Waiting to Have Sex

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    Sep 03, 2009 4:51 AM GMT
    I just had a wonderful 3rd date and the guy is special. There's been kissing and horsing around and hugging and laying on the bed with no shirts on but still the pants are on.....(but there's evidence of boners..lol).

    I want to wait before we have sex and get to know him better. I may decide not to have sex with him, but all signals say it will happily eventually happen. I sense we are on the same page.

    How long did you wait before you had sex with your man?

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    Sep 03, 2009 5:22 AM GMT
    We waited about two and a half months...............and it was Hell waiting! We were on opposite sides of the country - communicating by e-mail and phone. He was (and is) well worth waiting for, though. icon_cool.gif
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    Sep 03, 2009 7:04 AM GMT
    5 minutes.

    Procrastination is the thief of time.
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    Sep 03, 2009 8:20 AM GMT
    if you ring or answer the door naked next time those pesky pants wont hold you back
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 03, 2009 9:46 AM GMT
    If there is evidence of mutual boners?

    KP .... when swords are drawn the cavalry needs to charge icon_wink.gif

    On the whole .... if I'm interested in a guy more than just sexually I'll wait until the third date
    By then I've done all my due diligence
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    Sep 03, 2009 1:52 PM GMT



    ...we waited til about the 5th date...
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    Sep 03, 2009 2:06 PM GMT
    Waiting to have sex when you are being sexual is rather silly. You two have shirtless, frotting snog fests. That sounds like sexual activity to me even if you are both wearing denim condoms.

    You are trying to have your cake and fuck it too. There is a side of you that finds it dandy to lick his tonsils, and another side remaining chaste. That can be contradictory and confusing to your man unless you explicitly say "hey, we can do everything but skin on boner contact until the Xth date". Otherwise he could feel like you are just teasing him and are afraid to commit to an act you have already began.

    But, I wait until it feels right. Having sex with someone is getting to know them. Sure, sometimes I don't know what their favorite movie is when I fuck them, but afterward I begin to have an idea if we are sexually compatible. And that is far more important to a successful relationship than bits of trivia.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Sep 03, 2009 2:24 PM GMT
    That's great that you've had 3 great dates with a guy you're interested in. It sounds like the feelings are mutual, so I think you've done your due diligence. If you're both comfortable with it...I say your fourth date is in your bed! Perhaps some candlelight, wine and assorted (fill in the blank), and have a great time exploring and connecting on a more intimate level.
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    Sep 03, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
    My ex-partner and I met at an airport, had sex at my hotel the same day, and we were together for 3 and a half years. It all depends on how you "click". Even though we're officially separated, we still go out and sleep over at each others places quite regularly. You will know in your gut when its the right time.
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    Sep 03, 2009 2:44 PM GMT
    Well, I think about a month is enough.
    But if it happens, it happens... it's not such a big deal. icon_smile.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 03, 2009 3:37 PM GMT


    My ex- and I decided to wait months before sex. In the same tradition, I am and have been abstaining for about 3 years. I don't know, I like to trust the person with my mind before I can trust them with my body ... channing tatum being an exception, however; that man leaves me weak.
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    Sep 03, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    It depends on what my goal is ?
    If it's just sex ? We'll get right to it.
    But when it's about romance.
    I like to take my time. My rule
    of thumb is 3 dates. But honestly
    it really depends on chemistry
    and getting to know the guy.
    That can be more than 3 dates.
    So for me 3 dates is just a minimum
    when dating.
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    Sep 03, 2009 6:28 PM GMT
    Ugh, what are you waiting for? The heavens will surely not part with the passage of time or what you call "getting to know him better". If he's hard and you are too, why wait? Sorry, but I would give a guy a few dates and then I'd want to see him come.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 03, 2009 6:37 PM GMT
    getfitrick said

    My ex- and I decided to wait months before sex. In the same tradition, I am and have been abstaining for about 3 years. I don't know, I like to trust the person with my mind before I can trust them with my body ... channing tatum being an exception, however; that man leaves me weak.



    Patience is a virtue. I appreciate it when the other wants to or is willing to wait. There is a difference between having sex and making love. If you don't want to have "just sex" you have to wait until love matures.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 03, 2009 6:41 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    getfitrick said

    My ex- and I decided to wait months before sex. In the same tradition, I am and have been abstaining for about 3 years. I don't know, I like to trust the person with my mind before I can trust them with my body ... channing tatum being an exception, however; that man leaves me weak.



    Patience is a virtue. I appreciate it when the other wants to or is willing to wait. There is a difference between having sex and making love. If you don't want to have "just sex" you have to wait until love matures.


    Well-said. I'm not knocking anyone else for " getting theirs. " I actually find the stories that friends tell as to when and where they " made whoopie " to be hilarious.
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    Sep 03, 2009 6:44 PM GMT
    Jackal69 saidUgh, what are you waiting for? The heavens will surely not part with the passage of time or what you call "getting to know him better". If he's hard and you are too, why wait? Sorry, but I would give a guy a few dates and then I'd want to see him come.


    Well well, MrJackal, did you apply that rule to yourself? (inside joke here)

    Why waiting?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 03, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    getfitrick said
    Celticmusl said
    getfitrick said

    My ex- and I decided to wait months before sex. In the same tradition, I am and have been abstaining for about 3 years. I don't know, I like to trust the person with my mind before I can trust them with my body ... channing tatum being an exception, however; that man leaves me weak.



    Patience is a virtue. I appreciate it when the other wants to or is willing to wait. There is a difference between having sex and making love. If you don't want to have "just sex" you have to wait until love matures.


    Well-said. I'm not knocking anyone else for " getting theirs. " I actually find the stories that friends tell as to when and where they " made whoopie " to be hilarious.


    LOL, well I don't judge anyone too harshly. In my college days I didn't sit on the sidelines all that much. But I've moved on to different goals and aspirations and "just sex" doesn't do it for me anymore.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 03, 2009 7:02 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    getfitrick said
    Celticmusl said
    getfitrick said
    LOL, well I don't judge anyone too harshly. In my college days I didn't sit on the sidelines all that much. But I've moved on to different goals and aspirations and "just sex" doesn't do it for me anymore.



    THAT ... was very clever. Sometimes I feel like I'm experiencing One Hundred Years of Solitude because some are affronted with the way in which I've chosen to go about sex. I figure, it's what makes sense to me and it doesn't harm anyone else ... plus, I know I would get too attached if I did. Haha, I even get the occasional " dude, are you that religious? " ... even though I'm not a religious guy.
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    Sep 03, 2009 7:05 PM GMT
    I say you just go until it feels mutual for both. I love to wait if like someone too. I get shy if I like them. Usually a couple weeks or 3-5 dates, but really just go with the flow man. Enjoy whatever it is youre enjoying, whether its sexually or emotionally without sex now. But I Do kinda agree with the one response as to why get half undressed and grind cocks. Thats kinda teasing. Thats Im not a fan of. icon_evil.gif Hope it goes great for you man, best wishes!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 04, 2009 6:03 PM GMT
    How long you wait depends on a number of factors. If it's going to be a hookup, then obviously, don't wait at all. However, if you want to see if a relationship could develop, then you've got to honestly consider a few things.

    Often, guys who have great sex right off the bat (pun intended) will often justify myriad red flags because the physical component is so strong. Although incompatible physical intimacy can be a deal breaker, it must also be considered that compatibility in sex in no way guaranties' a relationship's success.

    If you spend time getting to know the man, you will be better able to accurately judge whether or not there's a match. You will also be less likely to think with your dick rather than your head.

    If you decide to have sex really soon because you think that it won't affect you, then most likely your either wrong (and you can look at your own history to see this) or your simply doing for reasons of insecurity or neediness.

    Because your not a kid in terms of maturity and experience, you probably have a pretty good idea of what you want and what to expect. But again, consider your own history.

    "Has this worked for you in the past in terms of successfully starting a good relationship?"

    I'm lucky that I was forced by circumstance to wait. It allowed me to see what a great man I've got.
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    Sep 04, 2009 7:06 PM GMT
    Thanks for the responses guys. A few things:

    Hot hookup sex is no problem for me (if I wanted it) and fortunately when I see a guy for that, I usually cinch the deal.

    As potential boyfriend material, I want to wait. As someone said, great sex can cause red flags to be missed and I'm getting to know him first.

    The "grinding of the cocks" thing was just to make sure there was chemistry in the sexual department, even though we both didn't want to go at it yet, its something to look forward too.

    Thanks again
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    Sep 04, 2009 7:23 PM GMT

    15 seconds. icon_eek.gif
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 04, 2009 9:35 PM GMT
    I take my shirt off as soon as the other guy saying yes. Why waste time on all this courting and get to know each other and playing hard to get. Hell, we can get to know each other after we have sex too. Sex is good. Once I bring a guy home after dinner. I start to put my hand on his crotch. He said no , we should wait but he will stay a night to get to know me better. I told him , please go home. I dont think I can trust myself with a hot looking guy sleeping next to me on my bed. He reluctantly leave after giving me a big hug and a dissappointed expression on his face.
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    Sep 04, 2009 9:36 PM GMT
    Sex at first sight baby! lol
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    Sep 05, 2009 1:46 AM GMT
    Randy (5 years) and I waited 6 months, actually I made him wait.

    Robert (7 years) and I waited about 8 monts-He asked me to wait until I met his parents.

    I don't do one nights stands in between relationships and have only had sex twice that turned out to be one nights stands (many years ago). So thus far, it has been about 11 years since I have been out on a date and 13 years since the end of the last relationship. No judgements from me. Sex just means a bit more to me than just a roll in the sack.