The Bartender- take him seriously or not?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2009 4:58 PM GMT
    I am not sure if this has happened to anyone. Yesterday, went to new club for bday and many of us were there but the bartender decided to flirt with me.
    He was telling me how sexy he thought I was and so on and kept smacking my butt all night when he would pass by. I would glimpse at him watching me over by the bar. He has to have been the hottest guy I have ever interacted with like that besides my ex. I mean he was hot, a crowd pleaser, showstopper kinda guy. Real sexy and body close to perfect.

    We exchanged numbers and before I left he made it known that he was sexually attracted to me. So now what do you make of something like this? Was that part of his job? Why me, I didn't really see him do it to anyone else. He may have but I would never know. After last night, I am sure I ll just be another customer but as a customer you do get a different feeling especially being approached by a guy like that when anyone in that room would died to have him . Best Birthday ever.
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    Sep 20, 2009 5:06 PM GMT
    You'll never know if you don't follow-up. And if he shows no more interest than bar flirting, then you'll know jp's assessment is correct.

    I've had bartenders in gay places hit on me, and we did follow through, off the premises (though on one occasion quite disastrously for me). I've also had the DJ flirt and go to bed with me, and the door security guy. So it can really happen.

    But I know that jp's model is also true for some bartenders, who are just flattering you for the extra bar business. Big boys have to sort that out for themselves.
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    Sep 20, 2009 5:21 PM GMT
    My experience with a hot sexy bartender:

    It is his job to flirt and laugh and to make the customers feel happy and special. Experienced bartenders have refined that skill into an art.

    Still, it seemed he payed particular attention to me and we even dated a short while. At first, I thought we really clicked. My drinks were mostly free and he would clear a chair for me when I got there. I tipped well, but not outrageously.

    But even when we were together away from his bar he could never get out of his "bartender" mode. Quick one liners......ambiguous non committal answers........always ready with a joke and to laugh off and dismiss some of my remarks. Endlessly complimentary towards me. I don't think he was fishing for business or generous tips....its just that from years of conditioning and acting like a bartender, he didn't know how to turn it off.

    I called it quits.

    Afterwards when I was at his club, I would see and hear him saying the same lines treating other patrons in the same "special" way. I roll my eyes now that I know better.

    That's just my experience. Hopefuly, it might be different for someone else in the same situation.
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    Sep 20, 2009 5:22 PM GMT
    jprichva saidAnd now for sure you'll be back, won't you.
    And the tips will be generous, won't they?

    You're a smart fellow, yes?


    Well the drinks were free for me when I was drinking. He should have talked to my friends who were big spenders but he is hot. Well I did get him good business because other people were buying me drinks all night cos it was my birthday . Oh and this str8 lady swore I was str8 so she kept buying me drinks, I played along for the drinks..lol
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    Sep 20, 2009 5:33 PM GMT
    klassikjock saidWell the drinks were free for me when I was drinking. He should have talked to my friends who were big spenders but he is hot. Well I did get him good business because other people were buying me drinks all night cos it was my birthday . Oh and this str8 lady swore I was str8 so she kept buying me drinks, I played along for the drinks..lol

    Well don't underrate yourself, you're not bad looking. Hell, do you think that I've EVER been a prize myself, that these bartenders were going to bed with me? Maybe you're also his "type" like I assume I was to these guys, too. It prolly didn't hurt, either, that often I arrived on my motorcycle and was sitting there in full riding leathers. LOL!

    Or maybe he was just playing you for future business & tips, as has happened to some of these other guys commenting here, and to me, too. Now you know what to watch out for, so go ahead and find out what this guy is all about. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 20, 2009 5:47 PM GMT
    First, Happy Belated Birthday. Second, You won't know until you follow up.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Sep 21, 2009 12:19 AM GMT
    attractibe gay bartenders are fun guys to be with, in an out of bed....but are not meant for one on one, exclusive realtionships. there is just too much temptation to cheat with their job.

    because of the nature of their job; they are just too jaded in the "been there..seen it all" sense.

  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Sep 21, 2009 12:32 AM GMT
    If your interested in him,,why not call him and have dinner on his night off, see where his head is.....Good Luck..
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    Sep 21, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    For starters...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Anyone that wrks in customer service and that does there job well, Knows the importance to the success of there job and that is to make everyone feel as if there the only one in the room. Frm the details of your story it might have been more than that as well! Enjoy a second rd of drinks when you go back and chat a bit what do you have to loose? Unlike RNCH I don't believe that temptation will lead you to stray. A cheater will cheat no matter how little or much temptation surrounds them. It is an act of selfishness! Those that commit themselves do just that. It is a choice.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 21, 2009 1:26 AM GMT
    I have never seen a bar tender flirt with the customers unless he was serious about taking it further.
    The bartenders who enjoy their job, are friendly with almost everybody (not flirting, just nice).
    And, I've seen bar tenders (like the ones at Chaps2, in San Francisco), who are all attitude and act like they're doing you a big favor, bothering to make a drink for you.

    It appears that the bar tender that the OP has described, wants him.
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    Sep 21, 2009 2:01 AM GMT
    It is their job. Even if he wants to sex you he will be back doing what he does every night without you. This happened to me recently. I went back to his place and a few weeks later he bought me a drink when i walked into his bar...chatted a bit .. he said he'd call ...yeah right.....
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 21, 2009 2:07 AM GMT
    Wow, I guess I won't be a bartender. I was thinking about picking up some extra money and get a bartending job. But if everyone thinks a bartender is un"date"able or you can't take their emotions seriously I don't think the extra money is worth it.
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    Sep 21, 2009 2:15 AM GMT
    Hmmmm. After reading your post here's my take on the matter.

    While it's the natural job of any good bartender to make their customers feel at ease and to make them feel comfortable, especially when it's a special occasion like say a birthday, they are human just like us and who's to say they aren't looking for someone to connect with too.

    I've met lots of bartenders who are friendly in nature and while they are simply doing their job in making sure I'm happy and spending my money every now and then I come across one who is genuinely just nice and is more then just a bartender. bartenders have a habit of quickly being good friends and some are treated like priets in a confession booth since most bartenders have been around and seen lots of interesting things.

    In this case, your bartender seems to see something in you that he liked and gave you his phone number. I say go for it and enjoy whatever happens. No regular bartender would just carelessly give out their number to a complete stranger like that unless they felt comfortable int he first place or for that matter no one in general would do that.

    Best of luck to possible fun. I'll drink to that.
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    Sep 21, 2009 5:22 AM GMT
    You should follow up!

    I use to be a bartender and I never gave my number out unless I thought the guy was attractive.

    However, the charm of a bartender can make and break him. The charm has to be suggestive, friendly, intimate with a dash of unavailability.

    Put it this way, I made great money and shitty drinks.
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    Sep 21, 2009 5:45 AM GMT
    klassikjock said... Why me, I didn't really see him do it to anyone else. He may have but I would never know. .



    umm...have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately??? Heck...i'm surprised this hasn't happened to you before...very goodlooking.

    I think its obvious that he's interested...his behavior went WELL beyond a normal customer-bartender interaction. Go for it and see what happens...goodluckicon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2009 5:51 AM GMT
    Hey, he's most likely interested in you. A bartender in San Diego who showed interest in me was simply not doing it for tips..... See where it goes.
  • cbrock

    Posts: 212

    Jan 31, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    It's one of those situations where you don't know if he's actually into you or if he's just trying for a better tip. I'd wait to see if he calls. Or, go back to the bar and see if he remembers you and/or acts the same.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 31, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidMy experience with a hot sexy bartender:

    It is his job to flirt and laugh and to make the customers feel happy and special. Experienced bartenders have refined that skill into an art.

    Still, it seemed he payed particular attention to me and we even dated a short while. At first, I thought we really clicked. My drinks were mostly free and he would clear a chair for me when I got there. I tipped well, but not outrageously.

    But even when we were together away from his bar he could never get out of his "bartender" mode. Quick one liners......ambiguous non committal answers........always ready with a joke and to laugh off and dismiss some of my remarks. Endlessly complimentary towards me. I don't think he was fishing for business or generous tips....its just that from years of conditioning and acting like a bartender, he didn't know how to turn it off.

    I called it quits.

    Afterwards when I was at his club, I would see and hear him saying the same lines treating other patrons in the same "special" way. I roll my eyes now that I know better.

    That's just my experience. Hopefuly, it might be different for someone else in the same situation.
    yes, my experience also! my bartender was awesome between the sheets, but his life revolved around bars and visiting his fellow bartenders. as much as i enjoyed sex with him; after about 4 months i wanted more than that.