The agendas for the Democratic and Republican Conventions 2008

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2007 10:02 PM GMT
    I got this agenda for the Democratic convention sent to me by a Republican friend who knows my leftist politics....

    7:00 pm Opening flag burning
    7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N. in Spanish
    7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton
    7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging
    8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore
    8:15 pm Gay Wedding - Barney Frank presiding
    8:35 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry
    9.00 pm Saddam Memorial Rally - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
    11.00 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund - Barbara Streisand
    11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn
    11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton
    11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    11:50 pm How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers - Howard Dean & Rosie O'Donnell
    12:15 am "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
    12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    12:30 am Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
    12:45 am Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi
    12:50 am Speech and toast by Hugo Chavez to the departure of "the great satan", 'W' Bush
    12:55 am Hillary proposes a toast to our 89 million new Democratic Mexican voters
    1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast to the extinction of the Republican party.
    1:05 am Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton
    1:30 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
    1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home


    So, I responded with the Republican Convention agenda that was surprisingly easy to come up with....

    7:00 pm Opening ceremony of wrapping of selves in flag. The candidate most completely concealed gets to lead the pledge
    7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to Exxon, Mobil, BP and the Insurance Companies
    7:20 pm Pat Robertson talks about his love for Jesus before naming more people in the world whose death he has prayed for
    7:25 pm Christian only prayer is enforced and the Jews and Muslims are told to join in or leave. Later the Holocaust is discussed without a trace of irony
    7:45 pm Rudy Giuliani evokes 9/11
    8:00 pm Mission Accomplished: How I Brought Democracy to the Middle East - by George W. Bush
    8:15 pm Larry Craig and his wife renew their vows
    8:35 pm Rudy Giuliani evokes 9/11
    8:40 pm What's a Little Inconvience--You're already missing your legs? The Defense for Walter Reed Hospital- by Donald Rumsfeld
    9.00 pm How Wars are Good for the World Though none of Us Have ever Fought in One - a power point presentation by George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Condeleeza Rice
    11.00 pm Rudy Giuliani evokes 9/11
    11:05 pm What's So Wrong with a Nazi Past? presented by Arnold Schwarznegger
    11:15 pm Whiners: How 9/11 widows, injured Gulf War Veterans and Katrina survivors need to get on with their lives and stop asking for help - by Ann Coulter
    11:30 pm War, What is it Good For--Absolutely Haliburton - sung by Dick Cheney
    11:45 pm Rudy Giuliani evokes 9/11
    11:50 pm Whipping the American People into a Frenzy of Fear-presented by Karl Rove
    12:15 am "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Bill O'Reilly by Rush Limbaugh
    12:25 am Rudy Giuliani evokes 9/11
    12:30 am The Celebration Victory of No Child Left Behind and the ceremonial shoving of children left behind under the carpet
    12:45 am Nomination of Mitt Romney by the Elders of the Mormon Church. Later separation of church and state is discussed without a trace of irony
    12:50 am Ted Haggard and his wife renew their vows
    12:55 am Mike Huckabee teaches everyone how to lose weight by eating salad made from lettuce picked by immigrants but which should have been picked by aborted babies had their mothers only forseen the immigration crisis
    1:00 am Rudy Giuliani evokes 9/11 and reminds everyone how he fought the terrorists with his bare hands
    1:05 am Coronation of George W. Bush as king
    1:30 am Rudy Giuliani evokes 9/11
    1:35 am George and Laura Bush are driven home in a chauffered limousine since both of them have a history of drunk/drugged driving....and because they are rich

    Feel free to add anything to the agenda.icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2007 11:35 PM GMT
    Brilliant retort!

    Somewhere between 9 and 11 pm, could we throw in a seminar on gay-bashing, with maybe a guest-slur cameo appearance by ex-gay Reverend Ted Haggard? That would be truly nauseating. Wait, I meant...inspirational.
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    Dec 06, 2007 12:12 AM GMT
    Damarco--


    ABSOLUTELY F**CKING BRILLIANT!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 06, 2007 4:53 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. Looking back on it now, I should have made room for Charlton Heston. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 09, 2008 3:29 AM GMT
    That's good, I just had to copy it. Your friend knows the Democratic party well.
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    Jan 09, 2008 3:42 AM GMT
    That totally made my day. Hilarious!
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    Jan 09, 2008 3:54 AM GMT
    John--

    And DaMarco knows the Grand Old Potty even better.