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Gay frat brothers

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:11 AM GMT
    Hey dudes I just had this run through my head. I'm just figuring out how hard it is to find a gay frat guy. I'm in a frat and i have to be very dl round them cuz I mean my frat is my life here at college its fucking awesome. But I join these sites looking for someone in the same boat as me and yea just hoping that one other frat guy is on here from my school. That hasnt happened yet and instead of using craigslist or a4a which never work i was seeing if anyone wanted to start a gay frat guy chat here or make some sort of site cuz if you're in my boat you know how hard it is to find a masc, frat/athlete, who can hang round ur friends and brothers and nobody would ever suspect that your gay. Just respond with whatever ya'll got
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:16 AM GMT
    Do I understand this correctly: you pay to belong to a group inwhich you need to act differently around (i.e., are not able to be yourself)?
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:23 AM GMT
    nah i mean im really masc to start out with and im extremly into sports so a frat is perfect for me plus parties beer and sometimes the occasional chick is fun, but i mean i can't come out a say you know what im gay cuz it will just alienate me and shit and i mean it sucks cuz i dont want to date a chick and i really want to find another frat guy but it seems like it isnt possible to meet one
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:26 AM GMT
    im sure there are tons of guys in your situation. Just don't confine yourself to frat guys but just anyone your age who is in to sports etc. Don't let your brothers dictate your life too much and you never know... they might not care. One of my best friends who is conservative and into sports etc did not care. He's was completely fine with it from right off the bat. He isn't the frat type though (parties etc...) just a sports maniac.
  • Halfstep Posts: 859
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 12:59 PM GMT
    There are tons of guys in the same situation as you.

    Just like in the army, we're loaded with gays and bi people. But honestly I don't even bother trying to figure who's what. You get the occasional muscle stud that likes to stare at your junk in shower after Physical training. Or the femm guy who roles his eyes and talks with a limp rist. I don't want it.

    To most people living a DL life it seems so much easier to maintain their secrecy by only dating/ hanging out with other DL people. Only issue is, how the hell do you find each other?

    You're much better off like finding a guy thats not in a frat. Because especially if you find one in your own, that be playing way too close to home don't you think?

    Either way I wish you luck.
  • coolarmydude Posts: 8843
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 1:03 PM GMT
    sportfrat saidnah i mean im really masc to start out with and im extremly into sports so a frat is perfect for me plus parties beer and sometimes the occasional chick is fun, but i mean i can't come out a say you know what im gay cuz it will just alienate me and shit and i mean it sucks cuz i dont want to date a chick and i really want to find another frat guy but it seems like it isnt possible to meet one



    Why don't you stand up and dispel the stereotypes that already keep you in the closet? You're likely to be surprised at the positive support you're going to receive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 1:10 PM GMT
    I think you're gonna have a hard time finding a closeted masc guy like yourself. A closet isn't big enough to house a really masc guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 1:23 PM GMT
    Please say that you are in a fraternity not a frat. "Frat" is a pejorative adjective mainly used by non-Greeks to stereotype Greek activities, life, and behavior. It is Fraternity not frat you don't call your country a cunt.

    As for your question, there is absolutely a ginormous thread about Greeks in "All things gay" where we all just list out affiliation and that is it. We also fend off the baddies who just come in there to say "LOL YOU BOUGHT YOUR FRIENDS".
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 1:27 PM GMT
    You only say that 'cause you're at UIUC icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 2:23 PM GMT
    Oh wow you go to UCF.
    I applied there, got accepted, but chose FSU because of the med school here. icon_sad.gif

    I know UCF has one too, but it isn't very well known.
    I've got quite a few friends at UCF though, but they're all straight friends of mine from high school.
  • referee Posts: 2
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 2:32 PM GMT
    Way back in the 70s, had one brother that was "out" to most of the house. I wasn't. He was way cruel teasing his roomy, to cover to the rest. Was difficult to keep things under wraps. But, Sportfrat, it is possible to find other guys --- was easiest for me to find them at the inter-mural team events. Hang in -- not everyone can be a trail blazer, some of us just are too conformist to buck the system, but will work from within to get understanding. Were your letters with pride --- there is more than one side to all of us. (And someone as handsome as you should have no problems finding guys anywhere!)
  • calibro Posts: 8888
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:17 PM GMT
    Pinny saidPlease say that you are in a fraternity not a frat. "Frat" is a pejorative adjective mainly used by non-Greeks to stereotype Greek activities, life, and behavior. It is Fraternity not frat you don't call your country a cunt.

    As for your question, there is absolutely a ginormous thread about Greeks in "All things gay" where we all just list out affiliation and that is it. We also fend off the baddies who just come in there to say "LOL YOU BOUGHT YOUR FRIENDS".


    Thanks so much for saying that... you don't happen to be a Pikapp? Anyways, to the OP, I am not so sure why you're looking for a guy in a fraternity exclusively. I mean, there's nothing wrong if you do, but I have dated many a "masculine" guy as you put it, and only one was in a fraternity, and we had both been out of college by then.

    I think you should get this idea of "masculine" out of your head. Your view on it is stereotypical and you're failing to see it's a societal construct, i.e., there's no inherent meaning to it and it's purely subjective. You're more than free to date whom you choose and find guys whom you are attracted to, just don't go around saying it's because they're "masc..." what an awful umbrella term to dismiss someone under.

    Finally, I think you find guys like that outside of your fraternity. Finding a guy, who is in a house or not, should not be a deal breaker if you indeed really like him. Change your perspective to find a guy that makes you happy as you define happiness whether he is "masc" or not, in a fraternity or not.

    -Robby
    Pi Kappa Phi
    Eta Sigma
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:20 PM GMT
    Oh, so ripe with internalized homophobia. Gee, I just LOVE having a bunch of friends with whom I can't be honest and have to pretend I'm someone else! Woohoo! Great way to live one's life! No one would ever suspect that I'm gay because I'm SO straight-acting. Yawn.

    And it's "because", not "cuz." You're in college, right?
  • QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    My wuestion is are you out to anybody at all, because to me you sound like you aren't, which my suggestion would be to come out to people you can trust before ever attempting that with your fraternity.

    That being said, there were plenty of guys I knew at my university who were totally out before they even joined a fraternity, and their fraternities let them pledge. So, are you in the right fraternity? Maybe you could find one that was more accepting, but i guess it is too late now that you already pledged.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    tahoejock saidOh, so ripe with internalized homophobia. Gee, I just LOVE having a bunch of friends with whom I can't be honest and have to pretend I'm someone else! Woohoo! Great way to live one's life! No one would ever suspect that I'm gay because I'm SO straight-acting. Yawn.

    And it's "because", not "cuz." You're in college, right?


    And to think he pay dues to join such a group. It is surprising how many gay people join/support groups (e.g., frats, churches, etc.) in which they are not accepted as being themselves. I know gay people who have "friends" they can not come out. I will not belong to any group or be friends with anyone who can not accept me for who I am. I will be amiable at work with an homophobic person, but I will not become friends with such a person.
  • calibro Posts: 8888
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:40 PM GMT
    phemt said
    tahoejock saidOh, so ripe with internalized homophobia. Gee, I just LOVE having a bunch of friends with whom I can't be honest and have to pretend I'm someone else! Woohoo! Great way to live one's life! No one would ever suspect that I'm gay because I'm SO straight-acting. Yawn.

    And it's "because", not "cuz." You're in college, right?


    And to think he pay dues to join such a group. It is surprising how many gay people join/support groups (e.g., frats, churches, etc.) in which they are not accepted as being themselves. I know gay people who have "friends" they can not come out. I will not belong to any group or be friends with anyone who can not accept me for who I am. I will be amiable at work with an homophobic, but I will not become friends with such a person.


    I wouldn't be so quick to judge on that front. Many people pay to be in all sorts or clubs, where they make many friends. Yes, I paid dues, but housing is way cheaper in a fraternity, so it's actually cheaper to pay dues and rent than to live on your own means. So on a purely monetary note, fraternity life is actually smarter. Second, no one pays for their friends. We pay dues because the fraternity uses that money for insurance, social events, philanthropy, etc... Finally, you're being unfair. Why don't you chastise an athlete for not coming out to his team or claim that his fellow players are not real friends because they wouldn't accept him. You don't know that they wouldn't accept him, and you don't know that sans the gay thing they actually really like him for him. Bottom line, don't judge a guy for being a fraternity. I would never have traded my experience in one for anything, and some of my closest friends are from there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    alcarcalimo2364 saidMy wuestion is are you out to anybody at all, because to me you sound like you aren't, which my suggestion would be to come out to people you can trust before ever attempting that with your fraternity.

    That being said, there were plenty of guys I knew at my university who were totally out before they even joined a fraternity, and their fraternities let them pledge. So, are you in the right fraternity? Maybe you could find one that was more accepting, but i guess it is too late now that you already pledged.


    Why couldn't he join another fratenrnity if found a more gay accepting one? Or is it like Muslims killing an apostate?
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
    calibro said
    ...
    Why don't you chastise an athlete for not coming out to his team or claim that his fellow players are not real friends because they wouldn't accept him.


    They are called Teammates - not friends. A friend is someone you can share your life and who you are with. You can enjoy doing stuff with someone, but if they do not accept who you are - that is not a friend. I had a childhood "friend" not accept me when I came out. I told him right up he was never a friend, but just a childhood acquaintance.
    The verdict is still out on my religious grandmother. I would prefer she knows and let the cards fall as they may, but my mother has begged me not to tell her. My mother was upset that I've told my grandmother I was an atheist. My Grandmothers asked me directly if I am Christian and had "accepted Jesus as my personal savior". I was respectful, but I told her my beliefs. If she ever askes me directly about being gay I will do the same (even against my mother wishes).
    Bottom line if someone doens't accept you as you are - that person is not a friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 3:46 PM GMT
    Totally fucking awesome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    You're closeted at 19 to those closest to you in an age when kids are coming out when they are 13 and 14. Trust me, you'll have trouble meeting guys because they don;t want to date people in the closet if they've been out for awhile. As hard as it is, your best option is to come out so you can date and look for potential relationships without having to sneak around, because it gets really old really fast.
  • mcwclewis Posts: 1701
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    Yeah I wouldn't hide it. My fraternity knew I was gay before they even gave me a bid.


    Now a couple of our brothers are starting to come out, same with a lot of the frats on our campus.

    Set an example. Being gay doesn't make you less masculine and it shouldn't alienate you at all. Unless you joined a frat full of dicks.
  • jarhead5536 Posts: 1348
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    "Frat?" Oy, it's a fraternity. Even a Sigma Nu like yourself would have drummed out of the Greek system at my school for using that term.

    I did have a gay brother that never came out until after college. I came out junior year, and my brothers were terrific about it. My friend and I never messed around though. I just didn't see him in that way...

    Oh, and those of you telling this guy to look outside the house for companionship, that's the quickest way to our yourself. A guy that is in a fraternity forming male friendships outside the house is a huge red flag...
  • JP85257 Posts: 3284
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:55 PM GMT
    So basically....You're saying you are in a frat but like to suck dick. I highly doubt you're even alone in there.
  • Joeyphx444 Posts: 2231
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 4:59 PM GMT
    There is a gay frat on my campus but they are annoying as hell mixed in with being frat guys=double hell, That whole part of college I stay away from, they are all trouble
  • JP85257 Posts: 3284
    QUOTE Sep 08, 2009 5:10 PM GMT
    Jmuscle33 saidThere is a gay frat on my campus but they are annoying as hell mixed in with being frat guys=double hell, That whole part of college I stay away from, they are all trouble


    If youre talkin about the one at ASU they are a total joke. None of the guys in it are remotely attractive.