What to do when one hits rock bottom?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    Guys, I'm going through this rough period of my life where absolutely nothing seems to be working out for me. It's like a jinx or something.

    I keep hitting a dead end in everything I try to do professionally, personally, you name it..

    I do need to start over but I don't think I can take another hit anymore. I've always been an upbeat person but lately I've been mildly depressed.

    Where do I start? How do I put a life back together FROM SCRATCH..?
    Should I establish some sort of an order? Job first then relationship, etc.. or should I just wait until a streak of good luck hits my way again..
    Am I looking at it from a wrong perspective?!
    Not really sure of an exact question for this.

    I hope there are some words of wisdom out there.

    P.S.- Has anyone been through this before? As in your life just enters some sort of gridlock which is very difficult to untangle?! The past couple of years for me have been really good but I lost it and I can't get it together now.. Sometimes I think that life is overcompensating on me now.. Freaky.



  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Sep 01, 2009 2:40 AM GMT
    You can start by getting on your knees and PRAYING.........
    If you need help all you gotta do is ask, it works for me..
    Come with an honest heart for he knows YOUR heart better than YOU do, afterall,,He made it........icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 2:52 AM GMT
    I know several people are struggling with the sluggish economy. Take things one step at a time. Ask yourself what you can do to improve your situation and control what you can. Tough to give suggestions based on such limited information. I do find, however, that people usually know what they need to do, but tend to make excuses for themselves - I am no exception to this.
    You might get more specific advice if you give more specific details about yourself: what field are you in etc.
    Hope the best for you as you figure things out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 3:00 AM GMT
    Like above, there is limited info for one to provide some good feedback.

    However, If I ever fund that my life goes astray, here is what I do.

    1. Make a list of my priorities. I am honest to myself about what is really important.

    2. Goals. What am I looking to do. What do I want to build in my life. What do I want in my life? Answer these questions as thoroughly as possible. (And keep in mind what has and has not worked for you before. That info is vital, so you can come up with new ideas and alternatives.)

    3. Establish a plan of action. What do I need to do to achieve the above?

    4. Do it.

    Written out like this, its looks easy. But this is going to take thought and consideration. If your serious about it, then you will get serious results. icon_smile.gif

    Hope this helps and I wish you the best.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 01, 2009 3:20 AM GMT
    Well let me say one good thing you are doing is to discuss it.
    Too many people don't... and it just festers, so you certainly did the right thing here.

    I'd evaluate the things that you have found satisfying in your life.. the things that made you feel good, that you found satisfaction and gave you direction.
    Start with the things you can easily control... i.e. the structure of how you live your life from day to day (i.e., cleanliness of your house or apt, your fitness pursuits, etc)... do those things and achieve some satisfaction.

    You mention, "personally and professionally".... but you don't mention if you lost your job or are just stuck in a place you don't like. Why must you "start over".... I find that a difficult term... don't start over, modify your
    approach now.

    If you get a chance, give us additional background. At any rate, my best wishes for your success... you have way too much on the ball to give up!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 01, 2009 3:26 AM GMT
    Read the book "what color is my parachute" It will help you analyze your strengths and you might find you're qualified or meant to do something you might not think you have the skill set for your dream job! Hang in there! Avoid negative personality types.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 01, 2009 4:58 AM GMT
    Don't pray for shit. I can't help it. I'm an atheist.

    Be proactive. Make something happen.

    Health-- See your doctor about the depression.
    Work-- Register with a temp agency.
    School-- Take some classes that will qualify you for a different line of work.
    Friends-- Have some laughs with your friends.
    Love-- Concentrate on all the above and it will find you.


  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Sep 01, 2009 5:05 AM GMT
    At a time when I felt pretty bad about myself I reflected on choices I made and said "Why did I do that?"
    "If I didn't do that, maybe I would have been in a better place..." etc.

    I did much better when I began to look at things that I had done in my life as experiences, not choices...



    I hope this helps some.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 10:27 AM GMT
    I honestly don't know how you would do this, but my only advice is that right now you need to look after yourself first and foremost. A relationship is the last thing you need.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 10:58 AM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidYou can start by getting on your knees and PRAYING.........
    If you need help all you gotta do is ask, it works for me..
    Come with an honest heart for he knows YOUR heart better than YOU do, afterall,,He made it........icon_idea.gif



    disclaimer: this will not solve all or most problems
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Sep 01, 2009 11:07 AM GMT
    First, know that you are not alone. The challenges you face have been faced by many on this site and throughout the world.
    Next, gay author Armested Maupin wrote that we rarely have a good job, a home we love, and a healthy relationship at the same time in our lives - so don't bite off more than you can chew - change one thing at a time and you can eventually prove Maupin wrong...
    In 2005 when I lost my job, ended my longest relationship, my cat dies the day after my dad passed, and my mom dies 47 days later, I thought my life was over. There was so much emotional pain in mylife at that moment. At first I pryed for strength, but I kept getting handed things that would make me stronger; now I pary for peace, inner and outer. It does help, no matter what form your god takes...
    Beyond parying (if that's your thing) seek professional help. I went on an antidepressant for about 6 months - and BOY did that help! I had the wherewithall to focus and dig myself out of the hole I was in.
    Best of luck bud-
    JC
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Sep 01, 2009 11:46 AM GMT
    go home if you can. It's a safe place and somewhere you aren't judged and can relax and get it back together. Kind of a square 1.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 11:49 AM GMT
    You can start by getting on your knees and praying. And while you're down there ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 12:21 PM GMT
    Tapper saidYou can start by getting on your knees and praying. And while you're down there ...




    Tapper you are well bad......................
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 01, 2009 12:38 PM GMT
    Tapper,

    Come on now ,men. How about saying something nice or not saying anything at all. That really rude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 1:56 PM GMT
    David96 saidGuys, I'm going through this rough period of my life where absolutely nothing seems to be working out for me. It's like a jinx or something.

    I keep hitting a dead end in everything I try to do professionally, personally, you name it..

    I do need to start over but I don't think I can take another hit anymore. I've always been an upbeat person but lately I've been mildly depressed.

    Where do I start? How do I put a life back together FROM SCRATCH..?
    Should I establish some sort of an order? Job first then relationship, etc.. or should I just wait until a streak of good luck hits my way again..
    Am I looking at it from a wrong perspective?!
    Not really sure of an exact question for this.

    I hope there are some words of wisdom out there.

    P.S.- Has anyone been through this before? As in your life just enters some sort of gridlock which is very difficult to untangle?! The past couple of years for me have been really good but I lost it and I can't get it together now.. Sometimes I think that life is overcompensating on me now.. Freaky.



    I've been there- And the only thing that I've found that worked was God

    As jgymnast said- start with praying. You would be amazed at what God can do. You would be amazed at how God can redeem the situation beyond what you could have ever imagined.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 2:52 PM GMT
    1. First do something every day that treats yourself, even if small. Ice cream, a little music timeout, a walk.
    2. Move your furniture around, it will change your perspective dramatically.
    3. Get out in the sun more.


    OK, now the biggies:

    1. Fake being happy until you are. Put a smile on your face, and think about something nice or something you appreciate (your health, etc). Positively vibrate toward the things you want. It will draw other people to you.

    2. Make a list of what you want. Not a list that says "a lot of money", but a list of things you want to see yourself doing, and places you want to be.

    3. Everything takes time. Avoid the negative energy. Negative energy draws negative energy to you.

    Don't become addicted to negative energy, which it can be sometimes. Get out of it as soon as you can.

    Smile!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    I've been there- And the only thing that I've found that worked was God

    As jgymnast said- start with praying. You would be amazed at what God can do. You would be amazed at how God can redeem the situation beyond what you could have ever imagined.


    Really? Praying Is all that one needs to do? You mean I didn't have to put myself in debt getting a college education. When I needed surgry and the resulting medical bills I didn't have to take time off school working full-time as a Waiter job so I could pay my medical bills? I didn't have to worry about what I would do for work once I finished college. I don't have to stress and budget each month how I will pay all my bills with limited resourses. Even with limited resourses I always paid my bills and have an excellent credit score. God would had took care of all those things for me - damn I must of been really stupid not to had ask before.
    God, please take care of all my troubles, so I don't have to be a responsible person and take contol of my own life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 4:48 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    phemt said
    God, please take care of all my troubles, so I don't have to be a responsible person and take contol of my own life.

    God said
    God helps those who help themselves.


    There, now God doesn't have to take responsibility either



    Just for reference Ben Franklin wrote "God helps those who help themsevles" in the Poor Richard's Almanac.

    Proverbs 28:26 " He who trusts in himself is a fool"

    Oh, Lord please forgive me for being a fool trusting in myself to budget and paying my bills on time.
  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Sep 01, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    Ask for help. I'm a very independent person but I realize that I have to when I hit absolute rock bottom. I get help to keep going.
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    Sep 01, 2009 5:26 PM GMT
    Go see a pro. Life is about perspective and realizing that most things change, or are changeable, given action.

    Here's what I'd like you to do, to get off the pity pot, and quit feeling sorry for yourself. Go ride the city bus. Your life is CAKE compared to the folks on the bus. After that, look at all the good things in life, get off your ass, and fix the bad things in your life. Take control; get your life back. Crying will do you NO GOOD.

    Don't indulge in false belief systems. You're in for a huge disappointment if you do. Instead, believe in yourself, and move forward.

    The wonderful thing about the past is that it's done; it's over with. You have the future to look forward to, and need to get going on it. Today, you see, is the first day of the rest of your life. Quit living in the past. It's done with.

    If an issue has a solution, get going on it; if it doesn't have a solution, don't worry about it.

    Make small goals, be patient, and things will change. You make take a step back one day, or a step forward, but, you just need to have a net gain as you go along.

    Understand, whining won't fix the issues. It may make you feel better for a few minutes, or give you a false sense of importance, but, the bottom line is you have to help yourself through life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 5:37 PM GMT
    I often ride the city bus icon_cry.gif

    David96: come ride the bus with me and you can look down on people like me.

    Thanks Chuckystud - now I also feel that my life sucks icon_wink.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 5:48 PM GMT
    chuckystud said
    Here's what I'd like you to do, to get off the pity pot, and quit feeling sorry for yourself. Go ride the city bus. Your life is CAKE compared to the folks on the bus. After that, look at all the good things in life, get off your ass, and fix the bad things in your life. Take control; get your life back. Crying will do you NO GOOD.

    .



    I have a feeling taking the Bus/Public Transit in Chicago and NYC is different compared to Lewisville? TX. Try visting one of these big cities and you will notice people of all types take public transportation.icon_wink.gif
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Sep 01, 2009 6:06 PM GMT
    Practically:

    1) Prioritize. Exactly what is giving you trouble in your life? Why is the current situation a problem? What is the root cause of it? What can you realistically do to make it better?

    2) Focus on yourself first. If your life feels out of control, you need to get yourself sorted out first before you add in a significant other. This is a time to be a little selfish, and do what's best for you before focusing on others.

    3) Look to the hierarchy of needs. Do you have a roof over your head and enough food that you aren't going to bed malnourished? If not, contact your local social services department, and they can direct you to resources for low income housing, food banks, etc. Do you have a medical condition that needs treatment? If yes, again your social services department should be able to refer you to a free clinic and/or assist you in applying for Medicaid.

    Once you have food, shelter, and basic medical care, you can look to other possibilities that may be causing you substantial difficulties. Depression affects a lot of people, and is not always diagnosed; if you are feeling lethargic or hopeless or apathetic it's possible that it's a chemical imbalance your doctor can help with. Alcohol is also a problem for many--individuals may think that it helps them escape, but it more often makes things worse.

    4) If you're hitting a dead end professionally, try to identify why it is. Are you in a profession that there's too much competition and luck plays a major role in success (eg, music)? Are you in one that you just kind of fell into but hate? Did you get into a profession for the money but find out that it's not necessarily there? Do you feel your career is a dead-end one which will not allow you to have the sort of life you want long-term? In these cases, you may well want to consider going back to school -- even part time at a community college -- to get specific training for another field which you would enjoy more and/or is more reliable, and meets whatever salary range you think is important for what you want in life. Is it that you don't feel fulfilled by your job? Many people don't, but look for fulfillment through other avenues, such as volunteer work. Finding a different outlet for your desire for meaning and fulfillment can take a lot of the pressure off of the job. If you have the education but are having difficulty finding employment, contact your college/university alumni resource center and ask for help on finding interviews in your field, aid in improving your resume or your interviewing skills, contacts from the alumni network who may know of openings in your field, etc.

    5) I just mentioned volunteer work, so I'll hit it again here; it can alleviate a lot of problems of modern life, so long as it's something you choose because you are interested in it. If you are feeling disconnected from family and friends, it will give you a group of other people to interact with who share at least some common interest, as they all chose to help feed the poor/spend time with the elderly/build a home through Habitat for Humanity/care for the animals at the human society shelter/teach adult literacy classes at the library/whatever. Projects like Habitat or cleaning up a section of a park or the like can also give you a direct accomplishment--you can look over your work and see the direct effect of the past few hours of your work.

    6) If you've got all that together, and think you have the energy and time to date but aren't getting anywhere, consider asking a trusted friend to give you an honest evaluation of why (s)he thinks you're having trouble -- and don't get angry or defensive about whatever you're told. If you can't or don't want to do that, make sure that you have hobbies and activities that you enjoy, and which you could conceivable talk about with others. These make you more interesting, a better conversationalist, and increase your confidence, all of which are attractive qualities. This also can tie into point 5 above; I know a man who took up gourmet cooking as a hobby because he was a lawyer working mostly in matrimonial law, and his cases took forever to resolve. With his cooking, he could spend a couple of hours and have something to show for it. Further, these hobbies will put you into contact with others with shared interests, always an important thing for dating. After all, the most important factor in dating is meeting potentially compatible people in the first place. As a guy in his 20s in NYC, virtually any hobby you can think of you can probably find a group into it, and quite possibly even a gay group into it.

    7) Whatever changes you want to make, formulate them as a step-by-step plan of things you can check off once they're done. Most people will find it far easier to make 100 small changes than one big one. Instead of "Today I'll clean the house", consider "Every day, I will clean up the mess I make that day. Today, I will also clean the refrigerator. Tomorrow, I will clean the counters. The next day, I will scrub the bath tub..." Sure, it may take you a few weeks to get the whole house clean, but you'll still get there. The same goes for any diet or exercise plan, for getting your financial health in order, whatever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2009 6:29 PM GMT

    Something I have seen work in many situations I call PEP:

    Plan
    Execute
    Patience

    Start by assessing where you are and then plan to get where you need to go.