How do i accept gifts the right way

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2009 2:09 AM GMT
    ok i have never read this in any forums and i would like some advice. i recently have encountered a problem which when thought out carefully conflicts with my idea of being independent and not being exploitative.. Well to explain it easily... i always ( like always) seem to meet men that are really successful but i am not attracted to them because of their money. In fact most of the time i don't find out about their social status until they tell me about it. I have always been against the idea of "being bought". I feel like if i allow the guy to buy me things then he would later throw it in my face and label me a "rent boy". I like achieving things for myself, buying my own stuff etc. The men that i usually meet after a few months of dating they would want to buy me stuff. And by stuff i mean large material objects which include (Cars, trips) and i past them up as i am only into the guys for their minds or maturity. I have made some substantial contacts in the legal world though because of these individuals that i have dated. In fact i have a pretty awesome job lined up after i graduate. The thing is ill accept help to climb the social ladder but i dont feel comfortable taking material gifts. Am i wrong to be turning down these gifts? as in the gay culture you always hear stories of men giving slightly younger guys gifts to be with them and i hate hearing those stories..so how hypocritical would i be if i turn out to be apart of that percentage.
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    Aug 25, 2009 2:15 AM GMT
    I think it comes down to your motivation for accepting the gifts. We all play the "social networking" game to some extent. I think you need to ask yourself "What am I compromising (really) if I accept this?" Your honest answer will be whatever it is. If its something that you feel you can accept without sacrificing your morals, do it. If not, dont. Your the judge at that point.

    As far as the gifts from boyfriends, I could see not accepting a car, however if a trip is offered for example, and its for both of you to share, and your relationship is solid enough for that kind of a trip, go for it icon_smile.gif

    Good luck to you. icon_biggrin.gif
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Aug 25, 2009 2:25 AM GMT
    I thought that way once upon a time until a wealthy client purchased a JohnSingerSargent for me, hunny all those previous rules went right out the window..When someone buys you something your passionate about,believe you me YOU WONT TURN IT DOWN....icon_idea.gif
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    Aug 25, 2009 2:41 AM GMT



    Just say Thanks but No Thanks!
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    Aug 25, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    Accepting a gift is hard for me too. There is a lot of vulnerability in being able to open up and accept what someone is offering; accepting that you matter to someone, accepting that they are showing they care about you. Most of the time I turn away gifts because of feelings of unworthiness; its easy to do this. However, it helps for me to recognize the feelings coming from the one giving; whether it is paying for dinner, buying me a drink, or some DVD's, there is care and love there.

    If I'm the only one giving, then I don't learn how to graciously accept. In learning how to accept, I'm also learning how to give from a more balanced place. Nowadays, when I give it is because I have worth and the other person matters to me.

    For you, Tereseus1, I think it is a beautiful thing that someone wants to give you a gift. If you turn it down, I know that place. I wouldn't call you a hypocrite if you accepted it or declined it.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 25, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    If a gift is very extravagant, then saying "Thank you but I couldn't possibly accept this.." is the right thing to do.

    For other types of things, you can reciprocate within your financial means. A home cooked meal is a good example.
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    Aug 25, 2009 3:06 PM GMT