"QUEER" JOKE IN THE LOCKER ROOM: I always wondered how I'd react

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 17, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
    I was tired when I finished my workout about an hour ago. Its been a long day of mowing, hoeing, trimming, hauling, etc, So when I was sitting in the locker room for a few minutes, the last thing I wanted to hear was a joke
    "about queers"......

    There were only 4 or 5 of us in the locker room when this 60 year old man (who was naked) within 2 minutes made fun of high school kids who wear their jeans half down their butts, then he made some comment like, "I bet it turns all the queers on".... then he started putting down teachers. Everyone ignored him and he thought it all was so funny.

    I was a little pissed and looked at him and said.... "while your at it, why not make fun of ignorant men who make fun of other people for sport".
    He knew I was pissed off and at that moment I didn't give a shit what happened..

    "Hey I was only kidding around man" he said.

    "Thats pathetic" was my response and I left the locker room.

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    Aug 17, 2009 1:03 AM GMT
    I think what you did was very reasonable. It's important to not let these things go by silently -- people need to know that this isn't as insignificant as they think it is.

    And sure, one might just say that it was inappropriate in a very level manner, but the reality is that 99% of people need to see an emotional response to absorb that this really matters to you.
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    Aug 17, 2009 1:06 AM GMT


    I tend to forgive the elderly. There life experience has usually led them to be CRAZED and somewhat wise! Set in there ways it's one nut hard to crack. I'm glad you stood up for what you thought was rt and I guess that's more important than you having regret later on
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    Aug 17, 2009 1:14 AM GMT
    I was talking to a customer around the time Heath Ledger died and I mentioned how good his performance in the Dark Knight was being commented on, when the customer said something like "yeah I think it was that Brokeback movie that made him do it."

    I was speechless. I was without speech.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 17, 2009 1:17 AM GMT
    Hillie said

    I tend to forgive the elderly. There life experience has usually led them to be CRAZED and somewhat wise! Set in there ways it's one nut hard to crack. I'm glad you stood up for what you thought was rt and I guess that's more important than you having regret later on


    Um, I didn't think of him as "elderly" and I wasn't going to let that kind of
    joking pass without a comment.
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    Aug 17, 2009 2:15 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    Hillie said

    I tend to forgive the elderly. There life experience has usually led them to be CRAZED and somewhat wise! Set in there ways it's one nut hard to crack. I'm glad you stood up for what you thought was rt and I guess that's more important than you having regret later on


    Um, I didn't think of him as "elderly" and I wasn't going to let that kind of
    joking pass without a comment.




    UMMMM I'm not sure how to receive your comment as it seems to have a little attitude in between the lines. You said the man was 60 and elderly happenes to be my description of that age bracket. Next time I'll use middle aged. The other is your heading says QUEER" JOKE IN THE LOCKER ROOM: I always wondered how I'd react" If you knew how you'd react, then why leave the question as to if you didn't know? My post was offered in support but instead I get bitch slapped for being supportive? Maybe this is misplaced left over hostility frm the incident mentioned above.
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:00 AM GMT
    One time my late partner & I were in a sports bar, when another couple of guys starting chatting us up about the game on the bar TV. We seemed to hit it off, and before long we had all taken a table, talking sports & shit, taking turns buying drinks.

    But then they made some anti-gay slurs, and wouldn't let up on these vicious homophobic comments. We said nothing, making non-committal remarks like "Is that right?" "I didn't know that" and so forth. But soon my partner & I exchanged glances that meant "Let's get the hell out of here!"

    And as we left, I said to them: "By the way, I think you should know you just spent an evening with a gay couple who lives together. But we won't tell anyone if you won't." And with that we promptly exited, leaving these guys speechless. We laughed like crazy when we got out to our car. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:02 AM GMT
    that jerk..........good for you..................fuk him and the horse he rode in on.............fukin loud mouth loser.......sorry...........for the rant.......asshole he is.
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:43 AM GMT
    You called him out on his shit. You didn't make fun of him. You didn't act unreasonably. You simple took the asinine stuff he was saying and fed it back to him.

    Good for you. If more people had half the conviction you do more people would realize when they are being ignorant ass holes.
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:58 AM GMT

    Hey HndsmKansan,

    It's our opinions that you were a real gentleman about it. You stated your case and left.

    You did it without name calling, bluntly labeling him a bigot, or telling him in this many words: 'he's stupid'.
    Poetry, that.... and well done.

    -us guys

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    Aug 17, 2009 4:57 AM GMT
    Thats awesome that you said something to a man so stupid. I know he's old but come on, Im sure adults said something about the way he dressed and other things he did when he was younger who is he to judge.
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    Aug 17, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    Hillie said

    I tend to forgive the elderly. There life experience has usually led them to be CRAZED and somewhat wise! Set in there ways it's one nut hard to crack. I'm glad you stood up for what you thought was rt and I guess that's more important than you having regret later on


    Just so I know for the future, what at what age am I allowed to just say whatever I want with no regards to anyone else?
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Aug 17, 2009 5:46 AM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 said
    Hillie said

    I tend to forgive the elderly. There life experience has usually led them to be CRAZED and somewhat wise! Set in there ways it's one nut hard to crack. I'm glad you stood up for what you thought was rt and I guess that's more important than you having regret later on


    Just so I know for the future, what at what age am I allowed to just say whatever I want with no regards to anyone else?



    Here you go.....this is about what you can do at what age and how many birthdays you get.





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    Aug 17, 2009 6:12 AM GMT
    Kudos for being assertive and telling him a thing or two! Dude honestly I hate when people do that. Sure, it seems innocent, but it's like the whole "that's so gay" thing kids say nowadays (I babysit the neighbor kids now and then, you won't believe the stuff they say!). Though it might seem playful, the connotations are very dangerous. You totally didn't act irrational at all (I'm glad you didn't cause a huge scene about it), that fucker had it coming.
  • a2507

    Posts: 152

    Aug 17, 2009 6:27 AM GMT
    I applaud my neighbor in Wichita for saying something to the guy in the locker room. It's easier to keep quiet than to confront bigots. And sometimes it's hard to confront bigots gently rather than with rage.

    But I also find the ageist prejudice that emerged in this thread interesting. I'm not sure that the age of the guy was in anyway relevant. His "joke" or comments would have been just as asinine had he been 20, 30, 40, or 50 instead of 60. But mentioning his age sure brought out prejudice against older guys from at least a couple of guys in their late 30's. What if kansas dude had said he was black? Would we have had comments based on racial stereotypes then?

    60 is elderly? I just met a lady a few days ago who's 87. She looked like maybe 72. She can't do stairs so well now (that's why I met her, I'm an architect and we're going to fix some things on her house) but she's sharp and funny, and I bet everyone of us could learn a lot from her. FYI, I just turned 52 today, so I'm closer to the geezer in the locker room than to those commenting.

    Maybe I'm a little sensitive to age issues now. But isn't it ironic that in a post complaining about prejudice, that prejudice, albeit a different one, emerges?
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    Aug 17, 2009 6:47 AM GMT
    a2507 saidI applaud my neighbor in Wichita for saying something to the guy in the locker room. It's easier to keep quiet than to confront bigots. And sometimes it's hard to confront bigots gently rather than with rage.

    But I also find the ageist prejudice that emerged in this thread interesting. I'm not sure that the age of the guy was in anyway relevant. His "joke" or comments would have been just as asinine had he been 20, 30, 40, or 50 instead of 60. But mentioning his age sure brought out prejudice against older guys from at least a couple of guys in their late 30's. What if kansas dude had said he was black? Would we have had comments based on racial stereotypes then?

    60 is elderly? I just met a lady a few days ago who's 87. She looked like maybe 72. She can't do stairs so well now (that's why I met her, I'm an architect and we're going to fix some things on her house) but she's sharp and funny, and I bet everyone of us could learn a lot from her. FYI, I just turned 52 today, so I'm closer to the geezer in the locker room than to those commenting.

    Maybe I'm a little sensitive to age issues now. But isn't it ironic that in a post complaining about prejudice, that prejudice, albeit a different one, emerges?


    Well since I'm the one who made the remark. I can't help but to think your talking about me.

    Main Entry: 1prej·u·dice
    Pronunciation: ˈpre-jə-dəs
    Function: noun
    Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin praejudicium previous judgment, damage, from prae- + judicium judgment — more at judicial
    Date: 13th century
    1 : injury or damage resulting from some judgment or action of another in disregard of one's rights; especially : detriment to one's legal rights or claims
    2 a (1) : preconceived judgment or opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge b : an instance of such judgment or opinion c : an irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics

    Now having the definition before you at what point in this thread has someone, I guess namely me become PREJUDICE? Did you read my post?

    Usually someone in the age bracket of 60 frm my experience anyway has had much life experience and tends to be set in there ways, as most are I guess for that matter. To not be set in your ways would mean your open to receiving information, processing it and then applying it to ones life and having the courage to admit that you have been wrg if the case may be.
    Usually life experience will make you wise tho. The older you go unchallenged will also make it more difficult to do the step above for anyone at any age. So where have I offended you?
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    Aug 17, 2009 6:59 AM GMT
    Hillie said


    Usually someone in the age bracket of 60 frm my experience anyway has had much life experience and tends to be set in there ways, as most are I guess for that matter. To not be set in your ways would mean your open to receiving information, processing it and then applying it to ones life and having the courage to admit that you have been wrg if the case may be.
    Usually life experience will make you wise tho. The older you go unchallenged will also make it more difficult to do the step above for anyone at any age. So where have I offended you?



    You offended him with your prejudice. You even pointed it out for us. Thanks.
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    Aug 17, 2009 7:01 AM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 said
    Hillie said

    I tend to forgive the elderly. There life experience has usually led them to be CRAZED and somewhat wise! Set in there ways it's one nut hard to crack. I'm glad you stood up for what you thought was rt and I guess that's more important than you having regret later on


    Just so I know for the future, what at what age am I allowed to just say whatever I want with no regards to anyone else?


    So as I'm thinking about your question and others posed It seems as the word elderly is what's in question and it never dawned on me that it's looked upon negatively. This is what I found on the web

    •Old age consists of ages nearing or surpassing the average life span of human beings, and thus the end of the human life cycle. Euphemisms and terms for old people include seniors (American usage), Senior Citizens (British usage), or the elderly. ...
    •old; having lived for relatively many years


    •became senior citizens. Old person became older person.

    So then of course I looked up senior citizen

    When are you a Senior Citizen?

    There is no set age when a person becomes a "senior citizen." The age requirements for federal and state programs and entitlements are established by legislative action.

    You are eligible...

    at 60 for:

    Social Security benefits to surviving spouse
    Railroad Retirement Benefits
    Local programs funded under the Older Americans Act-
    Retired Senior Volunteer Program (RSVP)
    at 62 for:
    Reduced Fare Program (transportation)
    Senior citizen federally subsidized housing and congregate housing
    80% Social Security/Railroad Retirement benefits for retirees
    65 for:
    Full Social Security benefits (if income is less than $14,500)
    Medicare/Medicaid coverage
    Pharmaceutical Assistance to the Aged And Disabled (PAAD
    Lifelong Credit Program
    Hunting and Fishing Licenses at a reduced fee
    Tuition-free or reduced fee courses at NJ public institutions of higher learning and some private institutions
    Senior citizen property tax deduction if eligible
    at 70 for:
    Full Social Security benefits regardless of the amount of earned income

    Offending was not my intention and if you misunderstood that, you bestow your own judgements to my post. Elderly to me was someone who has had a significant life experience and at 60, I would hope to think that be true.

  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Aug 17, 2009 7:08 AM GMT
    This thread makes my head hurt.


    But the good news is I now know I have my railroad retirement benefits coming earlier than Social Securoty.


    I would never consider a 60 year old elderly, personally. My parents are 70ish and I still don't consider them elderly. They are way too active.



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    Aug 17, 2009 7:19 AM GMT
    crtrainer saidThere's no relationship between prejudice and age. Rosa Parks was an "elderly" woman when she refused be segregated.



    Ahhhhh, She was 42 when she refused to give up her seat.........LOL
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    Aug 17, 2009 7:44 AM GMT
    Hillie said

    Offending was not my intention and if you misunderstood that, you bestow your own judgements to my post. Elderly to me was someone who has had a significant life experience and at 60, I would hope to think that be true.



    You would hope that if they had some life experience they wouldn't make cracking poofta jokes.
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    Aug 17, 2009 8:31 AM GMT
    "Hey I was only kidding around man" he said.

    Kidding around?

    ...Or spontaneous sincerity.

    You did the right thing.
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    Aug 17, 2009 9:15 AM GMT
    The nonsensical discussion above about age is a red herring.

    You did a meritorious thing: firmly, but politely, pointing out the offensive nature of someone's 'joke' in an environment where hyper-masculinity is too frequently the act.

    You get the progressive seal of approval.
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    Aug 17, 2009 9:27 AM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 said
    Hillie said

    Offending was not my intention and if you misunderstood that, you bestow your own judgements to my post. Elderly to me was someone who has had a significant life experience and at 60, I would hope to think that be true.



    You would hope that if they had some life experience they wouldn't make cracking poofta jokes.


    Agreed
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    Aug 17, 2009 9:44 AM GMT
    Maybe it's because I'm secure in myself, and my sexuality, that it would not of bothered me at all. I tell jokes and I don't discriminate, so nothing is off limits.

    Now as a pure homosexual; not bi. Nor am I self loathing, or in hiding. But I too have a few gay jokes up my sleeve too, and just because I'm a pure homosexual, I'm not going to discriminate by banning gay jokes just because I'm a homosexual.

    I've heard worse, and it runs off my back like water off a ducks back. But once agin, I'm secure in myself, and about my sexuality.

    So I'm not going to say what you did was wright or wrong, but I'm sure it helped you feel better; but for how long? It would not of even dented me.

    But then I've heard many a homosexual and bisexual say and do hateful things too.