Has anyone else shared in the frustration of dating a guy who has a female friend whom they call their “wifey”?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    I almost dont even know now to define a 'wifey', but I would says it’s an incredibly close relationship between a gay guy and a girl that’s borderline marriage but lacks intimacy. Although there can be sexual tension between the two, its usually on the part of the female. If you saw them together and didn’t know the guy was homosexual, you would most likely assume by their interaction they were a happy heterosexual couple. They are usually inseparable, and they constantly go out together.

    I ended my first relationship for many reasons but in part because my boyfriend had one of these “wifeys” who in short, dominated and controlled his life. Of course he allowed it to happen, but as a result I was NEVER able to spend time with him. I saw him once a week, twice if I was lucky. Almost every time I offered to hang out or go out, I was shut down and sometimes he would dismiss me for days at a freakin time! Obviously that’s unacceptable, however I became jealous because he gave me no priority in his life. He was not romantically involved with this friend, and I felt it was unacceptable that he gave no credence to the fact that I WAS his boyfriend! I felt used, left out, and unappreciated. I confronted him twice and nothing changed, so I made the executive decision to dump the sum’ bitch.

    What has been your experience with dating guys who have extremely close ties with female friends?

    When does a boyfriend have enough standing in your life that you will spend a little less time with your friends to be with him?

    Does your behavior change if your with friends and your boyfriend is present?

    If you take your boyfriend out with your friends, who do you tend to pay more attention to? friends or him?


    Thank you in advance for the replies!






  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2009 9:54 PM GMT
    I've never heard of summink like this but honestly if it had happened to me i would have dumped him in NO TIME. You did the right thing here!
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    Aug 17, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    It's not just female friends. Lots of guys don't want to give up the relationships that have 'sustained' them through their single years, but don't realize that those very relationships often play a huge role in their being single because they want to have their cake and eat it too.

    Any time you have a friend that dominates that much of your life in that way, it's a bad thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2009 10:06 PM GMT
    Damn she's got her claws into him deep, you have three options

    1. Put it to him that it's you or her and remind him that you have the penis

    2. Dump him

    3. And this option is the hardest, most likely to never happen no matter how hard you try. Find a desperate straight boy, somehow trick him into a date with the hag. Between the two of you dress her, coach her somehow cover up all her obsessively weird tendencies to drive men away and push them down the aisle as fast as you can.

    And then she will be gone from your life icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2009 10:26 PM GMT
    He already did dump him.
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    Aug 18, 2009 12:08 AM GMT
    "those very relationships often play a huge role in their being single because they want to have their cake and eat it too." - badmikeyt

    Very true, and that’s exactly what I said to him the night I dumped him. I also reminded him, that as soon as his "wifey" and the rest of his girlfriends found guys to date they would without a doubt, ditch his ass. I cant tell you how many times I got left in the dust while I was dating this kid. He would constantly go out to bars and NEVER invited me out with his friends, and that raised major suspicion.

    In our relationship we had little privacy or alone time due to our living situations. We were lusting for each other since we met and yet we never had the pleasure of sharing a bed. Anything sexual took place in the woods or park n' rides and that got old pretty damn fast. We both wanted each other so badly and I really wanted him to be my first! I felt it was finally right to loose my virginity so the following weekend we planned to rent a hotel room. We teased each other all week about how badly we wanted each other and how stoked we were to finally be able to share a bed! I was psyched and I could not wait till the following Friday night!

    He "texted" me Friday afternoon informing me "this weekend is no good, sorry hun" and while I was absolutely devastated, I never asked "why". I just assumed something really important must have come up and rolled with it. Long story short the sum' bitch called me on Saturday of what was "supposed" to be our special weekend and told me he had a "girls night out with his wifey", and was "playing the Nintendo Wii at her apartment". Gentleman, I don’t think I have ever felt more rage in my life.... I must have had multiple brain aneurisms when I heard that. Rather than keeping his promise with me, he went out to a bar with his girlfriends so he could drink and smoke and was now playing a video game like a 5 year old.

    I knew then how little I really meant to him and I dumped him shortly after. My only regret was not doing so sooner icon_neutral.gif

    Word to the wise.... be aware of guys who have "wifeys" icon_twisted.gif




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2009 12:18 AM GMT
    I really try and stay clear of guys who have really close female friends. It's happened to me before, and I felt like the third wheel in my own relationship.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2009 12:26 AM GMT
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wifey&page=2

    Glad you guys broke up. This is coming from a guy who's been there. it didn't seem to be going anywhere and I;m sure most of us would be suspicious of his actions. To be frank, it seemed like it was only sexual nothing more (how can he have time for sex but no time to ACTUALLY hang?). And I agree, I try to sway away from guy who have wifeys, homegirls, boos, besties, or any other names that implies a controlling bitchy girlfriend. Glad you dumped his ass. Hopefully now he'll learn to set his damn priorities straight.
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    Aug 18, 2009 12:31 AM GMT
    Let me get this straight: he would rather play wii with a girl than have a dirty weekend away with you? icon_eek.gif

    He´s straight, mate. You´re well rid of him.

    You´re also pretty damn cute

    icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 18, 2009 1:12 AM GMT
    In our relationship we had little privacy or alone time due to our living situations. We were lusting for each other since we met and yet we never had the pleasure of sharing a bed. Anything sexual took place in the woods or park n' rides and that got old pretty damn fast.

    I hate that! I had the same situation a while back.

    Anyway, that ex must be a blind and dumb straight man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2009 1:54 AM GMT
    I have someone who asked me once if she were my "fag-hag". She wants to be. She regularly tells people she wants a hetero me for a husband.

    I have to like her boyfriends or else she wouldn't keep them and she has to like mine...

    But that I don't have one and when I do, I'm not sure how she will react to the time split, though I do a good job of making sure we don't spend too much time together already.

    One thing I know is that I should never put a "wifey" in front of someone interesting and who makes me happy. Friendship is one thing, but it can be kept separate from love and a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2009 2:01 AM GMT
    That he had a very close female friend isn't the issue. That he was a reclusive douche bad that led you on is the real issue.

    You can date guys with wifeys. Just don't date ass holes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2009 2:09 AM GMT
    My previous boyfriend had a wifey. I recall a few missed dates due to his "working relationship" with her. It's a sign; he wasn't the right guy for me, this guy wasn't the right guy for you. Glad you were able to move on.

    Now get your cute ass out there and find a real man!
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Aug 18, 2009 11:37 AM GMT
    Cobalt saidI've never heard of summink like this but honestly if it had happened to me i would have dumped him in NO TIME. You did the right thing here!
    Ditto on all counts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 18, 2009 11:43 AM GMT
    No my problem was dating a guy who had a bunch of "straight boyfriends."
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Aug 18, 2009 12:01 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like you are describing What we use to call a Fag hag....LOL
    icon_lol.gif
    I never heard the term "wifey"
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Aug 18, 2009 12:06 PM GMT
    Sounds like it might be a pattern for you. Might want to look at why you are getting hooked up with these type of guys. Seems like they are emotionally unavailable to you, which is why you connect with them, safe for you at some level.

    Just a thought.
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    Aug 18, 2009 12:06 PM GMT
    i would assume not to blame the girl. he was obviously an adult and can control his own actions. if he didn't make time for you then blame him. unfortunately there are lots of women out there who have gay best friends. it's up to the guy to make the right decisions. I personally don't have a "wifey" but I wouldn't not date someone because they had one!
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    Aug 18, 2009 4:18 PM GMT
    How well did you know this wifey? Is it possible she thinks you're not good enough and is trying to steer her "hubby" (I guess) away from you?
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Aug 18, 2009 4:29 PM GMT
    I call my lady friends mistresses for it sounds more intimate than boring “wifey.” My boyfriend doesn’t care for its just a nickname for my lady friends.
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    Aug 18, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    makavelli saidHow well did you know this wifey? Is it possible she thinks you're not good enough and is trying to steer her "hubby" (I guess) away from you?


    - I never had the opportunity to meet ANY of his friends including his wifey. He seemed to want a double life icon_confused.gif and was happy to keep me in his back pocket. He told me the week I dumped him that he had "fallen" for me and how lucky he was to have landed such a good guy. Obviously the kid's wiring was messed up cause if you claim you like someone so much, your gonna want to spend time with them.

    Again thank you for the replies!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2009 1:13 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear that bud. That is so much a bad sign if you never met his friends. Basically you were used as entertainment. Totally not cool.
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    Oct 01, 2009 3:53 AM GMT
    OR she was a girlfag. Who knew?!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girlfags_and_guydykes