Friends with Benefits/Fuck Buddies

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 16, 2009 9:39 PM GMT
    I've had a few situations that have worked out well with what were essentially Fuck Buddies, but only on a short term basis. Eventually someone or both either got bored or attached. More frequently attached.

    Finding a nice, fun, cool, sexy guy to date is hard enough.
    Quite honestly, I don't even think I'm ready to date anyone seriously. I've been in one LTR that even in the wake of it's ending, and in part because of the civility and kindness that was exercised in the end, was so amazing and good that I just can't imagine finding anything even remotely fulfilling.

    I have a voracious sexual appetite and I find it ridiculously hard to go without sex, but I prefer the intimacy and security of familiarity. I'm not into "just hooking up" but there is no way in hell I can abstain for long periods of time (more than two months).

    Is it possible to have a long term friend with benefits? And is finding someone compatible in that capacity as elusive as finding a more conventional, romantic LTR? Thoughts?
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    Sep 16, 2009 10:32 PM GMT
    Don't see why it should be that hard. You're not the only one that'll be looking for a no strings attached sexually active relationship ersatz.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 16, 2009 10:55 PM GMT
    it (FWB/FB) is great....if bothof ya'll can keep it at that level.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 17, 2009 3:53 AM GMT
    you def sound like an open relationship kinda guy and there's nothing wrong with that- be you you want to be! Just play it safe!!
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    Sep 17, 2009 7:02 AM GMT
    Fuck Buddies are just like that - Buddies who you have sex with - with no potential future (BF) together. Having a FB creates a sense of familiarity rather than hooking up or hitting different trick/1-night-stands.

    You said it yourself that you're not ready to be involve in a relationship. It's okay to "slut" around to get it out of your system first before settling down, some guys don't even grow up - they just keep on sleeping around forever.

    It really depends on when you want to get hitched. I stopped all contacts with my FBs when I started a serious relationship a year ago. It is because my SB and I were never that close emotionally in the first place, so we drifted apart. It's better this way anyway. icon_cool.gif
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    Sep 17, 2009 2:36 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidyou def sound like an open relationship kinda guy and there's nothing wrong with that- be you you want to be! Just play it safe!!


    I think I'd be terrible at an open relationship, I'm not good at sharing. Before my ex and I broke up we engaged the idea and we both realized we just weren't capable of doing it so we broke up before we made things hairier.
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    Sep 17, 2009 2:39 PM GMT
    crtrainer saidI had one that lasted for about ten years. He was in a LTR, but had stopped having sex with his partner. When I was in a relationship or dating someone seriously we stopped seeing each other, but stayed in touch and sometimes trained together. We didn't just have sex, we went to the beach, camping, hiking - all kinds of mutual interests.
    His partner btw, was a great guy & had me over for dinner many times. They really did stay together in this loving, sexless relationship and bought a house in Provincetown.


    I had an almost exactly similar experience that lasted two years where my friend with benefits was in a LTR.

    It started crossing lines that threatened his relationship and were prohibiting me from having a healthy primary one. I think I'm bad at any angle of the open relationship. No more married men for me.

    Are you still in touch with he and his partner?
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    Sep 17, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    SexySwimmer saidFuck Buddies are just like that - Buddies who you have sex with - with no potential future (BF) together. Having a FB creates a sense of familiarity rather than hooking up or hitting different trick/1-night-stands.

    You said it yourself that you're not ready to be involve in a relationship. It's okay to "slut" around to get it out of your system first before settling down, some guys don't even grow up - they just keep on sleeping around forever.

    It really depends on when you want to get hitched. I stopped all contacts with my FBs when I started a serious relationship a year ago. It is because my SB and I were never that close emotionally in the first place, so we drifted apart. It's better this way anyway. icon_cool.gif


    I don't really want to slut around though, I spent my early 20's doing that. Don't get me wrong, I want to have sex... lots, and lots, and lots of sex, but I just prefer to do it with the same person. I have a voracious sex drive and I know it sounds totally lame and adolescent but when I have sex with someone I really give of myself emotionally and physically, and I like it that way. And I don't want to just give that part of myself up flippantly.

    I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready for a relationship again and I hate not having the outlet for this part of my psyche that so desperately needs release... metaphorically and literally.
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    Sep 17, 2009 3:58 PM GMT
    over_and_over saidI've had a few situations that have worked out well with what were essentially Fuck Buddies, but only on a short term basis. Eventually someone or both either got bored or attached. More frequently attached.

    Finding a nice, fun, cool, sexy guy to date is hard enough.
    Quite honestly, I don't even think I'm ready to date anyone seriously. I've been in one LTR that even in the wake of it's ending, and in part because of the civility and kindness that was exercised in the end, was so amazing and good that I just can't imagine finding anything even remotely fulfilling.

    I have a voracious sexual appetite and I find it ridiculously hard to go without sex, but I prefer the intimacy and security of familiarity. I'm not into "just hooking up" but there is no way in hell I can abstain for long periods of time (more than two months).

    Is it possible to have a long term friend with benefits? And is finding someone compatible in that capacity as elusive as finding a more conventional, romantic LTR? Thoughts?


    Find another man for an LTR. You need to set aside the idea that F w/ B is something that can be permanent. It nearly always develops into something more, or deteriorates into something less. Set boundaries. You can't have your cake and eat it, too, though many often try.
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    Sep 17, 2009 8:19 PM GMT
    Addicted2me saidFind another man for an LTR. You need to set aside the idea that F w/ B is something that can be permanent. It nearly always develops into something more, or deteriorates into something less. Set boundaries. You can't have your cake and eat it, too, though many often try.


    ...you're right, this was something I think I was afraid to look at directly.
    Putting down the cake, too much processed sugar anyway.
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    Sep 17, 2009 9:29 PM GMT
    It bothers me how sexually promiscuous a great deal of gay men are. Compulsive sexual addiction seems to be so prevalent. Do you have to have every hot piece of ass that comes along guys? I don't mean to seem judgemental but you would be a lot happier if your learned to tame some of those raging passions. Guys who learn to be promiscuous when they're younger tend to not be able to be in committed relationships when they are looking for something more fulfilling later on in life. I would prefer not to be one of those types.
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    Sep 17, 2009 11:12 PM GMT
    imaquic01 saidIt bothers me how sexually promiscuous a great deal of gay men are. Compulsive sexual addiction seems to be so prevalent. Do you have to have every hot piece of ass that comes along guys? I don't mean to seem judgemental but you would be a lot happier if your learned to tame some of those raging passions. Guys who learn to be promiscuous when they're younger tend to not be able to be in committed relationships when they are looking for something more fulfilling later on in life. I would prefer not to be one of those types.


    I agree with you on a certain level but if your single you pretty much have rein to do what you want. If you have an understanding with your companion you can also have an open relationship. Just because it's not right for you doesn't mean it's not right for someone else.

    That's another aspect of youth. You think everybody should feel the same way about things the way you do. Not so, we all want different things.

    Now back to the discussion, Friends with Benefits are rarely ever friends.
  • SFTraveler

    Posts: 171

    Sep 19, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    Sure, it's possible. But such friends are hard to find. I've had only one. We used to have sex every Saturday morning when he woke up and we loved each other dearly as friends, but not lovers. We enjoyed the sex and each other's company, but we weren't meant to be partners and we both understood that. It was a great arrangement that satisfied both of us.
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Sep 20, 2009 7:26 PM GMT
    I had a FB when I was in the military. He was married with kids. We played racquetball, ran marathons and fucked together. He loved a good blow job and to fuck men. Was good for both of us until he was reassigned. We still have phone sex sometimes.
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    Sep 20, 2009 7:32 PM GMT
    imaquic01 saidI don't mean to seem judgmental but ....


    Sure you do. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 22, 2009 8:39 PM GMT
    In think there's a difference ..... btw a FB and a FWB

    I've had some really fun FB's
    and the best ones were very hot guys that you really wouldn't want to hang around with icon_cool.gif

    Guys you really have nothing in common with except in bed

    Friends with Benefits get WAY too tricky for me
    because you still have the "friend" part getting in the way of the "sex" part
  • drcharm

    Posts: 33

    Sep 23, 2009 1:52 PM GMT
    well
    there is episode in sex and the city about dating fuck buddies ya it different but in the same idea u both were programed to sex only sex so ya buddie it not working
    friend and sex i do it all da time but there will be tears cause some 1 get attached more
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    Sep 28, 2009 3:19 PM GMT
    I agree that Fuck buds are much more sexually oriented than friends with benifits. I think FWB connotates that there is a bit more of an emotional bond there, meaning aside from the sex, there is something else that supposedly sustainable. Yes you can have a long term friends with benefits given you are both truly honest about your intentions and what it is you want. I had some FB's and FWB's that lasted for maybe 6 months or more, but I found that many occasions one of us were always more serious than the other. Quite a few of my fuck buds fell in love and it caused issues.

    But overall it was a very uplifting experience for me. Very liberating and fun. To have these sexual experiences with such attractive confident men, and know that that was the only obligation. To get off.

    And sometimes it because a little bit more intimate, a little bit more personal, to the point that they're telling you about their day while cuddling and things of that sort and thats always fun.

    and it did wonders for my sexual skills.

    But I say if you think its for you try it. And just be safe, use protection and have fun.