Firm handshake

  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 13, 2009 3:12 PM GMT
    Nothing impressed me more than a guy with a firm handshake, professionally and sexually. A lot of guy tell me , I shake hand like a dead fish, and girl like. A firm handshake to me is difficult to do, simply because I work in the office , infront of my laptop. My hand are 100% Asiatic , small and narrow, not big and muscular like those Western guys. I have been in some Business Etiqutte class, and over and over we are told how important a firm handshake in order to make a good first impression in the business world.

    Any ideas how to improve this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    SQUEEZE BRO,.......JUST SQUEEZE
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 3:33 PM GMT

    Hillie has the squeeze part right - also make eye contact with the other person. It will convey confidence and make whatever grip you have feel firmer. Another thing: don't overdue the firm grip thing. I tend to think that guys who crush may hand in a handshake are insecure jerks.
  • islander24

    Posts: 161

    Sep 13, 2009 3:42 PM GMT
    The advise is sound. Look them in the eye, firm not cushing handshake.
    Release.. don't hold on too long . Its catch and release LOL
  • CincyBOJ

    Posts: 306

    Sep 13, 2009 4:49 PM GMT
    If they can feel you trying, regardless of your strength, then it comes across well.

    Unless you're shaking hands with a truly frail person then the dead-fish handshake is annoying. Don't crush greatgrandma's knuckles!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 5:14 PM GMT
    [url][/url]
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 5:18 PM GMT
    Squeeze as hard as you can!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 5:40 PM GMT
    . . . try keeping a tennis ball near by . . . give it a few squeezes periodically throughout the day . . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 6:04 PM GMT
    I have an overly firm handshake. I've always had the strength, disproportionately so compared to the rest of me, because of a lifetime of motorcycling, where you're constantly squeezing the brake & clutch levers. Hours of piano playing every day didn't hurt, either.

    But for a long time I had a limp handshake, despite my latent strength, reflecting my inherent shyness and lack of self-confidence. As I advanced in my military career & rank, however, I realized I was putting myself at a disadvantage.

    So I decided to make a deliberate effort, to force myself to do what I would not do naturally. And what I found was that over time, my shyness itself began to diminish. Focusing on a little ritual like handshaking was therapeutic, in a way, in overcoming my timidity in public.

    Today I have the opposite problem, with complaints that I hurt some men with my handshake. With women I always take a more gentle approach, but with men I become a human vise.

    Gene Hackman, in The Birdcage: "You have a very firm handshake there, Mr. Coleman!"

    Robin Williams: "Well, you have to, in Greece."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 6:10 PM GMT
    flieslikeabeagle said
    Hillie has the squeeze part right - also make eye contact with the other person. It will convey confidence and make whatever grip you have feel firmer. Another thing: don't overdue the firm grip thing. I tend to think that guys who crush may hand in a handshake are insecure jerks.


    I lose a bit of respect for a person that crushes my hand. Not easy to do, my hands are huge. To me it shows (as said above) insecurity and also a lack of consciousness for the other person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 6:17 PM GMT
    firm handshake is important....just do it strong and brief.

    first impression needs to be a good one
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 6:20 PM GMT
    Epiphany1882 said


    I lose a bit of respect for a person that crushes my hand. Not easy to do, my hands are huge. To me it shows (as said above) insecurity and also a lack of consciousness for the other person.


    That's why -- like everything else in life -- it's about finding moderation. Don't squeeze too hard, but don't limp-shake either. Look the other person in the eye and try not to break the other person's hand! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 6:26 PM GMT
    flieslikeabeagle saidHillie has the squeeze part right - also make eye contact with the other person.

    Absolutely. A mistake I still make to this day, reflecting my residual shyness, where I'll look down as I shake hands. Another thing I have to mentally rehearse as I approach a guy: "Firm handshake, look him in the eyes."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidI have an overly firm handshake. I've always had the strength, disproportionately so compared to the rest of me, because of a lifetime of motorcycling, where you're constantly squeezing the brake & clutch levers. Hours of piano playing every day didn't hurt, either.

    But for a long time I had a limp handshake, despite my latent strength, reflecting my inherent shyness and lack of self-confidence. As I advanced in my military career & rank, however, I realized I was putting myself at a disadvantage.

    So I decided to make a deliberate effort, to force myself to do what I would not do naturally. And what I found was that over time, my shyness itself began to diminish. Focusing on a little ritual like handshaking was therapeutic, in a way, in overcoming my timidity in public.

    Today I have the opposite problem, with complaints that I hurt some men with my handshake. With women I always take a more gentle approach, but with men I become a human vise.

    Gene Hackman, in The Birdcage: "You have a very firm handshake there, Mr. Coleman!"

    Robin Williams: "Well, you have to, in Greece."


    LOL...Colonels are supposed to be scary..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 7:56 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidLOL...Colonels are supposed to be scary..

    OMG, you made me choke on my drink! LOL! I hope not scary, but certainly imposing, if not intimidating. I knew my role, even if I always secretly thought it was all an act. I liked being in command, still do, I think it was born for it, but not being a bully. The Army demanded I assume a certain pose, which was never really me.

    And then when I came out, I had to "deprogram" myself and come down from that. The most common criticism I heard from other gay guys was that I was "intimidating" and it turned guys off and scared them away. Not good.

    Today I try to be as relaxed and as goofy as I can, so that some think me a flake instead. I can never seem to get it right. This is what happens when you live for too long in denial, and never develop naturally as a gay man. It's one of my arguments for gays coming out early, no differently than straight men do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 8:07 PM GMT
    Someone told me that spreading your fingers before shaking hands helps you get a better grip. I like a firm handshake, but I'm not impressed by guys who attempt to crush your hand.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 8:13 PM GMT
    dean_pdx saidSomeone told me that spreading your fingers before shaking hands helps you get a better grip. I like a firm handshake, but I'm not impressed by guys who attempt to crush your hand.

    That, and thrusting forward with your hand quickly, to get a good grip. Some guys will close their hands early, clasping just your fingers, and you're forced to give this embarrassingly girly handshake. The fault is theirs, but what are you gonna do? So I shoot my hand forward quickly & forecefully, to make sure we're making palm contact.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 8:19 PM GMT
    A firm handshake is a good thing, but don't squeeze too hard. That just comes across as though you're trying too hard to impress the person.

    To improve your grip imagine the amount of pressure you would require were you actually trying to pick up the person's hand if it were a dead weight. If you were just picking it up to put on a shelf you wouldn't "dead fish" it since it would fall our of your hand. You also wouldn't squeeze the life out of it,so don't squeeze too hard.

    Also, try to make eye contact while shaking, it shows that you're confident and in control of yourself and the situation and like someone else said, takes the other person's attention away from the shake.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 9:30 PM GMT
    Firm handshake is the first thing we were taught in Communication Class when I joined my company couple of years back. Before that I never cared about it, but then had to practice and make sure it goes well. It doesn't have to be a big sqeeze but more like crisp movement while holding other person's hand firmly. Also don't forget eye contact, very important.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 9:37 PM GMT
    Shnextdoor saidIt doesn't have to be a big sqeeze but more like crisp movement while holding other person's hand firmly. Also don't forget eye contact, very important.

    Those are the 2 essential elements for a man. As I said, my fault now is that I have to back down a little, and not squeeze too hard with a guy. Before that, I had a weak & wimpy handshake.

    So it is possible to change, but also important not to overdo it. The old Goldilocks adage of "just right" still holds true.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 13, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    Red Vespa,

    How is riding a bike improve your handsake. I am a biker too, but I dont develop firm handsake. Probably you are riding a bigger cc machine than me. I suspected you must be one of those bigger and muscular individual with large palm and big muscular hand so a firm handshake come naturally to you. During my work I have shake hand with people of different ethnic, those white and black men usually (I do mean usually , not all the time)have a firmer handshake, simple because they are bigger size than us Asian.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 11:08 PM GMT
    I had a baptist pastor that could crush your hand in his own. It sucks when you want to play a musical instrument and you can't because of a bad hand...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 13, 2009 11:17 PM GMT
    zakariahzol saidRed Vespa,

    How is riding a bike improve your handsake. I am a biker too, but I dont develop firm handsake. Probably you are riding a bigger cc machine than me. I suspected you must be one of those bigger and muscular individual with large palm and big muscular hand so a firm handshake come naturally to you. During my work I have shake hand with people of different ethnic, those white and black men usually (I do mean usually , not all the time)have a firmer handshake, simple because they are bigger size than us Asian.

    If you ride smaller motorcycles the lever pressure is very light. The old Harleys I rode demanded a lot of hand strength, especially for the clutch (left hand). In fact, a complaint was that women could not ride them because of this, and H-D lightened the pressure to attract more female riders.

    All of my bikes since 1970 have been above 750cc, and required a fair amount of hand strength to operate the levers. Plus I took long trips, doing this all day. Your hand does begin to get stronger as a result.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 14, 2009 12:06 AM GMT


    I give a moderately firm handshake and the only thing I would guess that it reveals is that I have nothing for which to compensate. I'm me and that's the ' what-you-see-is-what-you-get ' policy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2009 5:18 AM GMT
    this is WAY cleaner.

    bowing.jpg