can get hit on and get sex anywhere. You can connect with a hook up at the grocery store if you're paying attention. I watch people's eyes (where it's the hardest for them to lie) all the time, and you know what? I think I do a pretty good job of figuring out who is interested in who (including me) most of the time, and I'm nothing spectacular.

    Since this is a real jock forum, and you're probably the gym type, I guess I'll offer this advice: Go to the gym at the time when the type of guys you are most interested in go. At my gym that means early morning for corporate, afternoon for retired, 4-6 p.m. for the late teen/college, and after 7 for the young professionals. Then, just watch surrepticiously. Don't look for who is looking at you (they'll look away quickly most of the time). Watch people to see who they're watching. You'll get a good idea of which ones gaze a little too long at the guyz or their bodies. And once you've figured that out for someone you are interested in, you can invoke the magic word ("hi", or derivative, "hey", or if you're younger, "'S'up").

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:39 PM GMT
    The best way to meet gay guys in Chicago (or anywhere, for that matter) is to not go on about how you're so masculine and non-scene. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with being masculine or not being into the bar scene (I live across the street from Sidetrack and only ever go in a few times a year) but whenever people start off a message by listing everything they're not into or too manly for, it's a huge turnoff. You're also limiting your prospects by deeming anyone who isn't exactly like you as not worth your time. Dating is hard - don't make it harder by making your 'ideal' guy the gay equivalent of a unicorn.

    When I moved to Chicago 2 years ago, one of the first things I did was join CMSA and the gay bowling league. 200 guys in it that represent as much gay diversity as I think I've ever seen. I've met tons of friends who are both in the league and through others they've introduced me to outside of the league. So I agree with phins recommendation to get involved in CMSA and / or some of the sports leagues. Many guys join it as a way to meet people outside of the bars whether they're good at the sport or not - it's fun and it's non-threatening.

    But telling someone to be a creepy lurker, phins, is bad advice (my $.02). Hot and manly or not, staring at people in a gym or any setting to try and determine if they want to hook up with you isn't behavior that communicates "I'm masculine and want to find someone similar to date", it says "I'm not out, and I'm creepy, too."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    spydr3000 saidI'm a very masculine, gay 25 year old who often gets hit on by girls. People never suspect that I'm gay, so guys never hit on me and the ones that do are way too effeminate for me.


    I think you should get over yourself and your perception of how other people lead their lives. You are not the only 25 year old that thinks they're somehow an elite masculine superstar of gay society.

    Also, here's a thought:

    If you don't get hit on by guys, you can hit on them.
  • spydr3000

    Posts: 2

    Aug 22, 2009 6:55 PM GMT
    I don't think I'm an "elite" by any means or judge people because they are not like me. Sorry if it came out that way, I'm just here to find advice from people. Hitting on guys is all new to me, I have tried. But I guess I'm really bad at it. lol.