Uncomfortable plot summaries

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 26, 2009 1:19 PM GMT
    http://www.postmodernbarney.com/2009/04/uncomfortable-plot-summaries/

    ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.
    ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
    AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.
    BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
    BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
    BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
    DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
    HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.
    LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
    RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.
    SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.
    SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Layabout stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners.
    STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
    STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
    THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
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    Aug 26, 2009 1:22 PM GMT
    icon_lol.gif

    ... except for that last one -- that was too close to reality to be funny.
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    Aug 26, 2009 2:55 PM GMT
    The Doctor Who one is very funny.

    From the link:

    "Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own. " - Neil Gaiman I never realized that was the basis of every plot. lol
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Aug 26, 2009 5:57 PM GMT
    Come on folks you got to start adding to the list.
    I'd love to get some takes on any Guy Ritchi Film or Terintino.
    with this post and the lottery (just got my 2 tickets)
    Nice that we aren't discussing Postiveness or Kennedy.
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    Aug 26, 2009 6:01 PM GMT
    Hahaha!

    300: Gays kill blacks. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 26, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    Friday the 13th: horny teenagers allow special needs kid to drown, and then kills the kid's mother who took law into her own hands to get justice.

    Kill Bill: pregnant woman gets beaten to a pulp and left in coma by jealous ex-boyfriend and co-workers. She survives and gets revenge.


  • TR_Latitude10

    Posts: 206

    Aug 26, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    GROUNDHOG DAY:
    Their version: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.
    My re-write: Déjà vu begets enuii. Hilarity ensues.
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    Aug 26, 2009 10:07 PM GMT
    STAND BY ME: Four preteens steal a gun and run away from home to fulfill their necrophiliac fantasies.
    THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU: Deranged ship captain convinces crew into being trapped on a voyage to fulfill his delusional fantasy, inspires Portugese interpretations of David Bowie classics.
    BOOGIE NIGHTS: High school dropout uses large fake leather penis to avoid dealing with life.
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    Aug 26, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    Gattaca: Your penis always gives you away.
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    Aug 26, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    Every James Bond film: Alcoholic government employee has sex, kills bad guys and saves the day.

    Every Batman movie: Villain steals movie

    Transformers l & II: Hasbro laughing all the way to the bank
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    Aug 26, 2009 11:58 PM GMT
    Twilight: Girl gives up college for stalker.

    The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: Girl comes out of the closet, kills a queen.


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    Aug 27, 2009 12:06 AM GMT
    jprichva saidMUSICALS:

    The Sound of Music - Nun gets married, sings.
    West Side Story - Gangs fight, then sing.
    Hairspray - Fat girl clobbers bigots, sings.
    Chicago - Floozy beats murder rap, sings.
    Cabaret - Floozy hooks up with homo, sings.
    My Fair Lady - Floozy wows society, sings.
    The Music Man - Con man swindles town, sings.
    Hair - Hippies do not much, sing.
    The Wizard of Oz - Girl melts witch, goes home, sings.


    Sesame Street - The importance of having an imaginary friend who knows the alphabet... and sings.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Aug 27, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    Sedative said
    Sesame Street - The importance of having an imaginary friend who knows the alphabet... and sings.


    awww. how can you resist Ovejita?

    2782952212_96422da400_m.jpg

    High School Musical/Jonas Brothers/Hannah Montana: using subtle but foolish innuendo and confounding parents (almost) everywhere ...
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    Aug 27, 2009 12:25 AM GMT
    thenes saidTwilight: Girl gives up college for stalker.

    I had the same thought hahaha
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    Aug 27, 2009 12:41 AM GMT
    Sedative said
    jprichva saidMUSICALS:

    The Sound of Music - Nun gets married, sings.
    West Side Story - Gangs fight, then sing.
    Hairspray - Fat girl clobbers bigots, sings.
    Chicago - Floozy beats murder rap, sings.
    Cabaret - Floozy hooks up with homo, sings.
    My Fair Lady - Floozy wows society, sings.
    The Music Man - Con man swindles town, sings.
    Hair - Hippies do not much, sing.
    The Wizard of Oz - Girl melts witch, goes home, sings.


    Sesame Street - The importance of having an imaginary friend who knows the alphabet... and sings.

    A Chorusline - disembodied voice harasses job-seekers, all sing and dance
    Grease - hormonal teenagers do what hormonal teenagers do everywhere, sing and dance
    Sweeney Todd - on foggy set everybody sings and dies
    Xanadu - no plot whatsoever, sings
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    Aug 27, 2009 12:41 AM GMT
    thenes saidTwilight: Girl gives up college for stalker.

    The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: Girl comes out of the closet, kills a queen.




    I like these ones! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 27, 2009 12:43 AM GMT
    thenes saidTwilight: Girl gives up college for stalker.

    The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe: Girl comes out of the closet, kills a queen.




    LOL @ TLTWATW
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    Aug 27, 2009 12:48 AM GMT
    Xmen: Older man has unhealthy obsession with collecting "talented youth". icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 27, 2009 1:04 AM GMT
    bernd said
    Xanadu - no plot whatsoever, sings


    *guffaws*! icon_lol.gif

    Y no puedo, Ovejita. I'm betrothed to Elmo.
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    Aug 27, 2009 1:05 AM GMT
    Lion King - Hamlet in the jungle and the animals sing.
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    Aug 28, 2009 1:46 AM GMT
    The Twilight one I stole from my friend Michael, but I made up the TLTWATW one.

    I can't think of any more. Grr.

    I want to come up with one for The Neverending Story, but all I can think of so far is: Depressed boy names names in scandal involving children.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 28, 2009 2:01 AM GMT
    TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.


    the website has tons
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    Aug 28, 2009 2:09 AM GMT
    thenes saidThe Twilight one I stole from my friend Michael, but I made up the TLTWATW one.

    I can't think of any more. Grr.

    I want to come up with one for The Neverending Story, but all I can think of so far is: Depressed boy names names in scandal involving children.


    They were hilarious

    The Neverending Story: how about "truant almost destroys magical land, gets pet dragon as reward"

    Rocky: "Mob hit-man boxes heavyweight world-champion, plot more probable than actor's Hollywood career."

    Mulan: Crossdresser enlists, destroys imperial palace, causes avalanche killing thousands