This is a conversation that I had with him; I get extremely angry when I read it and I wonder if I'm justified for feeling the way that I do...
Please, If you're positive...I'd like to know your opinion on the situation...
well, i didn't get into details about you
nor were any questions asked about your health
thats OK, but I just thought they would be thorough
they didnt' say much
but I thought I told u my viral load was zero
it makes a big difference
I mean, its not foolproof, but its like having cancer in remission
basically it would only go back up if I stopped taking meds or something drastic happened to my immune system
like a traumatic illness
so, i have pretty good chances here?
yes thats why I was trying to reassure you & calm u down
but its understandable why u would be upset
and you always used a condom when you were fucking me?
yes didnt u remember?
I mean, u probably couldnt tell, but yes
well yes, but i dind't always look
and that's not why i'm mad
or freaking out
do i even have to go there?
you know why...
well, we've discussed it, so i dont think it would be a surprise
Im sorry I assumyou knew
but I went through a lot in the last 3 years that sort of threw me off track, so I have not always known who is privy to all my health details
I just assume the people i have sex with know, and i use a condom
unless theyre someone i have just met
why would you ever assume people know?
i mean, people I have known for a while
well, i had never met you.
no, but we talk
i cant remember what we said 2-3 years ago
i hope this wakes you up from your assumptions
yes of course
assumptions, in this case, can change ones life for the bad
but I have also had the same problems with eemployers
and some knowing, and then others finding out, and me losing work over it
its been a nightmare
the social implications have been worse than the health issues
well...i'm not too sure what that has to do with not telling people you sleep with and making assumptions that they know...but, i'm not just gonna forgive you
at least, not yet...maybe one of these days...
well, it just has caused confusion with who I have known I have told
but, something this big...a pretty big mistake on your behalf
I don't expect you to understand
its been very frustrating handling it
well, i find it very difficult to give you sympanthy at the moment
well ok fair enough
but i do like you, and didnt want that to happen
well, unfortunately, the mistake was already made
I just never have sex without condoms
that doesn't mean somebody shouldn't know of your status yo
people you sleep with must know
even if you wear a condom, that doesn't mean anything...
like, your playing with people's lives here...
so if someone said to you they were negative, you wouldnt wear one?
I just dont understand that
well, now i definitely will
i hated it at first, now used to it
i dont' know what this has to do with you not telling people
nothing, I am saying, why would u take a condom off in the first place?
it's like you're trying to justify yourself not telling people ...and putting that responsibility on everybody else that they should always be careful
why wouldnt you always be careful?
There's this magical thing known as trust. which obviously doesn't exist .
I mean, that goes without saying, the same for me
about being careful
can u trust that everyone knows their status?
or trust that everyone has been tested properly?
i still can't believe you giving ME a lecture
some people say they are negative and dont know because they have no symptoms
this isn't my fault.
Im not giving you a lecture
i mean, it is.
we are having a discussion
no, it is my fault.
for trusting you...
it is your fualt for telling me...
well, i was a bit shocked when you called me the next day and asked
did I not tell you yes?
I could have said No
I thought u knew!
and what if i caught you at the lie?
assuming you said no..
well, I just dont know why i would have lied
what difference does it make??
it makes a difference because there was miscommunication
and there shouldnt be
you coulda/shoulda/woulda dude...what you should have done is told me before i came into your apartment
what you shoulda done is said "hey, by the way ...just to be clear..you know of my status right?"
that's what you should ahve done.
do u think i make it a point of reminding everyone I have sexual interest in over and over that i am positiv?
thats just absurd
well, this discussion is over.
ok, you obviously dont think that there is a problem with playing unsafe
of course i do...this isn't about that.
well, I know that, but u are trying to make this about blame, and its not
this is about you not telling me of your status
its about communication and responsibility on both parts
well, you could have asked me when you walked in the door as well
Yes, i could have.
and I made the horrible mistake of trusting you ..since we've formed a friendship
for someone i have been chatting with for so long, why didnt it occur to you if I had not mentioned it?
and so I am not allowed to make the mistake in assuming that you knew?
this is a trust issue, when it comes down to it.
why do I have to advertise my status to every guy online?
but if somebody is comign over for sex
it should DEFINITELY be advertised
how do you not understand that concept?
...when they come over, then yes
but those are people I have not known
i'm done talking with you..
So, have a good night.
and we'll just both hope and pray that everything goes okay for me.
ok, well, I am trying to resolve this...and I do want things to turn out for the best of course
in all honest, there is nothing to be resolved
but you simply have a narrow vision of the whole thing
that's funny...because i've told this story to several people...and they all say the same thing.
for someone who doesnt know what a viral load is, that tells me narrow
have you talked to anyone who is poz?
well, that's fine. you can think i have a narrow view of it.
not yet, but i think i might.
have you talked to anyone who is poz?
ok please do
u might get a different perspective
if you say so, buddy
thats the nly thing about this whole thing that makes me angry
you are so presumptive and judgemental
and you dont think you are
of course i'm judgemental, man
how can i not judge you?
how do you expect me to sit here and not judge your actions...
when your actions have caused stress and fear?
well, i could judge yours too, but it doesnt solve anything
and your actions were so noble?
you simply should talk to someone poz and get their opinion, talk to SEVERAL poz guys
I cant explain it any further