Decisions, decision, decisions...

  • Aug 26, 2009 2:17 AM GMT
    Unfortunately, I have to admit that I've made some pretty bad decisions so far. I can't remember who my first kiss was with and dislike when and how I lost my virginity. I chose what I thought was fun, but later realized was bullshit, over more important stuff like school and am currently paying for it.

    I can be a very good judge of character though. I like that I'm only 19 and haven't been in a "serious" relationship. Most just usually have the wrong intention. No issues with commitment or anything, but I haven't found that one person that I can't be without just yet and I'm cool with that.

    Now comes my current situation. A very good friend of mine just came out to his parents. Even though he thought he would be cut off completely coming from a religious family with direct ties to the military, it went over much easier than he thought and both parents are fine with it. I have been long debating over whether I should tell my parents. My parents come off as accepting with what either of their children choose to do, but they are the two hardest people for me to figure out.

    I'm not the most independent person. My parents help (a LOT) with school, and the car, and I'm still living with them at home and I wouldn't want something like this to make me fall even more than the stupid decisions I have previously made but I would like them to know.

    Based on your experiences, what do you think would be the best way to approach this? Should I be open and honest and just tell them soon with the hope that they'll be as loving and accepting as they come off? Or should I just wait until I'm a bit more older and stable and then tell them with the hope that they'll be as loving and accepting as they come off?
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    Aug 26, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
    I think YOU are the best person to judge the most opportune time to come out to your parents. I came out to my mom at 17, and she was cool about it. If for some reason you feel that they might disown you because of it, I would get your life in order to be more self sufficient. When I came out, it was the most liberating experience. I felt that I didn't start living until I said it out loud.
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    Aug 26, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    How old will you be when you are fully independent of your parents?

    This isn't something to rush, the timing is key.
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    Aug 26, 2009 2:47 AM GMT
    I'd like to tell you to that you should tell your parents and let the chips fall where they may but in all honesty that is seriously a tough on.

    I had it easy when I came out to my folks. I completely understand where you are coming from in this situation. My folks didn't even flinch when I told them I was gay. Nothing changed between us. They did ask some questions concerning my sexuality but heck any parent would after learning their child is gay.

    Do what you feel is best for you. it's nice to consider the feelings of others in this situation but ultimately it's you who are living your life and as long as you can be happy with what ever decision you make then that's what matters most.

    Best of luck to you and I hope things work out in your favor.

  • Aug 26, 2009 2:49 AM GMT
    Thanks for the replies so far. Almost done with undergrad, then on to med school. About 23-24 y/o maybe, so not tooo far away.
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Aug 26, 2009 3:34 AM GMT
    I suggest waiting until you are financially and emotionally independent. But that is only to prepare for the scenario where they cut financial ties and disown you.

    Coming out to yourself and accepting you for who you are is a major step. You've accomplished that. Informing others is just a matter of time.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 26, 2009 3:57 AM GMT
    I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. You're young. And when first coming out it's not uncommon to rush certain experiences. You're not the first, nor will you be the last, who can't remember their first kiss or regret who they lost their virginity to. We learn from our experiences. But you seem to be aware of your mistakes and want to improve.

    As for coming out to your parents, only you know for sure. But if it's that big a worry, you should play it safe until you're out of school.

    Odds are probably pretty good that you're worrying over nothing. I know very few people whose parents threw them out of the house or cut off their support, forcing the kid to drop out of school and support themselves. But, that said, if you're not sure, then why risk it.

    The only other advice I can suggest is just be as good a person and as a good a student as you can be. Even if your parents struggle with your coming out, if your being gay is the biggest thing they can criticize about you, then I wouldn't trust their judgement to begin with.

    Good luck regardless.
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    Aug 26, 2009 10:57 AM GMT
    Same situation here. Parents are mildly religious (virtually everyone is religious to a certain degree here) but liberal. Hard to figure out. MY dad cracks homophobic jokes sometimes, my mom avoids the subject, my sisters are accepting, my brother has a lot of gay friends. Etc.

    I'm still not financially independent same as you. My decision is to wait until I am. Doesn't feel 'right' at the moment yet too. Not that it's even necessary, as I can't actually do anything even if I come out LOL as I'm not even dating yet.