What Do You Personally Dislike Most About the Gay Community?

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    Aug 21, 2009 1:25 AM GMT
    I'd be interested in hearing your responses and why you feel the way you do.

    I would say that my biggest peeve is the way in which gay men seem to have a fear of getting older, and the way mainstream gay culture seems to encourage this type of thing. It's a little sad to see so many gays being unable to accept old age, and, more importantly, only choosing to date men much younger than they are in an effort to make themselves feel young and desirable again. I feel like this is very prominent and that these men have little self-esteem or self-respect.
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    Aug 21, 2009 3:13 AM GMT
    OK, so I guess I'll have to assume that everyone is perfectly happy with the way things are, and that everything is dandy. Cool.
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    Aug 21, 2009 3:20 AM GMT
    I'll bite.

    My personal dislike is that less than 5% of us give any money to our community and advocacy organizations. Our rate of philanthropy is pitiful when compared to other civil rights movements. When you think of all the progress we've made with just 5%, imagine what we could do with 10% or 50%.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Aug 21, 2009 3:28 AM GMT
    Well, I don't have tons of experience with the gay community, so this probably won't apply to everyone. But I don't appreciate the assumption that some gay men make that I am a damaged, ashamed, won't let myself be happy, afraid to love kind of guy just because I didn't come around to accepting my gayness until my mid-twenties and I presently have no same sex experience. And I'm not 100% out (I mean, close enough, immediate family is most important to me anyway).

    It happens occasionally, here and the few times I've been to gay bars in Chicago. I don't like it, and the stigma attached to extended virginity and coming out later in life is not making anything easier for me personally. How am I supposed to give it up if people are increasingly concerned to take it?

    Yeah, I have baggage. So do you. So does everyone. A little complicated is not an admission of craziness or any other extreme situation. I think it's normal to have some hang-ups. Maybe I'm just hoping it is. Either way, that's my problem with the gay community. They aren't always friendly about my current status.
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    Aug 21, 2009 3:34 AM GMT
    The unnecessary "cliques" that enjoy acting like they are reenacting Mean Girls. And how homogeneous the gay community has come. You walk in a bar and see ten people decked out in skinny jeans, a member's only style jacket, the Adam Lambert haircut, and the retro sneakers. And in black gay bars, everybody has on a baseball cap, sagging skinny jeans, retro shoes, and a false appearance that they are thuggish.

    And who decided that all gay men love mega mixes, Britney Spears, and Lady Gaga? It is nice to flip the music up sometimes and play something else. I was reading a really good article about parties in New York that play heavy metal, Nirvana, etc.
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    Aug 21, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidWell, I don't have tons of experience with the gay community, so this probably won't apply to everyone. But I don't appreciate the assumption that some gay men make that I am a damaged, ashamed, won't let myself be happy, afraid to love kind of guy just because I didn't come around to accepting my gayness until my mid-twenties and I presently have no same sex experience. And I'm not 100% out (I mean, close enough, immediate family is most important to me anyway).

    It happens occasionally, here and the few times I've been to gay bars in Chicago. I don't like it, and the stigma attached to extended virginity and coming out later in life is not making anything easier for me personally. How am I supposed to give it up if people are increasingly concerned to take it?

    Yeah, I have baggage. So do you. So does everyone. A little complicated is not an admission of craziness or any other extreme situation. I think it's normal to have some hang-ups. Maybe I'm just hoping it is. Either way, that's my problem with the gay community. They aren't always friendly about my current status.


    Don't put yourself into any other mold because you'll never fit. After reading what you wrote, I would never think of you as damaged and I'm sure most other readers would not as well. Keep being you and you will find happiness in your comfort zone. I, too, was a really late bloomer to all things gay at 30 - couldn't be happier now. Anyone who doesn't accept all of who you are truly does not love you and is a waste of your time.
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    Aug 21, 2009 3:42 AM GMT
    the hate, segregation and desperation to be accepted.

    And the mask, i'm tired of meeting guys who wear this mask and pretend to be something, regardless of if they are or not, I don't care about that shit, I just wanna know you and find those things about you that i'll love (and i don't mean sexually)
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    Aug 21, 2009 3:43 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidthe hate, segregation and desperation to be accepted.

    And the mask, i'm tired of meeting guys who wear this mask and pretend to be something, regardless of if they are or not, I don't care about that shit, I just wanna know you and find those things about you that i'll love (and i don't mean sexually)


    lilTanker, you are a beautiful human being.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Aug 21, 2009 3:52 AM GMT
    For me it's the hypocrisy that you see so much of. Gays run around screaming for acceptance and tolerance, yet everywhere you look the same people can be very judgmental and intolerant of anyone who doesn't see the world the way they do. Tolerance and acceptance goes both ways
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    Aug 21, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    jlly_rnchr saidWell, I don't have tons of experience with the gay community, so this probably won't apply to everyone. But I don't appreciate the assumption that some gay men make that I am a damaged, ashamed, won't let myself be happy, afraid to love kind of guy just because I didn't come around to accepting my gayness until my mid-twenties and I presently have no same sex experience. And I'm not 100% out (I mean, close enough, immediate family is most important to me anyway).

    It happens occasionally, here and the few times I've been to gay bars in Chicago. I don't like it, and the stigma attached to extended virginity and coming out later in life is not making anything easier for me personally. How am I supposed to give it up if people are increasingly concerned to take it?

    Yeah, I have baggage. So do you. So does everyone. A little complicated is not an admission of craziness or any other extreme situation. I think it's normal to have some hang-ups. Maybe I'm just hoping it is. Either way, that's my problem with the gay community. They aren't always friendly about my current status.


    I think it's sad that gay men would attach a stigma to your inexperience with sexuality. I would consider that an asset, and many men take it for granted. It does sound as if you may be going into the wrong venues, though.
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    Aug 21, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidFor me it's the hypocrisy that you see so much of. Gays run around screaming for acceptance and tolerance, yet everywhere you look the same people can be very judgmental and intolerant of anyone who doesn't see the world the way they do. Tolerance and acceptance goes both ways


    Do you expect gays to be open and tolerant of everything just because they're gay? I feel as though that may be a little unrealistic.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 21, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    I think the gay community's "fixation" with good looks and appearance
    bothers me the most. Imagine a young gay man's experience coming out
    (trying to accept himself as gay) and the treatment he may receive if he is "chunky", less than cute, awkward..... its worse than in the hetrosexual world, he can be rejected. What a way to build confidence and self esteem.

    icon_mad.gif
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    Aug 21, 2009 4:48 AM GMT
    Generally speaking ( which means not everyone) the "community" focuses too much on how we relate to each other sexually, rather than a more balanced cultivation of the things that we share and unite us as men.....and human beings.
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    Aug 21, 2009 4:59 AM GMT
    . . . its newly found legitimacy and inevitable piety . . .
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 21, 2009 5:05 AM GMT
    Addicted2me saidI'd be interested in hearing your responses and why you feel the way you do.

    I would say that my biggest peeve is the way in which gay men seem to have a fear of getting older, and the way mainstream gay culture seems to encourage this type of thing. It's a little sad to see so many gays being unable to accept old age, and, more importantly, only choosing to date men much younger than they are in an effort to make themselves feel young and desirable again. I feel like this is very prominent and that these men have little self-esteem or self-respect.



    As an "older" gay man I agree for the most part.
    I would add however, that gay people in general have such hatred and disdain for older men no matter what age the viewer is that it IS the cause of older guys wanting to only go out with younger and perpetuates the youth and beauty culture which when YOU get older makes you bitter and self hating because when you were young you though of older guys as gross, unbdatable and/or "creepy" and many younger guys say.

    Wouldn't it be more healthy to think of each person as an individual no mater what age, race or ethnicity and that is is fine to be any of those things with your won god and bad qualities? Then you would not fear getting old and would have a wider group to chose from and have good self esteem and a good self image which would attract others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2009 5:09 AM GMT
    In summary..

    There's no community in the gay community.
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    Aug 21, 2009 5:21 AM GMT
    xrichx saidIn summary..

    There's no community in the gay community.


    There is......but in pockets...........you have to find them. Perhaps in years to come, the pockets will be bigger and more visible.

    RJ is one of those pockets.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Aug 21, 2009 5:28 AM GMT
    TallGWMvballer said
    Addicted2me saidI'd be interested in hearing your responses and why you feel the way you do.

    I would say that my biggest peeve is the way in which gay men seem to have a fear of getting older, and the way mainstream gay culture seems to encourage this type of thing. It's a little sad to see so many gays being unable to accept old age, and, more importantly, only choosing to date men much younger than they are in an effort to make themselves feel young and desirable again. I feel like this is very prominent and that these men have little self-esteem or self-respect.



    As an "older" gay man I agree for the most part.
    I would add however, that gay people in general have such hatred and disdain for older men no matter what age the viewer is that it IS the cause of older guys wanting to only go out with younger and perpetuates the youth and beauty culture which when YOU get older makes you bitter and self hating because when you were young you though of older guys as gross, unbdatable and/or "creepy" and many younger guys say.

    Wouldn't it be more healthy to think of each person as an individual no mater what age, race or ethnicity and that is is fine to be any of those things with your won god and bad qualities? Then you would not fear getting old and would have a wider group to chose from and have good self esteem and a good self image which would attract others.
    .

    I have liked the handful of older men that I've met. I mentioned gay bars in Chicago earlier. Well, the older gentlemen were the nicest ones in the place. They were willing to hold a conversation and not be judgmental about it. Kind of nurturing in a way. And not just one, but several. I never got a "creepy" vibe. And so what if they bought me a shot or two and paid me undeserved compliments ("you should be up there dancing"). I'll remember the very friendly "old guy" at Cocktail more than any of the other guys I met.

    I'm not saying I was going to date this man, he was likely around my father's age. But I think gay men my age should probably look to older men not in suspicion, but as friendly guys looking to make a connection, whatever that may entail. No harm, no foul.

    In summation, I agree that it's not a good trend.
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    Aug 21, 2009 6:07 AM GMT
    Brandon_ said
    xrichx saidIn summary..

    There's no community in the gay community.


    Oh really???...u sounds too familiar to me!...do u have two profiles my

    dear???...anyway...I think is better someone check your IP

    address!,lol...cos I hate fake people! hehehe...that's the reason

    because your profile "xrichx" is not verified!...don't you??? hehehe
    icon_lol.gif

    79788_204192.jpg191124_368335.jpg


    I wish you wouldn't type this way.
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    Aug 21, 2009 6:09 AM GMT
    KissingPro saidGenerally speaking ( which means not everyone) the "community" focuses too much on how we relate to each other sexually, rather than a more balanced cultivation of the things that we share and unite us as men.....and human beings.


    I completely agree, and it's refreshing to hear that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2009 6:25 AM GMT
    Hmmm. Dang, Many gay boys just need to grow a pair and man up. That's not reserved for the straight boys w/babies. Take charge of your life not just your sexuality. I also chuckle when I see the young built dudes who have all these criteria about who can just be their friends let alone hooks or lovers. "Dont breath air in my town" attitude. Really sad truth is they will be a 60 yr. old troll some day. There needs to be more community and fraternity across the age groups and race and recognize we will always be the minority class until we stand up and move together. My $.02
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    Aug 21, 2009 6:58 AM GMT
    This may sound Pollyannaish, but I'm not sure there's anything I hate about the "gay community." I may hate things about certain people but there's so much variety out there among gay people that there's nothing I can identify as being a problem with the "gay community" as a group.

    Of course, there are people within the gay community who behave in ways that annoy me, and some of the crappy behavior and beliefs that have been mentioned in this thread are too prevalent, but there are plenty who don't behave in those ways or hold those beliefs.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Aug 21, 2009 7:05 AM GMT
    Just_me_again saidHmmm. Dang, Many gay boys just need to grow a pair and man up. That's not reserved for the straight boys w/babies. Take charge of your life not just your sexuality. I also chuckle when I see the young built dudes who have all these criteria about who can just be their friends let alone hooks or lovers. "Dont breath air in my town" attitude. Really sad truth is they will be a 60 yr. old troll some day. There needs to be more community and fraternity across the age groups and race and recognize we will always be the minority class until we stand up and move together. My $.02


    Well, I'm not sure if addressing some as "gay boys" encourages this fraternal community. But I do agree. There are tons of exchanges between age groups that are never realized because of stupid nonsense. Hell, a willingness to engage with people that are not identical to you is something needed by lots of people, not just gay guys.
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    Aug 21, 2009 7:10 AM GMT
    My biggest beef with the "gay community" is it's emphasis on SEX and at the same time scolding people who catch STDs as if they're sexual deviants. It's more difficult to find gay-related non-alcoholic and non-sexual settings.

    Addicted2me saidI would say that my biggest peeve is the way in which gay men seem to have a fear of getting older, and the way mainstream gay culture seems to encourage this type of thing.
    I think the fear of getting older is due in part because the older generation is largely dead due to AIDS, so younger gay men don't necessarily have someone gay to look to and know what to do when they reach that age. Put it the other way around, if AIDS didn't exist then the 1970s gay youth culture would have made quite a large impression on the gay community by now, and the community in general by now.

    Also, I think subconsciously a lot of guys feel more depressed about aging because on average they are less likely to have children than straight guys, and therefore not have anyone to live vicariously though.


    Balljunkie saidThe unnecessary "cliques" that enjoy acting like they are reenacting Mean Girls. And how homogeneous the gay community has come. You walk in a bar and see ten people decked out in skinny jeans, a member's only style jacket, the Adam Lambert haircut, and the retro sneakers. And in black gay bars, everybody has on a baseball cap, sagging skinny jeans, retro shoes, and a false appearance that they are thuggish.
    And who decided that all gay men love mega mixes, Britney Spears, and Lady Gaga? It is nice to flip the music up sometimes and play something else. I was reading a really good article about parties in New York that play heavy metal, Nirvana, etc.
    I agree with you 100% on this!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2009 7:58 AM GMT
    OK, no offense by the "gay boy" phrase earlier but I have been one for awhile (47 yrs) so I figure no harm done 'cause you all are too and can handle that.
    Please correct me if i am wrong.
    Please become active in protecting your rights. Most states and cities do not have laws making a gays/lesbians equal to straight folks for housing, employment and yes marriage. Kinda disappointed in Mr. Obama in that respect. Stop being exclusive for your libido and reserve some of your energy to work for yourselves and your brothers and sisters. I'll step off my soap box now