Have You Ever....

  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 19, 2009 3:55 AM GMT
    Had someone exhibit some strange behavior toward you (ex. avoiding you) to the point you assumed they really disliked you, to later find out they were attracted to you. A friend of mine recently made me aware that a mutual friend of ours has confessed to her that he has a serious attraction toward me.
    The thing that perplexes me though is this guy was a total jerk to me, when I would say hello, he would not speak, when we would all go out to an event, if I was on one side of the room he would always make it his business to be on the other side, and he would always give me these odd looks, like he wanted to push me out of a window or something.

    I refused to analyze the situation, because I felt I have never given him a reason to act like this toward me. I told my friend I would prefer if she did not invite me out whenever he would be there because his behavior made me uncomfortable, so she took it upon himself to question him, and he told her he has a crush on me. He's not a bad looking dude, but I told her if that's his way of showing interest in someone, I think i'm gonna pass icon_rolleyes.gif
    Have any of you ever had any similar situations?
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    Sep 19, 2009 4:00 AM GMT
    NyRuinz saidHad someone exhibit some strange behavior toward you (ex. avoiding you) to the point you assumed they really disliked you, to later find out they were attracted to you. A friend of mine recently made me aware that a mutual friend of ours has confessed to her that he has a serious attraction toward me.
    The thing that perplexes me though is this guy was a total jerk to me, when I would say hello, he would not speak, when we would all go out to an event, if I was on one side of the room he would always make it his business to be on the other side, and he would always give me these odd looks, like he wanted to push me out of a window or something.

    I refused to analyze the situation, because I felt I have never given him a reason to act like this toward me. I told my friend I would prefer if she did not invite me out whenever he would be there because his behavior made me uncomfortable, so she took it upon himself to question him, and he told her he has a crush on me. He's not a bad looking dude, but I told her if that's his way of showing interest in someone, I think i'm gonna pass icon_rolleyes.gif
    Have any of you ever had any similar situations?



    People deal with anxiety and attraction differently. He might be incredibly shy. The looks he was giving you could have been (obviously) misinterpreted.

    It seems there was NO verbal communication between you two (not for your lack of effort). Its up to you if you want to open dialogue with him again.

    Id say whats the harm in trying again? You never really did get to know him, and maybe he wants to someone to talk to.

    Again, its up to you. Good luck!
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 19, 2009 5:00 AM GMT
    Epiphany1882 said
    NyRuinz saidHad someone exhibit some strange behavior toward you (ex. avoiding you) to the point you assumed they really disliked you, to later find out they were attracted to you. A friend of mine recently made me aware that a mutual friend of ours has confessed to her that he has a serious attraction toward me.
    The thing that perplexes me though is this guy was a total jerk to me, when I would say hello, he would not speak, when we would all go out to an event, if I was on one side of the room he would always make it his business to be on the other side, and he would always give me these odd looks, like he wanted to push me out of a window or something.

    I refused to analyze the situation, because I felt I have never given him a reason to act like this toward me. I told my friend I would prefer if she did not invite me out whenever he would be there because his behavior made me uncomfortable, so she took it upon himself to question him, and he told her he has a crush on me. He's not a bad looking dude, but I told her if that's his way of showing interest in someone, I think i'm gonna pass icon_rolleyes.gif
    Have any of you ever had any similar situations?



    People deal with anxiety and attraction differently. He might be incredibly shy. The looks he was giving you could have been (obviously) misinterpreted.

    It seems there was NO verbal communication between you two (not for your lack of effort). Its up to you if you want to open dialogue with him again.

    Id say whats the harm in trying again? You never really did get to know him, and maybe he wants to someone to talk to.

    Again, its up to you. Good luck!


    Thanks a lot for your insight, I've never really looked at it that way.
    I think your right about him being shy because he is very soft spoken,
    and despite the fact that he is an attractive guy and in great shape, I think
    he may be insecure about himself, because when we would go out he would always ask my friend how he looked numerous times (hair, clothes etc.)
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 19, 2009 5:03 AM GMT
    jprichva saidYes, and it was weird.

    I had a roommate in my sophomore year in college. Totally ripped hottie (and so was his older brother who hung around a lot too). The guy acted very stand-offish all year. We never hung out, he always made it his business to get out as soon as I came back to the room.

    So, the last day of the school year, I'm packing my stuff up to get out of town, and I threw something in the trash by mistake. I had to dump out the trash can to find it, and the can was full of paper. Turns out the paper was his journal that he'd been keeping for an English class. Naturally, I was curious to know what made him tick, so I sat down and read the whole thing.

    I was in total shock: page after page all about me---how he was attracted to me, how he was too intimidated to talk to me, how we was powerfully under the spell of my "charisma"....that one came as a real surprise, I never thought of myself remotely like that. Just on and on and on.

    Anyway, I packed up and left, and never saw him again.


    I wonder do these guys ever stop to think that their behavior may turn the person they are attracted to off. When someone is being a jerk to me, I never stop to think this person is being a jerk to me because he likes me, I automatically assume it's because they dislike me for some reason.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 19, 2009 7:31 AM GMT
    I suspect that his shyness kept him from doing what you feel would be the proper actions he should have taken to convey his attraction to you. Many times it's hard for guys to make the first move, for fear of rejection.
    So, he "worshipped" you from afar.

    Never the less, I'm not surprised that you were somewhat annoyed by his actions, because you misunderstood them, and, at the same time found them to be very odd.

    It's possible that you missed out on getting to know a wonderful guy...
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 19, 2009 8:59 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI suspect that his shyness kept him from doing what you feel would be the proper actions he should have taken to convey his attraction to you. Many times it's hard for guys to make the first move, for fear of rejection.
    So, he "worshipped" you from afar.

    Never the less, I'm not surprised that you were somewhat annoyed by his actions, because you misunderstood them, and, at the same time found them to be very odd.

    It's possible that you missed out on getting to know a wonderful guy...


    When I initially met him through my friend, I tried my best to get him to open up, by being friendly. I made sure not to discuss topics that would make him feel alienated, but he still came across cold as ice. After a certain point I just decided to leave him alone because I didn't want to frustrate him anymore than what he already seemed.
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    Sep 19, 2009 12:15 PM GMT
    I remember when my ex and I first started talking and I thought he didnt like me cause he would hit my arm or slap my leg. say kind of mean things... then i figured it out... he was acting like that little boy in the sandbox as a kid that didnt know how to tell or let the girl/boy he liked that he liked them. It was cute once i figured it out. I actually miss it now.
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    Sep 19, 2009 1:33 PM GMT
    .

    I had a gay friend whose brother was acting like you describe. He even told my lesbian friend that I made him nervous. So, I tried to stay away from him. Until one Xmas when it would have been blatantly rude to not give him a ride home after too much to drink.....need I go on?

    I've always said there's a fine line between "I wanna kick your ass" and "I wanna lick your ass" with straight guys.
    Sometimes a stern look is the latter.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 19, 2009 2:19 PM GMT


    Yes ... but have you ever stripped and fallen going up the stairs? 'cause it happens to this guy all the time.
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    Sep 19, 2009 2:22 PM GMT
    I've acted this way toward someone I had a HUGE crush on before.

    I was dating a girl and had a horrible crush on her brother. Wasn't out at the time, so didn't want anyone to know.

    Everytime he came near me, I became almost speechless. He was amazing.

    To compensate for my attraction, I tried to keep my distance from him. He actually wanted to be friends since I was dating his sister. He tried really hard, but I couldn't take it. I would sabatoge every opportunity he had to hang out with me by being very distant and almost rude so he wouldn't talk to me.

  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 19, 2009 4:58 PM GMT
    catfish5 saidI've acted this way toward someone I had a HUGE crush on before.

    I was dating a girl and had a horrible crush on her brother. Wasn't out at the time, so didn't want anyone to know.

    Everytime he came near me, I became almost speechless. He was amazing.

    To compensate for my attraction, I tried to keep my distance from him. He actually wanted to be friends since I was dating his sister. He tried really hard, but I couldn't take it. I would sabatoge every opportunity he had to hang out with me by being very distant and almost rude so he wouldn't talk to me.



    Wow, and how long did this go on? did he stay away like you had hoped? It's just funny how certain people deal with crushes. I mean I have been a little nervous around a guy I liked, but I usually just start talking really fast lol.
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    Sep 19, 2009 9:18 PM GMT
    I'm a bit shy and quiet to the point that people think I'm aloof. It's very hard to break myself out of that and be more outgoing. Whenever I was around someone I was attracted to, I would get even more shy and quiet, but never rude. I was always conscious of my behavior to make sure I didn't seem to anxious or excited and most of the time, I'd temper it down too much.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Sep 20, 2009 12:50 AM GMT
    Oh dear YES,
    Years ago when i worked at the Lincoln Center Library there was a security guard who gave me mean looks and scowls and even told me one day that he dislikes my kind..icon_question.gif
    On the evening of the staff talent show [of couse i performed], he brought me a dozen white roses backstage and slipped me the tongue,,HARD..
    I left that job the next week.........
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    Sep 20, 2009 1:06 AM GMT
    is this the adult version of playground hair pulling and kicks to the crotch? cuz I do remember Liz Edwards kicking me in the groin a few times when I was 10 because she "liked" me.
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    Sep 20, 2009 1:56 AM GMT
    jprichva said

    Anyway, I packed up and left, and never saw him again.


    I do believe this is the first time you made me laugh icon_biggrin.gif
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 20, 2009 3:11 AM GMT
    Update people! My friend advised me that this dude has a girlfriend icon_eek.gif, Like seriously how are you professing your feelings for a guy when you have a girlfriend at home.
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    Sep 20, 2009 3:16 AM GMT
    NyRuinz saidUpdate people! My friend advised me that this dude has a girlfriend icon_eek.gif, Like seriously how are you professing your feelings for a guy when you have a girlfriend at home.


    It's called 'pre-cheating.' icon_wink.gif
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 20, 2009 4:49 AM GMT
    Slutzilla said
    NyRuinz saidUpdate people! My friend advised me that this dude has a girlfriend icon_eek.gif, Like seriously how are you professing your feelings for a guy when you have a girlfriend at home.


    It's called 'pre-cheating.' icon_wink.gif


    So, I guess he's being proactive (smh) lol, sometimes I wonder do all of these "so called" straight men, assume that all gay men have no morals, and will drop everything to assist them with fulfilling their homosexual fantasies, and totally disregard the fact that they have girlfriends/wives at home.
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    Sep 20, 2009 6:05 AM GMT
    oh yes, this has happened to me more times then I can count, most guys are just very shy and intimidated, its called a defense mechanism.....after I turned on the charm and made them comfortable...they were putty in my handsicon_wink.gif
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    Sep 20, 2009 5:25 PM GMT
    I'm actually like that. I tend to distance myself from people I'm attracted to. To the point that it would be mistaken as being snobbish. Partly because of a desire to shield myself from rejection.

    icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 20, 2009 7:30 PM GMT
    Sedative saidI'm actually like that. I tend to distance myself from people I'm attracted to. To the point that it would be mistaken as being snobbish. Partly because of a desire to shield myself from rejection.

    icon_sad.gif


    That´s why you never speak to me icon_sad.gif
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 20, 2009 10:53 PM GMT
    Sedative saidI'm actually like that. I tend to distance myself from people I'm attracted to. To the point that it would be mistaken as being snobbish. Partly because of a desire to shield myself from rejection.

    icon_sad.gif


    How do you know your gonna be rejected? or do you just automatically assume the person will reject you?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Oct 26, 2009 1:19 AM GMT
    The situation sounds a lot like something I've been going through. I and this other guy like each other, and our friends know it, but we are kind of shy around each other. This has been going on for about a year. We've gone on a few dates but they were kinda dreadful.....it's like he was afraid I was going to pounce on him or something, lol. We will see each other out and it might take us awhile to chat. I think we have both built up a bit of resentment toward each other because we can't make it work. Maybe we are too much alike.

    So anyway, if anyone outside of our group were to watch our actions, it looks like we don't even like each other.
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    Oct 26, 2009 1:25 PM GMT

    lol, This is what Mom told me just after I came out and had a strange on and off with a guy that was crushing but aloof and pretty boorish to me.

    I asked Mom what the hell it was all about. Belligerent means he really likes me? She giggled and said, "A bear likes to say it with a slap." icon_eek.gif


    -Doug
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 26, 2009 1:28 PM GMT
    I can relate, sometimes one feels like they need to reject someone else before they are inevitably rejected by them. I don't expect a lot of people to understand.