Best Way to COME OUT

  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Sep 08, 2009 4:36 AM GMT
    Im def close to coming out to some friends (or atleast i want to and have been seriously considering it)...What is the best way to do it or I guess I should ask, what are some experiences you guys had with this whether they be pos or neg?
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    Sep 08, 2009 4:39 AM GMT
    Say
    "See that guy there? I would have sex with him and not get paid for it."

    On a serious note, all my coming out experiences have been akward and unplanned. Usually I just blurt it out when I'm annoyed.

    One time I did a whole schpeal about "I gotta play my cards with the hand I am given. I didn't choose this and I don't want to regret this looking back on my life". It helps people see it perspective I think.
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    Sep 08, 2009 5:17 AM GMT
    there are lots of threads on this, but i'm not sure the search function is particularly helpful in this regard...

    essentially what you are going to be told over the course of 30-50 responses is that you have to do it when you're ready, and not plan it too much. wait until you are doing it for yourself, not for them, and make sure you are doing it because you are actually ready (since you can't undo it).

    long story short: when you don't have to ask yourself anymore when/if you're ready, then you are. make it as nonchalant as possible, as if it's not a big deal. and don't respond to their over-response (if you even get one). alot of the guys here relay that when they finally come out, the person they've told already knew.
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    Sep 08, 2009 6:19 AM GMT
    There really isn't no wrong or right way to come out. I came out to my mom face to face and i wrote a letter to my dad.
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    Sep 08, 2009 11:51 AM GMT
    I say do it with a bunch of friends around..... see who leaves and who stays. Ease it into the conversation
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    Sep 08, 2009 11:57 AM GMT
    I called some of my friends to tell them. Others I told when I saw them face to face. Some friends were easier to tell than others but in the end nothing mattered. Take your time when you do it. Dont force it.
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    Sep 08, 2009 12:40 PM GMT
    I dont think there is one simple way to do it. I also dont think that coming out is just a black and white issue ( meaning you come out or dont come out). I think it happens in degrees: 1. first to yourself. 2. close friends. 3. family. 4. Work? 5. Other?

    It doesnt happen all at once and every 'coming out story' I have heard is slightly different.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Sep 08, 2009 1:53 PM GMT
    Thanks, thats awesome advice. I know theres already been threads on this topic but I kind of just wanted to write one of these for myself. (feelin too lazy to look thru forums for this topic) Plus, alot of the other threads on this subject have some guys bein douchebags and writing a bunch of garbage on them....
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    Sep 08, 2009 2:00 PM GMT
    Honestly, the next time your friends talk about girls (which, if they are like mine is often) you just mention that you don't like girls. Or something that follows the line of the conversation. Those are always less awkward, but those windows are annoying to wait for. You might have to punch a hole in the wall by blurting it out. Either way gets the point across. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 08, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    I probably didn't pick the best approach to tell my friend's that I'm gay either... I mean, who tells their friends that you're gay when everyone is studying together for an organic exam the next day? icon_razz.gif

    But no, seriously. We hit up the topics of sex, relationships, women, guys, etc... then I just told 2 friends, then another 2 and some more friends.

    Or simply sit down with a few friends that you trust and just let it out so they can hear. Don't be surprised if none of them believe you. It took roughly half an hour for my friends to believe me... there was just too much laughter.icon_neutral.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 08, 2009 2:30 PM GMT
    I would do it one on one. wow, the whole group thing......too many dynamics...you might be getting feedback that has nothing to do with you but more to do with peer pressure, etc. I would tell one person and explain why you picked them to come out to first. Maybe you thought they would be the most cool about it, or maybe you are closest to that person. Take them to their favorite restaurant. Ask them their opinion on how to go about telling everyone else. If all goes well take baby steps....over a period of months everyone will get the message.

    I have to tell you some people that I thought would be so cool about it freaked out, while others just said they only hope that I'm happy and well, and that is all that matters(this from my very Christian sisters!).
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    Sep 08, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    From my own experience, I will say that it appeared to be a much bigger deal in my own mind then it seemed to be to anyone else. Most people said they suspected it anyway. If you're not dating girls, or have never really had a relationship with any girl, then it's not going to be much of a surprise to anybody. Straight guys are all about girls, and Gay guys aren't. Just remember that true friends will stick by you, and it may even bring you closer. I lost a total of 1 friend when I came out. Apparently, he wasn't such a great friend anyway. I only came out a year ago, so my family is still coming to terms with it. But they have been very accepting. Don't rush it though. When it feels right, you will know it and probably just blurt it out. I will also say that lifting that burden of secrecy off of my shoulders was probably the most empowering feeling I have ever felt. I wish I had come out sooner so I didn't spend so much wasted time worrying about it, sneaking around, and telling lies to friends and family.
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    Sep 08, 2009 6:07 PM GMT
    ou should be ok, but if you are concerned about people "spreading the word", make sure you can choose people that you can trust to come out to first. Then go from there. TucsonGradJock and many others made good points here. Dont rush it. Take your time. This is your life. I congratulate you on chosing to make the next step. You have support here. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 08, 2009 6:16 PM GMT
    You could always have some douche bag do it for you like somebody did me. They found my profile online and spread the word. It took 24 hours for tens of people to know--including my work! (yes, he called my work to get me fired)....

    Coming out to my parents was far different and there are threads I've written about it. All in your own time my brother. You'll never be ready enough. You'll always need another 5 minutes to think about it. You just have to do it. It takes huge cahoona's, but you can do it. Good luck. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 08, 2009 6:18 PM GMT
    Be yourself and don't feel that you have to shout it from the mountain tops (although I think that's a common feeling early on) but instead confide when comfortable with people you are close to and confident with. It's a personal thing and if someone asks you, be honest and embrace who you are and live life the way YOU feel comfortable. Good luck!
  • bottomline

    Posts: 331

    Sep 08, 2009 9:13 PM GMT
    I never came out. Didn't turn out to be a problem. U don't need to come out. just like hetros don't have to explain themselves.It is YOUR sexuality. What r u also going to discuss your preference too? I have brought my mother to live with me. I have never come out to her, but there is plenty of gay magazines around the house, and we just never happen to have to talk about my sexuality. Why would we.

    I say just go around with your BF or mate, it will be obvious, and that will give the guys that don't like it leave you eventually, without being confronted by you and having to make a rushed choice.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Sep 08, 2009 9:21 PM GMT
    The only person I came out to was my best friend. She was coming here to Phoenix to visit me and I was just ready to tell her. The reaction that I wanted didnt happen lol.

    Josh: Joanna - I have something to tell you
    Joanna: Whats that?
    Josh: I like boys.
    Joanna: I know. I was just waiting for you to figure it out.

    ............
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Sep 08, 2009 9:40 PM GMT
    I don't do the whole coming out thing.

    I just throw things into conversations like "oh hes hot" or "i should try to get his number".

    Coming out is so dumb and not a big deal.
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    Sep 08, 2009 9:48 PM GMT
    i have too much fun with people being confused by my life. i have found that those people who should know, really know me and it's not too big of a surprise when it happens.
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    Sep 08, 2009 9:53 PM GMT
    LGWC saidHonestly, the next time your friends talk about girls (which, if they are like mine is often) you just mention that you don't like girls. Or something that follows the line of the conversation.

    I agree with that. Surely you've been in a situation where one of your friends is talking about this girl or that girl, or what type of girl he likes, or what type of girl you like. Next time it happens, just don't evade. Be honest.

    But however you decide to handle it, do it on your own terms.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Sep 09, 2009 6:26 PM GMT
    I auditioned for America's Next Top Model in full drag and let the video footage speak for itself.
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    Sep 09, 2009 6:30 PM GMT
    My mate had the best coming out story. When shopping for a bed for his new appartment - his mother went with him. And in one shop she bounced up and down on the bed a few tims and turned to him and said

    "No - Not strong enough for two grown men - Choose another!" icon_rolleyes.gif

    He nearly dropped with the shock - and ended up buying the wrong bed just to get out of there! Lovely story though! icon_razz.gif

    Good luck with your coming out!
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    Sep 09, 2009 6:31 PM GMT
    wear pink hot pants for a week and start singing show tunes. Pics of the hot pants please.

    icon_rolleyes.gif

  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 09, 2009 9:20 PM GMT
    taffeta
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    Sep 09, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    How ever and when ever I hope this road traveled is pathed smoothly