THE "GRASS IS GREENER SYNDROME"

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 07, 2007 4:05 PM GMT
    The "Grass is Greener"... how many of you have seen cows or horses chewing grass through a fence while they ignore the green (sometimes better) grass on their own side of the fence??

    I've had a couple of experiences over the last few weeks and I've coined it the "Grass is Greener" syndrome.

    One... a single gay man in Wichita who I know got half mad at me after relating his frustration about finding a decent man to date. He proceeded to tell me how I "wouldn't understand" and how lucky I am regarding looks, etc, etc and the fact I have a bf.

    Two..I actually had a strange argument last weekend with a younger professional gay man (and I don't have arguments very often) regarding actions taken in a mutual organization we both hold Board membership.
    I was later told by the President: I think he has issues with you, not the reverse. I think its all about the way he sees you and really wants to be like you.... I thought this was really kind of ridiculous.. this younger guy is very educated, cute, good job and very talented/accomplished... but does have a complex about some issues at times.

    Why can't people see their own strengths instead of focusing on those others seem to have and development resentments based on their perceptions?

    What are your thoughts/ and or your own experiences with this.. and I realize it really isn't a gay issue at all.
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    Dec 07, 2007 4:40 PM GMT
    we always want more and what we cant have. Its just how it is. sometimes we want what we cant have because it reminds us of a moment in time when we had all that we wanted and are just now trying to get back to that. Its better to live and enjoy what you have because you'll only end up missing what you have now when you finally realize just how great you had it.
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    Dec 07, 2007 4:56 PM GMT
    I think it is because people know themselves better ...duh! So they can see ...and more importantly... feel their weaknesses. But when looking at someone else, they may only see that person in the situations of his strength. Therefore, the other person looks so much better.
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    Dec 07, 2007 7:21 PM GMT
    What these people fail to realize is:

    For you to have arrived at a place where you not only love the person that you are, but you also like who you are. They have no idea the "Blood Sweat and plenty of tears that you may have shead to get there.

    They are looking at you from the "outside In"!
    They are only seeing what they cosider to be the finished product and from their perspective the packaging is pretty good..

    Since they have not done the work on themeselves, they resent and often "HATE ON THOSE", that have done the work.

    What they also fail to see is, no one comes into this world perfect, NO ONE! We are all and we will always be a work in progress.

    I'm sure that he may have also encountered guys hating on him because of external presentation and how he looks on paper and may have served him with a large cup of ATTITUDE!

    People will think what they think and they will often make comments about you base on little or no information other then an external vibe.

    There's nothing that you can do or about that nor should you. Just do you!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 07, 2007 11:49 PM GMT
    I think that this may be more of a gay issue than mainstream issue for a couple reasons. First, gay men (in my personal experience and observations) tend to over achieve, take care of themselves better (than their straight counterparts) and work harder to achieve perfection or the perceived ideal. I think the reason for this is obvious; gay men are not accepted as "normal" or adequate in society. Yes, many advances have been made but the reality is that homosexuals are not mainstream.

    The second element to this would be how gay men behave in their relationships. I don't mean to stereotype but I will generalize on this one. I believe that many gay men (the un-self-realized ones anyway) pick partners, boyfriends or hookups based on traits that those people possess that they feel they are personally lacking. I don't believe this is a conscious decision but very much a factor. Because of what I said in the first example, gay men are hyper-sensitive to their own perceived shortcomings. In relationships, this proves to be a problem when they realize that whatever it was that drew them to their partner was not strong enough to keep them together...it all boils down to the simple truth that you must love yourself or at least be content with who you are to be successful in a relationship and not fall victim to the "grass is greener syndrome".

    It is likely that the young professional guy saw something in you that he felt he was lacking. It amazes me sometimes how gay guys who appear to have it all tend to not be happy, satisfied or content. They often always want more or find ways to down themselves. I think this may explain why many gay men go through partners so rapidly, accept open relationships more readily, always need the latest greatest fashions, etc, etc, etc....

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 08, 2007 12:53 AM GMT
    It's part of being human HK...
    we always want more
    It's good to be able to strive for things and have ambition
    but it becomes a problem when it turns into something all consuming
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    Dec 08, 2007 1:12 AM GMT
    I think GQ summed it up really nicely. Many people strive for more than they can accomplish and this manifests itself in negative ways sometimes, such as jealousy at another person's success. I hate to admit it, but I can be a very jealous person. To date, that emotion has done nothing but cause me suffering.
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    Dec 08, 2007 3:24 PM GMT
    Its's not a case of the grass being greener, it just Jelousy...Jelous people should get over themselfs and grow up.
    I've been Jelous in the past and I find the easiest way to get over it is to openly admit it, people usually tell you your being stupid and they allways have good reasons to back it up....afterall everyone is different and we all have things to be Jelous of.
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    Dec 09, 2007 8:40 PM GMT
    Navy said it best for me. I actually used look more at guys that had what I wanted but now its different. I want a guy more like me. I think thats why im crazy about this guy ive been talking to for 2 years now. Nothing offical yet but slowly working its way there. id have it no other way.