common courtesy: in other words being civil

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    Sep 18, 2009 1:47 AM GMT
    I took a civil class in high school and it has stuck with me, and my family has taught me some manners in my lifetime. These are the things I think should be common courtesy for a gay man:

    open a door, let another person order first, acknowledge someone's entry into a room, include this person in conversation, reply to guys' emails saying "thanks" or more when they take the time to email you, beign able to say im not that into you in an IM, email, or other form, knowing when to pick a phone conversation up from dead silence, if a guy sends you an IM send a reply saying "thanks" or more. The world and this site is full of guys who just choose to be fake and not communicate or be a gentleman.
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    Sep 18, 2009 2:19 AM GMT
    Here's another one... Turn off your cellphone or simply ignore it when you're out on a date with someone. Even if that someone is just a friend you're hanging out with, it still comes off as being rude. A lot of people seem to lack common cellphone courtesy.
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    Sep 18, 2009 4:00 AM GMT
    collegegraddude saidI took a civil class in high school and it has stuck with me, and my family has taught me some manners in my lifetime. These are the things I think should be common courtesy for a gay man:

    open a door, let another person order first, acknowledge someone's entry into a room, include this person in conversation, reply to guys' emails saying "thanks" or more when they take the time to email you, beign able to say im not that into you in an IM, email, or other form, knowing when to pick a phone conversation up from dead silence, if a guy sends you an IM send a reply saying "thanks" or more. The world and this site is full of guys who just choose to be fake and not communicate or be a gentleman.


    Yes, they are very, very fake here. This site is really about self-aggrandisement, not community, as they would have you believe. Just recognize garbage when you encounter it and move on. Anybody can be an asshole; it's a lot easier (and more fulfilling, for them) than being a receptive person. I mean, the site is sadly entitled "realjock", so most of them take it upon themselves to channel that kind of persona with an affected air. Somehow, it enables them to acheive some sort of pitiful status that they've never had in real life. Gentlemen, they are not. Don't hold them to such undeservedly high standards.
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    Sep 18, 2009 4:06 AM GMT
    Someone, I forget who, wrote an essay about courtesy, in which the point was that courtesy is the shorthand we use to tell a person we recognize them as individuals when we don't have the time to enter into a deeper relationship.

    It seems to me that this is pretty accurate, and ties into the idea that we shouldn't do things to others that we wouldn't want done to us.

    In fact, I'd go so far as to say that showing courtesy to another person is part of taking pride in myself. To do less is lazy, and means I'm letting myself down.

    Nat

    PS _ I have met a few very nice, good people here, by the way.

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    Sep 18, 2009 4:21 AM GMT
    Don't hack phlegm in public.
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    Sep 18, 2009 5:39 AM GMT
    Here's a bit from an article I wrote - The newspaper asked an open question about what makes a civil society.


    "Get acquainted with your neighbours, which is an act of kindness in itself. You can’t help anyone unless you know a little about their needs. Stand up for those that can’t stand up for themselves, especially in situations of bullying or discrimination in all their ugly subtle forms. Start looking for opportunities for others, rather than just yourself.
    Politeness counts. In an age of assertiveness training and self-esteem issues, we, as a society, have forgotten that sweetness really does get you farther than barbed self-importance. And here’s the most amazing thing about all of the above suggestions. Taken together, there’s a vast therapeutic benefit to that person each of us sees in the mirror every day. It becomes easier and easier to like ourselves. Lastly, if everyone could make a concerted effort to do the above, our own trials in life, emotional especially (and I include states of worthlessness, fear and hopelessness), will become lighter loads. We’ll know that others care about us and are willing to help, whether they know us personally or not."

    -Doug of meninlove


    ...and then there's initiating civility in order to get it from others. Slagging an entire group with derogatory, exaggerated generalizations will not encourage civility from them.
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    Sep 18, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    Everyone needs to just lighten up!
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    Sep 18, 2009 6:28 AM GMT
    Everybody is not cut from the same cloth. Oh well. The world keeps on spinning.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Sep 18, 2009 7:18 AM GMT
    I hate when guys, when we are talking on the phone or in person say that I am so quiet when I am the one asking all the questions like we are in a frickin interview lol Don't blame me because you can't pull out a conversation and you just sitting there and answering questions is not a conversation. It doesn't make you any more talkative than I am. You should be able to, especially if you are interested in someone, to ask them something about them that you want to know. DUH!!!!!!!!!!
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    Sep 18, 2009 8:47 AM GMT
    ADDICTED TO ME- "Yes, they are very, very fake here. This site is really about self-aggrandisement, not community, as they would have you believe"

    Kinda funny since you do not have a profile pic. It might mean nothing or it might mean many things but when a guy talks about fakes and has no profile pic, me asks? I am not sure a guy without pics should make judgements on anyone or RealJock. You say this is not a site about community? A hidden profile? Oh well.....
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    Sep 18, 2009 9:36 AM GMT
    Addicted2me saidYes, they are very, very fake here. This site is really about self-aggrandisement, not community, as they would have you believe. Just recognize garbage when you encounter it and move on. Anybody can be an asshole; it's a lot easier (and more fulfilling, for them) than being a receptive person. I mean, the site is sadly entitled "realjock", so most of them take it upon themselves to channel that kind of persona with an affected air. Somehow, it enables them to acheive some sort of pitiful status that they've never had in real life. Gentlemen, they are not. Don't hold them to such undeservedly high standards.


    I disagree. Realjock's community reflects that of any other, but tends to be far more real than the myriad user forums out there (either gay or straight). I've made many good online acquaintances here, which is why I stay.

    Addicted2me, I'm sorry you've not had good experiences here. Add some pics to your profile. Open up a little, if you dare. If you become a part of the community, the community will become a part of you. It takes care of its own.

    Why not try being civil, yourself? And while you're at it, try not to be so addicted to yourself.
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    Sep 18, 2009 1:26 PM GMT
    It just seems that good manners and civility are lost in today's world.

    I'm the designated listener, in conversations, and if some guys heard what they sound like, and what spills from their mouths, I think they'd retract 90 percent of what they say.

    I just wish guys would be more kinder to each other, less critical, and far more loving and accepting.

    Mega hairy muscle hugs go a long way in making the world a better place to live, love and play.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 18, 2009 7:34 PM GMT
    Ciarsolo7 saidDon't hack phlegm in public.


    Ciar: Amen. there is a not-so-subtle play on the words:

    CIVIL ENGINEERING

    ... in this thread that is awfully haunting.
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    Sep 18, 2009 7:37 PM GMT
    Tapper said

    I disagree. Realjock's community reflects that of any other, but tends to be far more real than the myriad user forums out there (either gay or straight). I've made many good online acquaintances here, which is why I stay.

    Addicted2me, I'm sorry you've not had good experiences here. Add some pics to your profile. Open up a little, if you dare. If you become a part of the community, the community will become a part of you. It takes care of its own.

    Why not try being civil, yourself? And while you're at it, try not to be so addicted to yourself.


    Tappy.. he´s probably Metaphor who has trolled here before. The "there is no community, they all gang up on me" was his line last time.

    Soooo boring.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 18, 2009 7:49 PM GMT
    Well to begin with, much of what you said should be common courtesy for any person, gay man, straight woman or whomever.

    I try to do much of what you suggested. I always sort of chuckle to myself when someone ahead of me doesn't bother to hold the door when I'm walking into or out of a building. I always do that. Its amazing how many people just don't care or were never taught or both.

    As far as RJ, many here are polite, a few not. Try not to be overly sensitive about some issues. Its not important and certainly not enough to get bent out of shape.
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    Sep 19, 2009 2:16 AM GMT
    Common courtesy and decency. . .

    Compliment people on a good job
    Don't interrupt others when they're talking
    Hold doors open
    When you're in NYC, give up your subway seat to a woman or older person
    Tip well in restaurants
    To older men and women say 'sir' and 'ma'am'
    Speak or acknowledge people on the street, when appropriate
    Treat co-workers with respect
    Say thank you frequently






  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Sep 19, 2009 2:29 AM GMT
    You can say that again,icon_exclaim.gif
    but it's also a plus when someone ignores you because it lets you know that this person lacks common decency.. I for one would rather know up front where someone is coming from so i dont have to deal with them. EVER.
    As you know my friend, some people were brought up , and some were just dragged up....icon_exclaim.gif
    The evidence is so clear...
    So silence is truly golden my dear, priceless even.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2009 2:50 AM GMT
    I pre-ignore picture-less and folks that I don't think will hit it off.

    I NEVER acknowledge sexual advances from a stranger. I block them immediately.

    My experience has been that if you give an inch the other person wants to take a mile, and that many gay guys, don't accept a polite "I'm not interested" without lashing out with venom. I used to be more interactive, but, after having mush thrown at me for being honest, I just ignore them and go on my way.

    I don't engage in the name calling and petty antics of the messed up folks.

    In real space, I'm equal opportunity all the way. I never open doors for folks, nor cut them off, chivary, etc. I always signal, never tale gate, don't cut folks off, etc. I find many folks falsely courteous (e.g. cutting me off in traffic and then smiling and waving, or, the special folks who park in store's fire lane). I behave properly, but, I'm opinionated, honest, provocative.

    There's lots of really rude folks around. Rude to send me email, like "I wanta' do you", "meet tonight?" Rude in general.

    One of my pet peeves is folks who don't pick up their weights. Another is folks who block traffic because they're too lazy to walk across a parking lot. Folks with bad driving skills annoy me. Littering is for big time losers....welcome to Texas.
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    Sep 19, 2009 2:55 AM GMT
    collegegraddude saidI took a civil class in high school and it has stuck with me, and my family has taught me some manners in my lifetime. These are the things I think should be common courtesy for a gay man:

    open a door, let another person order first, acknowledge someone's entry into a room, include this person in conversation, reply to guys' emails saying "thanks" or more when they take the time to email you, beign able to say im not that into you in an IM, email, or other form, knowing when to pick a phone conversation up from dead silence, if a guy sends you an IM send a reply saying "thanks" or more. The world and this site is full of guys who just choose to be fake and not communicate or be a gentleman.


    Buddy who ever is not being polite and civil to you needs to have their head examined.

    Your a hot guy with a great profile. Yum!
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    Oct 05, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    The if some gay men agree that being civil is the right thing to do whay is it so hard for the RJ community to grasp?
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    Oct 05, 2009 2:11 PM GMT
    Pardon me for being inconsiderate, but is the pot calling the kettle black here, or is it just me? I personally don't think it's very civil or courteous to say something about how the majority of the men here are fake.
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    Oct 05, 2009 2:13 PM GMT
    collegegraddude saidThe if some gay men agree that being civil is the right thing to do whay is it so hard for the RJ community to grasp?


    Simple - some gay men on RJ agree and you will find those to be civil. Those who don't agree you will find them not to be.

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    Oct 05, 2009 2:17 PM GMT
    jprichva saidOh, bite me.


    it'll be my pleasure to. thanks for the invitation. i'll bite you on the ass- drop dem trunks
  • cbrock

    Posts: 212

    Jan 31, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    courtesy and manners are something that are becoming less and less common. it's especially true in a larger city. there's good and bad to it. but i try to courteous as much as possible.