Do your straight guys like to play gay with you?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2009 3:28 AM GMT
    So I just came back to my little university from the big university in the big city. You would have thought that the little one (which has Catholic influence like most things here) would have a more silenced approach to the issue of gaynes; but... practically all my male straight classmates have this custom of "playing gay": they hug for inordinate amounts of time, they hold hands to scandalize other (like me!... but I gotta accept they look mightily cute), they call each other honey-saturated names across the cafeteria and in front of teachers and openly tell tales of gay nature that, well... not even I would say I did that if I did it! icon_eek.gif

    With a couple of exceptions they are all straight, and at first it was a shock when someone did it to me; I thought "OMG, did someone gaydar me out?" but soon I realized that the we-are-all-gay joke is a running theme of socialization in our group to the chagrin and much rolling of eyes of the female part of the group. icon_lol.gif

    I've learned something: It is a proof of my self-acceptance that I no longer get all alarmed and uncomfortable when the tall hot straight guy hugs me from behind and doesn't let go. Now we seem to be playing a game of "who can intimidate the other more" and let me tell you: I'm not winning (thought of course I could!) But that's utterly fine! icon_biggrin.gif

    In fact I suspect that it is my coolness about the whole thing and my not being all "oh-no-oh-no-they're-so-going-to-find-me-out" that precludes them from thinking I am actually gay. It was pretty much the opposite a few years ago before leaving for the big city.

    I'm not out here (remember: small campus with very religious people in high places) but it has been liberatingly fun to play this game and it's been conductive to a few more serious conversations about the issue. icon_smile.gif

    My questions to you: Do your straight guys like to play gay with you? If so, what do they do? What do you think about it? Do they know about you?

    Does it prepare the terrain for the real thing (coming out) or will it hinder it ("SO YOU ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT ALL THIS TIME!") or are they simply getting what they deserve for teasing with gay pseudo-romantic stuff an actual gay guy? icon_twisted.gif

    Your experiences on this are welcome!




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2009 2:58 PM GMT
    I've had straight friends hug me for inordinate amounts of time and do the kissy / smoochie stuff. But I'm not so sure they're playing!
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 13, 2009 2:59 PM GMT

    Yes. Sometimes it's cute, but it gets to be a bit trite.
  • phunkie

    Posts: 325

    Sep 13, 2009 3:14 PM GMT
    They don't. But if they did, I'd say:
    "If you're going to do it, then please make it more pleasurable for me. Brother's not getting any action."...and then they would shun me.
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    Sep 13, 2009 3:18 PM GMT
    I'm wondering if these str8 guys would play so closely if they new you were gay? and this seems kinda strange to me. Behind every joke some truth lurks to reveal itself. My str8 friends never pretend to be gay, or "play" gay for that matter.
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    Sep 13, 2009 3:19 PM GMT
    Wow, interesting...i wonder if this is an isolated set of incidents or is any indication of a trend among the younger sets...probably not, but maybe ...?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 13, 2009 5:58 PM GMT
    In college most of my friends were very affecionate with each other. All of them straight. Im out to them and they still slap my ass and one still hugs and kisses me. No big deal. There just comfortable with themselves.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Sep 13, 2009 6:26 PM GMT
    I think it might be the country hitting its adolescence in acceptance of people who are gay. Just a thought.
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    Sep 13, 2009 6:28 PM GMT
    Quite a few of my buds can put on some of the most flameboyant acts I have ever seen. Almost TOO comfortable with their sexuality haha
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    Sep 13, 2009 6:29 PM GMT
    It seems to me that some might be doing it because its the "funny thing" to do, and others enjoy it for the same reason you do.
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    Sep 13, 2009 6:30 PM GMT
    Yes, my hetero friends do it sometimes. I usually don't respond because it's awkward to receive those kinds of things when I know they like girls/have a girlfriend. Then again, I just don't like being toyed with like that icon_wink.gif. The dynamic doesn't allow for reciprocity. Gays tend to go overboard when they receive even an iota of favorable attention from hetero guys. I don't want to embody a cliche.
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    Sep 13, 2009 6:34 PM GMT
    yeah I have straight friends that do that at my work place it gets old though..
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    Sep 13, 2009 6:44 PM GMT
    to me, straight guys are off limits.. until they start crossing that line too. haha. of course, with a real good friendship intimacy is inevitable even if it isn't sexual. but for the straight guy friends of mine that i really do love and care for, i just plain stay away because i dont want to confuse them even more. if they want to explore their man-o-man loving side.. i would love to be the one they can talk to about it and guide them, and who knows.. maybe sex will come later on. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 13, 2009 7:47 PM GMT
    Hillie saidI wondering if these str8 guys would play so closely if they new you were gay? and this seems kinda strange to me. Behind every joke some truth lurks to reveal itself. My str8 friends never pretend to be gay, or "play" gay for that matter.


    I guess I'll have to wait and see their reaction to my coming out. But I don't foresee too much drama; there is another gay guy, he's much obvious than me and he gets the same or more. But maybe, maybe they'll think that by not being more "obvious" I am missrepresenting myself; but we all know that's a stereotype and is good for everyone to see it for what it is.

    RPMSoccer saidWow, interesting...i wonder if this is an isolated set of incidents or is any indication of a trend among the younger sets...probably not, but maybe ...?


    I am probably thinking it might be... my sister says in her times there were no such things going on in Baja California. If so, it is an encouraging sign.

    gymguy1 saidIn college most of my friends were very affecionate with each other. All of them straight. Im out to them and they still slap my ass and one still hugs and kisses me. No big deal. There just comfortable with themselves.


    Yeah! I think it boils down to being comfortable with themselves... no one really thinks any of them is really gay and they get away with SOOOOO MUCH. Heck, including me! because I'm comfortable with my sexuality as it is, but it just happens to be not the one everyone assumes.

    DCEric saidI think it might be the country hitting its adolescence in acceptance of people who are gay. Just a thought.


    Yeah... that's an interesting thought!

    Erikk saidQuite a few of my buds can put on some of the most flameboyant acts I have ever seen. Almost TOO comfortable with their sexuality haha


    You should see the show one of them puts whenever he finds himself in front of the group... OMG, where did he get those movements and drag queen attitude? And then he sits and he goes back to your average straight guy. icon_eek.gif

    Addicted2me saidYes, my hetero friends do it sometimes. I usually don't respond because it's awkward to receive those kinds of things when I know they like girls/have a girlfriend. Then again, I just don't like being toyed with like that icon_wink.gif. The dynamic doesn't allow for reciprocity. Gays tend to go overboard when they receive even an iota of favorable attention from hetero guys. I don't want to embody a cliche.


    Yeah, at thought about that too. But, after all, I know they are straight and they're just being friendly. I just put it in the proper perspective and enjoy for what it is (and sometimes for what it is not! icon_lol.gif I just remember that)
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    Sep 13, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    hahahah hell yeah! most of my guy friends are straight and my god they like to do the gayest things and on the contrary the girls tell me i seem to be the straight one and its very confusing LOL it's like roles reversed icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 13, 2009 11:36 PM GMT
    Hillie said...Behind every joke some truth lurks to reveal itself. My str8 friends never pretend to be gay, or "play" gay for that matter.


    You left me wondering... of course I am not thinking all my classmates are gay... but what is that truth lurking in the we-are-all-gay joke?

    Could it be that, perhaps, straight guys - in a culture that has defined masculinity as not in need to show too much emotion or affection with their male peers - are kind of acting on that need in a way that is so exaggerated and silly that it is beyond any suspicion of... actual gayness?

    Food for thought... or another thread.
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    Sep 14, 2009 12:07 AM GMT
    i have straight friends that know about me and love to make gay jokes with me. they know that i am not offended by stuff like that. after i saw Bruno with them, they kept joking with me and saying that the crazy stuff they had seen in the movie was stuff i like to do with guys i bring home. i told them it definitely was. haha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 14, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    LOL. I think it's funny personally.

    I have straight friends that get a kick out of mocking me and I do the same thing to them. We only do it to each other as a sign of mutual respect and because we're friends and can look past certain things that others would probably not understand. Basically we are comfortable with ourselves and show respect for one another.

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    Sep 14, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    Engineer said
    Hillie said...Behind every joke some truth lurks to reveal itself. My str8 friends never pretend to be gay, or "play" gay for that matter.


    You left me wondering... of course I am not thinking all my classmates are gay... but what is that truth lurking in the we-are-all-gay joke?

    Could it be that, perhaps, straight guys - in a culture that has defined masculinity as not in need to show too much emotion or affection with their male peers - are kind of acting on that need in a way that is so exaggerated and silly that it is beyond any suspicion of... actual gayness?

    Food for thought... or another thread.


    Like Dan Savage once said, gays and lesbians were the ones who opened the (closet?) door up and revealed their pride and presence. This, in turn, encouraged others, namely heterosexuals, to feel more liberated about themselves and to question rigid categories of sexuality.

    With that being said, I personally feel mocked by these hetero men who behave this way. I still feel like it's a big joke on me and other gays, no matter how warmhearted and good-natured their intentions.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Sep 14, 2009 1:24 AM GMT
    My straight guys???? I didn't know you could buy or own straight guys?!? SIGN ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Sep 15, 2009 5:16 AM GMT
    cowboyathlete saidMy straight guys???? I didn't know you could buy or own straight guys?!? SIGN ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!


    You didn't know you could go to the Straight Shop and get some straight guys? icon_rolleyes.gif They're messy and weird, but are worth it, they are so cuteeee, I tell you. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2009 10:35 AM GMT
    I have only straight friends and a few gay acquaintances. I have known my straight friends for many years and we hug whenever we see each other. A peck on the cheek also happens quite often. I shower with 3 of them at gym or when we've traveled together and there has never been any awkwardness between us. W'eve know each other too long to even worry about those things.
    In my experience, most straight guys are very affectionate once you get to know them. There is nothing sexual about it. It's just friendship.
  • JaxCntrl

    Posts: 8

    Sep 24, 2009 11:05 AM GMT
    I have the same situation at work... My work environment is probably 90% or greater male to female ratio. But even though there is that much testosterone there, the guys seem to all play off this "gay" theme. They excessively compliment each other on wardrobe, looks, haircut, etc. Play nipple grab games and make gay sexually oriented advances to each other. A few guys will randomly grab another guys ass, thigh, or just put his hand on your hand in some cases. It has really thrown me off guard. I am not out there, but am not sure how they would handle a real gay guy thrown into their games.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 24, 2009 11:11 AM GMT
    Ok Ive been in a small catholic school environment and have seen all this. The girl to guy ratio was 8 girls to every 1 guy. And even then alot of the guys were either gay/bi/q. Just kind of happens... most of them are cool lol. I have lots of straight guys that play gay with me. I love 'em but yeah... its just a game. Recently, a straight friend of mine and 2 gay friends went out to get drinks and as we were walking to our car my gay friends where holding hands and kissing and this car drove by and was like HEY YOU FAGS! DO YOU LIKE DICK BRO? well here comes Chris our knight in a Red 1MX is like FUCK YOU BRO... BRING YOUR ASS? ILL SHOW YOU WHO LIKES DICK! he was all protecting and standing up for us and would have beaten ass if he had to. He later told me that someone once at school was talking shit about me being gay and that he decked them right there and there for saying shit about me. I helped him get elected to student body president which helped him get in to law school. amazing since we realy werent close friends but truely he's one of my best friends now.
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    Sep 24, 2009 11:40 AM GMT
    Yes. It's hilarious sometimes, especially with guys who do know I'm gay. But sometimes with people who don't it goes a wee bit over the edge and starts getting truly homophobic. And then it's not as hilarious. icon_confused.gif