loneliness

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    Sep 21, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    ....
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    Sep 21, 2009 4:07 AM GMT
    Loneliness is not always a good feeling, but it happens; this is life after all
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    Sep 21, 2009 4:23 AM GMT
    I can take four weeks off work. lock myself away in my garden that whole time, and not have a moment of feeling lonely. I must admit, I'm not sure what being lonely feels like.

    Is it nothing more than a state of mindicon_question.gif
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    Sep 21, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    Pattison_the_Great saidI can take four weeks off work. look myself away in my garden that whole time, and not have a moment of feeling lonely. I must admit, I'm not sure what being lonely feels like.

    Is it nothing more than a state of mindicon_question.gif
    Seriously, you never felt lonely at any point of your life?
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 21, 2009 1:29 PM GMT
    Pattison_the_Great saidI can take four weeks off work. look myself away in my garden that whole time, and not have a moment of feeling lonely. I must admit, I'm not sure what being lonely feels like.

    Is it nothing more than a state of mindicon_question.gif


    loneliness is ... a feeling ... like how bad you feel for this not-so-little guy:

    big_head_little_arms_small.jpg
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    Sep 21, 2009 1:41 PM GMT
    This might sound trite, but excercise always pulls me out of a feeling of lonliness.

    Gotta get that blood pumping to your brain. This helps with depression also.

    If there is no one around, sometimes I'll go to the movies by myself-something I really like
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    Sep 21, 2009 1:49 PM GMT
    Break the pattern and challenge yourself by going out and doing something you will enjoy. Trust me it will help.
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    Sep 21, 2009 2:06 PM GMT
    When I feel lonely, its usually because I'm bored. That is when I force myself to go to gym or to wash my car or do some gardening. Physical activity makes me feel really good. Try it! Walk around the block. I promise you will feel better. Force yourself! It works.
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    Sep 21, 2009 5:54 PM GMT
    Loneliness is really helplessness. When you're content with being alone you don't feel lonely. When you need something only another person can provide and no one is around to provide it, you feel lonely. Untreated loneliness leads to depression.

    Examples:
    When you need therapy because of psychological imbalance

    When you left home but you still need your parents to help you get through with daily life

    When you lose a life partner and you have grown dependent on that person

    Resolution:
    As long as you don't have major psychological imbalances, you can learn to figure out how to fulfill your needs on your own. Robinson Crusoe did it. It's a challenge that can be rewarding and builds confidence. You'll learn to believe that everything other people can provide you can provide on your own, since everyone is created equal. First steps: reading books, starting conversations with strangers you run into, trying to do something for people who need it.

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    Sep 22, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    MtndudeSF saidLoneliness is really helplessness. When you're content with being alone you don't feel lonely. When you need something only another person can provide and no one is around to provide it, you feel lonely. Untreated loneliness leads to depression.

    Examples:
    When you need therapy because of psychological imbalance

    When you left home but you still need your parents to help you get through with daily life

    When you lose a life partner and you have grown dependent on that person

    Resolution:
    As long as you don't have major psychological imbalances, you can learn to figure out how to fulfill your needs on your own. Robinson Crusoe did it. It's a challenge that can be rewarding and builds confidence. You'll learn to believe that everything other people can provide you can provide on your own, since everyone is created equal. First steps: reading books, starting conversations with strangers you run into, trying to do something for people who need it.

    Seriously..so if one felt lonely for too long it could lead to clinical depression? what if someone was just trying to convince themselves they were happy and content constantly to fight off loneliness?
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    Sep 22, 2009 4:52 AM GMT
    Ive been on and am currently on meds for Depression. I feel lonely alot of the time but you gotta look at the whole picture. You might want someone in your life. Look at whats keeping you from having that. Two, look at your friends and family for support. Work out! Keeps my mind busy from thinking about things. Im getting over a break up and am a little nervious because I think my Ex and I are in talks of getting back together but still who cares. I gotta be happy with myself before I can expect to be happy with him. Good luck.
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    Sep 22, 2009 4:59 AM GMT
    Loneliness is my / our eternal companion in the physical world. We are born alone and leave this world of ours, buried in a coffin, alone.

    Loneliness does not necessarily equal having nobody to talk to; many people feel lonely surrounded by millions. Nor should loneliness be remedied for by keeping oneself busy; many people are perfectly happy being on their own doing nothing.

    So, a clear cut should be made between being alone and being lonely; the ultimate form of self-sufficiency and self-reconciliation being the hard-to-apply motto:

    I am alone, but not lonely.

    In the mean time, here is a prayer from the heart for every being whose soul is shaken by loneliness, for I have grown up in its arms.

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    Sep 22, 2009 5:25 AM GMT
    tryingtolive said
    Pattison_the_Great saidI can take four weeks off work. look myself away in my garden that whole time, and not have a moment of feeling lonely. I must admit, I'm not sure what being lonely feels like.

    Is it nothing more than a state of mindicon_question.gif
    Seriously, you never felt lonely at any point of your life?


    From a young age, I've been content in the solitude of my own company. I've always been able to find something to do to entertain, and amuse myself.

    I have an acre garden ( my own private wee park) to lock myself away in, and just love the solitude, and it's why I won't take a permanent position in my job, so I have the freedom to lock myself away when ever I need to for me time. I've just givern myself two weeks off work, to work in the garden, and have that solitude.

    So no, I do not ever recall felling lonely.

    I have an open garden once a year, and donate the proceeds to charity. I suffer so much during this weekend, with so many people invading my personal space.
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    Sep 22, 2009 5:30 AM GMT
    I have recently accepted how lonely I feel.I suppose it may be a depression aswell, but I use to live in NYC in my own little studio apartment that I loved, and was totally content, however now after ending the most influential relationship of my life, I feel so alone. Not really sure what to do about, some days I can feign happiness, mostly for friends, and family but I just don't feel any connection. Just mediocre numbness with nothing to excite, or look forward to.
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    Sep 22, 2009 5:38 AM GMT
    Gscepi saidI have recently accepted how lonely I feel.I suppose it may be a depression aswell, but I use to live in NYC in my own little studio apartment that I loved, and was totally content, however now after ending the most influential relationship of my life, I feel so alone. Not really sure what to do about, some days I can feign happiness, mostly for friends, and family but I just don't feel any connection. Just mediocre numbness with nothing to excite, or look forward to.


    Mate you sound like you are grieving to me. Time will heal this, you just have to endure it, until it passers.
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    Sep 22, 2009 5:19 PM GMT
    tryingtolive said
    Seriously..so if one felt lonely for too long it could lead to clinical depression? what if someone was just trying to convince themselves they were happy and content constantly to fight off loneliness?

    I have been there when I was an adolescent and suddenly thrust into a new country and new way of life from a structured, sheltered life back home. When you're with parents or in another form of co-dependency your life was mostly driven by other people, you didn't have to think much because many decisions were made for you on a daily basis, you're "taken care of", so to speak. When you suddenly have all the responsibility for yourself and don't have a habit of taking this responsibility, you have many unresolved questions in your head, important decisions that you don't know how to make, including how to calm yourself and make yourself happy. Your parents have learned this through years of experimentation while raising you, you have not. This is when you feel lonely. When you feel things are not going well because of this, that you're not happy all day long for days and weeks and months, you will become depressed.

    Getting to know yourself and becoming self-sufficient are the first orders of business. One has to be self-sufficient physically (cooking, laundry, simple finances etc.) as well as emotionally. The latter is the harder part although neither is really easy. Trying to convince yourself or others that you're happy is faking it, it's the last thing you should do. On the other hand, taking an interest in other people, especially random strangers, sympathize with their problems and issues in life can be very therapeutic. Only after doing that for years and getting other people to do the same for me did I start to be able to treat myself the same way, sympathize with what I'm feeling inside and try to do something about it in a pragmatic way. I learned from other people how to be resourceful, patient, many practical and social skills. These skills allowed me to grow continuously, and to develop a circle of friends, both of which make me happy in the long run.

  • shirty

    Posts: 290

    Sep 22, 2009 5:52 PM GMT
    KidnapMyAffection saidLoneliness is my / our eternal companion in the physical world. We are born alone and leave this world of ours, buried in a coffin, alone.

    Loneliness does not necessarily equal having nobody to talk to; many people feel lonely surrounded by millions. Nor should loneliness be remedied for by keeping oneself busy; many people are perfectly happy being on their own doing nothing.

    So, a clear cut should be made between being alone and being lonely; the ultimate form of self-sufficiency and self-reconciliation being the hard-to-apply motto:

    I am alone, but not lonely.

    In the mean time, here is a prayer from the heart for every being whose soul is shaken by loneliness, for I have grown up in its arms.



    Beautifully written and explained. Thanks for sharing. I feel the same way.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Sep 24, 2009 10:31 AM GMT
    Hi Lawrence

    You have to learn to love your own company, we are all alone at some stage, sometimes by choice, sometimes not, and we have to learn to enjoy that time.

    Lots of good advice here on how to keep yourself busy and the great thing these days is that you've got the internet, which will let you have some interaction when you need it.

    Don't let the loneliness define you. You are not Lawrence the guy who is lonely. You are Lawrence who enjoys his own company, but likes the stimulation of other people's company.

    You are in charge of your own life (I hope), its up to you to make changes, no body else will.

    Loz
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    Sep 24, 2009 10:56 AM GMT
    ....cured by a bottle of wine. Or two.
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    Sep 24, 2009 11:02 AM GMT
    aww..
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    Oct 03, 2009 6:01 PM GMT
    You'll meet someone soon...anyway, you got us! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Oct 03, 2009 10:00 PM GMT
    Pattison said

    I'm not sure what being lonely feels like.

    Is it nothing more than a state of mindicon_question.gif


    if you're not sure what it feels like, maybe you are lonely without even knowing it.
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    Oct 05, 2009 7:34 PM GMT
    if i feel lonely it's because i'm craving male body contact.
    otherwise , i'm good.
    Being alone is in our nature. We're alone in the womb, we die alone.

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    Oct 08, 2009 9:02 PM GMT
    KidnapMyAffection saidLoneliness is my / our eternal companion in the physical world. We are born alone and leave this world of ours, buried in a coffin, alone.

    Loneliness does not necessarily equal having nobody to talk to; many people feel lonely surrounded by millions. Nor should loneliness be remedied for by keeping oneself busy; many people are perfectly happy being on their own doing nothing.

    So, a clear cut should be made between being alone and being lonely; the ultimate form of self-sufficiency and self-reconciliation being the hard-to-apply motto:

    I am alone, but not lonely.

    In the mean time, here is a prayer from the heart for every being whose soul is shaken by loneliness, for I have grown up in its arms.

    sweet man, kind friend.