from a gay man's perspective....what the difference between loving a guy and "being in love" with a guy?

  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 17, 2009 12:02 PM GMT
    discussamongstyoselves! icon_exclaim.gif
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    Aug 17, 2009 2:35 PM GMT
    jprichva saidBah

    Bah! is right. "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is just about the cheesiest of all breakup lines.
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    Aug 17, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
    I've never understood that distinction at all. I suppose the person is trying to say something similar to "I love you like a brother, but I don't love you like a lover."

    Seems like there are a lot better ways to say how you feel.
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Aug 17, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    rnch saiddiscussamongstyoselves! icon_exclaim.gif


    I just don't understand when people start threads like this....expect us to open up and offer input....and offer nothing themselves.

    The common excuse is "I don't want to influence....." but come on, we are all grown men and not afraid to offer our opinions. Just a suggestion.


    That being said...

    I love my tennis doubles partner.
    I would do anything for him.
    When he is sore I can massage his back for hours until he is feeling good.
    When we play tournaments we can sleep in the same bed if it makes it more economical.
    I love him, but I am not in love with him.

    He has a boyfriend who is very understanding and gets the dynamics of our somewhat complicated relationship. Many would not.
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    Aug 17, 2009 2:51 PM GMT


    lol, I love ketchup, but that feeling is very different when it comes to Bill....


    -Doug
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 17, 2009 2:55 PM GMT
    Duh. I LOVE many people, some are actually gay men, and it has nothing to do with being physically attracted to them(although it doesn't exclude it either).
  • troy_par

    Posts: 22

    Aug 17, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    here is my two cents...

    loving someone is caring for them and their well being.

    being in love with someone is about what you are willing to give. you are fulfilled by the relationship and get a lot from the relationship but for you it is the giving of love that is the most important.
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:11 PM GMT

    Loving someone is the giving of self, as you want the same in return and that tends to be non-sexual

    Being in love usually means taking a blind eye to all the misgivings and accepting who he/she is for there value and not yours
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 17, 2009 3:17 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    meninlove said lol, I love ketchup, but that feeling is very different when it comes to Bill....

    What, Bill prefers mustard? I'm confused.
    i would assume he likes doug's mayonaisee. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    lol jprichva, we'll try again ( Bill's cracking up)

    I love ketchup, but have never done things with it or the bottle it comes in as I've done with Bill....(OK now I'm cracking up,lol)
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:37 PM GMT
    This is another thread where I don't see why there needs to be any line drawn between the rest of the world and gay men.

    I think loving someone is a universal experience. Being in love with someone is, too. I don't think we experience it differently because we're gay. Are our relationships different? Yes. But not by much.
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:54 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidThis is another thread where I don't see why there needs to be any line drawn between the rest of the world and gay men.

    I think loving someone is a universal experience. Being in love with someone is, too. I don't think we experience it differently because we're gay. Are our relationships different? Yes. But not by much.


    I agree with you Mikey. However, if someone knows the answer to this let me know! Ha ha. I've been in a long term relationship and I don't know the difference sometimes.
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    Aug 17, 2009 4:02 PM GMT
    from a gay man's perspective....what the difference between loving a guy and "being in love" with a guy?


    Well I don't think most guys know what loving is unless of course you rephrase the question like this:


    What is the difference between loving a guy who looks younger, is physically fit, and have tons of monies, and "being in love" with one who is wise, matured, affectionate, loving, and all that good stuff that makes one full in love with love in the first place.


    ♥ Leandro ♥
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 17, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    i don't know/understand/comprehend the difference between the two. this is why i started this thread.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Aug 17, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    I think that loving a guy is what you do to and/or for him. Being in love is to love the tangible and intangible aspects of the other person. They don't have to necessarily be separates, but rather intertwined as love.
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    Aug 17, 2009 4:15 PM GMT

    OK rnch, we hear you.

    Try this - think of a relative that you really love - now think of your BF. There should be a marked difference - starting with which one you'd prefer to consummate (sexually) your feelings for.

    Which would you rather french kiss with?


    How's that?


    -us
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 17, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    You love your friends, but you don't love them in the way you love your partner.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 17, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    OK rnch, we hear you.

    Try this - think of a relative that you really love - now think of your BF. There should be a marked difference - starting with which one you'd prefer to consummate (sexually) your feelings for.

    Which would you rather french kiss with?


    How's that?


    -us
    so, going by these guidelines...my bf sez he "loves me" but is not "in love" with me...yet he/I/we have NO problems consummating (sexually) with each other...i'm still confused by these two expressions ( "love" and "in love" ). icon_confused.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Aug 17, 2009 4:55 PM GMT
    Perhaps the issue is of monogamy/exclusivity?
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    Aug 17, 2009 6:10 PM GMT
    rnch said
    meninlove said
    OK rnch, we hear you.

    Try this - think of a relative that you really love - now think of your BF. There should be a marked difference - starting with which one you'd prefer to consummate (sexually) your feelings for.

    Which would you rather french kiss with?


    How's that?


    -us
    so, going by these guidelines...my bf sez he "loves me" but is not "in love" with me...yet he/I/we have NO problems consummating (sexually) with each other...i'm still confused by these two expressions ( "love" and "in love" ). icon_confused.gif


    Confused; are you guys discussing LUSTicon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gif
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    Aug 17, 2009 7:06 PM GMT
    Okay some one explained it to me this way:

    brotherly love, physical love, love of mankind

    with some you have only a brotherly love, love of mankind the kind of love that doesn't need physical love.

    with other you will have only the physical love- yeah you know the tricks, the one you pay for, the ones that at first really get you hard on sight only.

    then there are those that you have all three. thats the one you build a relationship with, the one you tend to forgive for the little, or big indisgressionsm, with. The kind that you can be yourself with , the kind you can exhale on and be real. Does that help?
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    Aug 17, 2009 7:22 PM GMT
    rnch said
    meninlove said
    OK rnch, we hear you.

    Try this - think of a relative that you really love - now think of your BF. There should be a marked difference - starting with which one you'd prefer to consummate (sexually) your feelings for.

    Which would you rather french kiss with?


    How's that?


    -us
    so, going by these guidelines...my bf sez he "loves me" but is not "in love" with me...yet he/I/we have NO problems consummating (sexually) with each other...i'm still confused by these two expressions ( "love" and "in love" ). icon_confused.gif



    For years I asked myself what is the difference between loving or being in love with someone? well since I recently started loving someone seriously I am beginning to enter the "being in love" stage of the relationship!

    As for me I find that stimulating conversations and constant communication before having sex with your partner is a key element that causes the "in love" sensation or as I call it "the spark" that can light up the fire of love in a relationship.

    My boyfriend came from a very a physical and emotionally abusive relationship! oddly enough according to him, there were times he felt an "in love" sparks of passion burning within him, unfortunately his partner's "love fuel" burned up his fire too soon and too quickly, and as consequence my BF was left with bag full of "ashes of love" to deal with alone. As a result he left that "shelter/relationship" as a destitute "Hobo of love" walking away with only a "bag full of love ashes" on his back.

    I having crossed that "Hobo of love" passage a few times in my life I met him through today's infamous "love crossroads" of the modern age called the "internet" in some cyber address known as a "Personal ad"!! a few e-mails were exchanged and I was able to sense the texture and smells of his ashes through his words, which at that point only drew a mere carbon copy of his true persona!!

    When I finally met him in person in a local mall, we walked up to the food court, both ordered a salad, and sat on a table. We started talking and he immediately poured his heart out and opened his bag of ashes for me to see, I was taken back a little but not enough for me to walk away because it all sounded and felt familiar to me.

    I was moved because his shared pains and experiences reminded me of the self esteem and vulnerabilities the person in most of us knew, but often ignored to nurture first, so I immediately understood there is a "GUY" in everyone of us we must love first in order to "fall in love" with another. It was then I realized I was loving the guy I once was and in time "be in love" with the guy my BF is!!!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
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    Aug 17, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    As someone that has experienced both, I don't think it has anything to do with sex or monogamy primarily. At least to me, there is a real distinction between loving someone and "being in love". I love many people in my life....friends (gay and straight), family, people I've dated in the past. The difference is really obvious in regards to my ex-boyfriends. I love both of my ex's...I'm certainly no longer in love with them.

    I would imagine everyone has a different way of judging when they're in love with someone...I don't think a blanket statement could cover everyone. I know I'm in love with someone when the sight of them and even the thought of them makes me smile inside and out...not just a "it's good to see you smile" either. It's a smile that comes from someplace deeper. I know I'm in love when I'm placing their needs and feelings above my own...when I want to take care of them and do things that make them happy. I know I'm in love when I want to be close to them in every way...physically, emotionally, sexually. I want intimacy out of them not just company like I would my friends.

    Those are just some things that come to mind for me...hope it helps you in a way. Good luck.
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    Aug 17, 2009 7:28 PM GMT
    I'm actually "in love" with ice cream... that never goes away.
    It understands me, comforts me and makes my senses come alive. I spend more time with ice cream than I do most people. I derive unbelievable happiness from ice cream... I really do.

    There are guys I thought I was in love with... maybe I was, but it went away. Can't even say in retrospect that I loved them to begin with. Sadly, I can't even say that I can downgrade those feelings and say I "just" love them now.

    I'm in love with my ex, I'll always be in love with him doesn't mean we can/should be together.

    My point is this: Love is complicated

    I can never explain the workings of my heart... I simply "love"... but I certainly don't love everyone.
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    Aug 17, 2009 7:39 PM GMT
    FitExecutive saidI've never understood that distinction at all. I suppose the person is trying to say something similar to "I love you like a brother, but I don't love you like a lover."

    Seems like there are a lot better ways to say how you feel.


    + 10000

    My sentiments exactly.