Do closet cases still exist?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2009 12:29 PM GMT
    How common is it, at this late date, for men to still be in the closet? I'm talking about adult guys who face absolutely no personal or professional risk and thus have no rational basis for fear but who nonetheless choose to remain closeted at work and with friends and family.

    It's hard for me to believe people are still doing this and hard to understand why but it does seem like it still happens.

    In your experience, is it still a common phenomenon?
  • HndsmKansan

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    Sep 04, 2009 12:32 PM GMT
    I'm not sure why you posted this, because I think you already know the answer.

    There are men of every age that are in the closet or in the process of working through their sexuality. Its an individual journey. Some prefer not to acknowledge their sexuality and its their business. There will always be men like this... now or in the future.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:05 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI'm not sure why you posted this, because I think you already know the answer.

    There are men of every age that are in the closet or in the process of working through their sexuality. Its an individual journey. Some prefer not to acknowledge their sexuality and its their business. There will always be men like this... now or in the future.


    Yes, as is obvious from my post, I know that it exists. What I don't know, and am curious about, is how usual or unusual it is at this point. Am interested to hear people's opinions/experiences on that particular question.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:10 PM GMT
    Francisx, I think you would be the best person to tell us about why people remain in the closet. You never know if your going to face any negative feedback. I thought i would from my family and friends and I havent experianced any. My co-workers still dont know about me (well 1 does now). Im not afraid to tell them but its just my business that I chose not to share with them.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:11 PM GMT
    Do bears sleep in the woods?
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:13 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidDo bears sleep in the woods?


    only in the summer, when they can spoon with each other under the stars icon_biggrin.gif

    wooficon_twisted.gif
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:25 PM GMT
    sometimes im surprised when older men come out...other times, i'm surprised that they haven't yet come out...
    and, i love the bear in the woods comment! haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:29 PM GMT
    If the person is brought up in an open-minded, progressive family then closet cases aren't going to exist as frequently, this is becoming the case as more and more people are coming out and demonstrating we are not demons, devils, sodomites, etc... Kids grow up with uncles, aunts, bffs who are gay and it means nothing. That stops closest cases.

    But an equal proportion still grows up in an extremely heteronormative environment that perpetuates the straight agenda at the cost of any other type of lifestyle that Jesus, Allah, and God wouldn't approve of.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:32 PM GMT

    Pinny, you can add bigoted atheists to that list of the intolerant. We know of several. Yech.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:32 PM GMT
    Surfwarrior said
    SAHEM62896 saidDo bears sleep in the woods?


    only in the summer, when they can spoon with each other under the stars icon_biggrin.gif

    wooficon_twisted.gif


    name the time and place! icon_razz.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 04, 2009 1:35 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 saidDo bears sleep in the woods?




    No, the old saying is "Do bears have gay sex in the woods?"
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:42 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    SAHEM62896 saidDo bears sleep in the woods?




    No, the old saying is "Do bears have gay sex in the woods?"


    Six of one, half-dozen of the other.
  • Celticmusl

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    Sep 04, 2009 1:43 PM GMT
    What I don't get is not telling your family, especially when they seem ok with it. I know of several fellas my age or older that still is pretending he is straight or asexual when the family knows anyway. Having said that, my father who I was out to, still had this idea/fantasy until he passed away that I would marry a very close woman friend.

    This has happened two times in my life. I meet the perfect guy, we get along great, but there can never be an LTR because they can't tell their family. He would have a hard time explaining why he is moving to another state with a guy and living together, etc.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidFrancisx, I think you would be the best person to tell us about why people remain in the closet. You never know if your going to face any negative feedback. I thought i would from my family and friends and I havent experianced any. My co-workers still dont know about me (well 1 does now). Im not afraid to tell them but its just my business that I chose not to share with them.


    I think there's a misunderstanding here. I am most definitely not in the closet. Do you assume that just because I haven't posted a picture here?
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 04, 2009 1:44 PM GMT
    Me me..I live in a country where homosexuality is a criminal act. I have no choice but to remain in the closet.By law I can be prosecuted, give 20 stroke of canning and thrown in jail. Eventhough the law is hardly enforce but its still a law. I can only be an open gay men when I am out of the country and in internet (in Real Jock for example). Even here I dont dare to put my face picture in my profile.
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    Sep 04, 2009 1:50 PM GMT
    While it is hard to believe with so many guys coming out today, unfortunately, even with Coming Out day, there are more closeted dudes than there should be.

    Why this is, I really don't have any idea. Some guys can't come to terms with being gay, so they hide it. Those in powerful places and are in the closet, become our worst enemies.

    So the only way to get these kind of guys out of the closet, is to OUT them publicly.

    Other guys are awkward, live in small towns, and don't know any other gay men. These guys need our welcoming arms.

    The best way I know to get a guy to come out of the closet, is showing that it really is cool to be gay. A one on one will prove to him, to come out in his own terms. Once the crack in the door is exposed, we gay men have to show these guys that there are far more benefits like buddy bonding and loving relationships, being OUTand PROUD, than remaining in the closet.

  • Celticmusl

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    Sep 04, 2009 1:54 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said
    Celticmusl said
    SAHEM62896 saidDo bears sleep in the woods?




    No, the old saying is "Do bears have gay sex in the woods?"


    Six of one, half-dozen of the other.



    Wouldn't it be simpler to say "six of one, two ménage á trois"? Now I'm just being stupid.
  • Celticmusl

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    Sep 04, 2009 1:58 PM GMT
    francisx said
    gymguy1 saidFrancisx, I think you would be the best person to tell us about why people remain in the closet. You never know if your going to face any negative feedback. I thought i would from my family and friends and I havent experianced any. My co-workers still dont know about me (well 1 does now). Im not afraid to tell them but its just my business that I chose not to share with them.


    I think there's a misunderstanding here. I am most definitely not in the closet. Do you assume that just because I haven't posted a picture here?


    When someone has no photos in their profile I automatically assume they are hiding something. Could be a closet case, could be an old lady pretending to be a guy, etc.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 04, 2009 2:00 PM GMT
    What the hell is wrong with being in the closet?
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:04 PM GMT
    francisx said
    gymguy1 saidFrancisx, I think you would be the best person to tell us about why people remain in the closet. You never know if your going to face any negative feedback. I thought i would from my family and friends and I havent experianced any. My co-workers still dont know about me (well 1 does now). Im not afraid to tell them but its just my business that I chose not to share with them.


    I think there's a misunderstanding here. I am most definitely not in the closet. Do you assume that just because I haven't posted a picture here?


    You do appear to be hiding something, mate. As long as there is still a perceived stigma attached to "gay", there will always be closeted guys.
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:07 PM GMT
    zakariahzol saidWhat the hell is wrong with being in the closet?

    I think that the question was just whether or not they existed, not whether it was WRONG or not.
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said
    zakariahzol saidWhat the hell is wrong with being in the closet?

    I think that the question was just whether or not they existed, not whether it was WRONG or not.


    Not even whether or not they existed (I know they do) but how many of them exist at this point.
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:21 PM GMT
    Who the hell is counting?
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    Sep 04, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
    francisx said
    gymguy1 saidFrancisx, I think you would be the best person to tell us about why people remain in the closet. You never know if your going to face any negative feedback. I thought i would from my family and friends and I havent experianced any. My co-workers still dont know about me (well 1 does now). Im not afraid to tell them but its just my business that I chose not to share with them.


    I think there's a misunderstanding here. I am most definitely not in the closet. Do you assume that just because I haven't posted a picture here?


    Yes, since you haven't posted a picture, or filled our your profile and you're asking a question about how common it is for men to still be in the closet, it's a fair assumption for us to make that you're not out of the closet since you can't even come out on a gay site. Whether that's a correct or incorrect assumption is a whole other issue.

    With regard to your initial question, I think your question has a logical flaw in it. I think there are very few guys who face "absolutely no personal or professional risk" in coming out. That's the point. Many men do not know what the risk is. Or if the risk is low, their perception of the risk is still high, or as Hndsm says, they're just taking the time it takes to be comfortably out. When we have countries where homosexuality is illegal (see above), and small towns where homosexuality is still an oddity (I live in a town of 12,000 people - there is no way to meet gay guys here other than on the internet and I haven't found any here anyway), of course there will always be guys in various stages of coming out.

    I prefer the slightly different version of the bear question: "Do bears shit in the woods?" Of course they do, they're bears.

    You may not understand why it happens. I don't understand why you need to ask the question. Seems very out of touch with reality to me.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 04, 2009 2:26 PM GMT
    SAHEM62896 said
    zakariahzol saidWhat the hell is wrong with being in the closet?

    I think that the question was just whether or not they existed, not whether it was WRONG or not.



    Good point. This not a judgement call. I completely understand why some people chose or must be closeted(i.e. child custody issue, divorce case, work, etc).

    But don't get upset/confused when other folks automatically assume that your in the closet or hiding something when you don't have a profile picture. Because unless your amish(and you shouldn't be using a computer...shame on you!) then you should have a picture you could post, or your hiding something.