Another "Is he gay?" Thread

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2009 3:37 AM GMT
    I come here as a refugee from two other forums that have been shutdown and seeking advice. I workout, but I don't take it to the level of perfection yet. I can't find a place anymore for gay advice on the internet and there are no local groups, yay...

    My chemistry lab partner of a month has been giving me contradictory signals and I, for the life of me, can't make heads or tails of it. He's in the army reserves, going to college, and has a job (works afternoons), he looks a little gay, and sound a tiny bit too. His eyes don't wonder at all, not to guys, nor to girls. We have night class, which ends a 9:45, but we get out by 8:30

    I approached him the first day and we chatted and became lab partners. He's somewhat chatty, but the conversation doesn't deviate far from related topics. During labs we work close together and touch occasionally, which he doesn't pull away from. He's always smiling, making jokes, and laugh the whole time. In the classroom, we get seats with each other and on one occasion, some guy took the last pair of seats right when we were about to get them, and he had an expression that said, "damn" but when class ends, he always bolts for the door. One time after a lab I walk with him out of the building, down one level (never been there before) and we were chatting about stuff, I ask him here he's going, and he says home, and he returns the question and I say library to do calculus. He opens the door to the parking lot and looks back, smiles and asks, "what are you doing." Since I was never in that part of the building, I was lost, so I said, "getting my bearings." He laughs and points in the opposite direction i was heading and says good night.

    We had a take home exam this weekend, and I receive an email from him asking if anyone from wants to get together to do the test, whether it be someone's house or the library icon_cool.gif. The college email system is setup so I cant see who else got it, so I have no idea if the whole class really got it. I respond with, "I'm up for it, how about your house Saturday. Call me if needed (phone#)" I'm the only one that shows up, and I know there are several people in that class that would have jumped on it because they ask me questions about the lessons. We meet at the college first, and he says, "We have plenty of drinks at my house, water, coke, juice, budlight, if you like that (he says with a smile)." I said I was cool and followed him to his house where we just did the chem test. When we get to his house he asks, "Do you want to work in the dining room or by the pool" I respond the dining room because it's flipping hot outside, and he seemed relieved. We laughed at each other's mistakes and it was a light mood. I find out latter then his older brother is in the other room sleeping, who comes out farting and burping the whole time. Near the end of the test, he finally gets a little personal and says that he likes watching sports, has cats and a evil dog.
    I'm sure I'm missing a bunch, but I'm too wrecked to think straight.

    I get close to him, I always smile with him and return jokes, I walk with him to the door to the parking lot and got lost. I initiate conversations and am the one to try to make it a little personal to get to know a little more about him.

    I don't know anything, I came out a year ago, and before that, my being gay made me feel like a social exile, and so I followed suite and made myself one. Of course now I don't know the difference between straight play and gay flirting, if there is a difference.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    lol, good title, BinarySurfer, - got us!

    Bill thinks the guy should be more apparently gay and interested before you get in too deep. I think similarly, because this could really go somewhere if he felt the same as you. Both of us think that you should wait til he takes things further, if he does that being as nearly important as getting closer.


    -us guys

    PS Welcome to Realjock!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2009 4:06 AM GMT
    Why don't you just start asking him personal questions like.....

    What do you like to do with your free time?

    seen any good movies lately?

    what's your favorite sports teams?

    do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?

    you just can't wait for him to make the first move all the time with the convos lol




    shoot just make a video of him and I'll tell you if he is str8 or gay ahahah.
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    Sep 27, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    lenoxx saidWhy don't you just start asking him personal questions like.....

    What do you like to do with your free time?

    seen any good movies lately?

    what's your favorite sports teams?

    do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?

    you just can't wait for him to make the first move all the time with the convos lol




    shoot just make a video of him and I'll tell you if he is str8 or gay ahahah.


    Amen sister O.o why does everyone wait for the other guy to make the first move? If you're scared he might know your gay (that is, react badly to it..) then maybe you shouldn't be hanging out with him. if you don't think it would be a big problem, just mention it casually. Do it somewhere "safe" (easy to walk away from an odd situation) and don't make it such a big deal. It's incidents like this that really piss me off. We're not some scum to be treated SO differently just because we're gay. We have every right to be just as casual as anyone else.

    A kid in one of my comp sci classes has a really inconspicuous rainbow-ribbon stuck to his bag. I've considered doing something similar (bear-pride sticker i can't decide where i want to stick...). it makes things easy i think.

    best of luck either way

    (lol and i had to check your info right quick, because there is a kid in my own chemistry class (not lab tho!) that is exactly that description!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2009 3:48 PM GMT

    Hey guys, did you see this part?

    "I get close to him, I always smile with him and return jokes, I walk with him to the door to the parking lot and got lost. I initiate conversations and am the one to try to make it a little personal to get to know a little more about him."

    We think that's doing quite a bit already.
    Ball's in the other guy's court.

    This is also his classmate and so if he plunges boldly in and is mistaken, or worse, the other guy rejects and/or is straight and recoils, what then?
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Sep 27, 2009 4:18 PM GMT
    Basically from what you wrote, I didn't see any major indications that he is looking for a romantic relationship, it seems like he's just enjoying your friendship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2009 4:26 PM GMT
    Seriously dude if you continue waiting for this guy to respond freely you will be waiting for along time. Don't passive about this. If you like what you are seeing and you feel a slight connection then by all means connect.

    For starters does he know you are gay? That might help instead of playing tag in the in the dark. Don't allow him to deviate from certain questions and don't leave them so one-sided and simple. Avoid "yes/no" questions unless you just wanna man up and ask him if he's gay or not.

    With whether he's gay or no shouldn't matter if you want to be friends so that might be why he hasn't showed any signs of his sexuality yet. If you are wanting more then that sort of info shouldn't matter.

    Sometimes you gotta take the reigns and direct the horse not the other way around so get up and take control of the situation. If you want it and know how to get it then quit pussyfooting around and get it already. this guy has more exits then Houdini so you need to put a stop to that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2009 5:16 AM GMT
    Thank you for the responses. I suppose I can be more assertive, but I don't want to be too pushy if it turns out he's straight, there goes my lab partner, lol. At the same time I agree that I'm probably looking into it too much and over analyzing everything, so I'm making a bigger deal out of small actions. I think I'll go with a pride sticker on my bag though, not just for him, but to have my preference more public knowledge because I can't find an appropriate way to throw sexual preference into a conversation.
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    Sep 28, 2009 3:31 PM GMT


    Two thumbs up to the sticker! Says a lot without needing words, lol!
  • Mikeylikesit

    Posts: 1021

    Sep 28, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    Try something as simple as...." so do you have a girl friend?".....atleast you may find out more about him.....icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 28, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    We think that's doing quite a bit already.
    Ball's in the other guy's court.


    I disagree, there are more things he could do to get the other guy's attention and to find out if he's gay.

    It surprises me that he is so open to share information with you other than related subjects in the first place... People in the military are trained to focus on the task at hand and to factor all other obstructions out of their mind. His main focus (if it were a night class) would clearly be on passing the course for future benefit. So the fact he is engaging in such contact is interesting.

    For one, the OP came out. Be open about it, but not obnoxious. People keep saying to be "casual" about it, but it's really a point of no return senario once mentioned so there really is no casual aspect about it.
    But, what you could do is ask if he has a girlfriend, past experiences with dating... etc. anything to clue you in. Asking for favorite sports teams and favorite trucks and stuff like that doesn't give a difinitive answer because I know plenty of gay people sport and car oriented that know as much or even more about those subjects than straight guys do.

    What ever you do, do it your way. Don't be too subtle about it though, or you'll be wasting day after day wondering rather than knowing. And you have to admit, knowing, even if it's not the outcome you want, is better than not knowing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2009 1:40 AM GMT
    ^^ Thank you very much. He's straight, what a shame icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2009 2:23 AM GMT
    BinarySurfer said^^ Thank you very much. He's straight, what a shame icon_razz.gif


    ahahah how did you find out!?
  • clevelandfan

    Posts: 9

    Sep 29, 2009 2:48 AM GMT
    BinarySurfer said^^ Thank you very much. He's straight, what a shame icon_razz.gif


    I'm really curious how this came to be found out...? What did you say/ask/do to get this response from him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    I was in the same boat as you are.

    In my yoga class, there's one guy who I've taken a fancy to, and thought he felt the same way.

    We talk endlessly in the steam room after our class, maybe flirt a little, well a lot from my side, but in general, we enjoy each other's company.

    I was never quite sure about whether he was gay or straight.

    He never divulged much about his personal life, even though I openly spoke of mine, always giving him the opening in our conversations to state otherwise.

    His background, former figure skater, who went into dance and theatre in university.

    On that alone, I assumed he was gay

    And there have been many times, when he would "accidently" drop his towel when he was walking in front of me, showing off his muffin buns.

    So I finally found the courage to ask if he was seeing anyone...and he said yes.

    And the fact that he was straight.

    Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?icon_eek.gif

    The "explanation" he gave me was that he didn't like to inform people, especially gay guys, that he was straight.

    Apparently, he's lost potential friendships because of it.

    So he's in the straight closest.icon_lol.gif

    I'd like to say this is the first time something like this has happened...but sadly it's not.

    I have a knack for falling for the "gay" straight man, as they described in Sex in the City.

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    Sep 29, 2009 5:18 AM GMT
    soulman1969 said

    I have a knack for falling for the "gay" straight man, as they described in Sex in the City.



    Do you by chance remember what the episode was called or what season and episode? I'd like to watch that.

    As for how I found out, I finally got responses from some students who said they did get the email to meet for the test, where others didn't because the email was delayed (yay Valencia email system!), so he really did invite other people, not just me. Then I had a gay pride flag on my laptop's background, which I know he saw because we were focused on it when I minimized the program, and he had no reaction, so not gay. After that I letter asked if he was seeing anyone, and he said he was still in a relationship with his girlfriend from Indiana.
    Thanks for the replies icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2009 5:30 AM GMT
    he could be bisexual! lol jk don't want to get your hopes up.
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    Sep 29, 2009 1:16 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]BinarySurfer said[/cite]
    soulman1969 said

    I have a knack for falling for the "gay" straight man, as they described in Sex in the City.



    It was the episode called "Evolution", Season 2, Episode 11.

    The character in question was played by Dan Futterman.

    I'm enjoying his friendship.

    Whatever he is, straight, bi or confused, I have to remember what I was like at 28 and in denial.

    Far from the man I am today.
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    Sep 29, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
    CreaseHem said
    lenoxx saidhe could be bisexual! lol jk don't want to get your hopes up.


    Very good possibility there. He could also just be horny and looking for a one-night-stand. If thats the case I doubt that much more will happen when their together because it sounds like BinarySurfer could be looking for clues too much instead of taking action.


    Hahaha, that'd be nice. I'd love to be his bitch for hours icon_razz.gif

    If he wasn't my lab partner for the semester, I'd take more action, but he's kinda important.
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    Sep 29, 2009 4:17 PM GMT

    "If he wasn't my lab partner for the semester, I'd take more action, but he's kinda important."

    Which is why we urged a laid back approach. There was no hurry.

    Not the greatest analogy, but if you chase deer to get one to eat out of your hand the outcome will less than what you hope for. But if you sit still and hold out your hand with treats (kindness, patience), the deer will eventually approach, feeling un-threatened.