Gay Male vs Straight Male Drama

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    Why is it in gay circles when a guy gets upset, loud, has idiosyncracies, acts stupid or silly, gets into an argument and voices his opinion, cries over a lost love and is heartbroken, etc. it is labeled drama?

    When straight men do it, its called being assertive and the nature of the beast.

    Is there a double standard going on?

    Generally speaking, seems like straight men are more tolerant of each others nonsense and realize drama is part of life and laugh about it more without the labeling.

    I will give an example:

    A few weeks ago, I was standing outside a gay club talking on the phone with one of my employees who fucked up AGAIN and didn't do his job. I was really pissed, probably fed up, tired and must have been talking loudly and emotionally, making wild gestures into the air etc. I think I kicked the fire hydrant too. The bouncer (who is straight) witnessed me doing this and after my theatrics, I limped into the club. The bouncer patted me on the back, asked me if i was ok, and bought me a drink.

    I know I must have looked like a mad man. I was embarresed over my behavior, but the point is....SHIT happens.

    A few gay friends came up to me with a worried looks on their faces and gave me torturous lectures about being dramatic and how I shouldn't express myself in public like that.

    And for the record, I rarely get that upset. It was an unusual situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    Gay or straight, it's still drama to me. icon_neutral.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    KissingPro said

    When straight men do it, its called being assertive and the nature of the beast.



    Erm, really?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 11, 2009 3:32 PM GMT
    I think it all has to do with gay being viewed as "emotional" and in a sort of
    negative way.....while men aren't emotional, thus no drama...

    Maybe overly simplistic... but yeah.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 3:36 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidWhen straight men do it, its called being assertive and the nature of the beast.

    Is there a double standard going on?

    Since when? what a load!

    My mates get pissy and act like a whiny little bitch they get told to stop whining and acting like a little bitch..

    I don't care if they are straight or gay.

    I think your problem is terminology, when a gay guy throws a hissy fit it gets called drama, when a straight guy throws a hissy fit (and they do) they get picked on, messed with, laughed at, knocked back, told to man up.. so on and so on.. generally they aren't tolerated.

    The thing I hate is how I gotta listen to some gay guy whine and complain about not finding a boyfriend, about this and about that and bla bla bla and if I say anything about there whining they call me "insensitive" and "brutish"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 3:48 PM GMT
    Straight man don't have drama, they talk less, have bad backs, and go out and grab a gun, or something. Or drink.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 3:51 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidWhen straight men do it, its called being assertive and the nature of the beast.

    Well no man in the Army, who were all assumed legally to be straight, could get away with any drama for more than about 2 seconds before being called on it. If it was something officially related with which you had an issue, you were told "Don't sweat the small stuff" and "Get with the program!"

    If it was personal bitching, you were reminded "You're not authorized to have personal problems" or "Sounds like a personal problem to me." And indeed, we weren't allowed to have any personal problems that intruded on The Mission. And so you simply didn't.

    "But sergeant, I can't go on duty right now. I just wrecked my car, my house burned down last night, my family's homeless, and my dog died."

    "Sounds like a personal problem to me."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 6:07 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said"But sergeant, I can't go on duty right now. I just wrecked my car, my house burned down last night, my family's homeless, and my dog died."


    icon_eek.gif Wow... now that's a bad day! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 6:35 PM GMT
    Gay or straight, drama is drama.

    Actually, amongst my straight friends we call it noise. Because we don't want to hear any of it. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 10:12 PM GMT
    "drama" is a moronic expression. emotionally stunted people are afraid of emotions. normal people live emotions. it's just normal to feel and express rather than hide. what most mean by drama is probably "melodrama", which sometimes called "unearned emotion". when i see "no drama" in an online profile, it's an immediate turn off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 10:17 PM GMT
    carabin said"drama" is a moronic expression. emotionally stunted people are afraid of emotions. normal people live emotions. it's just normal to feel and express rather than hide. what most mean by drama is probably "melodrama", which sometimes called "unearned emotion". when i see "no drama" in an online profile, it's an immediate turn off.


    100% agree. And the irony is that most of the guys who say 'no drama' in their profiles are the biggest fucking drama queens on the planet.

    Life, by its very nature, is dramatic. And those who deny that either have an emotional flatline or are in massive denial.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidStraight man don't have drama, they talk less, have bad backs, and go out and grab a gun, or something. Or drink.


    Yep. Both hurt, yet show it in diffrent ways.

    If I hurt, I say very little, yet it can show on my face (but not with tears), so I try to have a blank Russian look about me.

    But if something needs to be said, I don't get all emotional, I say what needs to be said, and thats the end of it; then it's: let's go have a beer.

    Where I have found a lot of gay men like women, just love to hold onto that grudge, too hug it, and carry it.

    But it takes a lot for me to get upset, and I'm a pure homosexual (not bi), and when I do it' involves little drama, and in a moment it's over, and done with; just like my straight mates. But I also always try to be fair about it all too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    No Ben. I would say, you are very sensitive to your own feelings, yet brutish to other peoples feeling.. There is a name for that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    The straight guys i've known that throw hissy fits have never been called assertive. I've heard them called fags bitch's or pussies.
  • timgoblue

    Posts: 71

    Aug 11, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    badmikeyt said
    carabin said"drama" is a moronic expression. emotionally stunted people are afraid of emotions. normal people live emotions. it's just normal to feel and express rather than hide. what most mean by drama is probably "melodrama", which sometimes called "unearned emotion". when i see "no drama" in an online profile, it's an immediate turn off.


    100% agree. And the irony is that most of the guys who say 'no drama' in their profiles are the biggest fucking drama queens on the planet.

    Life, by its very nature, is dramatic. And those who deny that either have an emotional flatline or are in massive denial.


    Completely agree with both you guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 11:04 PM GMT
    JamesDee saidThe straight guys i've known that throw hissy fits have never been called assertive. I've heard them called fags bitch's or pussies.


    What a mature crowd that is! Do they do it in class, too, or just on recess?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 11:05 PM GMT
    sxydrkhair saidTo be honest KissingPro, I don't have Gay drama. I may have Straight drama because I don't cry like a bitch in front of people like some Gay men do. lol


    If you ever impale your throat or your ass on a cock, your drama is as gay as you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 11:07 PM GMT
    badmikeyt said
    JamesDee saidThe straight guys i've known that throw hissy fits have never been called assertive. I've heard them called fags bitch's or pussies.

    Do they do it in class, too, or just on recess?


    No usually in their office or in the breakroom.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2009 11:22 PM GMT
    JamesDee saidThe straight guys i've known that throw hissy fits have never been called assertive. I've heard them called fags bitch's or pussies.


    Yes I've hers them be told to stop acting like a women, or to stop being a pussies., or be a man. But it's OK to cry over sport, and thats very diffrent too.
  • jeffper1

    Posts: 148

    Aug 11, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    um men are men...gay or st8
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 12, 2009 12:27 AM GMT
    If someone's finger is pricked by a thorn and this person starts crying, everyone is likely to tolerate it if it is a woman, not so when it is a man. Women are allowed to exaggerate their emotions, men are not.

    The other side of the coin is, when a man is emotional society takes it more seriously (and therefore expend more energy to solving the problem) than when a woman gets emotional. When a man is emotional it is a signal to society that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. If a man is unproductive due to emotional problems he can't feed his family, protect others as militias and soldiers, etc. If a woman is upset she can't function at home, which doesn't really affect society directly. That is the scenario under traditional gender roles.

    The consequence is that men are not supposed to "false alarm" society by acting emotional when there is nothing serious. Personally I feel this way whether it's a man or a woman that gets upset. If something is really wrong I have no problem sympathizing. If it's something minor and the person just wants to get gratification out of other people showing concern for them, then I get tired of it really quickly. People should learn how to deal with life's ups and downs on an emotional and philosophical level on their own without being overly dependent on socialization. The energy other people expend for drama queens are wasted energy that can be used toward more constructive things.

    From my experience less mature people tend to have more "drama" just because they haven't developed these coping skills to an adequate level, but a lot of "misfits" can remain this immature to old age.

    For OP, since you get this upset only once in a blue moon I don't see it as exaggerated emotion, or drama.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 12, 2009 12:42 AM GMT
    KissingPro saidA few weeks ago, I was standing outside a gay club talking on the phone with one of my employees who fucked up AGAIN and didn't do his job. I was really pissed, probably fed up, tired and must have been talking loudly and emotionally, making wild gestures into the air etc. I think I kicked the fire hydrant too. The bouncer (who is straight) witnessed me doing this and after my theatrics, I limped into the club. The bouncer patted me on the back, asked me if i was ok, and bought me a drink.

    A few gay friends came up to me with a worried looks on their faces and gave me torturous lectures about being dramatic and how I shouldn't express myself in public like that


    Umm, you added this..

    Anyway, I like the bouncer, he sounds like a standup guy!

    Your gay friends however, yeah, not so much.

    Your allowed to express your feelings, your allowed to be emotional, you had become exasperated by someone who seems intent on doing the same thing over and over.

    That would irritate me and everyone else I know and then, them being your employee that would just shit me to no end having them do that.

    That to me isn't drama, it's life, drama is when you take something insignificant and act like its HUGE and everyone else needs to know about it, everyone needs to sympathise and everyone needs to be dragged into it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 12, 2009 12:48 AM GMT
    FitExecutive saidGay or straight, it's still drama to me. icon_neutral.gif



    Ditto.

    All that foot stamping you did did nothing to solve your problems...

    When my "straight" friends come to me with their problems and they insist on doing nothing but flail their arms instead of trying to solve their problem, I let them know early on that I don't have patience for that sort of nonsense.icon_confused.gif



    EDIT: That doesn't mean I wouldn't be there if they simply needed someone to vent to however, I don't mind lending an emphatic ear. Just don't tell me you need help with a problem and then proceed to disregard my advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 12, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    It depends on the person: gay or straight. I've met straight guys who go BEGGING for trouble, and gay men who are calm and collected in the most tense emotional situations. But I think the reason why it's labeled "drama" is because most people would associate gay men with the stereotype of women (emotionally), as in melodramatic, bitchy, sensitive, etc.

    But in the end....it's still annoying as shit. Gay, Straight. Male, Female. Same shit, different toilet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 12, 2009 2:59 AM GMT
    jeffper1 saidum men are men...gay or st8


    sometimes, but there can also be a huge difference. Do you know of chris crocker?