Does age really matter all that much?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2009 9:05 PM GMT
    'cause to many it is...icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2009 11:11 PM GMT
    oooooh I love a thread with no point..
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    Aug 16, 2009 1:05 AM GMT
    i don't know zach buddy, i just think a guy in his 20's wants to be in that age range, and a guy in his 40's wants to be in that range.

    Circle of Life and all that shit
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 16, 2009 2:25 AM GMT
    Age is all mental. I just laugh at some of the RJ members who seem to focus on a specific age. I've been asked out by guys from 18 to 70.....
    Its all about interests, personality and attraction.

    And Zach, welcome to RJ.. hope you enjoy!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:41 AM GMT
    I think age does matter to a lot of people, to various degrees.

    Separately....
    I'd prefer dating someone within a few years of me...3 to 4 or 5 would be great. However, I don't have any luck with that for whatever reason...so I've greatly expanded my scope and tried to have an open mind.

    I wonder if anyone shares my experience with not having any luck with their immediate age group.
  • sracer

    Posts: 142

    Aug 16, 2009 3:28 AM GMT
    Yes age matters to a lot of guys, more than not. I am an old f#@k And I seem to draw the looks of the way young! 18-21 half think I'm a creeper which I don't understand because I don't even try to talk or look at them the other half want to jump in bed and get married. On the other hand I like guys within 10 years of my age but no one seems interested Ha Ha!! And there are some hot older guys.icon_biggrin.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 16, 2009 3:33 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidHummm, not really. The closer to my age the better. Just lots more in common...icon_cool.gif


    icon_sad.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 16, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    calibro said
    TheGuyNextDoor saidHummm, not really. The closer to my age the better. Just lots more in common...icon_cool.gif


    icon_sad.gif

    Awwww, now come on. I was saying that I do fine with guys my age and don't have the problems he spoke of... You are the BEST example of what I said earlier about having friends between 20 and 60. Between you and I age has never been an issue. True?


    Hmm... I think the only way to discuss this a civil get together... I'll go find the handcuffs icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:42 AM GMT
    I only date older guys because I find them sexier and infinitely more interesting. I've also found that, generally, older guys have "been there, done that" and they know what they want, and don't want, and know how to communicate that. I'll take a hot 40 or 50 year old who takes care of himself over a fickle confused 20 something any day.
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:46 AM GMT
    Well you know. I suppose in the gay community it does matter.

    Gay men become invisible at a younger age.

    many gay men have issues with getting old, because they lose their value, via attractiveness, and fear rejection, more than straight men.

    In many ways age is nothing more than a state of mind. But if you stand a 50 year old next to a 20 or 30 year old, you will see the physical diffrence too, and to many that matters.

    In the straight world, a 50 year old is now = to a 30 year old. But not in the gay community, a 50 YO, may as well be 70 YO.

    So yes in many diffrent ways age does matter.

    But this is also a topic many will be in denial about too.
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    Aug 16, 2009 4:30 AM GMT
    Age doesn't matter nearly as much as maturity. I've gone out with guys in their 20's who have more depth of soul and character than many guys my age and older.

    The problem with our community's obsession with youth isn't just that the physical nature of youth is impossible to maintain, regardless of how how your body is, a 40 yr old hot bod isn't a 20 yr old hot bod.

    The bigger problem, as I see it, is that this infatuation with youth and putting youth on a pedestal is that it encourages so many gay men to live in a state of arrested development. Blasting Britney Spears out of your VW convertible in A&F clothes and posting Twitter updates every 2 minutes when you're 45 is indicative that you are DESPERATELY trying to cling to a time that has passed you by. And it happens a lot (well, variations, but you get the point) in our community because everything is about youth and the pressure to look/be young is oppressive, especially in the big city gay ghettos. The irony is that while we call old guys out as pathetic for trying desperately to stay young, it's considered a compliment to call a younger person an 'old soul' .. I wish more 'old souls' resided in older bodies.

    I wish age, in the larger sense, mattered more to people - that there is some inherent shame in so many gay men when they hit 30 or whatever age is just sad to me. It is possible - as evidenced by many of the people on this site - to not only look good physically well into the 40's and 50's and beyond, but to possess a maturity that shows that you have learned, grown and matured from your life experiences.
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    Aug 16, 2009 5:12 AM GMT
    . . . it matters very much except in casual arrangements (bathhouse sex, etc.) . . . we are just fooled by the exceptional cases, the genetic freaks . . . Isherwood and Bachardy are/were a rare exception . . .
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    Aug 16, 2009 5:15 AM GMT
    Not at all. The man I love is 7 years older than me and for all I care, he could be 17 years older than me because I love who he is on the inside.
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    Aug 16, 2009 5:21 AM GMT


    My BF has a 10yr head start on me. He lks and acts as if he's 30 something but not in a immature way.
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    Aug 16, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
    nope, doesn't matter. I tend to like older men, they seem to have more depth and more money. lol, jk on the last one.
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    Aug 16, 2009 6:03 AM GMT
    Matey said
    In the straight world, a 50 year old is now = to a 30 year old. But not in the gay community, a 50 YO, may as well be 70 YO.



    I'm 51, and I don't find this to be true at all.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Aug 16, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    Matey said
    In the straight world, a 50 year old is now = to a 30 year old. But not in the gay community, a 50 YO, may as well be 70 YO.


    I don't agree with this line of thinking at all. First of all, stand an average 50 year old gay man up against an average 50 year straight man and 9 out of 10 times the gay man will likely look younger, be more fit, and as a result, probably be healthier than the straight man. Ask any of the guys in their 40's and 50's here on this site and I'd bet that a vast majority of them would tell you that they are happier now than they have ever been. There are certain things that come with age that you can't possibly understand fully until you're, well, older. The knowledge and experience that comes with age is, to some degree, empowering because you are free from the constraints and confusion of your youth. Granted, there are guys in their 40's and beyond who, once they reach a certain age, hit some sort of "Mid Life Crisis" and wallow in the "Im getting old" mentality, but this is a colossal waste of time and energy -- especially since one of the things we all have in common is that with each passing day we all get a little bit older, and no one is immune to that.

    badmikeyt saidBlasting Britney Spears out of your VW convertible in A clothes and posting Twitter updates every 2 minutes when you're 45 is indicative that you are DESPERATELY trying to cling to a time that has passed you by.


    Badmikey, I agreed with most of your post, and I understand the point you were trying to make, but something about the above struck a nerve. I for one enjoy a fun Britney song now and then (especially many of her videos) and last I looked there were no warning labels on her CDs that said "No One Beyond Their Teens and 20's Should Blast This Music From Their Convertibles". You don't have to be a teenager to fall in love with a "TOXIC" guy and later say "Oooops, I Did It Again"). I'm not a big TWITTER person, but who says it's only for young people? 51 year old Ellen Degeneres has 2.5 million followers on TWITTER and I think it's safe to say that they are not all teens and 20-somethings. Those of us in our 50's didn't have social networks like TWITTER and FACEBOOK when we were younger (Hell, we barely had computers!) so older people using such things now is not necessarily about them "DESPERATELY trying to cling to a time that has passed them by" as it is them making use of modern technology and mass media and applying it to their everyday lives like everyone else is. We all get older, but we don't have to get OLD until we're darn good and ready.
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    Aug 16, 2009 6:24 AM GMT
    I just broke up with my 27 year old bf of four years in May. He wanted to be single and truly on his own, which he had never done before. So, for our situation, in the end it did matter because he wasn't done experiencing youthful freedoms.

    However, our relationship was and still is pretty awesome. We aren't together, but we still talk, hang out, and love each other every bit as much as we did before.

    As far as the connection we had/have, it's great. We had tons in common. Our humor was mutual, and we learned new things from each other.

    So to answer the question, I think it just depends on the couple. I think there is just as much a chance of a relationship lasting with someone younger as someone older. It depends on maturity levels and on what the two of you want or need out of it. And you may not even know what those are at the time. People grow at different rates, and sometimes they grow out of each other, regardless of age.
  • captproton

    Posts: 316

    Aug 16, 2009 7:14 AM GMT
    I wish I lived in a larger city, or within easy commuting of same, because I think the attitudes tend to be more liberal in this regard in places where the dating pool is bigger.

    In my experience, ageism is an unfortunate reality for a lot of mature gay men. Yes, there are exceptions, just as there are exceptional men in every age group.

    But I am often disappointed by guys who have the seemingly arbitrary cut-off age of 50 in what they advertise they are looking for. Of course, I don't expect a 25-year-old guy to want to be my life partner. And frankly, all I am really looking for at this point are a few good friends. But even they are in short supply here.

  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Aug 16, 2009 8:12 AM GMT
    Blasting Britney Spears out of your VW convertible in A&F clothes and posting Twitter updates every 2 minutes when you're 45 is indicative that you are DESPERATELY trying to cling to a time that has passed you by. And it happens a lot (well, variations, but you get the point) in our community because everything is about youth and the pressure to look/be young is oppressive, especially in the big city gay ghettos.

    I haven't lived in that kind of environment so I could be wrong about this but I think that a lot of gay men never got to experience life growing up that most straight men usually get, so when a gay guy eventually starts to feel more comfortable with himself or just being gay with any bit of new found freedom, it's natural to express the same sort of interests, curiosities, and resulting behavior they would have naturally experienced and gone through when younger.

    Plus from my experience gay men really don't have any 'rules' about how they should be that people usually put on straight men. Like straight men traditionally have to settle down and become a hollowed out empty shell of what they once were once grown up, but gay men pretty much have complete freedom or no rules so the usual 'you should be this way by this time period' doesn't really apply. Personally, that's one thing I've really liked seeing when I've gone to places like San Francisco in the gay community. Maybe people living in it don't see that but from a 'virgin' outsider it's really very obvious that is taking place.


    I don't think interest in modern technology, clothes and music, really makes a person as trying to be young either. It's just keeping up with the changing times instead of throwing anchor at a specific point in time. I think people should do what they want and not care what other people think, I guess that comes from feeling so suppressed because of what other people have wanted me to be for being gay (or not to be gay) that I don't like any form of 'you should be this way' type of mentality.
  • ThinBlueFlame

    Posts: 47

    Aug 16, 2009 7:53 PM GMT
    I've never dated anyone more than 4 year older than men, but I think that was mostly due to circumstance. I have some very good friends in their 30s and 40s (haven't had a chance to make many friends older than that but maybe that'll change).

    For me, I tend to have a lot more in common with guys around my age than with older guys. It's that long-fabeled thing called a "generation gap". It's certainly not insurmountable, but I there are some socialization differences between people in the 18-25yo male marketing demographic and people in the 45-60yo male marketing demographic. We have been raised in very different social spaces and this leads us to have different tastes.
  • JDean

    Posts: 166

    Aug 16, 2009 8:08 PM GMT
    i think age means alot. But maturity level is far more important.
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    Aug 16, 2009 9:15 PM GMT
    I used to be the one to say that age is just a number, but the truth is that you have a better chance of getting along with someone that is at the same level of maturity and life experience as you do.
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    Aug 16, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Matey said
    In the straight world, a 50 year old is now = to a 30 year old. But not in the gay community, a 50 YO, may as well be 70 YO.


    I don't agree with this line of thinking at all. First of all, stand an average 50 year old gay man up against an average 50 year straight man and 9 out of 10 times the gay man will likely look younger, be more fit, and as a result, probably be healthier than the straight man. Ask any of the guys in their 40's and 50's here on this site and I'd bet that a vast majority of them would tell you that they are happier now than they have ever been. There are certain things that come with age that you can't possibly understand fully until you're, well, older. The knowledge and experience that comes with age is, to some degree, empowering because you are free from the constraints and confusion of your youth. Granted, there are guys in their 40's and beyond who, once they reach a certain age, hit some sort of "Mid Life Crisis" and wallow in the "Im getting old" mentality, but this is a colossal waste of time and energy -- especially since one of the things we all have in common is that with each passing day we all get a little bit older, and no one is immune to that.

    badmikeyt saidBlasting Britney Spears out of your VW convertible in A clothes and posting Twitter updates every 2 minutes when you're 45 is indicative that you are DESPERATELY trying to cling to a time that has passed you by.


    Badmikey, I agreed with most of your post, and I understand the point you were trying to make, but something about the above struck a nerve. I for one enjoy a fun Britney song now and then (especially many of her videos) and last I looked there were no warning labels on her CDs that said "No One Beyond Their Teens and 20's Should Blast This Music From Their Convertibles". You don't have to be a teenager to fall in love with a "TOXIC" guy and later say "Oooops, I Did It Again"). I'm not a big TWITTER person, but who says it's only for young people? 51 year old Ellen Degeneres has 2.5 million followers on TWITTER and I think it's safe to say that they are not all teens and 20-somethings. Those of us in our 50's didn't have social networks like TWITTER and FACEBOOK when we were younger (Hell, we barely had computers!) so older people using such things now is not necessarily about them "DESPERATELY trying to cling to a time that has passed them by" as it is them making use of modern technology and mass media and applying it to their everyday lives like everyone else is. We all get older, but we don't have to get OLD until we're darn good and ready.


    First of all one never said you had to agree. I just put it out there, and still I feel there is verity in my words.

    I being middle aged am yet , if ever to go though a midlife crises, as I'm content within self. When I dropped of the radar for my first husband I was just over 30, and still popular; wanted. Ten years latter when I popped on the radar again, at almost 40. I met my second husband, who had just turned 31. I've not been on the radar since. Look forward to the reaction I get in a few weeks when I spend a night out in the gay community; just to see how I fair. But I'm a lucky middle aged guy, as I have never looked my age, and always it's been assumed younger than I really am.

    But now many heterosexuals are imitating the gay lifestyle, dogs instead of kids, and Straight men are taking better care of themselves; thus metrosexuals.

    But the fact gay guys do take care of themselves well in middle age is because they know age matters, and they still won't to be attractive to those younger. Now if they don't do that, they lose any value, as on pulling younger guys (or guys for that matter), they become invisible; because age dose matter. Youth is more highly prised in the gay community than middle age.

    But I would never won't to go back to my 20s; never.
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    Aug 17, 2009 10:35 AM GMT
    I know that this topic has been subject to much debate and there are lots of different views. I really wanted to see the responses because, age has seemed to be the issue standing between me and finding the right guy. I always seem to aim for the older ones & they make it very clear that sexually, they have no problems starting a relationship but apparently I'm too young to be in an actual "serious" relationship.

    Bullshit, I know....but this is my dilemma :/