I wonder why he stares?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    I've been dating a guy for almost a month...yeahh I know...it's too early. Well, I am not in love, we are having a good time. He's silly, good heart, great personality, but there is something that really bothers me. Every time we go out, when he sees a good looking guy, he stares at the guy. And he does not stop staring at the guy until the guy looks back to him. I do look at guys all the time, but he stares at guys intensively. Should I ask him? I wonder if he knows it's too much.
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    Aug 27, 2009 6:09 PM GMT
    He takes his eyes off you? Stop dating special needs guys.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 27, 2009 6:12 PM GMT
    If it bothers you then you should say something. I'm sure this wouldn't bother some guys, but I'd get more than annoyed. It's one thing to check out another guy. I don't think I could stop that completely in a relationship. But what this guy is doing goes beyond that. It's disrespectful. It's basically cruising behavior and would undermine any sort of foundation of commitment.

    If the relationship you two have is extremely casual as in friends with benefits or fuck buddies, that's one thing. Then you have no claim on him. But you're dating. If he didn't change his behavior quick pronto, I'd move on. To me that's an instant turn-off. I wouldn't be as patient as you.
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    Aug 27, 2009 6:49 PM GMT
    The staring thing....yecchh!

    Is that how he bagged you? If not, tell him you feel like you missed out on an important foundation of your courtship.
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    Aug 27, 2009 7:00 PM GMT
    Say something, it seems like he is on a cruising mission whenever he sees a hot guy - I'd be very annoyed, too. If he doesn't change his behavior, dump him and find a guy that will only stare at you.
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    Aug 27, 2009 7:08 PM GMT
    I actually do the same thing... stare at attractive guys.
    You should tell him that you're not ok with it. If he really is a good guy, he'll stop icon_smile.gif
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 27, 2009 7:11 PM GMT
    fulldelight saidI actually do the same thing... stare at attractive guys.
    You should tell him that you're not ok with it. If he really is a good guy, he'll stop icon_smile.gif


    Staring is one thing. But this guy leers at them until they look back.
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    Aug 27, 2009 8:26 PM GMT
    Yes.. This is not a good thing.

    My boyfriend used to do the same thing. Not stare until they stare back, but just check guys out, even if I am taking to him or have got his attention. He would just totally disregard what was going on and have a gawk.

    I told him that this was not acceptable behavior and that it made me feel really insignificant. It does seem that it got through to him and he does not do it anymore.

    We do both check guys out when we are out and about, but it isn't as bad as what it once was.

    Maybe he doesn't know he is doing it?
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Aug 27, 2009 8:44 PM GMT
    I have some friends that do that and they are the more promiscuous types. I agree with one post that it is cruising behavior. If he is staring off at others (granted a glance is one thing and staring is quite another), and not at you he isnt really that interested. You would be better off finding someone who concentrates on you. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 27, 2009 8:50 PM GMT
    If he can't focus on you when you're together... chances are he's not focused on you when you're apart.

    Give him a chance to rectify the behavior before you kick him to the curb
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    Aug 28, 2009 12:04 AM GMT
    Make a joke about it, something like "I hope you stare at me like that when Im not looking". If he keeps it up, dump his ass. There is the ability to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty, and then there is just just being weird.
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    Aug 28, 2009 1:22 AM GMT
    syd_hockey_79 saidMake a joke about it, something like "I hope you stare at me like that when Im not looking". If he keeps it up, dump his ass. There is the ability to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty, and then there is just just being weird.


    Don't worry, I will.. specifically, you arse will garner a lot of attention.. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2009 1:23 AM GMT
    my hubby and I both from early on looked/checked out other guys...we even point out guys to each other or and teased each other about. Nothing wrong w/ looking at the menu.
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    Aug 28, 2009 1:32 AM GMT


    Well, we think you should just go right ahead and ask him.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 29, 2009 12:08 AM GMT
    OK .... since when do you EVER allow a man you are dating to look at other men much less stare at them while they are with you?

    You have every right to turn to this Bozo and say
    .... You do know that you are being absolutely rude when you do that right?

    He's lucky he's not with me 'cause he'd have a drink spilled on his head icon_wink.gif

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    Aug 29, 2009 12:11 AM GMT
    I know that it is kinda early, but it seems that this guy has a short attention span and well not very interested in you if he has to gaze at the guy. I do it my guy does it too, we check out or take a peek at an attractive guy but it isn't a long stare till the guy notices we are looking at him. The best advice is ask him if he notices that he does this.