In a word--"Aging."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2007 8:31 AM GMT
    So..., I'm 37 yrs. of age. In the eyes of the gay male--"I'm done. I'm finished. No one will want me." I think that's what they say. --"No. I think they (those hot young 30 year olds) say "You're an attractive, handsome, intelligent 37 year old." "You're kidding," I think. "I'm not really alone; I'm not dying, not yet anyway; I'm still attractive! I'm no model, but I've still got it!" Okay. Yeah, I've had a trip or two to the doc about prostate issues and checkups, but every guy should go see his proctologist. I might have to workout harder, exercise longer, and go to bed earlier, but I'm not dead yet." Huh? ...yeah, I know: my hair has started to thin." I said. "No honey," my friend says, "It's started...hell, it's more than started." he said. "You know what? It's a matter of perception." That's it. Yeah, that's it.

    --Were you convinced?

    I wonder how many twenty-something's would date an older man--10, 20, 30 years? Do they think he (the older man) is an option? How many forty-something's?

    I am troubled by the idea of entering the dating scene, again. The monogamous relationship certainly has its virtues--well, monogamy (but the older guy has to share that libido: wait a minute--he has NONE), and fidelity, trust = disease free; no dating scene; and tons of paperwork just to survive.

    I spent my twenty's in college and graduate school; my late twenty's in doctoral study; my early thirties, I spent teaching--exams, tests, papers, meetings, paperwork; meetings = more paperwork. Paperwork = less time, a stress filled day = E+D, oh...it's just ED. .

    Vacations! Lots of them: planned, and paid for, too! Pass the plate please--Oh, that was the "tax" plate. Sure..., resumes, CV's, books, publisher, International travel, passport, visa, airports, and Homeland Security--barefoot: "Jacket please. Empty your pockets. No..., take the computer out of the box." the attendant said. "I did." "No. Out of the box." she repeats. "I did. Now, dammit..., the computer is out of the box." I said. "Sir. No. Take the computer out of the briefcase." "Yes, whatever, dammit. Let's just strip. I'll strip, right here, right now. You want to play! Let's play!" I rambled.

    Ah, yes..., aging: How do you cope with it as a gay male in a kind of mid-life crisis? Some say, "Yup, that's what it is?" Others say, "Nah, your too young." I say, "For me, my entire life is flashing before my eyes: I need to do more, be more successful; make more money; research, re-search, ever re-re-searching, searched, searches.

    And, just in case some of think I've lost my mind; I have not. I'm trying to elevate the mood to a position of self-deprecation--it eases the conscience of the public; no culpability there, right.

    What about aging?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Dec 11, 2007 11:25 AM GMT
    We're all aging...
    don't take on such a defeatist attitude or you will find that's exactly what will happen
    you want to date twenty somethings when you're 37?
    That might be your source of trouble
    What about other thirty somethings?
    I've dated guys in their 20's and I'm older than you
    Yeah most of them have hot bodies but so do guys who are 30 and guys who are 40 and even some that are older than that...
    you're gonna find that guys younger than you are - are going to have different life experiences
    and will be harder to get comfortable with
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    Dec 11, 2007 4:07 PM GMT
    37. Aging. LOL!!!!!

    But seriously --- yes, your body changes, and your attitudes --- but you're far from 'finished'.

    It's probably a good idea to get your doc to check or at least document your hormone levels. If your testosterone levels are starting to do down, that's going to affect you in a number of interesting and unpleasant ways - but it happens so slowly that you'll hardly be aware of it until the damage is done.

    There are a couple of articles here:

    http://www.prime-fit.com/articles.htm

    They address things like fat gain and testosterone levels.

    --- Joey

    PS: I'm 55, and BELIEVE ME, it's FAR from over. ;)
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Dec 11, 2007 4:08 PM GMT
    Also ... put your pic on here.

    Having no pic is SO 1997! icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 11, 2007 5:05 PM GMT
    Sounds like someone needs to hit the testosterone and get a better outlook going.

    Stop it with the pity pot crap. Get yourself some pictures. Get yourself in shape. Go see the doctor about anti-aging and get going on some testosterone. Leverage all those hours on the planet to be a good thing.

    I have 20-somethings BEG me, regularly, and these are hot kids; creme' de' le' creme'. At 47, I'm able to pull a consistent 9.1 to 9.9 in my hotness ratings. It's all about how you choose to grow older, and how you view, and manipulate, that process. You don't have to feel like crap. You don't have to be on the pity pot. Do you own discovery. Get your head out, take charge, and make growing older a good thing.

    Don't believe some of the plain crap about androgens, nor aging. Avoid the statins; get on the testosterone; you'll feel a pile better, mentally, and physically, be protected from disease, and grow old much more gracefully.

    Less drama; more testosterone; more exercise; better outlook; positive thinking.
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    Dec 11, 2007 5:21 PM GMT
    I'd agree with what everyone else has said. I'm 37 myself, in the shape of my life, happily married to someone who's more than a decade older than I am, and looking forward to many years of health and happiness. Exercise, rest, proper nutrition, a healthy outlook on life, a good community all add up to the prospect of a good future.

    And every now and then, you still get the ego pump when a hot young thing writes his number on a piece of paper and sends it, via waiter, to your table for you. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 11, 2007 5:25 PM GMT
    I was floored at the gym last week. This gorgeous, tall, dark, handsome (perfect lines) kid says, "I want you so bad."

    I about fell out of my shirt, and smiled as I walked away.
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    Dec 11, 2007 5:28 PM GMT
    You walked away!?!? icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 11, 2007 5:28 PM GMT
    Aww shit, a guy who's in his skin (confident and self-aware) and takes care of himself is sexy as hell no matter what his age. Just don't petrify, keep an open mind, let yourself stay in touch with your inner child, and be open to the wonder around you. It's all good.
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    Dec 11, 2007 5:32 PM GMT
    I'm old enough to be his dad. I thought about it, though, for a second, and, maybe when he asks again... well...I'll see him again in the next few days.

    I was thinking about how that must have been bugging him, because I had picked up on his body language a few times. He must have been to the point where he just couldn't stand it, and blurted it out. I kinda' had to giggle. He must have gotten to the place where it was an oh fuck it thing. Well, now, I know I didn't misread his body language. I was thinking...damn...I think you're hot as hell, too. LOL

    Even at 47, I still like dealing with morning wood. It's just the afternoon wood...oh..never mind.
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    Dec 11, 2007 5:35 PM GMT
    Wow, Chucky, that visual just made my morning. Excuse me for the next five minutes. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 11, 2007 6:22 PM GMT
    If you're in a monogamous relationship, why worry?

    As long as he takes care of himself, I would have no problem dating anyone upwards of 35 - 40.
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    Dec 11, 2007 8:10 PM GMT
    If you take good care of yourself and eat right, get plenty of good exercise, and have a confident, upbeat attitude, you'll be much more attractive to anyone you might meet.

    I agree with GQJock on the subject of dating someone who might be a lot younger. We guys in our 40s who are diet and exercise conscious can still get guys in their twenties, but do we really want them? Isn't it better to date guys closer in age and experience to ourselves?
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    Dec 11, 2007 8:31 PM GMT
    i PREFER men in their 30's and 40's. even into their 50's. have you seen some of the 50-somethings on here??? good, googly gook! the irony of it is none of the hot older guys want me. they can be just as arrogant and unattainable as anyone else (plus they have the life experience to pour on some unwarranted condescension from time to time). it's fucking annoying. i can land a troll of whatever age, but attractive men just are not generally attracted to me. you just can't please anyone, it seems. i'm about ready to just give up on everyone except my hand. everyone's a 10 looking for a 12. whatever.


    men in their 20's have little substance usually - the men that drive me crazy are the ones who look good, act friendly, carry on conversations, and don't let their age get in the way of their good time. i pass for 18-24 all the time, but i'm way older than that - age ain't nuthin' but a number. i have a keychain that says "29 and holding" LOL


    when i was 22 i was with a 46-year-old italian stallion. we broke up b/c he's abusive, not b/c we didn't have good conversations. when i was 26 i was with someone 44. we broke up b/c he was so damn goodlooking that he couldn't keep it in his pants... u can keep the twinks: what's the point of being gay if you're not attracted to male secondary sex traits?


    i want a man with vertical smile lines in his cheeks and subtle crows feet (a lifetime of laughter and happiness), silver in his hair (i bet he earned every one of them), and a slightly roughened look (testifies to his ability to survive the storm). believe me, if you have a bod like jockbod48, psbigjoey, sodakguy, chuckystud, et al, and you've maintained that ph.d level intellect, you'll have NO problems attracting whomever you want.


    now, get to work. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 11, 2007 8:36 PM GMT
    Dancer,

    If you're not getting the reaction from the well-maintained older men, it's THEIR problem, not yours. You're a good looking man, with a great smile and a very tight body - and, I suspect, a lot of other good qualities, too.

    Remember that some of those older guys have LOTS of baggage - they've had more years to accumulate it.

    J.
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    Dec 11, 2007 8:39 PM GMT
    I, too, tend to date older men. It just happens.

    BigJoey: Some of us younger guys are able to recognize that some of that baggage leads to wisdom!
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    Dec 11, 2007 8:40 PM GMT
    thank you psbigjoey... i'm in a puddle already. see? SEE? SEE?! (is it okay if i stumble and bat my eyelashes?). so joey, my name's jack. makes monogramming the towels easier, right? LOL be well
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    Dec 11, 2007 9:14 PM GMT
    I think that to be 37 and worried about being too old is almost funny to me. I'm happier now than I was at 40. As to the age of someone I find attractive, I think it's irrelevant if there's something there. Some connection, humor, intellect, compassion. I've never had to opportunity to date someone in their 20's because it seems that guys that are in their 20's or 30's only find me attractive if they're more than 500 miles away. Go figure.

    So if there is a hot guy in his 20's (looking at you DancerJack) or 50's (that'd be you PSBigJoey), that I think is hot, it's the substance of their personality that drives it home (so to speak) and not their age.

    The other thing, and it's a big one, that I realized is this: Somehow, guys seem to think that once they are a certain age (the age depends on the individual) that they are the only one in the world who's on that boat. Stop staring at the floor and look up and you'll see plenty of other guys who are in the same place as you. I was alone until I realized that I wasn't. The situation didn't change, just my perception.
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    Dec 11, 2007 9:24 PM GMT
    bgcat57 - hey! how've you been??? good to see ya online


    okay, one more entry and then i'll probably need to leave this thread alone so other people can get a word in: MUSSEL. do a search on him. talk about overwhelming. not just his pics, but his profile content. are you fucking kidding me? if there was ever someone who came across as perfect on first glance of an internet profile... that'd be him. some people are entirely too attractive. could he please get a pimple or misspell a word or something? jesus...
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    Dec 11, 2007 9:25 PM GMT
    Nice response bgcat. I'm noticing more and more that I'm attracted more to personality than anything else. I also have to be able to connect to a guy. I've had younger guys approach me, and even go out on a date, but what I've found is that while I might have a bunch in common with a younger guy, the level of experience is so much different, and I'm become more 'complex' over the years, and a guy that's 'less complex' is harder to relate to.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Dec 11, 2007 10:31 PM GMT
    I went to my first gay pride event when I was 22 and I ended up at the Mpls Eagle for beer bust. (Too bad I can't do that anymore since I have acid reflux.) Anyway, this one guy told me that I was attractive "from the neck down."

    He starts wistfully talking about "the good ol' days" when he was young and lean and cute. So, I ask him how old he was.

    He said he's 30 and that everything goes downhill after you turn 30.

    Let's see ... I'm 30. I'm in the best shape of my life and nothing has gone downhill for me.

    Dude ... all I can say is ... suck it up. Start working out and quit whining. It's going to get you nowhere.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Dec 11, 2007 11:34 PM GMT
    Guys in their twenties are like potato chips

    They taste good....but they're not good for ya
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Dec 12, 2007 2:21 PM GMT
    Dude ... you're getting the wrong kid of chips! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 12, 2007 2:50 PM GMT
    s_daedalus2008I wonder how many twenty-something's would date an older man--10, 20, 30 years?


    Maybe I am missing what you mean by this, but to me it seems like you are part of the problem you are bemoaning. You think that 20 year olds won't date you because you are older, but yet you are focused on 20 year olds. It seems to me you have the same hang ups with age that you claim others do.

    I agree with most of the people above. Age is kinda irrelevant and hot is hot.
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    Dec 12, 2007 3:15 PM GMT
    GQ - just 'cause you're nibbling at chips doesn't mean that's ALL you get to eat, either.

    Some 20-somethings are a main course, some are an appetizer, and some are dessert - and while I generally prefer to eat more substantial fare, I still like to indulge my sweet tooth once in a while - and, fortunately, some of the desserts feel the same way about me.

    J.