Discussion: background check

  • bottomline

    Posts: 331

    Sep 03, 2009 10:39 PM GMT
    Hay guys...
    I was going through sites to get hold of ppl who have not honored their checks with the store I work at. And i realized how easy it is to get a quick background check on ppl for a minimal fee. And the question arose: Is it fair to check the background of potential dates? if yes then should you request their consent?


    Edition: For all the guys out there that are all wide eyed. No i am not doing this, I am not planning to do it, but it is out there and is easily available. Do you think it is ethical. I have had ppl write to me on other blogs that they would do it.
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    Sep 03, 2009 10:58 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif

    that's all I have to say.
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    Sep 03, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    If you're seriously considering running a background check on a potential date, then you either a) don't trust the guy or b) you've got some weird control issues.
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    Sep 03, 2009 11:31 PM GMT
    bottomline saidHay guys...
    I was going through sites to get hold of ppl who have not honored their checks with the store I work at. And i realized how easy it is to get a quick background check on ppl for a minimal fee. And the question arose: Is it fair to check the background of potential dates? if yes then should you request their consent?


    Edition: For all the guys out there that are all wide eyed. No i am not doing this, I am not planning to do it, but it is out there and is easily available. Do you think it is ethical. I have had ppl write to me on other blogs that they would do it.


    I second that liltanker icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    Um, why not give the person the benefit of the doubt? And, if there is something they should discuss, why not give them the chance to do so?

  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 04, 2009 1:23 AM GMT

    Is it ethical ... ? you're not serious. (In terms of a date) A background check, for what ... to see what he normally orders for dinner? No. No background checks for me ... not for a date.

    if you feel as though you need to perform a background check on the guy, he's probably not one you should be going out with in the first place ...
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 04, 2009 1:28 AM GMT
    What about googling a guy you're going to date? You find out he was discharged from the police force for buying drugs. Not that that happened, often, I'm just saying.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:31 AM GMT
    bottomline saidHay guys...
    I was going through sites to get hold of ppl who have not honored their checks with the store I work at. And i realized how easy it is to get a quick background check on ppl for a minimal fee. And the question arose: Is it fair to check the background of potential dates? if yes then should you request their consent?


    Edition: For all the guys out there that are all wide eyed. No i am not doing this, I am not planning to do it, but it is out there and is easily available. Do you think it is ethical. I have had ppl write to me on other blogs that they would do it.


    Absolutely o.k. Do you think Warren Buffet goes after his investments without discovery? Of course not! Invest in yourself. Know as much about a potential business or life partner that you can!

    When you plan for success, you achieve it! Common Sense 101.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:57 AM GMT
    You'd be surprised how many people actually do that sort of thing just out of sheer boredom and curiosity.
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidYou'd be surprised how many people actually do that sort of thing just out of sheer boredom and curiosity.


    yes, Im actually surprised icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:04 AM GMT
    A background check for a date? You've got to be kidding. It would be suitable if the guy was asking you to invest in his new startup venture. For a simple date you should be able to rely on your ordinary people skills, unless your dating plan includes disclosing your pin #s and passwords.
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:04 AM GMT
    If we're talking about a blind date, I wouldn't give out the necessary info if asked, and I would never ask someone for their personal info. I'm not stupid, it's just as easy to steal someone's identity as it is to do a background check on them.

    I also suggest that if people have strangers over, they put all their personal stuff into a safe, and not leave stuff like bills lying around. People will nose through all kinds of crap given the chance.
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:14 AM GMT
    My ex is an auditor, and I'm thinking he would think this is a good idea. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 04, 2009 3:41 AM GMT
    A bf of mine did a background check on me during our first few weeks of dating. I didn't find out about it till later. I was furious! We temporarily broke up over the issue. A previous bf of his turned out to be an abusive controlling asshole - the guy even shoot at him. The guy had a history of violence which my ex would had realized if he did a background check; If he knew the guy's past he would had never had dated him. Eventhough I understood where my then bf was coming from it still annoyed me that he didn't discuss it with me before doing the background check.
    A while after I broke up with that bf, I went on a date with another guy and during the date he mentioned he does background checks on guys he dates - that was the last date he had with me!
    I think it is offensive to do a background check on someone you are dating. If you can not trust the guy you should either not date the person, or be upfront about your concerns.
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    Sep 04, 2009 3:44 AM GMT
    If you've been ripped off by folks you've trusted..mentally, physically, trust-wise, you become, as you become older.. a more prudent and cautious approach in your associations.

    In F500 parlance, it's called risk management.
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Sep 04, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    That's common if its job or business related.
    For a date though, that's neurosis!
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Sep 04, 2009 4:51 AM GMT
    I demand at least two pieces of government-issue photo ID and a doctor's note before I date any guy who doesn't show up on a Google search. It's just too suspicious!
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    Sep 04, 2009 5:31 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidIf you've been ripped off by folks you've trusted..mentally, physically, trust-wise, you become, as you become older.. a more prudent and cautious approach in your associations.


    Perhaps a more prudent course of action is to tread carefully when placing your trust in a person.

    People give off all the signals you need to know, climbers, lairs, cheats, they give off all the signals, if you pay attention to what they say, how they say and how there body behaves you can effectively eliminate those people.

    The problem is, most people are so focused on them self that those things are either ignored, immediately disregarded or not seen at all.
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    Sep 04, 2009 5:45 AM GMT
    I'd check someone only if I were getting serious about them, and they started throwing up red flags, like breaking dates with no explanation. I'd have to have some serious time invested in them, of course. If it were happening early in the relationship I'd just dump them and move on.
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    Sep 04, 2009 5:47 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidicon_eek.gif

    that's all I have to say.


    Ben, have I told you how much I like this picture?
  • bottomline

    Posts: 331

    Sep 04, 2009 7:54 AM GMT
    I think chuckystud has a point. A relationship is probably one of the most important investments you will ever make in your life time. Why should it be so shocking for us to not want to go along blindly.

    Or even if its not going to be a relationship, I dont want to have even a one night stand with a felon, or a child molestor. If you think its that uncommon then you live in a different part of the world than I do.


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    Sep 04, 2009 12:36 PM GMT

    I do not usually Google, much less run paid background checks on potential dates,boyfriends, etc. Flawed though it may be, I prefer to form my own judgement and opinions of people with whom I might want to become closer. I also believe that in general I can keep myself safe physically, emotionally, materially, etc by maintaining boundaries that I allow people to cross as I feel increasingly comfortable with them.

    I did run a Google search on one guy I was dating because he's a fairly high profile cancer researcher and I wanted to get a feel for his work,etc, not because I was establishing his bona fides.

    Not that this approach hasn't cost me: I met a really nice guy on Match.com a few years ago and we wound up in short order having a brief but intense and totally enjoyable few months together. I was then somewhat blind-sided when I heard from my ex-wife's lawyer that my friend was a convicted felon. At first I was pretty horrified because it led me to question my judgement and I was concerned that my wife would use the episode as a weapon in a custody battle.

    As the facts came out, the story was less menacing than sad. And rather confirmed by confidence in myself as a judge of character. My friend was a leader in the early push for Vermont's civil union law. His high profile made him a target for a small, but nasty group of homophobes, who repeatedly mad hair-raising threats, vandalized his property, etc. To make things worse, the local police were much less than sympathetic to my friend's repeated reports of the threats, etc. One night in a bout of anxiety and rage my friend torched his own car and claimed it had been done by the people who had been threatening him. Over the course of a few days inconsistencies emerged in his story and he ultimately plead guilty to arson and insurance fraud and was placed on probation. (He also voluntary had a good deal of intensive psychiatric treatment). Ultimately the civil union law passed. In fact, a few days ago Vermont added itself to the list of states that allow gay marriage.

    At the end of his probation my friend successfully petitioned the court to seal the record of his crime. That did not, however, get rid of the local news stories from the Google News archive etc.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:13 PM GMT
    God I'm glad I don't date anymore!
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    Sep 04, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    Ducky45 saidGod I'm glad I don't date anymore!


    I am in agreement with you on that. I've also given up on dating - just not worth all the trouble.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 04, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    I would not want to date someone that has done a background check on me before the first date. period. exclamation point.
  • mustangd

    Posts: 434

    Sep 04, 2009 4:12 PM GMT
    "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated..."

    when in doubt, i default to the u.s.constitution ( and its amendments ), a finely crafted document if ever there was one.

    i suppose in these days "unreasonable" has become a relative term. i tend to take it in its strictest sense, in that unless PROOF of a crime has been committed, ANY invasion of "the peoples" persons, houses, papers and effects is both unlawful and immoral.

    note to self, send this to george bush, dick cheney and anyone who feels they are above the law of the land.