Let's Discuss: Dealing w/ Blasts from the Past

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 12:18 PM GMT
    This morning, I received a text message from a old/former friend asking if I were still in town and would want to meet before said person moves away for a career change. I did not recognize the number and was unsure of the person's identity. (I keep my contacts list strictly to people I actually interact with on a regular basis. You know, real friends, family, etc.)

    I replied to the text. "Who is this?"
    The response: "If you have to ask what's the point? Thanks."

    Now, that answer quickly identified the anonymous texter, who was clearly miffed that I no longer had him in my contacts.

    And here's the point of/for discussion:

    He and I have had little to no contact for years at this point. We had dinner once last August when he returned to the city. It was fun, the old humorous rapport remained. In the following weeks, I sent a couple of follow up emails - which had always been the easiest way to reach him and garner a reply - but he never responded to those. We had no phone interaction and never met in person again. Now this text. I don't want to meet with him and wouldn't have if I'd clearly identified him at first...but I'm curious as to the etiquette for this sort of thing.

    How would others have handled this situation? Would you meet? Was it rude of me to ask Who is this? Do others keep numbers of people for infinite time periods or are you an editor with time limits?

    Talk amongst yourselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 12:20 PM GMT

    PS: I've requested that the duplicate thread be deleted. Not sure how it even appeared.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    I'd have done the same and after a couple of years of no conversation I certainly wouldn't be offended if someone asked who the hell I was, I don't consider my self that amazing that I'm going to remain in the for front of someones head years later.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 11, 2009 12:39 PM GMT
    Depends on my mood if I'd meet up or not. If I was the initiator, I don't think I'd be upset if someone didn't recognize my number.
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    Aug 11, 2009 1:32 PM GMT
    Good topic! You did nothing wrong. It is the responsibility of the initiator to identify himself - especially after so long with no contact. It was borderline rude of him to assume you would automatically remember him. I would respect the fact that a guy like you knows a lot of people and I would have taken a second or two to identify myself in a cheerful greeting to you.
  • dh__

    Posts: 143

    Aug 11, 2009 1:35 PM GMT
    i kinda forget all the time, but i forget the names of people who are sitting right next to me, so that rarely helps even if i didn't delete their number from my phone.icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 11, 2009 1:39 PM GMT
    your fine man, i dont even save a lot of numbers. And sometimes i decide i shouldnt have given my number out and text claiming to be stephany and that said person has the wrong number

    sounds like a personal problem for the other guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
    I agree with the other posters. The initiator was being way too sensitive.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 11, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    I'm not sure if there really is a "proper approach" to this. I think it would depend on your relationship with this individual. If it was a childhood friend who you spent years with as a friend, I can sort of understand the interaction (but I'd have never responded to you with that... more some sort of smart remark...LOL all in jest).

    There are people I've gotten to know and are more acquaintances. Unless he was really a friend, the comment he made to you was over the top and I would have the same views that you do.... I'd probably move on and
    not spend much time thinking about it.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Aug 11, 2009 1:52 PM GMT
    Meet him out for one drink and it'll give him the closure he needs.
  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    Aug 11, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    wow your "friend" sounds awfully needy, and I don't blame you for not having an interest in meeting with him. It's so juvenile to get mad just because I don't recognize a phone number or IM screen name (its worse when they try to make me guess who it is). Makes me long for the days before caller ID.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 11, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    he sounds like a douchebag. u r well rid of him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    You asked an honest question and the guy's ego was hurt. But I wouldn't dismiss him right away.

    Call, don't text him back. See how he respond. He may get over it fast and both of you may be ale to move on and reconnect. It may be worth it.

    If he won't let go of his ego, then fuck him. Hang up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 3:54 PM GMT
    since it was obviously someone who knew you, you could have softened the 'who is this' to 'sorry, i just keep family and daily friends in my cell, who is this again?' or just 'lost my phone and contacts, sry, who's this?' however if you know its probably someone you don't like, 'who's this?' is appropriately brief/terse. after his queeny response to you though, i'd say you're not required to do anything- ignore him if you want. especially knowing that he's ignored your past attempts at staying in touch.
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    Aug 11, 2009 4:08 PM GMT
    jprichva saidI suppose the answer relies on whether his feelings matter to you.
    That was not a criticism, by the way: just because you were once friends doesn't mean you're tied to him for all eternity. If you intend no further interaction with him---particularly as he is moving away---and you don't care how he feels about you, then just let it drop and stop worrying. If you do care somewhat, even a little, it wouldn't hurt to at least text him a goodbye.

    But there's no right or wrong here. Entirely about how you feel about him.


    Exactly. I've no plans mend a fence that has long crumbled to the wind.But I was nonetheless curious about the thoughts of others. We're all faced in life with the ebb and flow of people in and out of our circle.

    As the whole thing occurred this morning, I thought, this would make a great topic on RJ, lol. If only because I'm often accused of being too harsh in these sorts of situations and was curious how others might react.

    Meanwhile, no one so far has answered the question about how long you keep someone's contact info in your phone. C'mon fellas, fess up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    I think you should respond as such:

    "I don't know who you are. Anyone on my contact list that doesn't respond to emails, messages or texts get deleted. If you are such a person, how could I know who you are?"


    On a personal note, if I get a phone call from someone who says "Guess who this is" and I don't immediately know, I simply say 'No, I don't have time. Who is this." It's not as if I only know 7 or 8 people. I believe in being courteous, but this kind of cornering with game is not polite

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    Aug 11, 2009 4:12 PM GMT


    Well, RunintheCity, he never responded to your last few emails before now and it's been a year.

    "Who is this?" or
    "Refresh my memory, lol."
    ...and once that part happens,

    "Did you get my emails?"



    -Doug of meninlove
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    this guy has two behaviors that show he is self-absorbed and doesn't think about how his actions are perceived by others. He doesn't respond to your messages and then suddenly texts you and expects you to be excited to hear from him. He doesn't identify himself when texting out of the blue (not a malicious trait, just one that shows he hasn't thought through how his message will be perceived).

    I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about this, i don't think he would understand an explanation of where you are coming from, he probably wouldn't even acknowledge he got it. it seems like you have already done your part in trying to keep in touch and are ready to let this one go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    eh, you did your part.... You met when moved back in town and then followed up a few times after. He never bothered to respond and now sends a criptic message to meet before he leaves icon_rolleyes.gif

    You don't owe him anything - if really wanted a friendship in-tact... He shoulda shown more "tact"

    Don't sweat it.





    Oh... And I don't add contacts to my cell until there "seems" to be a solid reason - like we've maintained contact (talked, not texted) a few times over 2-3 weeks.
    If I suddenly don't hear from a person (that I am not close too) after about three months I hit delete - they were probably some one I met "by chance", we had some good times, then our schedules started to not mesh (some phone tag went on), we weren't that "tight" so we probably (silently) mutually agreed to stop trying to get together and moved on.
    But honestly I rarely clean my "call list" cause I'm not adding random people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    I wouldn't bother with him. It's still summer time. Who needs drama??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 7:49 PM GMT
    You did nothing wrong. I delete numbers on a regular basis, too. If someone suddenly texted after a year I'd have asked who it was as well. That's perfectly normal when you don't know who is contacting you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 7:56 PM GMT
    A year and he's offended? Shit I delete people if I don't interact with them for a couple of months.
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    Aug 11, 2009 8:24 PM GMT
    I hate the "guess who I am" stuff. It actually makes me question the relationship if done too much. OP is fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2009 8:32 PM GMT
    I think he overreacted to this situation, given the fact that he never responded to your historical emails. If there was constant communication that stopped, I would have disagreed with many of the responses given here. This type of thing happens all the time... and when one gets a new phone, one does not want to put inactive numbers in it.

  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Aug 11, 2009 8:35 PM GMT

    I wouldn't meet up if you did not feel up to doing it. If he really wants to keep in steady contact, one would assume that he is capable of sending some sort of correspondence.

    You're an apt man with a healthy degree of intuition. follow where that leads you.