Friends

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 23, 2009 5:12 AM GMT
    So tonight, I went on a date with this guy who I have been talking to for a while now online and on the phone. We then went to pick up his friend or something and I ended up recognizing who his friend was. I met his friend about a year ago and I didn't like him at all. It was awkward for me and I just couldn't even imagine how these two guys were friends. I liked guy I went on a date on and he, to me, is TOTALLY opposite of his friend. I guess the guy didn't even recognize me but it was awkward to me. I guess I am kind of shocked what do I do? Could this mean that the guy I went on a date on is like this other guy or is different than I thought? I think i should tell the guy that I know his friend and what happened.

    What do you guys think? Is it possible to be with someone whose friend (s) you dislike?
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    Aug 23, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
    the wises course of action is to shut up at this point and see what the guys your interested in does.

    Does it really matter who he likes? if he's a mate then whats the problem? you gonna dictate who he can be friends with? or will his friend be a breaking point for you?
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 23, 2009 6:48 AM GMT
    Well I wouldn't tell him he couldn't be friends with this person, I would say we could never hang if he was hanging with the friend. It was clear though that they don't fit as friends AT ALL you could feel it lol I think he is very out of his comfort zone around this friend
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 23, 2009 6:49 AM GMT
    I would say we could never hang if he was hanging with the friend

    Lol that came out weird

    I mean if he was hangin out with this friend then I wouldnt wanna hang with them lol just keep us separate
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:01 AM GMT
    well if they are friends and you aren't just reading what you want into the situation, you should still keep your mouth closed, regardless of what you feel it might not be what actually is.
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:09 AM GMT


    Most likely his loyalty will be to his friend since you just came in the picture and they have history. Often times when you befriend someone it means they have a quality you admire so naturally you'd wanna be around them. This other guy could have changed since you last met him...You never know. In any case enjoy your time learning about this new guy your interested in and if it poses a big problem for you be honest but don't give any ultimatums as it might scare this guy off, Your still in the introduction phase.

    Best of luck
    Hillie
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:11 AM GMT
    P.S. why is this guy picking up a friend on your date?
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 23, 2009 7:14 AM GMT
    Hillie saidP.S. why is this guy picking up a friend on your date?


    I wouldn't call it a date date, but we were supposed to meet thurs (planned date) and something happened where he needed to get a friend who has a flat tire and so then today he imed/called me and said we should get somethin to eat since he was here downtown to pick up his friend.
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:21 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 said
    Hillie saidP.S. why is this guy picking up a friend on your date?


    I wouldn't call it a date date, but we were supposed to meet thurs (planned date) and something happened where he needed to get a friend who has a flat tire and so then today he imed/called me and said we should get somethin to eat since he was here downtown to pick up his friend.



    Oh that's all good! Above post still applies.
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:21 AM GMT
    I have dated guys with friends that I knew before the guy and hated. Over time, we just learned to co-exist. Minimal conversation happened between us with what's up and good-bye being the extent of it. I didn't bad-mouth the friend, and he didn't go into any detail about why the friend didn't like me. We clashed, and that was it.
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    Aug 23, 2009 12:46 PM GMT
    Just watch and observe.

    And try not to judge him by his friends. I judged my boyfriend for a long time because of his friends before we started dating.

    They were all that crowd who's parents paid to put them through college but they'll skip classes together to go to taco bell and play video games and get drunk.

    I immediately assumed, well if this is his friends he must be trash and eventually realized I was extremely wrong.

    In fact, he's nothing like them at all and they all value him for being the responsible one.
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    Aug 23, 2009 1:22 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidSo tonight, I went on a date with this guy who I have been talking to for a while now online and on the phone. We then went to pick up his friend or something and I ended up recognizing who his friend was. I met his friend about a year ago and I didn't like him at all. It was awkward for me and I just couldn't even imagine how these two guys were friends. I liked guy I went on a date on and he, to me, is TOTALLY opposite of his friend. I guess the guy didn't even recognize me but it was awkward to me. I guess I am kind of shocked what do I do? Could this mean that the guy I went on a date on is like this other guy or is different than I thought? I think i should tell the guy that I know his friend and what happened.

    What do you guys think? Is it possible to be with someone whose friend (s) you dislike?


    1. It's a small world.
    2. Uh, yeah.
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    Aug 23, 2009 1:26 PM GMT
    I actually agree with chuckystud on this one... the world is small and life's too short. Make the best effort you can.
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    Aug 23, 2009 1:41 PM GMT
    Whenever I've started a relationship with a BF, or more recently with my current partner of 2 years, I made a very big effort to get along with his friends, and also his family. Hell, I even tried to be liked by their pets! LOL! Seriously, I really think one should.

    And oddly what I found, is that sometimes my guys didn't like some of their own friends all that much. Their friends had changed over the years, and perhaps they'd "acquired" some of them as friends of other friends, never would have become friends with them on their own, and so forth. There are many levels of friendship, from close to barely social acquaintances.

    And over time I'd find my BF criticizing these "friends" and I'd start to tentatively offer my own criticisms. Sometimes our joint complaints about a friend of his, or maybe one of my own, became a bond between us, not a wedge at all. But you do need to proceed carefully & diplomatically.

    I'd say this is still early. This guy you don't like may be a close friend of his, or just a casual friend of a friend, who likes this guy more than your friend likes him. Bide your time, make no decisions yet, see how things develop. His friendship with this guy could be significant, or merely 1-sided and circumstantial. Please keep us informed.
  • adidas0783

    Posts: 290

    Aug 23, 2009 1:50 PM GMT
    So here is my advice, blunt and honest.

    Have another date with this guy that you have been talking with. You two need time to get to know one another. A third wheel does not need to be involved (just make that clear). It just shows that you are interested. So get one planned - go have a dinner and go get some coffee afterwards or go to a chill wine bar. Be honest with him and let him know about his "friend" and how you feel about him. TALK!

    After a few of dates with this guy you should know where this is going. If you really like this guy and there is potential, this should negate giving a flying fuck about his "friend". Just be mellow about and roll with the punches.
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    Aug 23, 2009 3:06 PM GMT
    Mmmmm. I'm a big believer in "birds of a feather flock together" I'm also a big believer in digging a little deeper into a person's personality before making a decision about them, because people are not one dimensional and can't be labeled exclusively one way or another.

    So reexamine why you dislike the friend. Maybe you are being too critical or dislike him because of your own fears or prejudices.



  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 23, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    Well your input is a little limited. Why did you dislike your date's friend?
    How much did it bother you?

    If I were in situation, I probably wouldn't say anything to your date until you spend more time with him and really get to know him (if you don't already).
    No reason to create unnecessary friction. If you observe the two together (which might be valuable).. you might get some answers to your questions.

    I have had (and still do) a number of straight and gay friends that you'd never think I'd hang out or friend. The most important thing is they are loyal, flexible and people I can learn and respect. If you don't respect your date's friend, don't fake it. I have close friends (who have friends I don't care for).
    I don't make a big deal of it..
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 23, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    If I met a guy and he didn't like my friends I would be like "join the club!". I jest I jest. Yeah, if someone doesn't like a friend of mine for whatever reason, it's cool, they don't know him like I know him. The first few months should be very easy in avoiding said friend. After you start becoming part of his life it gets trickier but it can still work out very well.
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    Aug 23, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    If you liked his friends, but they didn't like you (for whatever dumb reason), thought they knew something about you and brought it up behind your back to the guy, and/or asked him to choose would that still be cool and would we still discuss it?

  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Aug 23, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear saidIf you liked his friends, but they didn't like you (for whatever dumb reason), thought they knew something about you and brought it up behind your back to the guy, and/or asked him to choose would that still be cool and would we still discuss it?




    In my opinion, I think it shows integrity that the bf came to me to discuss what was said, instead of just dumping me based on what the friends said. At that point I would be very wary of the other friends and would consider them what they are, a threat that carries ill will.

    The friends made a big mistake if they ever wish to keep the bf in question as a friend. I've seen many guys dump their friends because they said something bad about the new boyfriend. I and my friends stay clear of talking about the new bf for the most part, unless our friend asks our opinion. Still you can't be too negative.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 23, 2009 7:41 PM GMT
    adidas0783 saidSo here is my advice, blunt and honest.

    Have another date with this guy that you have been talking with. You two need time to get to know one another. A third wheel does not need to be involved (just make that clear). It just shows that you are interested. So get one planned - go have a dinner and go get some coffee afterwards or go to a chill wine bar. Be honest with him and let him know about his "friend" and how you feel about him. TALK!

    After a few of dates with this guy you should know where this is going. If you really like this guy and there is potential, this should negate giving a flying fuck about his "friend". Just be mellow about and roll with the punches.


    yah tell that to the guy, it wasn't even a real date. And now he says that he wasn't really feeling it. In my eyes, it was kind of unfair because the whole thing happened spontaneously and it was only a squeeze in because he just happened to be in my area.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:44 PM GMT
    Stop meetin perverts online bro...ITS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIMEicon_exclaim.gificon_twisted.gificon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 24, 2009 3:36 AM GMT
    I would focus more on the guy you like and less about the adjunct things in his life (like his friends). You've met this guy once in real life? I think forming an impression of him based on someone else is a bit juvenile.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Aug 24, 2009 3:36 AM GMT
    Give this person another chance and when you guys are alone tell him about the situation beforehand,,, maybe it was a misunderstanding or something.... If you really like this guy your on a date with i think it's worth strainghtning the situation out.........
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Aug 24, 2009 4:45 AM GMT
    What if you found out that this "friend" saved your date's life by pulling him out of a building that was on fire?

    My point is you do not have enough information.

    You might want to ask your date about his relationship with the dude but...

    Don't draw conclusions. icon_exclaim.gif