When is it a good time to move in with your Boyfriend?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2009 7:38 PM GMT
    As couples grow closer to each other, notions of advacing their relationship to the next level come up.

    One of the biggest questions is ....

    When is it a good time to move in with your boyfriend?

    Would you say after a few months? Would you say after a year of dating?

    Doesnt moving in with each other basically mean you marry your partner?

    My boyfriend and I have been deligating when it would be a good time to move into an apartment together. Im about to graduate and he is just gonna start school. He will be part time worker and part time student while I will be full time worker in business.

    Would love to hear what you guys think.... icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 23, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
    this is meant as a funny...to answer your question-----

    "when your tired of paying all the rent"---making less coming out of your income.

    but to be serious......you must feel ok with people in your personal space all the time before you two decide. You have to be secure with that before making that decision. Like most men enjoy being with their significant other but sometimes men like being by themselves hence separate apartments. So if your prepared and wont get irritated or tired of the guy being around 24/7all the best to you two and shacking up,.
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    Aug 23, 2009 10:09 PM GMT
    Never. I never moved in with a bf. I personally perferred having different places with extended "stay overs". Seriously though if you want to cut on cost and share more of your life living together I would say when the relationship seems stable. I would say you should be together for at least one year. One year would give enough time to know each other to know if you guys should live together. I am sure others could provide more insight on this issue though.
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    Aug 23, 2009 10:15 PM GMT

    Anytime before or after rush hour. icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 24, 2009 1:19 AM GMT
    i think it depends on the relationship. personally, i would try moving in with him or vice versa for a month or so, but still maintaining separate spaces of living so that you can always return to your place if the test run didn't work out.
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    Aug 24, 2009 1:53 AM GMT
    Sinful_Guy saidAs couples grow closer to each other, notions of advacing their relationship to the next level come up.

    One of the biggest questions is ....

    When is it a good time to move in with your boyfriend?

    Would you say after a few months? Would you say after a year of dating?

    Doesnt moving in with each other basically mean you marry your partner?

    My boyfriend and I have been deligating when it would be a good time to move into an apartment together. Im about to graduate and he is just gonna start school. He will be part time worker and part time student while I will be full time worker in business.

    Would love to hear what you guys think.... icon_wink.gif


    Sounds like big things happening in both of your lives right now. I'd say do NOT move in together until both of your lives become stable in your new roles. Are you sure you will stay in that area when you graduate? that's a big factor...

    He's just starting school? i'm going to assume University freshman so i'd say he's in for a LOT of changes soon. And again, if he _IS_ a uni freshman, that'd make him what.. 18, 19? are you sure you two are ready for a commitment of this scale? sounds like a lot happening at a really young age.

    how long have you KNOWN each other, and how long have you been "Dating" ? i'd say if combined the time for that is under 2 years- it's too early.

    At the VERY LEAST, wait until you two are sure you're both happy with where your lives are in the next several months (let him finish one semester of uni first) - it could very well be you'll both be looking for bigger and better things soon. guys our age have a hard time settling down icon_smile.gif

    --

    Personally i'm in a long-distance relationship and have been for over 7 months now. I'd gotten to know my boyfriend for over a year (several months before we started "dating" ) and i still have another year before i graduate and head into the world. Will i be able to get a job near him? will we both be able to live in the same apartment? Well, the EARLIEST that would be possible is almost a full year from now - and i'm glad for that. I Think the long time apart is a great way to get to know him better.
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    Aug 24, 2009 1:55 AM GMT
    Sinful_Guy said
    When is it a good time to move in with your boyfriend?

    When you both want to. My gay mentor, more than 10 years ago, had a BF but was reluctant to move in with him. They alternated nights in both their places, afraid of the serious commitment that moving in together might mean. I understood that.

    Then one day they took a place together. It was time. I can't give you rules; you know it when it happens. But I hope it involves love, and absolute trust, and the desire to make it work. If those things are present, then do sign the long-term lease together. LOL!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 2:08 AM GMT
    We moved into a rental together after a year, and then bought a place together after another year. Somehow a year seemed like the "proper" amount of time to both of us -- to be sure that we really wanted to move on to the next level together.
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    Aug 24, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    I moved in with my boyfriend last June. Things are working out. Granted, I knew him for over a year as friends before we dated. We celebrated a year last month. I am 29, and can't imagine living with a boyfriend before now. I wasn't ready, and too immature to do that.

    Like the other guys have said, you will know when it is the right time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 4:10 AM GMT
    "At the VERY LEAST, wait until you two are sure you're both happy with where your lives are in the next several months (let him finish one semester of uni first) - it could very well be you'll both be looking for bigger and better things soon. guys our age have a hard time settling down" Cobalt

    Thanks guys for your replies.... I really enjoy reading what you guys have to say...


    Somethings I forgot to clarify is that my boyfriend is 23 and i'm 21 and we have a long distance relationship because he lives in WI and i live in TX.

    Cobalt, first off my boyfriend is older than me. He is 23 and i'm 21. He had a hard time finishing school because of some complications but he is not planning in getting back to school for the normal 4 year bachelor but he's getting his nursing RN which is going to take him 2 years from this date.

    I really like everything you had to say because you bring up a lot of good points. My boyfriend and I have only known each other for a year and half and been dating for one year. He is starting school in Wisconsin and i'm in Texas. A very big question is whether I should move with him soon after I graduate, or wait until he graduates to then decide where it is that we want to live together. He doesnt have many friends where he lives at the moment and we both love each other so much and help each other emotionally and physically. At this point we are postponing moving in with each other because I have to finish school in Texas and he is starting school in WI.

    And this goes for everybody....

    Do you guys think its a better idea to wait until we are both done with school to move in with each other eventhough it maybe another 2 years living 1000 miles apart from each other? icon_question.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Aug 24, 2009 4:13 AM GMT
    I'd wait on this. Compatibility can be fickle sometimes, especially when you're both in different phases of life, i.e. entering college and graduating college. Give it some more time, because right now, you both may resent each other for holding the other back from things, be it in school or in the workplace.

    If it's meant to be, you can hold off a little while.
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    Aug 24, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    Jilly, thanks for your comment.... icon_biggrin.gif

    My boyfriend and I disagree on a lot of things but I feel its because we are both in different stages of our lives and it makes it really complicated. Another issue we have struggles with is communication because the only method of communicating with each other is cell phone since we live 1000 miles away from each other. We try and see each other at least once every 3 months and when we are together in person, moving in with each other just seems better because of our strong love for each other. We are both mature for our age and definitely dont fit the typical stereotype of clubbing people that love to party all the time, get drunk, and just want to have fun 24/7.

    General question for everyone....

    For those of you that have moved in with your partner..... how is that working for you and how long did you guys know each other before moving in? icon_question.gif
  • _gingin

    Posts: 116

    Aug 24, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    i wouldnt say time is the major issue here--you can know someone for the longest time and like how he presents himself to you, but unconscious lifestyle habits and other issues will only pop out when you live/travel with them.

    that MAY rapidly degenerate into a smuck of a mess when things do not work out (i.e. his habits clashing with yours), especially if the only thing handcuffing you to him is emotion.

    thing is, its hard to know if you don't live with him. so, if both you and him are readily adaptable and tolerant to change, then i say go for it!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    Yes, i do think it would be a good idea to wait until you BOTH finish school.

    again, a similar issue with me is that i will be finishing school and- most likely - look for WORK before i focus on trying to move in with my lover. Even if we can't move in together, hopefully we'll be able to see each other much more often because i will be out on my own (no complications with family and such) and i'll hopefully be making enough money that we could both afford to visit one another often. If we get lucky, we won't be a billion miles away from one another, instead we'll be in driving distance maybe and THAT would make things much easier. We could spend longer amounts of time together - i plan to try to spend a few weeks or so with him when i get the chance.

    the extra 2 years isn't horrible, they go by so fast. As long as you two can visit often enough, i think the most level-headed thing to do is focus on finding stable lives ANYWHERE you can. Don't give up on a job just because it's further away. A good job will mean better income (hopefully) and you'd be able to spend time together more comfortably knowing you both have proper jobs.

    I also think though, that if you do take this approach, it's very important to see each other at least once every couple months, otherwise it's too easy to become frustrated and to give up.

    SO, keep your relationship going strong, but focus on the important things -finishing school and finding a job- and put all your effort into those things. If your relationship is a real one, it WILL last.

    Best of luck to you both. I'm rooting for ya!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    Gingin.... Thanks for your commenticon_biggrin.gif

    It is true that couples really have a different dynamic when they move in with each other such as having habbits that their partner may not approve of or necessarily like.

    Moving in with your partner is a risk that many people take.... it either makes or breaks their relationship but I strongly believe that its better to know sooner than later of whether the current relationship is one that both individuals want.

    Sure, every couple has their problems but resolving them together is what builds a foundation for a stable and healthy relationship.

    Do you guys feel the same wayicon_question.gif



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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 12:36 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for posting your opinion. Its nice to hear what other people think and see diferrent opinions! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 24, 2009 1:52 PM GMT

    "For those of you that have moved in with your partner..... how is that working for you and how long did you guys know each other before moving in?"

    Oh gosh Sinful_guy, lol, we're going to catch the usual crap, but we'll answer this.

    After about six weeks of dating, (a pretty pedestrian term for the way we bonded as we exchanged informal vows at three weeks) we moved in together. Up til then we'd been spending enormous periods of time at each others' places. Is it working for us? YES!

    For those of you concerned about issues of personal habits, Badmikeyt posted an interesting topic featuring Dan Savage's take on the 'price of admission' and we recommend watching it. What was interesting to us was to open a second window (not a tab) and play this vid while listening to that song you posted..

    We're also of the belief that you never know until you try......

    Here: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/631120


    All the best to you and your guy! Feel free to contact us anytime.


    -Bill and Doug of meninlove
  • got2get2it

    Posts: 51

    Aug 24, 2009 2:00 PM GMT
    A minimum of 6 months, preferably a year.

    I made the mistake of moving in together when infatuation was still in play. Believe me, I came to regret my decision when the first giddy months of the relationship settled down.
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Aug 24, 2009 2:24 PM GMT
    There comes a point in a relationship when the infatuation is over, and clearly something more is going on. This can broadly be determined when you have your first MAJOR fight, complete with yelling, and you realize that as angry as you might be about whatever it is, you still love the guy more than life and can't live without him. That's when you start talking about moving in together...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 2:26 PM GMT
    when you're ready to complicate your life.... icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 2:30 PM GMT
    It depends on the couple, but if the guy does not leave after what you thought was a one night stand, then that is probably too soon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2009 2:32 PM GMT
    you will know yourself. Im living with my bf right now, it only took us 2 weeks after we met then we decided to live together...we have been together for 5 months now....
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    Aug 24, 2009 2:43 PM GMT
    jprichva saidNever.

    Have fun, do stuff together, fuck your brains out, but keep separate places.


    ...but aren't you a former jaded New Yorker?
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    Aug 24, 2009 3:08 PM GMT
    Never.

    ;-)
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Aug 24, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here. It just depends on the relationship, the level of communication and compromise you've been able to establish, and your individual needs for your own personal space. If it feels right - do it - but if you have any doubts at all, wait and see how the relationship goes for a while longer. It seems to me that if you're prepared to make a move to where he is going to school in order to be together, you may as well just take the full leap and move in with him.