What to do when the sex starts to taper?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2009 1:15 AM GMT
    I've been with my boyfriend for 11 months now. We're both in college and have very demanding majors what keep us busy most of the day. Recently (as in just at the start of this academic year) our sex life sucks. In the past two weeks we've had sex once and I gave him one blow job on his birthday. Over this past summer we would have sex whenever we saw each other (on the weekends) like three times. I'm becoming very frustrated with the lack of sex! I brought this to his attention yesterday and he doesn't think it's a big deal and just simply says that he isn't in the mood. Any suggestions? Should I be concerned?
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    Sep 11, 2009 3:30 AM GMT
    He is right. It isn't a big deal because he doesn't think it is. Your feelings and desires are irrelevant...

    Tell him again that it is a problem and tell him that yes, it is a big deal. Tell him that you value him and the relationship and that you don't want sex to drive a wedge between you.

    But, if they guy wants to tell you your feelings aren't real then by all means kick his selfish ass the the curb.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Sep 11, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    Didn't the school year just start? Maybe he's stressed out from his new classes.
    On the other hand, maybe you two have different sex drives -- it's a pretty common problem. At least you're not a straight married couple who figured this out after you have three kids and you're stuck with each othericon_confused.gif (also very common!)icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 11, 2009 6:19 AM GMT
    Sounds like someone needs some needs some black leather and duct tape!

    Or you just need to be more forward and start feeling around icon_razz.gif
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Sep 11, 2009 6:27 AM GMT
    Actually it IS a big deal. Sex keeps the relationship together.

    I recently watched a documentary on PBS about old people who had been together forever; the undivorced who were still honestly still in love.

    They were bunch of cute old people and they all said the same thing: the sex was and still is awesome!

    If the sex goes south, so does the relationship.

    If you're not turning him on, it's time to find out why and either fix it, or end it.
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    Sep 11, 2009 6:54 AM GMT
    Don't go to him making a big deal about it. I think that would just come off kinda dramatic. How about you turn up the dial on the flirting and sexual stimulation. You've been together 11 months so you probably know what gets him going by now. If not or if somehow what gets him going has changed then have fun trying to figure that out. Just play but DO NOT get all heavy and deep about it. That would kill it i bet.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 11, 2009 11:27 AM GMT


    gee, talking and getting to know the other person ... but that sounds too messy.
  • bradsmith

    Posts: 175

    Sep 11, 2009 12:38 PM GMT
    As I recall, this is the time when you wrap yourself in Saranwrap (TM) and greet him at the front door with his favorite meal...behind you...
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 11, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    Ummmm .... am I missing something or aren't you part of this team?

    You're getting frustrated about the lack of sex
    then make the first move

    If he refuses you .... or makes excuses Then you can say something
    but he might be over worked or thinking about other things
    these things happen in relationships
    you also might want to set some time together
    try some fun things you both like ..... like hiking maybe
    or something active that will get you working together again
    hell even studying togther is better than nothing
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    Sep 11, 2009 5:18 PM GMT
    Here's the problem...I ALWAYS make the first move. His biggest turn on is his nipples but whenever I'm trying to work my magic and move to the nipples he just tells me to stop and that it hurts him. That's why I'm so frustrated, all my sexual advances are just being ignored.
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    Sep 11, 2009 8:13 PM GMT
    I know this may not be what you want to hear but he may just not be sexually attracted to/interested in you anymore. It hurts but you must consider it.

    I was in a relationship and when my bf would try to touch me, I'd literally be grossed out. The sex was forced and I tried to avoid it at all times, but knew as a bf, I had an obligation to do it but I still hated it.

    If I were you, I'd ask him point blank if he is really attracted to you.
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    Sep 11, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidActually it IS a big deal. Sex keeps the relationship together.

    I recently watched a documentary on PBS about old people who had been together forever; the undivorced who were still honestly still in love.

    They were bunch of cute old people and they all said the same thing: the sex was and still is awesome!

    If the sex goes south, so does the relationship.

    If you're not turning him on, it's time to find out why and either fix it, or end it.


    EXACTLY MY FRIEND! Sex in a relationship is one of the many ingredients of LOVE. As a couple you both should be doing more than sex, it should be making love as it is between 2 guys in love. Explain this to him. At 11 months its way too soon and you guys are too young for it to be fizzling
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    Sep 11, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    i agree with austonian. come right out and ask him. don't let this drag on. you're 21 and you've only been with him for 11 months and the sex has tapered off??? i've been with my partner for over 11 years, and we have sex at least 3 times a week, and it's still hot and fun and nasty.
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    Sep 11, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    The_Austonian saidI know this may not be what you want to hear but he may just not be sexually attracted to/interested in you anymore. It hurts but you must consider it.

    I was in a relationship and when my bf would try to touch me, I'd literally be grossed out. The sex was forced and I tried to avoid it at all times, but knew as a bf, I had an obligation to do it but I still hated it.

    If I were you, I'd ask him point blank if he is really attracted to you.


    This is a great point too...
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    Sep 11, 2009 8:25 PM GMT
    sluggo_la saidi agree with austonian. come right out and ask him. don't let this drag on. you're 21 and you've only been with him for 11 months and the sex has tapered off??? i've been with my partner for over 11 years, and we have sex at least 3 times a week, and it's still hot and fun and nasty.
    OMG send some good voodoo for me! I want that in my life LOL!
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    Sep 11, 2009 9:01 PM GMT
    There have been several good points on here. Asking him point blank if he is still romantically interested or find you sexually attractive is a valid question. But more importantly, find out if there is a health issue. Nipples being sore when the two of you are not having sex could mean something (or he is playing elsewhere without you) is wrong. Be candid about your needs, wants, and desires. The two of you are a team and should listen to each other. You do matter >>> don't forget that.
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    Sep 11, 2009 9:08 PM GMT
    I've got another question for the OP:

    When you guys are out together (say the movies, a restaurant, or a club), is he intimate at all with you? I mean, does he hold your hand, give you a peck on the lips, and is generally close to you?

    If the answer is no, I can almost guarantee that he's lost all sexual/romantic interest. How do I know? Because it's exactly how I felt with my ex.

    I knew I shold be doing those things, but because I was no longer physically attracted to him, I just couldn't will myself to "fake" affection.

    When he would touch me, I would just literally want to throw up and him pestering me for sex over and over again just made it even worse. Again, I think if you're the one who ALWAYS initiates sex, and it's forced, there's clearly a serious problem.

    I don't care HOW busy he claims to be, if he was madly in love, he'd MAKE time for intimacy/sex. No intimacy/sex means the beginning of the end of a relationship......
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 11, 2009 9:34 PM GMT
    I have that happen to me. Later on, I find out he is fucking someone else behind my back and he been lying to me all this times.
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    Sep 13, 2009 12:37 AM GMT
    the more busy you are the less time you have for sex.

    Me and my boyfriend don't have sex nearly as much as we use to. Our schedules have been so hectic over the past month that we maybe get each other off like 3 times a week as opposed to 3 times a day.

    It kind of sucks. Especially for me who is normally the giving partner and has always been quick to do something for him and be ok with waiting for my turn another time.

    So sometimes after its been too long he gets all pissed but it makes me even more pissed because whereas its been 2 days for him, he hasn't gotten me off in 2 weeks!

    Our schedules will be back to normal soon, I hope, and when that happens we'll regain our normal pattern. until then all I can do is remain patient and get it when we can get it

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    Sep 17, 2009 10:15 PM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidActually it IS a big deal. Sex keeps the relationship together.
    This is actually incorrect. The sex is still awesome because the old people actually love each other and have reached a everl of intimacy that most gay relationships don't becase they start out fully based on the good sex. If you love someone you are with them sex or no sex. I think that your boy should still have a sex drive though. Hell stress would make me t more sex lol! I would talk to him about it. If he's jacking off and not wanting to touch you, then you definetly have a problem bud.

    I recently watched a documentary on PBS about old people who had been together forever; the undivorced who were still honestly still in love.

    They were bunch of cute old people and they all said the same thing: the sex was and still is awesome!

    If the sex goes south, so does the relationship.

    If you're not turning him on, it's time to find out why and either fix it, or end it.
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    Sep 17, 2009 10:45 PM GMT
    geee I think the best advice is to ask if he is still attracted to you..Im going to do that with my partner today......I have the same issue, for example today I really wanted to blow him, turn him on...etc...and later on I find out that he purposely stayed home and didnt go to the gym with me so he could jack off to porn so Im left horny....we've been together for about 4 years and have sex maybe once or twice a week...I NEED it more....if we can't resolve the issue im thinking of asking him if we can have an open relationship, what do you guys think? or am I just be selfish?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    Dump him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2009 11:18 PM GMT
    He's either fucking somebody else or wants out of the relationship...so he can fuck somebody else.
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    Sep 17, 2009 11:24 PM GMT
    RipTide saidHere's the problem...I ALWAYS make the first move. His biggest turn on is his nipples but whenever I'm trying to work my magic and move to the nipples he just tells me to stop and that it hurts him. That's why I'm so frustrated, all my sexual advances are just being ignored.


    In that case, I think the writings on the wall and yes you should go to him and let him know how you feel. Personally, I'd probably expect the relationship to be over because I can't stand confusion but at least by talking it out you know for sure and will never look back wondering if I it was just all in your head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 17, 2009 11:32 PM GMT
    you jack yrself off