Horrifying midnight epiphany at the gay strip club

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    Dec 08, 2007 7:18 PM GMT
    OK, the title is a little bit over-the-top but has a nice faggy dramatic note, eh?

    So last night I dropped in to what is allegedly "the hottest" and "the gayest" club in the state. I found a place to watch on a riser beneath an air intake, where the cigarette smoke was slightly thinner. The dancers were cute enough, I suppose, and some of the bartenders were downright hot. But then I made the mistake of watching the crowd.

    Good grief, this was the homeliest bunch of losers that I could remember seeing together in one place! Everyone seemed to be obese, monkey-faced, a Frankenstinian drag queen, or all three. Everyone was sucking frantically on cigarette after cigarette. It appeared that the social outcasts from every school class of the last 20 years had been aged and collected in one room.

    It seemed obvious that these guys were gay because none of them had the slightest chance of ever making physical contact with a woman. They were drawn to each other out of desperation. Other guys who would place equally on the Kinsey scale, but were less repulsive, would probably be out with women. (That seems to be the way it works in the farm yard too.) And here was I, mixing right in...

    I fled in panic, and looked for a place to buy some nice rose-colored fashion eyeware.
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    Dec 08, 2007 7:50 PM GMT
    aha .. I get a "bitween the lines" message .. is that these guys weren't GOOD enough to be straight?? is getting a man easier than getting a woman? is that why ugly/stupid guys "choose" to be gay?

    beside that,come on .. you had all the hot strippers and bartenders right in front of your eyes but you chose to look and focus on these three .. why icon_confused.gif ?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 08, 2007 8:57 PM GMT
    Yeah...there are some str8 losers too you knowicon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 08, 2007 9:33 PM GMT
    why did i read this?? wtf!
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    Dec 08, 2007 9:38 PM GMT
    That is the dumbest post I have ever read in my life.

    And it's insulting to every gay man! I request that the Powers That Be on this site delete this thread.

    And I suggest to you, Mindgarden, that if you continue to have epiphanies like this, go seek professional help.
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    Dec 08, 2007 11:22 PM GMT
    you've only just realised that clubs are filled with guys desperately trying to make up for something they didn't have in their younger days / in denial and think they can party just as hard as a 18yo? nothing new there haha

    it's not like you to be don't be throwing stones matey
    u ain't one of them icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 09, 2007 4:06 AM GMT
    Lord, you boys need to lighten up. Mindgarden is making a joke.
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    Dec 09, 2007 4:20 AM GMT
    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gifLMAO icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Thanks - I needed that tonight.

    Guys he's playing with you...

    Now to go into a party I don't really want to attend.




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    Dec 09, 2007 4:39 AM GMT
    D to the itto to the O'Dub. Guys, chill out a little bit and have a laugh.

    MG,

    Hilarious! You didn't happen to see everyone's favorite Senatorial punching bag tap-tapping his foot in the crowd did you?

    I had a nice little chuckle sitting here at work; thanks for sharing!
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    Dec 09, 2007 4:42 AM GMT
    I think mind garten is trolling for compliments

    ::INSERT OBLIGATORY COMPLIMENT SUCH AS "NO MINDGARDEN YOU DID NOT FIT IN AT ALLL"
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:23 AM GMT
    No, I dont think this is a joke. Maybe arrogance pathétique...or maybe a lashing out at himself ...after all, he was there, too. Which could be an interesting insight into his self-appraisal concerning being gay because he cant get a woman. But this attitude towards being gay is revolting and insulting to me. As it should be to all gays. Either way, I would recommend a good long trip out of the boonies and back in with humanity.
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    Dec 09, 2007 7:05 AM GMT
    Oh come now Caslon, where is your sense of humor? Can we not laugh at ourselves and make fun once in a while?

    Gracious.
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    Dec 09, 2007 7:47 AM GMT
    The easy way is to pass this off as humor. But I really dont think so.
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    Dec 09, 2007 11:44 AM GMT
    LOL @ Mingarden!! You make me laugh, especially when you let the farm boy get all "faggy" on us.

    The last few times I was talked into going to a strip club I had the very same "epiphany": Aach, this place is full of losers!
    So what the fuck am *I* doing here?!?!
    On those occasions, just like in your recent experience, the only truly attractive men were the bartenders – the strippers were all hum-drum, and everyone else was freaking butt-ugly – even my companions suddenly became grotesque versions of themselves in that setting. It was very disturbing and I haven't been in quite some years now.

    LOL @ the guys that didn't latch on to Mindgarden's brand of humour. I think some of you were taking it far too personally.
    Trolling about at strip joints doesn't automatically make you a paunchy, monkey-faced loser – just more likely to be one. :-D
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    Dec 09, 2007 12:20 PM GMT
    The first time I took one of my best straight friends into a bar (George's Truck Stop & Drag Bar - Memphis, TN - MANY years ago) he looked around in amazement.

    "What is it?" I asked.

    "These guys aren't ugly." he said.

    "Why would you expect them to be ugly?" I said.

    "I always figured the reason guys were gay is because they were too ugly to attract women."

    Needless to say, in the intervening 30 (oh hell, it HAS been that long...) years he's been re-educated.

    - J.
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    Dec 09, 2007 3:19 PM GMT
    There is nothing funny about this thread. It's rude and offensive.

    Not to mention hurtful. To guys who do hang out in strip-bars!

    MG- How would you like it if someone rated you

    OMG!
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    Dec 09, 2007 5:11 PM GMT
    Well, I have never been to a strip bar so maybe I miss the joke. Also,maybe that is why it strikes me as cruel, arrogant, and dismissive.

    Plus I have seen other postings by MG that struck me that way. So my interpretation didnt seem out of place to me.

    But the reference to not being able to get a woman so they are gay is totally confusing to me ...and particularly insulting.

    ...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:17 PM GMT
    LOL – Its even FUNNIER after the third reading!

    This scenario, with the patrons that Mindgarden described so vividly, took place at "allegedly "the hottest" and "the gayest" club in the state". How disappointing for him! I hope that he didn't have to drive a couple of hours to get there!!!

    And who hasn't looked on in horror or surpressed the urge to bust a gut at the sight of a "Frankenstinian drag queen"? You know the ones, those middle-aged newbie trannies that have all the style and matronly grace of a Mrs. Doubtfire and are forever ...
    [*bites lower lip*]

    Calson and Ducky, c'mon! Haven't you ever gone out and, for whatever reason, found something or everything so tawdry that it soured your mood? I sure have on many occasions and it's usually when I've stepped out on my own.
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:18 PM GMT
    I believe there is at least an ounce of truth in this story. I remember reading a story where some allegedly gay guys (they happened to be bear types) talked about how constant rejection brought them to seek company and attraction in each other.

    Now I'm definitely NOT saying ALL gay guys are like this (and I certainly don't think mindgarden is either and certainly not the guys who come on this site ... in fact, he italicizes the fact this is something he saw in these guys). If you read carefully again, in a less reactive way (and certainly when you're not as incensed), you'll see he's really not making any claims at all (even though this topic is titled "epiphany").
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:46 PM GMT
    Going clubbing can be a hit-or-miss experience. In the Cleve, I've had unexpectedly amazing nights randomly but also some total disappointments. One particularly bad one was when a bunch of friends and I decided to go to a-certain-Cleveland nightclub's "Steam" night featuring "Hot Jocks onstage and in the shower". Not bloody likely! The strip show was *even worse* than the usual drag show! We were all well miffed!

    On the other hand, I ended up making out with a really hot guy from NY who was part of the travelling production of a musical. So that made up for it!

    Mindgarden: y'all need to drink a couple of Long Island Iced Teas next time. They turn this Tiger from a jungle cat into an *alley* cat. Or so they tell me.

    Caslon: I think the problem is that some of us are still stoopid enough to want to believe that the next time we go clubbing, we're gonna meet Jamie Bamber, Tom Cruise, Matt Damon and the whole menagerie of Corbin Fisher models in one go. It never happens; you should in any case never go to such places sober. They tend to be soul-destroying.
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:55 PM GMT
    Wow, tickled a raw nerve there, it would seem. Isn't making any kind of observation about another person rather arrogant?

    Anyway, I still think it would be hilarious (though rather cruel) to juxtapose a video of that place with a clip of a typical Hollywood rendition of a gay club.
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    Dec 09, 2007 7:18 PM GMT
    i don't even know what to say. I laughed at first because Ive been in a situationl like that before and ran out in complete horror laughing my ass of the whole way thinking why the hell did I let them talk me in to being here? Really... asshats!Actually happened when my friends talked me in to going to a gay bar in Mexico. Oh god the doorman! Oh no that outfit... good God! lets just say crack can kill!

    As for the guys not being able to get the women... eh I figured it was a joke but honestly I know some dirty girls down here in the south that... that is all they hit up. Its like YEAH i LIKE MY MEN MANLY YEAH! uh... no... sorry. A gay guy is a gay guy period. Im sure any guy could end up with whatever he sought but trust me if that was there issue then they should see me. I would be doing the women I know a great service. hah!icon_twisted.gif
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    Dec 09, 2007 7:41 PM GMT
    Years ago, I got dragged to a "live sex show" near Times Square. My host promised me it would be the hottest thing I'd ever seen.

    It was just two hideous men fucking on a vinyl ottoman. The most notable thing about them was their filthy feet. The SPARSE audience was dead silent -- there was no music -- although you could hear the vigorous stroking of a penis here and there, usually beneath a raincoat, while the boys grunted on stage.

    I started to get tickled at the whole scene and when the onstage fuckers fell off the ottoman, I burst into hyena-style laughter and couldn't stop. I ran to the restroom to recover where I was confronted by an ancient man sitting on a toilet pointing at his mouth, which he opened and closed like a hungry baby bird.

    I went back to my seat and started laughing again a few minutes later. Finally, the manager came and asked us to leave and refunded our money.
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    Dec 09, 2007 7:42 PM GMT
    Just say no to drunk/hungover posting. ;-)
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    Dec 09, 2007 7:56 PM GMT
    Obscenewish, That's sounds like something I saw happen in Mexico at Boy's Town. Oh crap the things you read and remember on a sunday morning. halarious!icon_twisted.gif