What should a guy be into sexually in order to be considered gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 8:10 AM GMT
    I love frotting, some eventual cock sucking and I like getting my dick sucked. (in these exact proportions).

    I'm not fond of the anal sex.. at all.. and yes, I have tried it. (both top and bottom)

    Am I in some sort of 'gay sexual denial' or there are in fact, many ways to enjoy gay sex?

    When comparing to straight sex, it's pretty much text book to know what a straight guy or a straight woman are 'supposed' to like sexually. Right?

    Or Kinsey scale also applies to sex? Meaning there are different pleasure levels of homossexuality even when it comes to the act itself?! Anal being full-on gay and frotting being more of a mild queer..?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 19, 2009 12:33 PM GMT
    If you find other men sexually appealing and women not, then that's pretty much it. The activities have nothing to do with it. You can be celibate and gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 12:35 PM GMT
    No one is supposed to like anything sexually. You like what you like and let others like what they like. If you find a label that works for you, grand. If not, keep doing what you do in bed and do it well.
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    Aug 19, 2009 12:51 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidIf you find other men sexually appealing and women not, then that's pretty much it. The activities have nothing to do with it. You can be celibate and gay.

    Thanks, a sophisticated & adult reply, if I may be permitted. That basically summarizes what caused me to come out of denial: the realization that being gay is about sexual ATTRACTION, not about stereotypical BEHAVIORS.

    And these cliche behaviors include talking with a lisp, being limp-wristed, wanting to wear women's clothes, and generally acting like a flaming fag. As well as what kind of sex you do.

    The truth is you don't have to do any gay sex at all, and still be gay. You are born gay, it is an "inside out" thing, not a function of what you do on the outside. When a straight actor plays a gay role, does that make him gay? Of course not.

    As for pleasure levels you mention, I've had straight sex, when I honestly thought I was straight, in very deep denial. Then I had gay sex after I came out. There was no comparison.

    Gay sex gave me the most intense sexual satisfaction of my life. Why? Because that's what I am -- gay. Just as I expect straight sex is great for a straight guy. You respond according to what you are.

    As for frottage, I know a great big queen who mostly does that. A rural farm boy who moved to NYC at 19 during the height of the AIDS crisis, frottage was the only safe gay sex he would have. It's still what he likes best. It has nothing to do with his "gayness" which is quite swishy.

    You are using invalid criteria to gauge degrees of homosexuality, which do exist, as Kinsey suggested. The better method might be the ratio of time spent engaging in sex with women versus men. It's an infinitely variable scale, and in my case is 100% male for 15 years. I consider myself to be gay.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Aug 19, 2009 1:46 PM GMT
    I agree that you don't have to be engaging in gay sex to be gay.

    Honestly, it looks like your reaching for some type of validation that you may not be gay. Plus, not posting a pic, usually means your in the coming out process and still struggling.. it's okay, we've all been there.

    When you jack off (please do not bore me with the reply.. "I don't do that."), what gender do you fantisize about? That pretty much explains your orientation. When I was in the "closet" I did occasionally fantisize about women, but I was forced and wasn't as intense than when I thought of a man. When your all alone, that's usually when your are the most honest with yourself and about yourself.

    Best wishes.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 19, 2009 1:59 PM GMT
    as long as whatever you want to do is with a gay, that makes you gay. you shouldn't feel different from the rest of us just because you refrain from anal sex; there is actually a bunch of guys I have met who just don't seem to like it. that's fine because we're each entitled to have sex in a way that makes it enjoyable, whatever that does or does not entail.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 2:06 PM GMT
    In a word... MEN.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Aug 19, 2009 2:15 PM GMT
    Simple test:

    Name three celebrities you would be happy to see naked.

    If all three are men, you're probably gay. If all three are women, you're probably straight. If you have some of each, bi starts seeming possible.

    What activities you want to do with them isn't the defining point of orientation. The question is with which sex.
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Aug 19, 2009 2:15 PM GMT
    If looking at an attractive man turns you on, you are gay regardless of what you might do together sexually. If looking at any attractive person turns you on, you are bi. What an odd question...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
    I appreciate the replies.

    I do have a few comments:

    1. I'm out to some people but I'm pretty much still in the closet. However, I do have sex with men and I don't hold back on my urges. My post is an honest, direct statement of what I feel.

    2. I fantasize about men. I agree with most of the posts and thanks, you have clarified my question. It really is about attraction in my opinion too.

    Jarhead, I don't see it as an odd question. There are gay guys who enjoy cock-sucking, others who don't enjoy cock-sucking; guys who like anal, others who don't and so forth. I was just wondering if these types were all in the same gay 'label' or if it means that people are still confused with their sexuality.

    Now, the 'attraction factor' opens a whole new discussion.

    When I was a teenager and in denial, I had straight sex and I was a little attracted to girls even though I had trouble getting a hard on.
    Today I'm not attracted to girls at all. I wonder if sexual attraction changes over time?

    Now, is it possible to feel - honest - attraction to both genders? I don't think so. I believe bissexuals are more attracted to one gender, and they get off with the other because of, I dont know, a high libido level, intimacy or they just enjoy how it feels sexually but they are not mentally ATTRACTED to it.
    What do you think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
    MSUBioNerd saidSimple test:

    Name three celebrities you would be happy to see naked.

    If all three are men, you're probably gay. If all three are women, you're probably straight. If you have some of each, bi starts seeming possible.

    What activities you want to do with them isn't the defining point of orientation. The question is with which sex.


    That test shows more about whether you're a pop-culture whore than anything.

    "Should" is a totally unnecessary word when describing what you're into sexually.

    Gay and straight people identify as such because of their gender attractions (same sex/opposite sex), not where they want to put their private parts. I am admittedly someone who tends to believe that bisexuality is a total copout, since every 'bisexual' guy I've ever known has been a gay guy who was still trying to cling to some ephemeral sense of heterosexuality because he had shame issues with admitting to being gay. That is not based on Kinsey research, which was done mainly in a time where our culture was not nearly as accepting of homosexuality as it is today (even though we've a long way to go) but based on my own personal experiences over the years.

    There's my loaded statement for Wednesday!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    Badmikey, I posted before you and we seem to agree with the bissexuality issue. You're right on the money the way I see it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 9:38 PM GMT
    I just feel attracted to certain types of men. I don't indulge in same sex activity. I don't need to act or dress like a fag, nor talk in a lisp.
    Not a few Christians over the years had looked at me from the corner of the eye, ready to judge. And non-churchgoers go one step further, they whisper behind my back, but nobody has ever had the courage to come up to me and ask,
    "Are you gay?"

    Ah, England, the land of the strong, couragious bulldog.
    What a fucking joke!
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    Aug 19, 2009 9:47 PM GMT
    David96 saidI love frotting, some eventual cock sucking and I like getting my dick sucked. (in these exact proportions).

    I'm not fond of the anal sex.. at all.. and yes, I have tried it. (both top and bottom)

    Am I in some sort of 'gay sexual denial' or there are in fact, many ways to enjoy gay sex?

    When comparing to straight sex, it's pretty much text book to know what a straight guy or a straight woman are 'supposed' to like sexually. Right?

    Or Kinsey scale also applies to sex? Meaning there are different pleasure levels of homossexuality even when it comes to the act itself?! Anal being full-on gay and frotting being more of a mild queer..?


    Maybe you just haven't been fucked by a suitably talented guy yet....


    Just google the word fetish to see the hundreds of weird things people get off on, there's there's apparently right, wrong or should in sex but if it's with a man it's gay if it's with girl it's straight
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
    It is simple. You don't have to be into annal sex to be gay, just into other men; only.

    But if you have had sexual relations with a women, or even been married to one, you can never be gay as you are a bisexual, and a bisexual is not gay. As a true blue homosexual; the real thing. Could never or wouldn't won't to have sexual relations with a women; never.

    But being gay has nothing to do with being into annal or not, it's being into men only.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 9:57 PM GMT
    calibro saidas long as whatever you want to do is with a gay, that makes you gay.

    But what is he wants to have sex with a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater, does that then make him a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater too?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:02 PM GMT
    God_ saidIt is simple. You don't have to be into annal sex to be gay, just into other men; only.

    But if you have had sexual relations with a women, or even been married to one, you can never be gay as you are a bisexual, and a bisexual is not gay. As a true blue homosexual; the real thing. Could never or wouldn't won't to have sexual relations with a women; never.

    But being gay has nothing to do with being into annal or not, it's being into men only.


    I always wondered what God's opinion would ben. However I have to say that I thought he would be better at spelling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    God_ saidIt is simple. You don't have to be into annal sex to be gay, just into other men; only.

    But if you have had sexual relations with a women, or even been married to one, you can never be gay as you are a bisexual, and a bisexual is not gay. As a true blue homosexual; the real thing. Could never or wouldn't won't to have sexual relations with a women; never.

    But being gay has nothing to do with being into annal or not, it's being into men only.


    Most men who have sex with men but marry women are not bisexual, they are gay men who are, for whatever reason, unwilling to live their lives openly and honestly.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:10 PM GMT
    badmikeyt said
    God_ saidIt is simple. You don't have to be into annal sex to be gay, just into other men; only.

    But if you have had sexual relations with a women, or even been married to one, you can never be gay as you are a bisexual, and a bisexual is not gay. As a true blue homosexual; the real thing. Could never or wouldn't won't to have sexual relations with a women; never.

    But being gay has nothing to do with being into annal or not, it's being into men only.


    Most men who have sex with men but marry women are not bisexual, they are gay men who are, for whatever reason, unwilling to live their lives openly and honestly.



    I agree, i don't think bisexual people exist. They are in denial.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:38 PM GMT
    AggieMan said
    badmikeyt said
    God_ saidIt is simple. You don't have to be into annal sex to be gay, just into other men; only.

    But if you have had sexual relations with a women, or even been married to one, you can never be gay as you are a bisexual, and a bisexual is not gay. As a true blue homosexual; the real thing. Could never or wouldn't won't to have sexual relations with a women; never.

    But being gay has nothing to do with being into annal or not, it's being into men only.


    Most men who have sex with men but marry women are not bisexual, they are gay men who are, for whatever reason, unwilling to live their lives openly and honestly.



    I agree, i don't think bisexual people exist. They are in denial.


    I disagree. You can't just put someone's sexuality in a box, or lay it out, cut and dried.
    There are some on this website, including myself, who DO have a sexual attraction towards the opposite sex. The fact that I'm married to a woman is evidence that I had a sexual attraction when I first met her, as I do today. It is not a "cover up" on my sexual orientation. And I should know best.
    Sexual orientation is a complex matter, and each person is affected differently, with the ratio of hetero/homo varying from person to person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 10:39 PM GMT

    I agree, i don't think bisexual people exist. They are in denial.[/quote]

    Tell that to my bf guy.


    But to answer the question i'm going to have to simply say men. If you're into men, and only men, I'm guessing you're full bonified gay.

    Doesn't matter how you act on your attraction to men, as long as you genuinely do have it.
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Aug 19, 2009 10:41 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidIn a word... MEN.


    Nail on the head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 11:10 PM GMT
    Did you ever notice that there is not a 'term' for bisexuals that doesn't include the word sex?

    Homosexuals are called "gay" or "lesbian" and heterosexuals are called "straight" .. which totally unscientifically reinforces my personal belief that gay/straight = emotional/physical attraction and bisexuals = sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2009 11:13 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidDid you ever notice that there is not a 'term' for bisexuals that doesn't include the word sex?

    Hompsexuals are called "gay" or "lesbian" and heteresexuals are called "straight" .. which totally unscientifically reinforces my personal belief that gay/straight = emotional/physical attraction and bisexuals = sex.


    I just loled
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    Aug 19, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    krewed_guy saidI don't think its 'entirely' about sex. I know that when I get home from work its a guy I want to come home to. Its a guy I want to wake up with... just want to 'be' with my guy. maybe its dorky but its true. the sex part is a definite bonus. . .


    I'd totally wake up with dorky you!