Coming out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2007 10:03 PM GMT
    For me, it was difficult to gather up the courage to come out to those who I've known for a long time compared to those who I've barely met, considering all the things the people you've known for a while know about me, 'n all the lies 'n cover-ups I've made during my straight days. I find it a bit easier to come out to people who are relatively new to my life, b/c I see it as starting out fresh 'n not having to lie to the person(s).

    Fortunately for me, kids in this generation are accepting 'n have made coming out easier for me. Yet, I'm still scared to tell my immediate family members.

    My question: Who was/were the person/persons that were toughest to come out to, ever?
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    Apr 30, 2007 11:47 PM GMT
    Hey SD Kid,

    I was out to my friends years before I told my family. I'm pretty sure that's a common thing. My parents were definitely the hardest to tell, also pretty commin --and I think I waited until I was 22.

    They weren't thrilled, but they dealt with it fine -- but YOU will feel sooooooo much better when you do it.

    The trick is not to let society pressure you into telling your family sooner than you are ready -- just because you feel like you are supposed to.

    Take your time and do it your own way... when it feels right and you're ready. It could be next week or in 5 years... :)

    Good luck!

    Jonny
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    May 01, 2007 1:01 AM GMT
    I came out to my mom first then my dad then the rest of my family. And later my friends. But I still haven't come out to my best friend from highschool but that is because I don't see him very much anymore and I had the biggest crush on him in highschool
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    May 01, 2007 2:25 AM GMT
    I havent come out to my family. Friends and strangers are easy yo come out to, but I know my family will br the hardest, but I think it going to need to be done at some point of time. I can feel it coming, the day when I come out to them. I dont like them per sa, but damn it they still are your family.
  • sweeetbutt

    Posts: 1

    May 01, 2007 7:14 AM GMT
    for me, parents were the toughest to come out.

    Friends, if they're not accepting, you can always get new ones.
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    May 01, 2007 8:42 AM GMT
    I really 'preciate the feedback, guys. :)
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    May 01, 2007 6:37 PM GMT
    I came out to my friends first (about 4 years before i came out ot my family) because it was easier for me. When I told my family they were fine with, ity took my dad a little longer to accept it but he eventually did. It's all about when you're ready though.
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    May 01, 2007 6:59 PM GMT
    This was never an issue for me. I grew up on a ranch in Nebraska, and nothing could be more natural.

    Good parents, a lack of false belief systems, and good friends, make being yourself easy.

    In a world of 6.5 BILLION folks, worrying about something as small as sexuality is very self-centered. It should be a non-issue. If someone makes it an issue, get rid of them. It's that simple. No point in having assholes in your life. If someone upsets you (worries you, makes you mad, makes you feel bad about yourself) they're not needed in your life.

    I'm tired to death of so many being so uptight about something as simple as sexuality. Jeeeze, get over it already.
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    May 01, 2007 7:35 PM GMT
    I am about to come out to my 15 year old son this weekend. I am terrified. he is just coming into his sexuality, has new girlfriend. I'm wondering if he knows already, but I have told my closest friends, now its time for my son. Any suggestions.
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    May 02, 2007 5:14 AM GMT
    Almost certainly your son already knows. When you're around someone all the time, it's almost delusional to think that they don't understand you. You just can't hide something that's so basic from the people close to you. Common sense 101.

    If he doesn't like it, that's HIS problem, and not yours. Like YOURSELF, FIRST, and the rest will follow. Probably, but, I could be wrong, he already knows and either doesn't care, thinks it's neat, or wants you to tell him.

    It's SO self-centered to make such a big deal about something so simple and basic.

    People tear themselves apart over this.

    I never "came out" to my folks. It was a non-issue. We talk sometimes, but, because it's something they don't relate to, no point in making a big deal. They know. I know they know. They don't care.

    It is what it is, and nothing more.

    To knock yourself around about it is counterproductive and silly.

    Walk tall; walk proud. When you like yourself (I say this a lot), the rest follows. Give yourself permission to like yourself.

    It's not a disease. It's only dysfunctional if it makes you mentally ill like you are now. Get past it; get mentally healthy; go on on to have a great / better life. It's that simple.
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    May 02, 2007 7:52 AM GMT
    ChuckyStud: I can relate to ya on not having to come out to family. In my case, the last thing my family wants to know is how much I have sex w/ 'n who I do it w/, just so long as I'm not fuckin' up in school 'n head to college.

    Thanks for the feedback everyone.
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    May 02, 2007 9:45 PM GMT
    I never came out. I was always perceived as gay... I never had anything to hide and anyone who would dislike me for it wasnt going to be my friend.
    I have no fear of family because even if I had a trust fund I would not lie to keep it and as far as religion goes, god made me who I am, not as a mistake (there are too many of us... thats one hell of a mistake huh?) and jesus would never turn his back on someone who loves and believes.
    If my family didnt like it it doesnt bother me... they all live in connecticut and massachusettes and i live in Utah LOL
    just me i guess.
    I dont understand coming out or what it means.
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    May 02, 2007 11:16 PM GMT
    I have only come out to my about 5 of my close friends and all but one of them are guys- and hes still not that cool with it, he kinda figured it out and he was pretty homophobic until he realized that i was gay and im one of his best friends. I live in a VERY small town and i havent yet come out to my family, i will probably need 2 be outa college before I do. The problem is that, being in a small southern town i cant really be myself because my cyco mom would probably try 2 get an exorcisim done on me and my dad would NEVER talk 2 me again.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 03, 2007 1:43 AM GMT
    I was very closeted growing up in HS...
    but in college it wasn't a problem
    I had the idea that this was my life and basically stated that to my family
    ...I never had a hard time with any of them
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    May 03, 2007 3:34 AM GMT
    I still haven’t come out to the majority of my friends except for one girl who perused me for a while and I eventually told her. Turns out she actually told her brother, her brother’s girlfriend, and a couple of her friends that I know. I didn’t appreciate that since she told me I had nothing to worry about. Oh well…

    I did end up telling my immediate family (mom, dad, and sister) two summers ago by writing them a letter. It allowed me to get my thoughts together and really explain what I had been going through for 20 years. I felt like if anyone should know it would be my family. I can always find new friends but family is forever. Fortunately, the experience was extremely positive on their behalf but, for some reason, I still felt a lot of shame and disgust afterwards. I’m getting better at accepting myself but I still like to pretend like nothing happened, which is very unhealthy. I guess I’ve been around negativity too long and “friends” who label everything bad as “gay”.

    I was thinking of posting the actual letter but that may be too much. Let me know what you think.
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    May 26, 2007 12:03 PM GMT
    3 people know about me. I just told one of my best friends a couple of days ago. It was a lot easier from the first person I came out too. It was good. He had no idea but was so excited. He just wanted me to be happy. He said he supported me, said he still loved me and said he better be a groomsman when I get married. I will tell my friends first before I tell my family though.
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    Jan 19, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    isn't hard to do? wat about your friends and stuff. won't they dislike you?
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    Jan 19, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    newbie92 saidisn't hard to do? wat about your friends and stuff. won't they dislike you?

    If your friends dislike you because you're gay, they have issues. I think you'll find some of your friends to be more supportive than you'd imagined.

    Then again, some people might be so deeply rooted in denial that they'll just go on denying it as long as they can.
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    Jan 20, 2011 6:11 PM GMT
    averagejoe said
    newbie92 saidisn't hard to do? wat about your friends and stuff. won't they dislike you?

    If your friends dislike you because you're gay, they have issues. I think you'll find some of your friends to be more supportive than you'd imagined.

    Then again, some people might be so deeply rooted in denial that they'll just go on denying it as long as they can.


    Yeah idk wat to do. really want to move to the US, seems they are more openminded icon_smile.gif