I'm feeling pretty vulnerable right now..

  • rockleetpt

    Posts: 76

    Sep 25, 2009 12:37 AM GMT
    It's a portuguese custom that we college freshman deserve party in order to be recieved with a good impression and get to know our colleagues.

    Right so yesterday our eyes stared eachother. Me who I'm just registrated towards Applied Mathematics towards Economics and Management. And him, who just registrated towards Economics.

    We didn't said much. Maybe just a shy hi.

    Today things were a lot different.

    He saw me, he introduced himself to me as a fellow freshman (and me as well) and as a payback I waited for him so that he wouldn't need to wait for something (not necessary to explain) alone. Something that he promptly said "thank you very much".

    We couldn't interact properly until we where in some kind of pilgrimage towards lisbon singing traditional and custom songs. In which as soon as I could put my eyes on him I asked for his phone number. Something typical freshman ask eachother whenever they feel like fond of eachother. We exchanged numbers.

    There was a freshman dinner in which all freshmen people could attend to. There was plenty of space and he sit right next to me. He felt really confortable around me.

    As time passed by and I was drinking drink after drink (as he too) we started to talk ever more fondly. And I started to make the typical move of having my leg rubbing against his to see if he distances himself or not (which he didn't). He confessed he cried a lot while watching Full Metal Alchemist. When we were more drunk he.. started rubbing a cube of ice on my back, joking around.

    I was always playing the "tough, quick witted experienced freshman" since it's the third time I'm a freshman (don't ask). So I played like it was some sort of straight teasing. Then I had to leave. That's when my walls lifted and a surge of emotion and attraction started to flow in my heart.
    He showed intelligence and sensitivity and compatible playfullness. At a level it's incredibly rare to find around. That's why I'm feeling with a major crush on him. That's why I'm incredibly vulnerable right now. Towards whatever feedback I recieve from him and whatever feedback I recieve towards you guys.

    My setback was when I txt him said "I lied when I said I didn't cried while watching Full Metal Alchemist, I cried a lot as well", through which he said "I knew it, that's some emotional stuff right there" I sense a txt in which he doesn't actually want feedback. The other setback was when he said he knew some "fags" from my previous college. I felt threatned when he said "fags".

    I don't know what I should do. I'm afraid of a lot of stuff.

    I'm afraid of rejection (not so much)

    I'm afraid he's straight

    I'm afraid if I take too long someone else might take him.

    Part of me wants to express my desire towards him. Even though we've only meet today. Part of me wants to try and get scout a little bit more terrain. But my gaydar was through the roof.

    I kinda don't care if I assume myself as an homossexual, since I'm a closeted case, which is normal according to Portuguese customs and my age and all but my impression about my colleagues are of intelligent and bright people. What I'm really afraid is if he's straight and in that case I'm making a fool out of myself.

    Please help and and take caution in your wording. I don't think I'm ready to take on harsh expression with my heart at this state. I'm fine with harsh criticism, just not expressions and whatnot, just be nice, ok?

    What I'm basically doing here is calling for help regarding whatever my next step should be and in what tone...
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Sep 25, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    He could have used "fags" because he is not sure you are gay either. Or it could be playful. Even we use it that way. Seems like there are too many other signs. Maybe you could try to do more things with him, like go to dinner, and see where it goes. The more chances you have to spend time with him, the better. I think you are right when you say you don't want somebody else to get him first. Better to be wrong about him than to miss out.
    Good luck. Let us know what happens.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 25, 2009 4:32 AM GMT
    B71115 saidHe could have used "fags" because he is not sure you are gay either. Or it could be playful. Even we use it that way. Seems like there are too many other signs. Maybe you could try to do more things with him, like go to dinner, and see where it goes. The more chances you have to spend time with him, the better. I think you are right when you say you don't want somebody else to get him first. Better to be wrong about him than to miss out.
    Good luck. Let us know what happens.


    I agree, just spend more time with him and find out more information before you tell him anything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2009 5:01 AM GMT
    I don't think anyone can crush a puppy in work boots so I doubt they could find the callous to crush your feelings right now...


    I agree though with the others that more time spent is more time learning about him.
  • cg220

    Posts: 208

    Sep 25, 2009 5:05 AM GMT
    Yup, fully agree with the others. no need to rush. Hang out and get to know him. If you find he is straight, then you have a mate, if not, well, you could have something else! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2009 5:51 AM GMT
    Rock,
    One step at a time. You have a whole college yr to get to know this guy! Just don't forget to focus on your studies! Best of luck to you.
    Hillie
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
    I agree with Hillie and everyone else. One step at a time. icon_biggrin.gif Good luck!
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 25, 2009 6:31 AM GMT

    hey, bub. you need to spend more time with him and get to know him on a personal level. even if he turns out to be closeted, being gay does not mean that every guy you find out to be homosexual is someone you'll sleep with ... so, he may turn out to be another closet case but one who might end up being a bud.

    I cannot express it enough: there is so much more to a guy than the desires of the penis, the beauty of a face, the smoothness of a voice, and a corpus enticing.you may be in a good place with him but you know not quite yet. try not to get so excited, be touched with potential, but not so excited that you miss out on an important social lesson.

    he sounds like someone you are to connect with on some level. explore that. find out if there is a mutual understanding between the two of you and have fun with it; being mindful of your mind, body, and heart throughout the process.

    this is a lesson in life, for sure, and you should proceed as you would with learning to ride a bike; take the necessary advice from those you respect. try it out on your own; fall, get hurt, laugh, get happy, and never forget what you've learned - take such experiential knowledge with you always. icon_smile.gif

    good luck, sir!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 25, 2009 9:42 AM GMT
    I agree with most of the posts here:

    If he is gay/bi he will either fall in love with you or he won't.

    If he falls in love with you it will be as a result of a relationship built on attraction, on mutual caring, trust and faithfulness. You have just met this guy, so you haven't had time to build a true, loving friendship yet. Put your efforts into being a good, true friend first. If he reciprocates you may have a friend for life or a life-partner. If he doesn't reciprocate, then you will probably lose interest in him anyway.


    Nao tenhas medo de seres quem es. Sair do armario nunca e facil, mas tambem nunca e tao horrivel quanto se imagina. Fala com ele sobre a tua orientacao sexual quando o conheceres melhor. Mas percas muito tempo com este problema. Foca nos estudos. Um abraco!