Concern with dating an older guy..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2009 8:22 PM GMT
    So i met this amazing guy the other day, we both completely hit it off and felt a connection instantly (more then just sexual attraction). He's gorgeous, successful and one of the nicest people I've ever met.
    Here's where I got thrown off a bit, from his looks, I would have guessed he was maybe 24-25. He is actually 35. I'm 19.
    I really want to give it a shot and try to make it work but I do worry a bit about the age difference...can anyone shed some light on this?
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    Aug 31, 2009 8:24 PM GMT
    I am in the exact same situation right now... only I'm 18 and he's 32.
    I guess you simply have to let things be... don't pressure it, if you are both ok with the age difference, it will show. So just act like you don't mind him being older, be yourself and let's hope you two are good for each other icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 31, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    What is your concern?

    The relationships can go wrong for a million different reasons, and none of them related to age. If you have things in common, if you enjoy each other's company, if you both respect each other, what is the big deal?

    Besides, I would much rather get into bed with an experienced 35 year old than flop around with a newbie 19. You could learn quite a bit.
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    Aug 31, 2009 8:29 PM GMT
    While May/December relationships can be a bit more challenging than most, keep in mind that these will require a bit more communication and self assurance to go forward. I think you have a great shot at a successful relationship since there is more than a sexual attraction. Best of luck to you and remember to communicate with him.
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    Aug 31, 2009 11:39 PM GMT
    if theres a connection between the two of you age shouldn't get in the way unless you let it.
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Sep 01, 2009 5:28 AM GMT
    Well to be honest I don't think it is great. You (younger person) are going to grow and change (though you can't see it yet) and the older person will also change...but not as much as you are going to change....


    But it makes no difference. With feelings of infatuation and love....there's no stopping the heart....so enjoy the ride icon_smile.gif
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Sep 01, 2009 5:32 AM GMT
    If it works for the two of you -- you have a connection, you have things in common, and you have affection for each other -- then go with it. If you're worried about what other people might think, to hell with them. You're gay, their are plenty of people out there who don't want to men together to begin with. You are both consenting adults. There's not enough love in the world as it is. If you guys are happy together, then that's all that matters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 5:39 AM GMT
    Follow your heart and do whatever you feel is right for you. When somethings right you know it and if this feels right for you I say give it a shot and see where it goes. Best of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 6:13 AM GMT
    It can actually be a great relationship BECAUSE of your age. More than likely, you'll learn a lot from him and you'll keep him young. It's a great trade off.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 6:31 AM GMT
    Yes.. don't get into any relationship.... cause you could change.. OMG SHOCK HORROR!!

    give it a go, if he's willing and your willing then have fun with it.
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    Sep 01, 2009 6:48 AM GMT

    Before the "holier than thou" crowd chimes in here (and you know they will), I'll just tell you this:

    Go for it. If you don't, you'll always wonder "what if?".

    If it doesn't work out, move on. You'll never know if you don't try. What if he's "the one"?

    I'm 42. The last 2 guys I dated were (in reverse order):

    20- we dated for 2 1/2 years
    22- we were together for 4 1/2 years. He's still my best friend.

    Good luck to you!icon_cool.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 01, 2009 6:58 AM GMT
    Love is where you find it.
    Enjoy it for as long as it lasts, whether it's for a year or 50 years.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Sep 01, 2009 7:23 AM GMT
    If the chemistry works, and he makes you feel good, then what is the problem? As Webster said, "Love is where you find it". Go for it, or you'll always wonder why you didn't.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 8:25 AM GMT
    I've actually only in the last couple years realized there's a lot of younger guys that like guys older than them even like double their age and I'm not minding it one bit ;) Love hot young guys that are fun, funny, cute, sexy, yet are mature and goal-oriented in their own dimension. Maturity and flaky knows no age men! I'm not entirely sure what it is that attracts young guys to older guys, maybe the experience thing, maybe some latent son-dad thing even lol. That said, I'm not personally into that other than perhaps some bedroom play but I'm not judging either.

    I do believe the significant age difference is one more challenge to a rel. than might otherwise be though. Like most the guys have said in here, I say go with it-- we don't really consciously 'pick' what we're attracted to and sometimes that changes. No different than you liking guys with dark hair or that are hairy or even the color blue or certain music genres-- it's how we're wired before we show up on this globe.

    Another semi-random thing that comes to mind is, what is it about many gay men who are easily in 40s and higher who lie, sometimes grossly, about their age? Who isn't obsessed a little with youth but come on, please. I'm like ok in general take a guy's online age if their in late 30s and up and add 10 to be real. I say be proud and use the real #. Most messages to that note in my profile are from people that think it's a funny commentary, or are guys in their 40s who like I am proud of their condition and being in their 40s and don't play that game.

    However, I did just get one really f****d up message on either here or mh from this 40s ish guy accusing me of having some sort of psychosis, bashing men in their (our) 40s while being obsessed with younger men. Huh? Ha! I wasted more than one email on that hot mess but it came down to "f*** off loser!" in the end.

    Discuss...
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 01, 2009 8:31 AM GMT

    hey, now. go on ... give it a shot. you will learn so much from him about life, love, pain, and the like. then again, that is just me.
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Sep 01, 2009 8:54 AM GMT
    Although I think you should do what suits you, when I was around your age I was involved with a 36 year old guy. I thought about it and then decided to walk away.

    And then I met the first great love of my life who was 21.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Sep 01, 2009 11:07 PM GMT
    Enjoy it for however long it lasts, when you look back on it and you will speak kindly of him and your experience together.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Sep 01, 2009 11:19 PM GMT
    If feelings are mutual,,than go for it..!!!!!!!!!!
    The older gentleman who's interested in me is very much in love, however i'm not in love with him....I like him but i dont love him....
    So, if you love him,go for it..!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    it can work....and as for the age difference....it shouldn't matter. Furthermore you said he looked like he was 24-25...and i took a look at your profile pics..you dont look 19 either so play along with what you have and build on it if everything is sincere between the two of you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2009 6:01 AM GMT
    Confused, why's age a problem?

    my BF's 10 years older'n me. So what?
  • joarky123

    Posts: 264

    Sep 02, 2009 6:09 AM GMT
    Cobalt saidConfused, why's age a problem?

    my BF's 10 years older'n me. So what?


    agreed...i love older men and women

    now...if only i could find me one....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2009 7:01 AM GMT
    Let the content of his character and the connection you share determine the parameters of your relationship, not socially prescribed ideals of what a successful relationship is "supposed" to look like.

    Real connections are hard to find, don't pass it up because it's not the package you thought it would be in. If it doesn't work out let it be for a *real* reason, not a perceived potential one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2009 7:09 AM GMT
    Ask yourself this: what kind of 35 year old wants to date a 19 year old? You're no doubt a great guy, but he's got 16 years on you. That's a lot of life experience. Some people like to say "age doesn't matter", but that's bull. It does matter. Can you have fun for a while? Sure. Can you enjoy each other's company? Sure. Is it going to work long-term? Very doubtful.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 02, 2009 7:10 AM GMT
    Cobalt saidConfused, why's age a problem?

    my BF's 10 years older'n me. So what?


    congrats!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2009 7:11 AM GMT
    My 2 cents is that no one's perfect or built to order. You're always going to have to let go of your ideals when someone you're compatible comes around. If you like him, date him.