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  • coROCKIES

    Posts: 25

    Aug 30, 2009 3:59 AM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 4:58 AM GMT
    Not sure what to say to this.... icon_confused.gificon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    my ex was 14 years older then I, I really didn't give a damn what other people thought of me..

    Spend less time worrying about other people and more time enjoying life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 5:14 AM GMT
    If he makes you happy, enjoy your time together!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 7:21 AM GMT
    It can only be a problem if you make it a problem.
    I think people should mind their own business so you shouldn't care about what they say. Just be happy icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 7:52 AM GMT
    Yeah I think the number one thing is how you feel about it. forget everyone else. If you think there is an issue, then there is one. If not, then enjoy. Good luck.
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    Aug 30, 2009 12:38 PM GMT

    My partner is 11 years old than me.. some people were weird about it at first, four years later the health and happiness evident in our enduring relationship has brought them around.

    There's still the occasional person who wants to make an issue out of it - usually people who don't know us.. and in those cases, the previous suggestions are good - ignore them.

    It's about what works for you both, that's all.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    For what it's worth, I think age is a number that is as irrelevant and stupid as a random license plate number. It's all about chemistry, it's all about viewing one another as human beings and then being courageous enough to love and allow yourself to be loved.

    In the end game, really, what difference do any of the "numbers" make? Who cares if someone is 40 and someone is 22? Who cares if you have a 29" waist or a 34"? How do these numbers mean that someone is not worthy of love? They may perhaps exclude someone from lust, but love is an entirely different thing. It is much deeper and much more sustaining.

    And as to the approval of others in the "community". Those who are mature enough and classy enough to know the difference between love and lust will be encouraging and supportive of you. Those who define love in terms of lust and think porn dvd's are training videos will never get it. They are superficial and use the numbers to exclude others, when in fact, they exclude themselves and will become the bitter, alone old trolls that they judge other older guys as now.

    While I appreciate younger fit guys (who doesn't) I also find an elegance and beauty present in an older man who takes pride in his appearance, who is secure, stylish and graceful as so many older gay men are. They wear cashmere better than most twinks wear a t-shirt. I for one watch Project Runway because...God I love a good train wreck... but as much because I find Tim Gunn so incredibly attractive.

    Let me ask a question here, and it's purely rhetorical. Why should you care what a bunch of shallow, immature, vapid people think of a loving relationship? Who are they to judge anyone?

    Good for you and my best wishes for continuing happiness and joy. We should all aspire to such things in a world that is desperately lacking in both.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Aug 30, 2009 3:49 PM GMT
    It is a wonderful thing to be in love! Cherish the time you have together.

    keep in mind that it is less likely for him to grow or change in a vastly different fashion from where he is today. He is older and largely settled in his ways.

    You, on the other hand, are still growing and discovering who you are. It may seem like a very positive thing to be in such a relationship with someone who is so much older than you but it might inhibit your personal growth and self-awareness.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Aug 30, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    I see a bunch of people sugar coating this. Age is an issue. There are challenges that have not been discussed at all.

    1) The older individual will likely die first, leaving the younger as a widower at a relatively young age. Many of the widowers peers will still be in relationships, and there will be little in terms of support organizations.

    2) Income disparity. The biggest fights in a relationship occur over money, and usually how much of it gets spent, vs. saved. This is a bigger issue when someone is further along in their career and thereby earning more. There arguments come as "I can't keep up with your spending" or "You cannot spend all of my money". The kind of argument will shift based on how fiscal matters are dealt with, but there is almost always a tug-of-war that is only made more fierce by a bigger gap.

    3) Children (skip if this does not apply). Already a high strung matter gets worse. The younger of the two will find themselves doing the majority of the work, simply because they have the energy to deal with school meetings, doctors appointments, etc. Generally physical labor (home repairs, cooking, clearning, etc) will fall to the younger individual.

    4) Being mistaken for father-son. Sure it sounds cute now, but that won't last.

    These are just the ones that are obvious, but there are others. Age yourselves, think of the challenges you will face, and how you will react to them at different stages of your life. It is not always maturity or compatibility, but instead rights of passage and changing dynamics. Think of the reality of life and not "oh I love him so much."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    my bf is 10 years older than me
    my first love interest was 22 years older

    who gives a shit what other ppl say/think ?
  • mustangd

    Posts: 434

    Aug 30, 2009 4:16 PM GMT
    are the 2 of you happy?

    life is short, not much else matters beyond health and happiness..

    sure, the age difference can complicate, but then, if the 2 of you bring to the table what the other needs to be happy, again, not much else matters.

    should you be together when the older partner passes, perhaps you can find a younger man, and you can offer him the benefit of the experiences you found in the relationship you are in now, or the age difference complications could drive you apart...

    live each day, don't fret tomorrow...
  • extravagrind

    Posts: 49

    Aug 30, 2009 4:21 PM GMT
    my ex just turned 60, you have to be real strong and have your mind set or it will fail, fuck all thoes pretencious faggots out there, love is a mental connection, not an age connection, nor a physical connection....that is lust.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    BrianOSU2000 saidIt's all about chemistry, it's all about viewing one another as human beings and then being courageous enough to love and allow yourself to be loved.



    This statement hits the nail on the head. I generally don't date guys any younger than 30, but I can honestly say that one of the most romantic, loving, and memorable relationships I have ever had was when I was 39 and he was 21. It didn't workout because he moved to Europe to study overseas, but we still keep in touch and who knows when our lives may cross again. Even though I have an age preference, I keep my mind open because age really doesn't have to matter unless you let it matter. If you have great chemistry, you are off to a great start. Go with it and see where it leads you. To do otherwise, you never know if you may miss out on one of the great loves of your life. I know a couple here in Iowa who have been together 11 years. One is now 64, the younger is 32. They will be the first to tell you that their 32 year age difference actually has enhanced their relationship and kept it interesting. They have one of the best relationships I have ever seen. I have never known them to even have a single fight. They joke all the time that they are so glad they didn't listen to their friends 11 years ago when they all told them "It will never work".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 4:37 PM GMT
    DCEric saidI see a bunch of people sugar coating this. Age is an issue. There are challenges that have not been discussed at all.

    1) The older individual will likely die first, leaving the younger as a widower at a relatively young age. Many of the widowers peers will still be in relationships, and there will be little in terms of support organizations.

    2) Income disparity. The biggest fights in a relationship occur over money, and usually how much of it gets spent, vs. saved. This is a bigger issue when someone is further along in their career and thereby earning more. There arguments come as "I can't keep up with your spending" or "You cannot spend all of my money". The kind of argument will shift based on how fiscal matters are dealt with, but there is almost always a tug-of-war that is only made more fierce by a bigger gap.

    3) Children (skip if this does not apply). Already a high strung matter gets worse. The younger of the two will find themselves doing the majority of the work, simply because they have the energy to deal with school meetings, doctors appointments, etc. Generally physical labor (home repairs, cooking, clearning, etc) will fall to the younger individual.

    4) Being mistaken for father-son. Sure it sounds cute now, but that won't last.

    These are just the ones that are obvious, but there are others. Age yourselves, think of the challenges you will face, and how you will react to them at different stages of your life. It is not always maturity or compatibility, but instead rights of passage and changing dynamics. Think of the reality of life and not "oh I love him so much."




    1) someone always dies first unless you die together. While it is more likely the older will go first, there are no guarantees that this is how it will play out. People die at every age. What if the younger dies first leaving the older a widower at an old age?

    2) In every relationship, unless they are equal partners in a business, one usually makes more money than the other. The financial issues are a hurdle that most couples have to come to terms with regardless of the age difference. Also, the older may start out making more money, but that can change, or even reverse at some point.

    3) I don't think this is necessarily true.

    4) Being mistaken for Father/Son would probably be the very least of the problems they would need to work out. If they have a great relationship, they may even enjoy that.

    As for the "realities of life". The one reality of life that most of us have in common is that we all want love and romance in our lives. When it comes along, it doesn't necessarily come in the shape, size, or age you expect. Do you turn your back on it because of an age difference and possibly miss something truly rewarding and special, or do you throw caution to the wind and embrace it? Life is full of risks. Sometimes you have to take them even if they are unconventional.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 30, 2009 4:44 PM GMT
    Short run, I think it's fine, as long as the contexts work. I know the issue with all the older guys I have been with never dealt with maturity, but circumstance of life. A 19 year old has different obligations than a 32 year old. They are not usually synchronous. Further, the issue gets complicated with age... there's an issue when you're 40 and your partner is 64, or you're 60 and he's 84. That's a while off, but those are the things that seem built into the discussion. Whether or not it can work is up to you, but if you want it to, there's nothing wrong with that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 4:48 PM GMT
    Im the older by 12 years in our relationship and really never see myself in one with that big of an age difference but there is no set reason that says it will not work. As you grow older you will figure it all out.

  • Aug 30, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    You know, I love this forum, at the moment I am being pursued by a 27 year old which makes him 30 years my junior and I am keeping my distance from him because of the age. My fear is, how can I keep up with a 27 year year old... after reading all the responds on here maybe I'll let myself be taken...lol
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 30, 2009 4:55 PM GMT
    I get along with older (25-40) but the guys never let it go past friendship it seems. Older is cool but at the end of the day I think I need someone my age, idk, the older guys feel the same way. I am about to be 20 idk if that will change anything lol
  • _gingin

    Posts: 116

    Aug 30, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    i say

    IF THEY HAVE AN ISSUE,

    U GO GET EM SOME TISSUE!

    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 5:14 PM GMT
    DCEric saidI see a bunch of people sugar coating this. Age is an issue. There are challenges that have not been discussed at all.

    1) The older individual will likely die first, leaving the younger as a widower at a relatively young age. Many of the widowers peers will still be in relationships, and there will be little in terms of support organizations.

    2) Income disparity. The biggest fights in a relationship occur over money, and usually how much of it gets spent, vs. saved. This is a bigger issue when someone is further along in their career and thereby earning more. There arguments come as "I can't keep up with your spending" or "You cannot spend all of my money". The kind of argument will shift based on how fiscal matters are dealt with, but there is almost always a tug-of-war that is only made more fierce by a bigger gap.

    3) Children (skip if this does not apply). Already a high strung matter gets worse. The younger of the two will find themselves doing the majority of the work, simply because they have the energy to deal with school meetings, doctors appointments, etc. Generally physical labor (home repairs, cooking, clearning, etc) will fall to the younger individual.

    4) Being mistaken for father-son. Sure it sounds cute now, but that won't last.

    These are just the ones that are obvious, but there are others. Age yourselves, think of the challenges you will face, and how you will react to them at different stages of your life. It is not always maturity or compatibility, but instead rights of passage and changing dynamics. Think of the reality of life and not "oh I love him so much."


    This entire post, while seemingly wrapped in common sense is wrong on it's face. I'll rebut this point for point:

    1 - People die at every age, every day in this country. I know several couples that the younger has died first, leaving the older alone. Being left behind when a loved one dies is a reality of life - period. Age has absolutely nothing to do with this.

    2 - The income disparity argument here is baseless. I know 22 year olds, two of them in fact, that are working in IT and make more money than 99 percent of the 40-somethings I know. Younger people are earning more and more every day due to their grasp of technology alone. I also know a couple who are in their 50's. One is a bartender, the other runs a small business. The bartender makes more money and they have successfully been together for 21 years. If you view money selfishly as "mine" and "yours" then it will become an issue at any age. If you love the other person, money becomes irrelevant. If you truly love someone, something as stupid as money should never derail that.

    3. Point three is perhaps the most flawed. This point assumes that the younger person is the "wife" or "bottom" in the relationship and is therefore feminized along the lines of a straight woman. This point is baseless because it is founded entirely on assumption. Realistically, two people tend to split the duties and if you are in a healthy relationship, you do what needs done. This point also assumes that a 40 something is in need of a walker and a shawl and is incapable of running a vacuum or cooking a meal. Tell that to my Grandmother who, at 86 years old, wielded a mean Hoover (good luck to anything that got in its way) and cooked dinner regularly for the entire family. This ageism is ignorant. People well into their 80's and 90's are living more vibrant lives than ever before and with the new technology it's going to get even better.

    4. This is exactly what I talked about in my original post when I said that superficial, vapid, "TIT's" (TIT=Troll in Training) sit in pious judgment of others. Nobody but an imbecile would come up and ask two men holding hands if they are father and son.

    All due respect to the originator of this particular post, but your argument doesn't hold water. And as to those of us accused of sugar coating it, nobody is doing that either. Relationships and love take a lot of work. If you're fortunate enough to find a man you feel great with, then it's all worth it.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Aug 30, 2009 5:19 PM GMT
    _gingin saidi say

    IF THEY HAVE AN ISSUE,

    U GO GET EM SOME TISSUE!

    icon_lol.gif



    LOL! Yeah, what he said :-)

    For me, it's all about the chemistry and the emotional, intellectual, and physical connection all blended together. The couple could both be born on the very same day and if they don't have the right chemistry, they have nothing. When the chemistry works, it just works, and you can't put up roadblocks or let anyone else do that for you to prevent you from exploring the possibilities with a person with whom it just feels right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 5:19 PM GMT
    To the OP

    Why don't you come back and give us an update in 6 months time
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 7:27 PM GMT
    As long as you're happy, who cares about the others.

    Do you have any 20 year old friends for me???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2009 7:50 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    For me, it's all about the chemistry and the emotional, intellectual, and physical connection all blended together. The couple could both be born on the very same day and if they don't have the right chemistry, they have nothing. When the chemistry works, it just works, and you can't put up roadblocks or let anyone else do that for you to prevent you from exploring the possibilities with a person with whom it just feels right.


    I agree with this. My only caution is to the OP, who is only 20. There could indeed be a roadblock in your relationship, and it doesn't have to do with the large age difference. It has to do with the fact that you are very young.

    Despite what you say about being mature, it's rare to find a 20 y.o. who doesn't claim to be so. In reality, many 20 y.o. somethings really don't know what they want, and do not think through things, even though they think they know and do. The biggest risk is for your boyfriend or partner. He's definitely ready to commit, probably, and when he says he's in it for the duration, he most probably is.

    You can be the exception, though, and I wish you two the best of luck.

    John