Aug 16, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
. . . just wondering where the zeitgeist is on this one . . .
"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."
John Walter Wayland (Virginia 1899)
* A gentleman respects the opinions and beliefs of others at all times. He doesn't try to force his beliefs on others or engage in debates over debatable issues. He regards his own opinions as flexible, but not completely liquid.
* A gentleman offers his help to others whenever he sees a need. This covers the range from performing CPR in an emergency to holding a door open for the people behind you.
* A gentleman is gracious to others. He accepts help when it is offered whether it is required or not, even if it is a service he is paying for. He immediately offers a "Thank you" for services rendered and a "You're welcome" for thanks rendered.
* A gentleman is humble. He never gloats over who he is or what he's done. He does what he does because he believes he should, not because it impresses others or leaves them indebted to him.
* A gentleman is mindful of his own appearance. This is not the same as vanity, which is an obsession with one's appearance. Rather, he is aware that first impressions count with others. He takes care to present himself as organized and well-dressed within whatever level of society or of income he belongs.
likemstrong saidI've been told that a gentleman always warms the lube up in his hand before placing it on his partner's shaft.
Does that count?
czarodziej saidbeing a gentleman is just a code to live by, like the last vestiges of chivalry. it has to do with social grace, good will, self control, and mastery of etiquette. in spirit, anyone can be a gentleman if they are considerate of others and as someone else said, "always makes you feel comfortable," but additionally, a gentleman's gentleman would be able to conduct himself admirably in any five star restaurant or country club without committing any faux-paws.
I'm an SAE and we're founded on the ideal of the gentleman, almost elevated to a mythic level or 'grail-quest' like striving for perfection. someone else here already posted our creed, but i'll retype it from memory here:
The True Gentleman
The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from goodwill, and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or the any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company; a man with whom honor is sacred, and virtue safe."
-John Walter Wayland, Virginia 1899
it deserves meditation- i've had to ponder and discuss each line at depth in my fraternity, and every single one is certainly ponderous.
in my opinion, not only are gentlemen a dying breed, but are exceedingly rare among gay men; our culture undermines it- i think we especially have problems with the making others aware of their inferiorities bit, as well as the flattering wealth and boasting of our own possessions and achievements- not to forget the speaking with frankness and sincerity. thoughtfulness and mindfulness of others is the foundation, and gay men are, on the whole, too egoically self-centered for that kind of consideration on a daily basis.
Gay gentlemen do so exist. We can both think right away of many on this site.