What is a gay gentleman?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2009 4:50 AM GMT
    . . . just wondering where the zeitgeist is on this one . . .
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    Aug 16, 2009 1:07 PM GMT
    paul+bartel.JPG

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    Aug 16, 2009 1:29 PM GMT
    In many circles a "gay gentleman" is also referred to as a unicorn, the Loch Ness Monster and / or Bigfoot.
  • cbrett

    Posts: 609

    Aug 16, 2009 1:39 PM GMT
    me
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 16, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
    A gay gentleman is a gentlemen gentleman's gentleman.
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    Aug 16, 2009 1:56 PM GMT
    Now that's a great question that hasn't been addressed in either the great literature or in pop culture...or...has it and I'm just not aware of it??
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:02 PM GMT
    A gay gentleman is the same as any other gentleman. Here's a somewhat dated definintion:

    "The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."

    John Walter Wayland (Virginia 1899)


    And here's a more modern take on it from the Internet:

    * A gentleman respects the opinions and beliefs of others at all times. He doesn't try to force his beliefs on others or engage in debates over debatable issues. He regards his own opinions as flexible, but not completely liquid.
    * A gentleman offers his help to others whenever he sees a need. This covers the range from performing CPR in an emergency to holding a door open for the people behind you.
    * A gentleman is gracious to others. He accepts help when it is offered whether it is required or not, even if it is a service he is paying for. He immediately offers a "Thank you" for services rendered and a "You're welcome" for thanks rendered.
    * A gentleman is humble. He never gloats over who he is or what he's done. He does what he does because he believes he should, not because it impresses others or leaves them indebted to him.
    * A gentleman is mindful of his own appearance. This is not the same as vanity, which is an obsession with one's appearance. Rather, he is aware that first impressions count with others. He takes care to present himself as organized and well-dressed within whatever level of society or of income he belongs.
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:03 PM GMT
    I think it was best said in a movie: "A gentleman always makes you feel comfortable" if you deserve it... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:08 PM GMT
    I greatly appreciate the quotes that FitExecutive is sharing with all of us. They're awesome quotes to ponder and implement into our own lives.

    I heartily believe it would be a service to all if there were either pop culture references or classic literature referencess to what defintes a gay gentleman. I believe it would do us all and the gay community some good. And, I wonder if there is one that already exists about which I'm not aware.
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:10 PM GMT
    OK, OK.

    Tim Gunn.
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:19 PM GMT
    :-)

    Agreed!

    Tim Gunn fits the bill.
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:33 PM GMT
    being a gentleman is just a code to live by, like the last vestiges of chivalry. it has to do with social grace, good will, self control, and mastery of etiquette. in spirit, anyone can be a gentleman if they are considerate of others and as someone else said, "always makes you feel comfortable," but additionally, a gentleman's gentleman would be able to conduct himself admirably in any five star restaurant or country club without committing any faux-paws.

    I'm an SAE and we're founded on the ideal of the gentleman, almost elevated to a mythic level or 'grail-quest' like striving for perfection. someone else here already posted our creed, but i'll retype it from memory here:

    The True Gentleman
    The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from goodwill, and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or the any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company; a man with whom honor is sacred, and virtue safe."
    -John Walter Wayland, Virginia 1899


    it deserves meditation- i've had to ponder and discuss each line at depth in my fraternity, and every single one is certainly ponderous.

    in my opinion, not only are gentlemen a dying breed, but are exceedingly rare among gay men; our culture undermines it- i think we especially have problems with the making others aware of their inferiorities bit, as well as the flattering wealth and boasting of our own possessions and achievements- not to forget the speaking with frankness and sincerity. thoughtfulness and mindfulness of others is the foundation, and gay men are, on the whole, too egoically self-centered for that kind of consideration on a daily basis.
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:36 PM GMT
    I've been told that a gentleman always warms the lube up in his hand before placing it on his partner's shaft.

    Does that count?
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:40 PM GMT
    likemstrong saidI've been told that a gentleman always warms the lube up in his hand before placing it on his partner's shaft.

    Does that count?


    No, that's just etiquette. icon_smile.gif
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Aug 16, 2009 2:43 PM GMT
    czarodziej saidbeing a gentleman is just a code to live by, like the last vestiges of chivalry. it has to do with social grace, good will, self control, and mastery of etiquette. in spirit, anyone can be a gentleman if they are considerate of others and as someone else said, "always makes you feel comfortable," but additionally, a gentleman's gentleman would be able to conduct himself admirably in any five star restaurant or country club without committing any faux-paws.

    I'm an SAE and we're founded on the ideal of the gentleman, almost elevated to a mythic level or 'grail-quest' like striving for perfection. someone else here already posted our creed, but i'll retype it from memory here:

    The True Gentleman
    The true gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from goodwill, and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or the any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company; a man with whom honor is sacred, and virtue safe."
    -John Walter Wayland, Virginia 1899


    it deserves meditation- i've had to ponder and discuss each line at depth in my fraternity, and every single one is certainly ponderous.

    in my opinion, not only are gentlemen a dying breed, but are exceedingly rare among gay men; our culture undermines it- i think we especially have problems with the making others aware of their inferiorities bit, as well as the flattering wealth and boasting of our own possessions and achievements- not to forget the speaking with frankness and sincerity. thoughtfulness and mindfulness of others is the foundation, and gay men are, on the whole, too egoically self-centered for that kind of consideration on a daily basis.


    I find chivalry appalling.

    And, as far as gay men, I think you're hanging out with the wrong people. Don't single out gay men as self-centered-- it's everyone. Women, too. We live in a society that encourages vanity, and if you believe what you see on TV, you're going to start acting that way too.

    I absolutely agree with Wayland as posted above...
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    Aug 16, 2009 2:46 PM GMT

    Gay gentlemen do so exist. We can both think right away of many on this site.
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:02 PM GMT
    An oxymoron
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Gay gentlemen do so exist. We can both think right away of many on this site.


    Yeah, MIL are definitely gentlemen. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:13 PM GMT







    ...omg *BLUSH*
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    ...whips out the Etiquette book. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:24 PM GMT
    I'm in Fire Island right now, and there are a lot of guys who are not gentlemen.

    I just can't relate. Especially to the older gay guys fluttering around and acting like big girls, being loud and rude and talking bullshit.

    When will these guys realize that a perfect gym body coupled with an imature and obnoxious attitude do not make you masculine, nor a gentleman?

    Gentleman.........Gentle plus Man.
  • mustangd

    Posts: 434

    Aug 16, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    there are several facits to being a gentleman, but, to me, they all stem from the concept of consideration, as in, to be considerate of others. there was a time when this was taken to a level that was foppish, these days we see consideration of others having gone the other way, which is to say, there is less and less consideration of others. gay men can be guilty of not being considerate, but, so can men and women of all walks of life.

    lack of consideration concerns me, because i believe consideration of others is one of the necessarry threads that binds our society together. it is one of the reasons, that i feel our civilization is coming unraveled, technology has assumed a position that seems to supplant some of the things that brought us this far. we are becoming a society of individuals, pursueing in many cases our own base desires, greed for example, or simply stated, putting ourselves first, and others second. there is nothing wrong with being an indvidual, but, if it is taken to the point of being inconsiderate of others, this is both un-gentlemanly, and a harbinger of a future society that is " all for one, and NONE for all. " if mankind is to evolve further, he can't do it as in individual.

    for me, those who are considerate, are gold, and i work to be good friends to them. i've not yet met a gay gentelman, i'm sure they are out there, i think the chances of 2 gay gentlemen making a go of it in a relationship, are much higher than 2 individuals who more considerate of themselves than their partner.

    now, taken to an extreme, gentlemanlyness can be counter-productive, i have in mind the old warner brothers cartoons with the 2 squirells, " after you, NO after you, NO NO after YOU..." icon_smile.gif how could 2 gay men ever have sex that way? LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    Someone who is respectful....
    Too many gay men are capable of treating people like they were invisible.
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    Aug 16, 2009 4:02 PM GMT

    Oh gorsh, mustangd,


    "i have in mind the old warner brothers cartoons with the 2 squirells, " after you, NO after you, NO NO after YOU..."


    ...we're busted! lol! ..and sex is easier than you might thinkicon_wink.gif


    Anyways, here's Bill and I trying to rescue our home. We even do some, er, 'kayaking' Canadian style.

    Here:

    a glimpse into our life... and no, our voices are a pitch or two lower, lol!





    -Doug and Bill of meninlove
  • mustangd

    Posts: 434

    Aug 16, 2009 4:20 PM GMT
    meninlove, thanks for reminding me they, the cartoon(s), in question were gophers.

    thanks too for sharing the youtube. the men who brought us the old warner brothers cartoons, tex avery, et al, were geniuses.

    i envy you 2, and, yes, i can imagine 2 gay gophers getting to business ;)
    sadly, the men i seem to meet have that "me, myself and i" thing going on, so, again, i envy you 2.