FATHERS!

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    Aug 23, 2009 12:01 PM GMT
    Do we need them?
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    Aug 23, 2009 12:05 PM GMT
    LOL @ thread b4 flame wars start
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    Aug 23, 2009 12:14 PM GMT
    Magnus08 saidDo we need them?

    Yes unless your mother was the Virgin Mary.
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    Aug 23, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    Yes

    there are so many social and emotional issues I have developed over years by not having a dependable father in my life.

    Its sucks because I hate to admit it, but I needed him so much. I needed to be able to confide in him about things, talk about crushes even if they were on guys, get some manly advice.

    Instead my mother had to be mommy and daddy. And that too brings me so much pain because I put her through so much without the slightest bit of remorse never truly considering until I turned like 19 how hard she worked.

    Sometimes, and I hate the thought of it too, I wonder if my being gay or my taste as a gay man has anything to do with my father not being around.

    I find myself gravitating towards nurturing people. Even back in high school I befriended boys who were caring and father like.

    seeing a man with kids is an instant turn on for me. When I love my bf the most its when he does something that makes me think he'll make a great dad someday.

    I wonder if my extreme aversion towards male authority is a result also.

    Who knows? Maybe?

    Either way it would've been nice to have someone to teach me how to shave, and how to tie a tie and how to fight, or how not to fight and so on.

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    Aug 23, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
    Yes, I need him mostly in my life but he is gone to the Lord ::17::
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    Aug 23, 2009 4:56 PM GMT
    Yes.
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    Aug 23, 2009 6:39 PM GMT
    yes, for good or bad, they provide learnings that cant come from anywhere else.
  • Rookz

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    Aug 23, 2009 6:42 PM GMT
    Yes we do need our fathers; good or bad they are inspirations of to be, or not to be.
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    Aug 23, 2009 6:53 PM GMT
    Actually I'm not sure I needed either a father OR a mother. Mine were both remarkably distant. And while I respect them enormously for the individual accomplishments in their own lives, and for the extreme generosity they showed me, their affection was non-existent. I could have as well been raised by machines that dispensed money, gifts, and general advice.

    I never even touched my late father until I was 20, when he shook my hand (!) on the day I entered the Army, totally shocking me. I think the only adult relative I actually hugged was one of my grandmothers, and that only when I was very young.

    I certainly needed no parents at all, except as my legal administrators. Anyone could have fulfilled that role. So to your question, I would say no.
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:34 PM GMT


    You only need the ones that are supportive and emotionally stable as a individual, All others can be tossed to the CURB!
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:44 PM GMT
    yeah o course, more than mothers....for me anyways atm
  • HotCoach

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    Aug 23, 2009 7:53 PM GMT
    withHonor saidYes we do need our fathers; good or bad they are inspirations of to be, or not to be.


    Couldn't agree more. Mine was an inspiration of what NOT to be. I have 5 sons. Sometimes I wonder what they think of me.
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    Aug 23, 2009 9:19 PM GMT

    Not an uncomplicated subject. My own father was a very complex character. On one hand I knew he was always at my back, that he encouraged me to take risks, to push myself, and to generally work hard and play hard. He expected standards of behavior to be met and they were. I never knew quite what would happen if they weren't, but I didn't think I wanted to find out.

    On the other hand, as I learned in high school and college he was a criminal sociopath. I stood by him to the extent that I could and I'm glad I did. He died eleven years ago, a few months after my own son was born.

    Shortly after he died my long denied homosexual orientation could be denied no more. Suffice it to say my world was stood on its ear. During the long process of coming out and coming to terms with who I am, I have very often wished my dad were here to talk to. Even though my family and friends have stood by me, I'm sure my father would have had a perspective on this that would help. Not least because I have good reason to believe he was bi himself.

    Anyhow, yes, I think fathers matter. Like any parent they have the power to do great good or great harm. Now that I am a father myself to a ten-year-old daughter and an eleven-year-old son, a day doesn't go by when I am at some point proud of what I can teach them and scared to death at where i might be messing up.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Aug 23, 2009 9:33 PM GMT
    "Need" is a complicated term.

    Would I have been a perfectly wonderful person without my father? Yes, I'm fairly certain I would have.

    Would I have been the person I am today without my father? Hells no. I have certainly gained a LOT by being his son.

    Did I "need" my father? Well, depends. I needed him to become who I am now, I didn't need him to grow up well adjusted at all.

    But given the choice, I'd pick having him any day. A good Dad is a very very valuable thing, and I have the best.
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    Aug 23, 2009 10:24 PM GMT
    I think our experiences with our fathers influences how we relate to other men, especially gay men and relationships.

    Understanding your feelings towards your dad can help you understand your feelings towards your lover.
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    Aug 23, 2009 10:30 PM GMT
    I think it's important to have a range of people in a child (or adult's) life. I grew up in a single mother household, but my mother had her father and five brothers two blocks away. My brother and I didn't lack for male figures in our lives. I never mattered much to me that my biological dad wasn't in my life that much. My mother's father was the closest thing to a father for me. When he died in 1994, it felt (I imagine) like losing my father.
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    Aug 24, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    Yes, fathers are important! I'm glad my relationship with my own father has evolved into a healthier, more open one.

    I hope I have the opportunity to be a father one day. However, if that doesn't happen, I am ok with that as well.
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    Sep 19, 2009 3:39 AM GMT
    Halfstep saidEither way it would've been nice to have someone to teach me how to shave, and how to tie a tie and how to fight, or how not to fight and so on.



    I feel the same way in my situation too. We need fathers.
  • jgymnast733

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    Sep 19, 2009 3:43 AM GMT
    If he's a good one,,YES...
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    Sep 19, 2009 4:05 AM GMT
    Magnus08 saidDo we need them?


    Yes!! even thou my father became distant after I reached adolescence, he was a great father during my earlier childhood years! and for that I am forever grateful.

    I don't know what would have become of me if he wasn't around during the first ten years of my life!? he build character in me and my mother helped refine it!! and besides what kind of silly question is that if one needs a father anyway? otherwise why and how that you are here???


    ♥ Leandro ♥