what do you think about love?

  • Adavid

    Posts: 19

    Sep 14, 2009 6:42 AM GMT
    I'm questioning views as to love and the effects and aesthetics on life along with the human mind. I don't know as to where i stand any further. I used to such a firm believer in love and happiness, along with the ideal that you had some clue as to when "the one" was "the one". Now my views have changed and I know that everyone goes threw this but it seems so different for me, as if I have no other light to lead me to love. Almost feels as to where I have to find love blinded by mixed emotions and failures past.
    I would appreciate some help please and thank you.
    David
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    Sep 14, 2009 1:23 PM GMT
    I have to say Ive been in that same place lately. This guy that I had been talking to for almost 4 yrs decided to leave me. We never were actually together but it was something that we understood. He is in the closet so its made it hard but anyway. I felt really bad about it at first becasue it was a shock. it wasnt something I was expecting. After about a week of feeling down I went out to to Barnes & Nobles and got this book "My Guy: A Gay Man's Guide to a Lasting Relationship". Truely, its been a blessing. I feel so much better about myself and in putting what Ive learned to work I see a difference and so do the people around me. I recommend this book to everyone. Check it out... I promise you'll see results. =) funny thing is in putting this to work even my "ex" has noticed and well he's coming back around. Only time will tell but either way Im still looking and getting noticed. =)

    http://search.barnesandnoble.com/My-Guy/Martin-Kantor/e/9781570719677
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    Sep 14, 2009 1:25 PM GMT
    Love isn;t always on time.
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    Sep 14, 2009 1:34 PM GMT
    What is this love you talk of? icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 14, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidLove isn;t always on time.


    Never heard that one........ brilliant!

    When it happens it's magnificent but it's a grueling process! Any relationship is a constant negotiation of re-negotiation. Communication skills are a necessity to longevity. Love does not always mean longevity either. The hard part can be knowing when to exit stage left before it gets ugly, bitter and dysfunctional. Having a strong core is a huge attraction! Remain focused and positive about your growth and independence. When it presents itself be open to the possibility of what could happen w/out expecting what will happen and have fun and enjoy the companionship.
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Sep 14, 2009 3:15 PM GMT
    I'm a romantic and optimist so I (almost) always believe that LOVE is out there to enjoy and cherish (once you can find it). I've been in loving monogamous relationships (two - one with ex-wife and one with ex-partner) for about 30 years (out of the last 32 years). Damn, where did the years go???

    I've been single for the past year and a half. And despite my optimism and belief that love is out there, I have days when I wonder wtf? Am I ready to give up on men altogether?

    But when I stop feeling sorry for myself, I realize that true love is worth all the crap you have to go through to get there. And despite the fact that the world is full of fakes and flakes, there are some Prince Charmings...and they are worth waiting for. Which gives you more time to work on yourself so you can blow his socks off (among other things) when he finally arrives!


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    Sep 14, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    I don't believe in "The One"

    I believe that everyone has a potential to have serveral "Ones" in their lives and that there isn't one person in the entire world who is perfect for you, who is going to change your life forever, but potentially many.

    Perhaps finding one will make you more prepared to better date the next. There's really no telling.

    I will say to begin that despite finding someone who seems to be extremely perfect for you, no one is in fact perfect and when you do find the bond you're looking for after like a year or two you will start having to work a little bit more. You will conciously have to make decisions that will keep your relationship going strong.

    There's nothing wrong with wanting love. You just have to be patient and spend some time really defining what works for you. Start creating your own definitions of what love is and spend your single days investing in you so when someone finally does come along you can be the best you that you can be.
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    Sep 14, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    Some people want to fill the world with, silly love songs.
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    Sep 14, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    Adavid saidI'm questioning views as to love and the effects and aesthetics on life along with the human mind. I don't know as to where i stand any further. I used to such a firm believer in love and happiness, along with the ideal that you had some clue as to when "the one" was "the one". Now my views have changed and I know that everyone goes threw this but it seems so different for me, as if I have no other light to lead me to love. Almost feels as to where I have to find love blinded by mixed emotions and failures past.
    I would appreciate some help please and thank you.
    David


    If you believe in love and want a relationship, then give it time. You have plenty of time to figure things out. Clarity will come, eventually. Not everything has to be set in stone just because you want answers now, so don't be in such a rush to have a definitive answer to the mystery of love/relationships. These things are confusing for pretty much everyone, and most people never get it right, at least initially.
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    Sep 14, 2009 6:54 PM GMT
    i don't believe in this idea of one true love. there are many guys out there that can be our true loves. it's just a matter of finding them.

    "I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real." - The Postal Service
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    Sep 14, 2009 7:42 PM GMT
    Love is FABULOUS!
    It makes you soar like an eagle or drag you naked through an asphalt mire of glass and blazing tar... face first.

    Love reminds you that you're alive, that you're human, that you have a capacity to see, feel and move beyond yourself and connect with others.

    Love is supreme, love is tragic... the ability to love is a gift and a flaw. I always look forward to falling in love, it happens so rarely but even when it leaves me broken, it reminds me I'm whole.

    Love is fear, Love his hope... Love is never 'in and of itself'... enough.
    True love never dies but if you're lucky it will manifest in a form you see.
    I've experienced one *True Love* and if I never find another I will die full knowing it wasn't a myth.
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    Sep 14, 2009 7:51 PM GMT
    The problem is the confusion between love and infatuation. People mix these up or worse, don't see the difference.

    Infatuation is more intense and shorter lived. It is blind to the 'red flags'. It makes you justify faulty and inappropriate actions. It is defensive when tested and rarely tests well. It is selfish in the guise of romanticism. It's foundation is often based on physical attraction which either fades or becomes unexciting for it's lack of 'newness'. It is built on or destroyed by money. If requires suppressing needs or wants. It is like a roller-coaster that starts with great excitement and thrills but eventually comes to a full stop. The intensity of infatuation makes the infatuated person believe they are in love and won't hear any reasoned argument of these conditions or facts above. Most close friends usually know to 'stay away until the crash and burn happens' when someone goes into the more intense infatuations - particularly if its a regular pattern.

    Love is more realistic. It grows with time. It is passionate but tempered. It remains strong through difficult situations. It is not affected by money or societal norms. It calls for self sacrifice but not without reasoned thought and consideration. It thrives on profound honesty. It supports forgiveness. It supports growth even if it's in different directions or different rates. The physical attraction grows and continues because it is a benefit of love and not the reason for it.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Sep 14, 2009 7:51 PM GMT
    It scares the crap out of me. It hasnt happened yet.
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    Sep 14, 2009 8:04 PM GMT
    Conditional Love = False love. Love that has terms, guidelines, and rules. Most relationships appear to be based on this "false" sense of love. You can't have a real "loving" relationship unless both parties are connected to unconditional love.

    Unconditional Love = Real love. Love that never stops giving no matter what.
    It seems to exist more internally, rather than externally, due to all the restrictions people want to put on love within a relationship. People should connect with the true internal source, than they might always find themselves happy with or without someone else.

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    Sep 14, 2009 8:14 PM GMT
    bgcat57 saidThe problem is the confusion between love and infatuation. People mix these up or worse, don't see the difference...

    Love is more realistic. It grows with time. It is passionate but tempered. It remains strong through difficult situations. It is not affected by money or societal norms. It calls for self sacrifice but not without reasoned thought and consideration. It thrives on profound honesty. It supports forgiveness. It supports growth even if it's in different directions or different rates. The physical attraction grows and continues because it is a benefit of love and not the reason for it.


    Beautifully said! I am hopeful that this is the case with me and my bf. It's still early in our relationship, but we both feel that we are in, and are continuing to fall in love icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 14, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo7 saidSome people want to fill the world with, silly love songs.


    and I ask - "What's wrong with that?" - Ha, let's do a duet like Ewan and Nicole in Moulin Rouge. icon_cool.gif

    To the OP: I believe in "The One" - well, okay, maybe I believe that each of us could have several great loves in our lifetime. (Does anyone here watch Sex and The City, Carrie has like 3-4 bfs before settling down with Big). icon_redface.gif Love happens when you least expect it, Love isn't fair, Love makes you do crazy things, Love makes you go all obsessive, possessive, controlling, crazy........etc. Just keep dating around, you will know if he's the "one" when you feel it in your heart & soul. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 14, 2009 8:35 PM GMT
    bgcat57 said Love is more realistic. It grows with time. It is passionate but tempered. It remains strong through difficult situations. It is not affected by money or societal norms. It calls for self sacrifice but not without reasoned thought and consideration. It thrives on profound honesty. It supports forgiveness. It supports growth even if it's in different directions or different rates. The physical attraction grows and continues because it is a benefit of love and not the reason for it.

    Beautifully stated as an ideal. However in real life it rarely lives up to these lofty expectations. It will differ in every case according to the emotional resources, maturity, and commitment of the parties involved. For some couples it will be richer and deeper, for others it will be less so. But for better or worse it's a life-enhancing experience.
    You can't look for it. It will come to you only when you're ready. And you'll know it when you see it.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Sep 14, 2009 8:42 PM GMT
    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Sep 14, 2009 9:27 PM GMT
    Love is a wonderful thing. I can't wait to fall in love with someone that i will cherish until the end of my days.

    "Love isn't about finding the perfect person. It's about finding an imperfect person and seeing them perfectly."
  • me35mtl

    Posts: 306

    Sep 14, 2009 9:37 PM GMT
    the defintion of love changes as you get older..when i was younger i was a TOTAL dreamer..then with all the losers and users i met, i totally strayed from it.
    Then you learn that love takes time, its about understanding..and like the guy above me said, its not about finding the perfect guy..its about understanding the other person and being accepting..(man i wish i knew all this when i was younger..could have saved my self alota grief..lol)
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    Sep 14, 2009 9:50 PM GMT
    My believe is that it's a decision you have to make every day to love someone that has to be followed up by action.
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    Sep 14, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    im in the same position. I have yet to find out what love is. I think as human beings we rely on what we learn from our moms/ guardians but that type of love is totally different than the one that you personally seek with another. From my experiences i haven't found it. I thought i found it but infatuation was the reason why i thought i found it. To actually find love you have to know when its just a false alarm i believe and not many people learn about these false alarms so that they can distinguish between the two.
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    Sep 14, 2009 10:44 PM GMT
    SexySwimmer said
    Ciarsolo7 saidSome people want to fill the world with, silly love songs.


    and I ask - "What's wrong with that?" - Ha, let's do a duet like Ewan and Nicole in Moulin Rouge. icon_cool.gif


    See I've been in this situation, and I always want to sing both parts. Cannot choose between them icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 14, 2009 11:14 PM GMT
    I've been in love and it was wonderful.

    But it's like Madge says, "Before I learned to love myself, I was never lovin' anybody else."
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    Sep 14, 2009 11:30 PM GMT
    hmmm...i dont believe one should look for love...just allow it to find you and unfold naturally...unconditional love and reciprocity are indicative of real love...but to be truly in love...they must be accompanied by selflessness, one whose actions follow suit with their words, the replacement of u and i with we...so often we experience real love with friends and families, it leaves us wanting more...a connection on a deeper level...so we look for it, and become discouraged when it cant be found...be patient, surround yourself with and put out positive energy...love will come...until then enjoy those you experience real love with...some people dont even have that in their lives... icon_biggrin.gif