I kissed a str8 guy and he liked it! So what went wrong?

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    Sep 06, 2009 4:46 AM GMT
    Last night, I went out with my 3 buddies to a club. My friend Eddie brought this dude Eli along, he does that all the time, ( Bring str8 guys to gay clubs, he is an idiot,LOL. His ultimate goal is to turn str8 guys gay.). He is str8 from what I heard and from Eddies description. Eddie went to high school with him and Eddie took the guy to the club with us. It was a gay club. Now Eli was uncomfortable the entire night, he didnt dance with anyone and was saying the entire time. Where am I ? and Why did Eddie bring me here." I saw that he was so uncomfortable so I felt bad and decided to keep him company and get him a drinks all night. Later that night, he kept asking me questions: " you dont look gay , why are you here.? " "He told me that he has never been with a guy and that this was so weird to him" I dont know what took me but I decided to ask him , If he would ever kiss a guy. He said no but after a few minutes pulled me close and said. : " I should try kissing you and see if I would like it" "I was so shocked that I spit my drink".. I mean the guy is hot and even if he was gay. I would have never known.

    My dumb ass said ok! lol. He said not here... and told me that he would follow me. I didnt know where I was going. My friends were looking like : " where are they going" . I didnt care. I just left and went by the pier. Now, it took a good 5 minutes to kiss him because he was acting all scared , but then he did.... We kissed for what was like forever....He had his hands in my pants and J/in me off. After a while, we left.


    The next day, Eddie called me telling me that Eli called him crying his eyes out and that he did something crazy with me and that he doesn't know what to do. He told him he was ashamed but saw me differently then any gay person thats why he did it. He felt comfortable kissing me but it was the alcohol and is afraid how he will go on from now on.

    Whats wrong with him? Is he for real? I cant really undo this and I feel bad for him because now he is an emotional wreck.
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    Sep 06, 2009 4:56 AM GMT
    Alcohol my ass!!!! I hate when people use that excuse!!

    I remember I got pretty hammered at a party one night and I still remembered that I liked men,where I'm from, my moms name,so on...



    He liked it and now is probably just confused at what he likes now.

    Did you try talking to him?
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    Sep 06, 2009 5:07 AM GMT
    If I understand your story correctly, your friend "ambushed" this straight guy by not telling him where he was being taken. In my book that was a violation of gay "ethics" to begin with. I've taken straight guys to gay places myself, but only when they asked me to. I never tricked or deceived a guy, or woman for that matter, about our destination.

    So already he was uncomfortable and off-balance, as you seemed to be describing him. And then he drinks a lot, maybe too much for him, everyone being different and how they react to alcohol, perhaps because he's nervous and trying to deal with his confusion.

    And during the resulting loss of inhibition he gets this half-drunk idea to "do as the Romans do when in Rome" and try a kiss with a guy. Afterwards he has a very typical next-morning reaction of panic, guilt & remorse. It sounds very real to me.

    What's done is done, and cannot be undone. If you do speak to him, and not sure you should take that initiative, communicate only through your friend Eddie, assuring him the secret is safe with you. That'll be important for him to hear, and tell Eddie to say, and actually do, the same thing regarding himself.

    If the guy is gay, bi or just curious, this was probably not the best way for him to take his first plunge into something gay. If he's really straight, this could be very traumatic for him. Not a lot you can do now, but I'd say in the future, if Eddie keeps doing these things, that you and your other friends not get involved with these guys.
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    Sep 06, 2009 5:09 AM GMT
    klassikjock said Last night, I went out with my 3 buddies to a club. My friend Eddie brought this dude Eli along, he does that all the time, ( Bring str8 guys to gay clubs, he is an idiot,LOL. His ultimate goal is to turn str8 guys gay.). He is str8 from what I heard and from Eddies description. Eddie went to high school with him and Eddie took the guy to the club with us. It was a gay club. Now Eli was uncomfortable the entire night, he didnt dance with anyone and was saying the entire time. Where am I ? and Why did Eddie bring me here." I saw that he was so uncomfortable so I felt bad and decided to keep him company and get him a drinks all night. Later that night, he kept asking me questions: " you dont look gay , why are you here.? " "He told me that he has never been with a guy and that this was so weird to him" I dont know what took me but I decided to ask him , If he would ever kiss a guy. He said no but after a few minutes pulled me close and said. : " I should try kissing you and see if I would like it" "I was so shocked that I spit my drink".. I mean the guy is hot and even if he was gay. I would have never known.

    My dumb ass said ok! lol. He said not here... and told me that he would follow me. I didnt know where I was going. My friends were looking like : " where are they going" . I didnt care. I just left and went by the pier. Now, it took a good 5 minutes to kiss him because he was acting all scared , but then he did.... We kissed for what was like forever....He had his hands in my pants and J/in me off. After a while, we left.

    What went wrong? He found out he's bi not str8. lol
    The next day, Eddie called me telling me that Eli called him crying his eyes out and that he did something crazy with me and that he doesn't know what to do. He told him he was ashamed but saw me differently then any gay person thats why he did it. He felt comfortable kissing me but it was the alcohol and is afraid how he will go on from now on.

    Whats wrong with him? Is he for real? I cant really undo this and I feel bad for him because now he is an emotional wreck.
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    Sep 06, 2009 5:20 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidIf I understand your story correctly, your friend "ambushed" this straight guy by not telling him where he was being taken. In my book that was a violation of gay "ethics" to begin with. I've taken straight guys to gay places myself, but only when they asked me to. I never tricked or deceived a guy, or woman for that matter, about our destination.

    So already he was uncomfortable and off-balance, as you seemed to be describing him. And then he drinks a lot, maybe too much for him, everyone being different and how they react to alcohol, perhaps because he's nervous and trying to deal with his confusion.

    And during the resulting loss of inhibition he gets this half-drunk idea to "do as the Romans do when in Rome" and try a kiss with a guy. Afterwards he has a very typical next-morning reaction of panic, guilt & remorse. It sounds very real to me.

    What's done is done, and cannot be undone. If you do speak to him, and not sure you should take that initiative, communicate only through your friend Eddie, assuring him the secret is safe with you. That'll be important for him to hear, and tell Eddie to say, and actually do, the same thing regarding himself.

    If the guy is gay, bi or just curious, this was probably not the best way for him to take his first plunge into something gay. If he's really straight, this could be very traumatic for him. Not a lot you can do now, but I'd say in the future, if Eddie keeps doing these things, that you and your other friends not get involved with these guys.



    Eddie truly feels that its his calling.LOL to resolve all str8 guys confusions. We have told him that this can be dangerous but he never listens. He has gotten lucky 60 % of the time, so those outcomes give him a weird confidence, I guess because we relate to str8 guys because we are str8 acting. Guys always want to talk to us at the gym and do guys stuff. I guess its because we are nice guys.
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    Sep 06, 2009 5:24 AM GMT
    oh goodness. theres gonna be that day when he pulls in the wrong str8 guy icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 06, 2009 5:37 AM GMT
    klassikjock saidEddie truly feels that its his calling.LOL to resolve all str8 guys confusions. We have told him that this can be dangerous but he never listens. He has gotten lucky 60 % of the time, so those outcomes give him a weird confidence, I guess because we relate to str8 guys because we are str8 acting. Guys always want to talk to us at the gym and do guys stuff. I guess its because we are nice guys.

    You might tell Eddie that a 60% success rate is not very impressive. That means 40% of these guys have a fucked-up experience, which certainly doesn't do the reputations of the rest of us gays much good. And here I try to convince straights that the stereotype of us as predatory recruiters is untrue, or at least greatly exaggerated, and your Eddie is busy doing this.

    Eddie sounds very immature and self-centered, if he can play these games for his own amusement and gratification, and not appreciate the potential harm he's doing to some of his straight "victims" and the damage to the gay community overall. You'd be doing everyone a great service if you could get him to stop, and certainly not aid & abet him yourself in any way.
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    Sep 06, 2009 6:26 AM GMT
    You get yourself into some really awkward situations, don't you. Leave it alone, you cannot do anything about it. This Eddie guy entrapped the guy, you fed him drinks and allowed things to go too far. You did more than your share.

    The thing with this Eddie guy attempting to "resolve straight guys' confusion" sounds very high schoolish. Hang out with your friends who have sense because that guy's eventually going to cross the wrong guy and you won't want to be a part of that.
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    Sep 06, 2009 12:47 PM GMT
    LOL!

    Man who the hell could kiss you and cry anything other than tears of joy after words?!? I'm just saying you're very attractive.

    If anything he used a little bit of that good ol' liquid courage as an excuse to do to you what he wanted to do from the very moment he met you in the first place!

    Its a shame that he can't except the fact that he may be what he very well knows he may be.

    I do agree that your other friend may have some predator tendacies, but I'm a firm believer that you can't get a "straight" guy to do anything they don't wanna do even if they do convince themselves to be an emotional wreck afterwards.

    Lets just face it, the very reason he was there with your friend was out of some latent curiousity. Perhaps it scares him to have actually taken the first step to physically act that out.

    Perhaps he's afraid that should he start liking guys, all the girlfriends he has will accuse him of lying to them. Maybe many of his friends will respond differently to them.

    But either way you shouldn't feel any guilt at all. He felt comfortable with you, he acted on an impulse, now he feels like a big dirty queer. He'll get over it, and chances are someday whether it be a week or 5 years, perhaps even at age 35 while married with children, he'll get the urge to kiss a guy again.
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    Sep 06, 2009 1:24 PM GMT
    This type of stuff is a disaster in the making, and as Runninchlt wrote, very high-schoolish. You guys are approaching 30?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 06, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    perhaps because i have lived my entire life here in new orleans, where the "line" between "gay" and "str8" lifestyles often blur easily; i don't see how a drunken kiss is considered that big of a deal?

    even before i figured out my own sexuality; i often went to the gay end of burbon street with my str8 friends to dance, people watch, sometimes more... drunken same sex kissing is not considered a life altering issue here... icon_lol.gif

    off topic, southern decadence is goin' on here in new orleans. often called the "gay mardi gras", the world famous french quarter (and ajoining areas of town) are full of out of town men. i often wondered how many of these guys are "gay" only during their time in new orleans.......
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2009 2:56 PM GMT
    Are you researching this rnch? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2009 3:36 PM GMT
    You answered your own question. He is a str8 guy. You can't turn a str8 guy gay anymore than turning a gay guy str8.
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    Sep 06, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    According to a survey:
    80% of gay men believe that it's genetics that causes them to be gay.
    15% believe it to be environmental.
    The rest said they got sucked into it....
    icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2009 3:44 PM GMT
    Straight men, by definition, don't make out with other men. If they do, they are not straight.

    Seriously, how many of these threads are necessary in a week's time?
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    Sep 06, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    rnch saidperhaps because i have lived my entire life here in new orleans, where the "line" between "gay" and "str8" lifestyles often blur easily; i don't see how a drunken kiss is considered that big of a deal?
    Agreed. I'd be thinking the OP would be more focused on the client who blew him at work rather than this. icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 06, 2009 4:07 PM GMT
    dfrw saidAre you researching this rnch? icon_biggrin.gif
    nahhhh....just a lifetime of being a "people watcher"... icon_lol.gif
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Sep 06, 2009 4:22 PM GMT
    kscott6671 saidYou answered your own question. He is a str8 guy. You can't turn a str8 guy gay anymore than turning a gay guy str8.


    EXACLTY!! sounds like this guy might be a little sexually confused deep down though
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    Sep 06, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    Your friend preys on straight men. He is a douchebag. You should know better than to hang out with people like that.
  • 2theTEE

    Posts: 637

    Sep 06, 2009 4:37 PM GMT
    klassikjock saidHe had his hands in my pants and J/in me off. After a while, we left.


    Ummm yeah...that's a pretty gay thing to do, whether liquored up or not. Most likely bi or an "in the making" late bloomer gay guy. Just give him time to figure things out.
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    Sep 06, 2009 4:42 PM GMT
    You are all victims of an unreasonable categorization of people into [straight] and [gay]. Kissing---or even fucking---a man doesn't make you [gay], nor does kissing a girl make you [straight]. You should tell this guy that exploring situations outside his comfort zone is fine and in no way changes who he is, because he can be anything he wants to be. If you are bold, you will give him an understanding of gender and sexuality that will free him from these boxes and empower him.

    As to your friend, a sharp warning: the goal of liberationist project is to demolish every one of these boxes and fetters that confine people. But they can only be shattered via empowerment and education. This escapade has left a person lacking the language to assimilate a (drunken) new-found understanding of freedom and confinement, and because he lacks this context and support what alternative does he have but to cry? That is a most human response it seems to me. What your friend did seems to me to be neither empowering nor liberating... and therefore lacks compassion.

    I think it is worth extending your compassion to this man because society is so unkind to such people.
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    Sep 06, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    I'm not into labels and boxing people into categories subjecting them to my personal definition. Your friend is willing to fuck up a friendship to get his dick wet is an ASSHOLE! Have you tried contacting this guy and handling this like an adult?
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Sep 06, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said According to a survey:
    80% of gay men believe that it's genetics that causes them to be gay.
    15% believe it to be environmental.
    The rest said they got sucked into it....
    icon_cool.gif
    lmao
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2009 8:25 PM GMT
    Where are the damn free toasters?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2009 9:24 PM GMT
    Well... you know what they say... no straight man is 100% straight... that don't make them gay...