Am I being unrealistic?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2007 5:50 PM GMT
    --One Gay Male

    --Any assortment of colors (i.e. skin, eyes, & hair)

    --Any height range (Tigger height or taller is a plus but not necessary) (The lowest height range acceptable is Eeyore, Mr. Smee is pushing it)

    --Physical Appearance: Average, Athletic, or Muscular (all that really matters is that he takes care of himself) (just not skinny or crazy buff)

    --NON Smoker
    1.No if, ands, or buts
    2.Hooka is fine (in fact I’d join you)

    --Not an alcoholic (a few drinks here and there are fine)


    --Must be a real person
    1.Have a personality
    2.Don’t play games
    3.Be honest
    4.Be true to yourself and me

    --Please do not fall in to the stereotype of the “average gay male”
    1.Don’t be afraid to get down and dirty and use your hands
    2.I don’t care if you get manicures and pedicures, but don’t call them mani and petties
    3.Yes I have my girly moments/days, but if you are as girly as me, we’ll be better than fine

    --Be forward and assertive, tell me what you want

    --Not a fashion diva, just wears nice things that compliment or are comfy

    --Not a drama diva, but kind-a enjoy it (cause come on, “Who did what to who” is so intriguing!!)


    --Must have dreams and goals of his own

    --Have all those little traits and ticks that are all your own (I really think that is adorable)

    --It is a plus (but not necessary) if he dislikes any and all children unless they are well behaved or related

    --Must Love Disney (or at least appreciate and be educated in it enough to know that the green girl with the horns is from Sleeping Beauty and IS NOT the Wicked Queen/Witch from Snow White and that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang IS NOT Disney.)
    1.If you could be my Prince Charming . . . you will be the only guy in the world to me

    --It is fine if you are not a phone person. (In truth, neither am I. I like face to face conversations SO much more) Just text me back!

    --Appreciation of the arts is a HUGE bonus (i.e. Cirque Du Soleil, Theatre, Movies, Music, etc.)

    --Must have faults and fears (with in reason, such as they do not harm yourself or others)

    --Humor is such a turn on for me, in fact, if you are goofy, then I will be yours

    --Living in Flagstaff and/or Glendale allows for your application to be moved to the top of the list

    --I am Christian. You do not have to be, but it is a huge plus. If you are not, you MUST be accepting of me and my views and at least believe in something

    --Like to dance

    --Understand that family and friends are important to me and accept them (but be forewarned that half of my family will never accept you. Truth is they are important to me still, but only because of one person)

    1.Love of cuddling
    2.Enjoys sushi
    -Or is willing to try it
    3.Comfortable with PDA
    -Nothing to vulgar
    -Just holding hands, hugging, and kissing
    4.Sings (to me is an even bigger plus)
    5.Out and Proud (or at least waiting for the right moment)
    6.Have things that I have not even listed here or that I didn’t even know I wanted
    7.Wanting to lay in my arms and hold me in yours

    -Deal Breakers-
    *These kill any chance of continuing or furthering any ounce of a relationship*
    1.I am going to date you and only you. I can’t force the same from you, but I would expect the same.

    --Forcing/Pressuring me to do something I am not ready to do with you
    1.I would wait until we BOTH were ready

    --A complete change in character (i.e. You become someone I don’t know and don’t let me know you)

    --You hurt me or ANY of my friends

    --You start smoking (health reasons for me and yourself)

    --You ask if we can have a three way

    --You start playing games and/or use me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2007 6:10 PM GMT
    OMG YES U ARE...I couldnt even read ur whole laundry list... u need to relax and see who comes along and then seee if they fit into ur life! WOW that was alot.....OMG went back to finish reading it and i still could not LMAO...icon_biggrin.gif
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Dec 05, 2007 7:54 PM GMT
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    Dec 05, 2007 7:56 PM GMT
    WOW... you know i live for you... but YEAH... you are! and i thought I had a lot of rules!
  • trebor965

    Posts: 200

    Dec 05, 2007 8:07 PM GMT
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    Dec 05, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    Well these are not set in stone and it does not have to be everything, just these are what I look for. (This would be my ideal, but I know that there is like a 3% chance of this person being real) If someone has these qualities, then hello, my name is Nathan. If they have none of them, then . . . hi?

    BUT one thing I must say is that the Deal Breakers have NO room for negotiation.

    I am just wondering, is it the length of the list that makes it sound crazy or is it the content?
  • thisguy023

    Posts: 216

    Dec 05, 2007 8:18 PM GMT
    I am afraid it is both.
    Just relax a bit.
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    Dec 05, 2007 8:20 PM GMT
    yea you are I gave up at the Theater bois lifestyle

    sorry but I have a pretty strict rule against WAMS as do most of my friends
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    Dec 05, 2007 8:27 PM GMT
    WAMS? I think I am out of the loop on that one.

    I have seen too many people just go from "relationship" to fling to "relationship" to hook up not knowing what they want. At least I have an idea of what I want. (that sounded like an attack but was NOT one)

    So, if I am being unrealistic, what do "normal" guys look for?
  • mv03

    Posts: 201

    Dec 05, 2007 8:33 PM GMT
    No you're not. My list is more extensive, and I've found it. Although I had to settle with one or two little details. I know there are things that definitely don't fly with me on that list (i.e. that drama...Nothing's more of a turn-off than that. No offense, I can appreciate feminine guys, and far be it from me to say I'm the most masculine, but I'm gay because I like a man that acts like a man most of the time, if not all of the time). My advice: Keep your idea of what you want, and NEVER SETTLE!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2007 8:48 PM GMT
    Thank You mv03

    They had me thinkin I was crazy. Ok, well I am, but about this.

    I dunno, even though these are what I want so much, I still believe that there will be a guy out there. He will walk up to be and be everything I never knew I wanted and more. Then we go off into the sunset. Happy Ending and so on.
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    Dec 05, 2007 8:57 PM GMT
    Damn! HAHA. Well I only have two requirements.

    1) I have to be comfortable enough around you to fall asleep on you while watching TV, and you have to let me do just that, and not wake me up and piss me off.

    2) Make me honestly laugh, at least once a day.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 05, 2007 9:11 PM GMT
    Wow even the guy with blue hair shot u down. Rent the movie singles. Then revise ur list!!
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Dec 05, 2007 9:21 PM GMT
    I recall an other thread where guys were saying what they require in there man, and to be honest, if I recall correctly, I think what Tigger is looking for is not much compared to some.

    No Tigger you are not being unrealistic, so long as it is not cast in stone, and you have just said it is not. Everyone has an idea of there perfect man and you are just letting your potential partner know what that is.

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    Dec 05, 2007 9:30 PM GMT

    Like most ripped the bottom out of me with your list.

    From my experience....when you find that special person- the INFATUATION of it all is going to melt that list away without a doubt. What should be left at that point is someone who you share love, respect, and honesty with. From that point on when the years roll by and the infatuation stage has diminished you both need to be commited to the joint effort that involves a long-term partner.

    In my own should let your intuition be your compass. You might actually find someone who meets your list and when you look him in the eyes there is no do yourself a favor and leave the list at home...

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    Dec 05, 2007 9:42 PM GMT
    Good God, I thought my list might be unrealistic! Now I feel more than reasonable.

    I think the best thing I got from my post was that (besides the fact that not everyone would agree with me) I can't expect anything in someone that I can't live up to myself.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2007 9:42 PM GMT
    TiggerHeight -

    I agree with MikePhil on this.

    I don't think your standards are too high.

    But might they be getting in the way of your enjoying yourself with anybody?

    Try not putting everyone you meet through the 20 point test, just let yourself have a good time, meet interesting people - most of whom won't measure up to what you want.

    Eventually you will be introduced to someone who does measure up - maybe the friend of someone who didn't?

    Relax, have a good time, flirt a little with all of them, but with none too much with any; and let life lead you to what is right for you.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Dec 05, 2007 10:19 PM GMT
    Why was the song "The Perfect Nanny" from Mary Poppins going through my mind while I read that?

    TH, sweety-dahling, slow down and enjoy life a little more; you'll get man sooner if you do, and you'll be happy while you wait.
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    Dec 05, 2007 10:36 PM GMT
    I used to have a list but it was never that extensive.

    Don't you have friends who can fill up any of those slots?

    My perspective is as follows: I've got intellectual friends, peers, and instructors who I can go to for debate or conversation, should I desire it, or for advice in my area of study. I respect them and enjoy their company for what it is. The date/bf just needs to be cute and loyal. Subservience helps.icon_twisted.gif

    all in all... If anyone on my hotlist invited me to their bed, I'd jump in it with eager-readiness. Or if they asked me to a coffee, or something.

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    Dec 05, 2007 10:39 PM GMT
    WAM = waiter actor model, its a lifestyle not a profession

    whenever someone tells me they are an actor I have this burning need to say ok what do you really do

    I am sorry but if you have a college degree and your waiting table while waiting for you big break that is not likely to happen get a fucking job. that is one of my requirements in the people I date. Gainfully employed in a career, or a student who is aiming at an actual career
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Dec 05, 2007 10:49 PM GMT

    Do you watch movies? and do you like movies?

    If you do.

    How would you have them without actors?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2007 11:14 PM GMT
    HAHA! Life is lonely and it sucks! LOL!
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    Dec 06, 2007 12:16 AM GMT
    Nathan... relax, sweetie. There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a partner... nothing at all. Whether we'll admit it or not, almost all of us have some kind of list similar to yours (glad to know its not set in stone)... and some are even longer and more detailed. However, the reality is that if you get yourself all tied up in whether this guy meets your requirements or that guy does... you'll have no time at all to have fun and get to know them. And the danger with lists is that you'll end up passing over "Mr. Right For You" if he fails to meet enough of the requirements. Perfection in a human being does not exist, despite how much we might wish it did.

    It has been my experience that, despite personal lists, at least half of it will go right out the window when you meet someone you really care for.

    So relax... take the time to meet people and get to know them. Eventually, you'll find someone that steals your heart away... he might meet most of your criteria, but chances are he won't... and that list (or at least most of it) will go right out the window. Live your life... it goes by much too fast... and when someone comes into your life, get to know them and base your decision on that, rather than a wish list.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13999

    Dec 06, 2007 1:19 AM GMT
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    Dec 06, 2007 4:41 AM GMT
    I'm not sure about unrealistic, but definitely working too hard. The fact that you have thought about and listed everything is telling. Meet people, get to know them. You'll find lots of guys that have the qualities you are looking for, and if they don't fit your criteria completely, you'll find that some of your requirements aren't that big a deal after all. I can think of a dozen guys that would fit your criteria, but if you live life with a checklist in your hand, you probably won't get to meet. Love will come to you when you stop working so hard to find it- cheesy but true.