what's homosexual

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    Dec 03, 2007 6:40 PM GMT
    or better yet, what is sexuality. is it just preference to have sex with particular sex, or is it mental connection? The sexual desire itself, is it self fulfillment, or projected fulfillment? Cause if my own need is met, then i guess any sex with anyone is alright.
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    Dec 03, 2007 8:38 PM GMT
    I think homosexuality is the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual connection that you can potentially feel for the same sex. Sometimes people just feel one of these things, but I think the healthier relationships are based on a few of these factors.
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    Dec 03, 2007 8:56 PM GMT
    I was married and have two children. So I've done the deed with women. I even--gasp--had sex with a woman after coming out, which makes me no less gay in my opinion.

    What makes me gay is that the emotional intimacy that straight men seek (and if they're lucky, receive) from women is exactly what I seek and have a couple of times gotten from men. And that's the part that isn't a choice. I relate to men in the profoundest way, though I have many close female friends.
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    Dec 03, 2007 11:08 PM GMT
    jprich if you are able to have a physically pleasurable life with women, you are likely bisexual. I think most gay men would be repulsed at the idea of sex with a woman and the ones who are closeted think about men when they make love to a woman.
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    Dec 03, 2007 11:50 PM GMT
    jprichva, it's thinking about bisexuals that make me think of this topic. if one person just want to gratify himself disregard what sex the other person is, then does it still consider "sexuality"? cause the preference is really himself and he that gets off.
    But if only consider mental connection, then doesn't straight men also have deep connection with other straights? in fact, most prefer their buddy with their same sex.

    therefore hippie4lyfe you are right regarding a combination of many factors determine sexuality. just how many percent of each is required to make you one?
    IF preference is preference, like your favorite color to fashion to food, which change from time to time. Hence is it possible that preference for sex also could change?

    If you find a woman who connects in mental, emotional, and spiritual except physical. what does that mean?

    yes if you favor sex with men but unable to connect mental, emotional, and spiritual sense. what is that?
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    Dec 04, 2007 12:08 AM GMT
    I think it is a good question ebl, and it varies. Which is why there are essentially an infinite amount of sexual orientations. Your sexual desires, needs, wants, are different from mine, no two people are alike. Labels are pretty silly but society likes labels but we try to group people who are similar but even amongst similarities ie: gay men there are millions of differences.
  • UVaRob9

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    Dec 04, 2007 1:44 AM GMT
    "jprich if you are able to have a physically pleasurable life with women, you are likely bisexual. I think most gay men would be repulsed at the idea of sex with a woman and the ones who are closeted think about men when they make love to a woman." -hippie4lyfe

    I don't really agree with this assertion, hippie. Especially your attempt to fit jprich into a neat little debatable box. If he feels in his heart of hearts that he relates to men most and says he's gay, then he is. I have lots of friends, including my boyfriend, who have had sex with women. It's part of their self-discovery just as not doing that (and not having penetrative sex until I was 20) was part of mine. You do the man a disservice by telling him he's bi when he doesn't believe so. I apologize in advance if this comes off harshly.
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    Dec 04, 2007 1:46 AM GMT
    UVA thanks for your post, but I totally disagree. I don't believe in boxes. I believe he probably lies much more towards the gay end of the continuum, but anything between 0-100 on the sexual spectrum is technically bisexual. There is bisexual with more attraction to opposite sex, bisexual equal attraction to both sexes, and bisexual with leanings toward the same sex. hopefully this clarifies. Why are people so scared of bisexuality lol? I feel like I have been the bisexual defender on the forums today.
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    Dec 04, 2007 1:53 AM GMT
    lol, i hate them, cause they can have the option i don't have, they can have it easy while i have to deal with it the rest of my life. And when's the last time you met a bi that's fem? no, they all so overly masculine just to proof they are not gay.
  • UVaRob9

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    Dec 04, 2007 1:55 AM GMT
    Actually, it does not clarify anything. Is there any particular reason that you have a problem with self-identifying? If he has no conscious desire to act upon anything with women and he's a Kinsey 5 or whatever, why should he?
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    Dec 04, 2007 2:13 AM GMT
    If you are kinsey 5 you are bisexual/queer. It does not mean you are mandated to go out and act upon whatever degrees your opposite sex attraction feelings are.

    A bisexual who marries either sex and stays with that person, are they suddenly gay or straight? No. They are still bisexual and choose to act upon feelings towards one sex.
  • UVaRob9

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    Dec 04, 2007 2:28 AM GMT
    Right, and that's what makes our fight for certain rights in the US that much harder. The groups who oppose us look at bisexuals and say "well, they can choose to have opposite-sex relations, so it must be a choice. So why can't you"? Their claim to have attraction to both weakens our argument that it's not a choice. I'd like to meet someone who is bisexual and was never pressured by society, parents, church, or anything into having an attraction to women. My best friend had sex with several women even after knowing he was gay and I would never accuse him of being bi because he's simply not. Societal pressure's a bitch.
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    Dec 04, 2007 2:37 AM GMT
    Since we're still discussing this, let me add a couple of remarks:

    I was as surprised as anyone that I fell into a (short) sexual relationship with the woman (there was only one) long after I had come out and actually even after having had a couple of boyfriends. I found this sort of unsettling, because I had established myself in my mind firmly as gay, and here I was rolling around with a chick and liking it.

    I called my brother, with whom I am extremely close and who has been supportive of me through every one of my life adventures, and asked him what he thought that meant. He said--and he wasn't joking--that he thought it meant that I was a gay man who could be attracted once in a while to the "right" woman, and that if I thought I was gay, then I was.

    On balance I decided he was right. As I said in my earlier post, it is from men that I derive not just sexual satisfaction, but real emotional connection. And that is why I don't really think I am bisexual.
  • UVaRob9

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    Dec 04, 2007 2:46 AM GMT
    And your post just illustrated what makes all the difference in the world. Emotional connection. Good on you, jprichva.
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    Dec 04, 2007 2:56 AM GMT
    but it is true you can have emotional connection without the desire of sex.
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:01 AM GMT
    ebl is right, emotional attraction is one component of it. I think the fact that men provide you with a physical and emotional component lend you to classify yourself as gay. I do however believe that if the physical component does at times exist for you with women, you are essentially queer/bisexual/curious whatever you wanna call it.
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:03 AM GMT
    well, don't you change your taste in food? I wonder if there's anyone who was once gay and change flavor for a woman? not that i know any.
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    Changing flavor does not imply effacing a previous flavor.

    (i.e. Ted Haggard, raging evangelist homosexual)

    TedHaggard.jpg
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:10 AM GMT
    LOL Ted Haggard!

    Well, there is this whole topic called Sexual Fluidity and apparently some straight people have gone gay and some gays have gone straight. I still need to learn more about it, it kinda boggles my mind right now.
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:11 AM GMT
    there's one aspect to this that hasn't come up yet, unless i missed out on it because i browsed the posts too quickly: sexual activity without emotion or desire. simple lust. there are many men who have sex with men, but they aren't gay - gay is an identity, homosexual is an adjective that describes sexual activity (except of course for the person who identifies him/herself as a homosexual, but that is based upon an activity still). i know men who simply want to get off, and their attitude is that everyone's pink on the inside. in this way there are men who have homosexual sex but aren't gay. this, in my opinion, goes back to the original question of "what is gay?" i definitely think that it's a question not only of specific desires (carnal, emotional, etc.) but also an attachment of one's self to one's identity as it is expressed through desire.
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:15 AM GMT
    That is interesting dancerjack.

    I have heard about the whole Men who have Sex with Men category but who aren't gay.

    I dunno I am more inclined to believe they are closeted about gay or bisexuality. So they live a double life, cheat, cruise, etc.
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:17 AM GMT
    I thought about this for 30 more seconds and think you are right. There are men who have sex with men but aren't gay.

    Ie: Prisons.

    Sometimes homosexual behavior is a matter of convenience but it is not preferred.
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    Dec 04, 2007 3:34 AM GMT
    then why bother have sex? why not just jerk off?
    if the option is still available, not sure if the line can be cut that clearly.
    maybe to be homosexual require a certain amount of dislike of heterosexual? and vise versa.
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    Dec 04, 2007 4:22 AM GMT
    I think there are certain primal urges, I think men secluded will engage in gay sex but think of women.
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    Dec 07, 2007 4:50 AM GMT
    What is heterosexual, what is homosexual?

    Heterosexual- only likes the opposite sex
    Homosexual- only like the same sex

    Keyword: ONLY

    if you are not attracted to the opposite sex at all, therefore you are a homosexual

    if you are not attracted to the same sex at all, therefore you are a heterosexual