Just cuz... Happy Hump Day, mates

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    Sep 23, 2009 12:06 PM GMT
    What better day for a lil' humor:

    A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

    The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

    "Breast-fed," she replied.

    "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

    Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."

    I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."


    ...if you have a great joke, add it.
    Have a Great Day!!!
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    Sep 23, 2009 1:30 PM GMT

    Sophie Tucker Joke:

    I'll never forget it, ya know! I came home the other day and my boyfriend, Ernie, was ....pleasuring himself.
    I said "Ernie! Save that for our honeymoon."

    I came home 3 days later and caught him doing it again.
    I said "Ernie! I thought I told you to save it for our honeymoon?"
    He says "I did. I've got almost a quart so far."


    For the those that don't know, Sophie Tucker was a early 1960's singer/comedian whom Bette Midler personifies..
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    Sep 23, 2009 1:57 PM GMT

    lol, Sophie Tucker!


    Like the night Ernie told her, "Sophie, you've got a tight box and a flat chest."

    She said, "Ernie get off my back."

    icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 23, 2009 3:57 PM GMT
    I will never forget it you know.

    You know that Clemintine she's a rascal you know. She loves to fix me up with these exotic-type fellows.

    The other day she called me up and said "Soph, I gotta live one for ya' this time."

    I said, "Send him over Clemintine." Twenty minutes later the doorbell
    rang and I opened the door and there was a man there with no arms and no legs.

    I said to him "What the hell do you think you're going to do?" He said "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
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    Sep 23, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly said "My wife is so dumb, yesterday she drug home a brand new washer and dryer, and we ain't even got electricity!" The second hillbilly said "My wife is stupider than yers, yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher, and we ain't even got runnin water!"

    The third hillbilly said "My wife is even stupider! Yesterday I was in the kitchen and I saw her purse on the table. Everything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of rubbers layin there... and she ain't even got a dick!"
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    Sep 23, 2009 4:08 PM GMT
    A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz.

    The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it?"

    The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks.

    The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks."

    "You don't understand," said the man, "Chunks is my dog."
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    Sep 23, 2009 4:25 PM GMT
    LOL
    it's been High School since I've heard Ernie and Soph jokes!

    ...well done hahaha
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    Sep 23, 2009 4:31 PM GMT
    A chicken and an egg are laying next to each other in bed and the egg is smoking a cigarette. The chicken says "well, I guess that answers that question!".
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Sep 23, 2009 4:32 PM GMT
    This isn't a joke but its something good and I'm happy that I am able to do it! Today at 12:30 I will be testing for SFFD! Before I could even take it, my current place of employment wouldn't let me take the day off, even when I followed protocol of providing 2 week notice - denied. Then I tried to negotiate - denied. But my supervisor found the heart (which I joke that she found it in a crack jack box) to let me go take the exam.

    I am feeling good, positive, excited and sure of my damn self I can pass this exam! icon_biggrin.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 23, 2009 4:33 PM GMT
    Tapper saidA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz.

    The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it?"

    The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks.

    The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks."

    "You don't understand," said the man, "Chunks is my dog."



    ay kavult ...
  • MichVBPlayer2...

    Posts: 132

    Sep 23, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    McGay saidA chicken and an egg are laying next to each other in bed and the egg is smoking a cigarette. The chicken says "well, I guess that answers that question!".


    One of the funniest jokes I've heard in awhile. I love jokes that make ya think for a second before ya get it. Nice job.