Meeting guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2007 10:50 AM GMT
    What's up guys? I've been having a lot of trouble meeting guys and hopefully you guys can help a brother out a little,ha. I am a man's man and I just can't seem to meet a guy that I am attracted to that is the same way. I've tried online personals and gay dating sites, I've tried going to my college's gay/straight alliance group, blind dates from friends, I worked at a club that had its gay night every wednesday, you name it yet I always seem to get responses and attention from feminine guys.. Does anyone else have this problem when trying to meet guys? Advice or tips would greatly be appreciated, Thanks guys!
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    Dec 09, 2007 11:06 AM GMT
    Dude I know how it is. I have the same problem, now ive just decided that if its going to happen then its gonna happen im not goin to look for someone. Love tends to hit us when we least expect it.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Dec 09, 2007 11:39 AM GMT
    Welcome to the adult male world of dating
    It tends to suck...but it does tend to have its moments icon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16305

    Dec 09, 2007 1:45 PM GMT
    I would just encourage you to get to know other gay men as friends... meet friends of friends at social functions and eventually you will meet some men that you find acceptable (in a variety of ways).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2007 4:25 PM GMT
    First, I need to know what you mean by "a man's man."
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    Dec 09, 2007 5:00 PM GMT
    Dude I totally sympathize with you, I always get hit on by femenine guys. I like masculine guys as well, eh I am sure there is someone out there for you. Just keep an open eye, open mind, and open heart.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Dec 09, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    Define "man's man."

    If you're looking for woodsy types and those who spend quality time with their power tools then "gay night" at the local club isn't likely to net you any. Or even the gay-straight alliance, for the most part.
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    Dec 09, 2007 5:31 PM GMT
    I agree with diver, the clubs are well, very twinky. The Gay-Straight Alliances well I goto them because I am political but I have yet to find a guy from one of those.
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    Dec 09, 2007 5:37 PM GMT
    I'm curious as to why you "only attract feminine guys". Maybe its something about you that keeps a "man's man" at bay, du-u-ude.

    Seriously, you really do need to define what you mean by "a man's man", and, while your at it, how "every" guy you've ever met has been "feminine". Going by your age and your profile – you've inserted the word MASCULINE at least four times – is it possible that you're hoping to find the elusive HOMOSEXUAL male that isn't in any way GAY?
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    Dec 09, 2007 5:39 PM GMT
    I agree with GQjock it does suck, but a lot of it has to do with how shallow many gay people really are. Many are stuck on looks alone. I get the fems hitting on me, I'll still talk to them even if I'm not interested in them. I just make it known that I'm not interested in their type.
    Don't become desperate if it's going to happen it will.
    Joe
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    Dec 09, 2007 5:51 PM GMT
    Wow, you lot are so judgemental. No wonder you can't get laid. Perhaps the gays just don't like you. And who could blame them.
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:01 PM GMT
    You know, I think you're suffering a bit from the "opposites attract" thing with respect to the femmy guys. Of course they're going to gravitate to a guy like you!

    Course, that doesn't help you. But I feel your pain. I remember when I was in college and your age (about fifteen years ago!), I went to a fairly liberal school and the kind of guy I liked (preppy jock) was nowhere to be found. I visited a friend at Georgetown once and after being on campus for 10 minutes thought, 'Crap, I made a mistake!' But really, what it came down to was not many of the guys I liked were out.

    So I think a big part of this is just unfortunately an environmental/time thing. What I mean is, the typically masculine gay guy, once upon a time, would have never come out. But clearly with society changing as much as it has, there are more and more of these guys.

    The trick is finding them and now that you've figured out the venues you've tried suck, you need to start looking for gay sports leagues and what not. It'll take time but hunting in the right place will at least be a start.
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:08 PM GMT
    In all fairness to Hurley I don't think he was saying that fem guys are bad, he's just not attracted to that certain attribute a guy may have. No one can really help what they're attracted to. Some guys only like hairy guys etc....Cut him some slack he's only 19 and has many years to find out what he really wants. Sometimes, I find, even older guys don't reeeeeally know what they like till it walks into their path and there's that 'aha' moment.
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    Dec 09, 2007 6:27 PM GMT
    In the words of "Frankie Goes to Hollywood" - Relax. As multiple people have said, you're only 19. HAHA, I was a completely different person at 19. And living in a college town, I've watched quite a few people completely change.
    As for meeting guys, eh, I gave up on that long long ago. Find some friends w/ your hobbies and what not. Just meet people in general. The fun masculine guys I know don't get caught up in the fact that they are gay. Most of their friends are straight. So, to find them, you have to be willing to mingle w/ the straight people. Which after doing, I've realized I have more fun going out and playing pool with a bunch of straight guys than with a bunch of mo's.
  • ajlclimber

    Posts: 337

    Dec 09, 2007 6:47 PM GMT
    I agree with a lot of guys.. mainly the point about stop looking...

    Try just making friends for a while.. and if your into sports.. join a team. You will meet a diverse range of personalities in every league.
  • ep83

    Posts: 144

    Dec 09, 2007 6:47 PM GMT
    I've got to agree with Gigaram and Matterych. You just need to find people that like the same things you do, gay or straight. Eventually you'll meet someone you like. Though I'll admit this is easier said than done. Just stay true to yourself, it'll happen. There are lots of guys in your situation, and eventually you'll find each other. And if you are looking for something long-term, you'll be more likely to find it doing something you both enjoy, you might not even see it coming. If you go looking I've found you're far more likely to find the guys just looking for sex.
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    Dec 09, 2007 7:21 PM GMT
    maxx or anybody just out of curiosity... When you talk to the fem guys who hit on you, how do you politely let them know its not gonna happen.

    I always feel bad so I talk to everyone, but I just don't know how to say not interested so I usually make some twisted explanation. I mean I can't just be like um sorry you are a nice guy but you are too feminine, I did that to one guy I dated and he hates my guts now haha, and he is like "oh well i guess im too feminine" yeah you are bitch now stfu lol.
  • italguynj

    Posts: 250

    Dec 09, 2007 7:38 PM GMT
    Unfortuately, there is no silver bullet or true answer to you problem. Thats why the dating/love industry racks in BILLIONS every year. This is a problem that all people face but can be more different for the gay male population for many reasona. As hard as it is, I would stress being true to who you are as a person- if you are a geek or a jock, butch or fem- just go with it and people will be attracted to you because you know who you are. Try to seek out healthy minded people to be friends with vs always going for a hook up or not being friendly to someone who you are not necessarily attracted it. Diversify your "gay" experiences- dont put all your eggs in one basket- too much time at the bar, the gym, the internet could be a problem. I wish it was easier but its not and dont think just because you see some "happy" couple (gay or straight) that the grass is greener-because many times its not.

    Here is an interesting article that relates to this topic:

    http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/44149/setting-the-bar-too-high;_ylc=X3oDMTFybXZiMjNnBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNzZXR0aW5nLXRoZS1iYXItdG9vLWhpZ2gEenoDYWJj
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    I think most the advice you've been given already is spot on. Don't get hung up on masculinity so much. The surest sign of someone who isn't okay with his own sexuality is a fixation on masculinity, "str8-acting", etc. I'm not suggesting that this is you, but I'm just advising you to check that urge when it comes up.

    Another thing to remember is that, at your age, a lot of guys are still deep in the closet. I know this doesn't help much. So, a bit of patience is in order too. Meet people, hang with guys who enjoy the same activities you do, gay or straight. Guidojock hit the nail on the head. Be yourself - and you will attract other people, as friends and lovers, who share your goals and interests.

    Finally, be proactive. If you're out at a club or in school and you meet a guy who appeals to you, make a move. Don't wait for your "man's man" dream guy to approach you. What's the worst that can happen? Take a chance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2007 9:46 PM GMT
    highsierra i think its unfair to say that just because certain of us guys are drawn to masculine guys means we are uncomfortable in our sexuality. its just a preference, some like masc some fem and some dont care.
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    Dec 09, 2007 11:02 PM GMT
    Wow, thanks for all the advice guys!And by man's man I was refering to someone who I can watch sunday football with and have some beers, knows how to change a flat tire, someone who doesn't spend all their money on the latest designer clothes, you get the idea. Believe me I have gay friends who are flamboyant as hell and they are a riot sometimes it's just not the type of person I want to date.
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    Dec 09, 2007 11:20 PM GMT
    Why does watching sports always figure into masculinity? I love dark beer, can change a flat tire, hiking, camping, all that, but the minute I turn down an afternoon of watching football, I'm too gay.
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    Dec 09, 2007 11:24 PM GMT
    Hippie, et al.,

    I don't fault you for having a "type" in mind that you normally consider as your ideal. But I look at the attraction to traditionally masculine men (and I say "masculine" as opposed to "manly" because I believe there is so much more to being a true man than notions of masculinity) in the same way that I look at the attraction to physically attractive men--it's an ideal.

    There's not really a problem in having a masculine man as your ideal; the problem is when you automatically veto a guy because he's more feminine than your ideal. It's as shallow as vetoing a guy because he's an eight on attractiveness instead of a 10 (or whatever number/weight scale you want to throw in there). You risk losing out on a lot of opportunities for dating that might become more fruitful than you had expected. While I'm not saying that you can't veto some guys and that you have to give everyone a chance--after all, there are guys that you can automatically realize you are not going to click with--I am saying that it would be wise and possibly fruitful to simply look past your ideals of masculinity just a bit in order to broaden your opportunities for meaningful relationships.

    I kick myself every time I think about it for not dating a guy years ago that I was extremely intellectually attracted to and fairly physically attracted to, because he was more feminine than my ideal. That is a relationship that probably could have gone somewhere really good, and I've vowed not to make that mistake again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2007 11:28 PM GMT
    Matterych,

    Come down to Boise; I'll share a Guinness with you, go hiking, and be happy to leave the TV off on Sunday for...other activities. icon_twisted.gif

    .


    .

    .

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    Those other activities being more hiking, of course. What did you think I meant? Get your mind out of the gutter!

    >_>

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2007 11:48 PM GMT
    chewey I hear what you are saying, I am not a shallow person I don't mind dating someone with a few extra pounds, etc if they are nice.

    The reason I will absolutely veto any guy who is too femenine is because I simply am not attracted to them. It is not about being shallow, I'd be lying to myself and the guy if I made him believe it could go further. Dating a fem guy is like dating a woman to me, and I am more attracted to women than fem guys.

    I also give you a kudos that you are willing to date fem guys even though your preference is for masculine. That's great that you can do it, but it isn't for everyone.