Age and guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 27, 2009 11:41 PM GMT
    Alright, I think that there is something up with me. I tend to like older guys (20+...but there is a limit), however, it's a curse since most guys have a problem with dating a guy who's "barely legal" (I just turned 1icon_cool.gif. It's strange since I usually go on a date with older guys (honestly it isn't that old...23 or 22) and it's always the same story: "it feels strange dating you. you're too young. you're mature and all...but it's the age thing". Funny thing I've noticed: there are plenty of "older guys" out there that have the drama of a high-school aged guy. Has any guy from this age group (18-20) have faced this? Or any other guy has gone through this before? Any advice?
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    Sep 28, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    "Older guys... 20+"

    I simply can't respond to that. Someone help me out?
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    Sep 28, 2009 12:49 AM GMT
    Redster, you know me..I'm a hilltopper at 47...I cant help on this one.
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    Sep 28, 2009 12:53 AM GMT
    "I really like you, but you just live so far away"
    "I really like you, but I am just so busy with work these days"
    "I really like you, but I have some personal issues to deal with"
    "I really like you, but the age thing"
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    Sep 28, 2009 12:54 AM GMT
    Lol,
    Dude, your 18. You've just started your life icon_smile.gif

    When your 25, 18 is young.
    When your 35, 25 is young.
    When your 45, 35 is young.

    I remember back in the day when I thought I'd never date a guy older than 35, now I'm happy enough to date someone up to the age of 50.

    We all have our limits and to be honest we all have lives to live. Get out and live your life rather than worrying about age differences! icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 28, 2009 1:51 AM GMT
    well I meant if anyone has had any experience on the age thing. and yeah 30-something..it's sort of unsettling since he could be as old as my dad icon_confused.gif
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:00 AM GMT


    I I I... I don't think I'm capable of putting a lucid sentence together in response to this but at the risk of sounding insensitive...

    Kid, if you're under twenty you don't have any problems!

    Enjoy yourself. And relish in the moments when someone tells you you're too young. That criticism can't last long enough!!!
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:03 AM GMT
    inmate_6655321 saidwell I meant if anyone has had any experience on the age thing. and yeah 30-something..it's sort of unsettling since he could be as old as my dad icon_confused.gif


    Everyone has experience with the "age thing"! That is our point! icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:08 AM GMT
    Damn Shame. Wait until you get older, you'll be reject by younger dudes. Straight men don't care about women age
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Sep 28, 2009 2:10 AM GMT
    Well I have had many experiences lol

    I have gotten the "speech" from guys of all ages. They also through out the "we are at different stages in our lives" thing, but what does that even mean? I can be at a different stage in my life than someone my age. Is there a set age for certain things like this? Last time I checked everyone matures at a different rate and at different times. I have met some immature 30 year olds and some very mature guys my age.

    To me, it's kind of like the height issue, if a guy CANNOT look past your age (if you are younger) then he is not worth it. You can be the most mature 20 year old in the world but if the guy isn't feeling it just cuz u were born at a certain time, then move one really.

    In reality, would it work? A 18-20 year old with a 30-40 year old guy? Again it all depends on the individuals. If straight people make it work, then I think it shoudl with gay ppl. As long as it isn't 100% centered around sex, money or watever else.

    What I don't understand is how some guy like under 30 would get all crazy about age. As far as I am concerned 20 something year old guys are learning and have their whole lives ahead of them just like us 18, 19 year olds. Inmate, it sucks and I hope it gets better for us. It looks likie only time will change that. I will be turning 20 soon, maybe that number, since it doesnt have the word teen in it will change my situation a little lol
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:20 AM GMT
    gays and ageism.

    sigh...will it ever end ?
    If you feel good with the guy, go for it .
    If the other isn't comfy with you then move on. It's not like you can talk him out of his hangups.
    As the OP implied, you could have two guys 40+ and neither will be at the same place in this game of life.
    When i was in my 20's i had 3 bf's : one my age, one who was 35 and the other 43. ( my ltr lasted a couple of months usually..lol ) .
    It's true that POV will be different but that's exactly what makes the relationship interesting. It destabilizes your established opinions.


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    Sep 28, 2009 2:31 AM GMT
    LOL, after my comment on myself dating guys to 50, I've had some interesting hits on my profile!! icon_smile.gif

    Thanks guys!

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    Sep 28, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
    Rodmramer saidDamn Shame. Wait until you get older, you'll be reject by younger dudes. Straight men don't care about women age


    I'd guess that there are more inter-generational relationships among gay men. There's the whole stereotype of the father-figure seeking boys... That, and the fact that men age WAAAY better than women. Face it, women sag and wrinkle, while men just get more rugged and handsome!
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:43 AM GMT
    Well if it isn't about age then by golly it's about looks. That's just the way of the world it seems.

    Most straight men wouldn't care how old a woman is as long as she looks good and the same rule applies to most gay men as well only we seem a bit more finicky about a few things. Straight men still do have their preferences and age is among the ranking few.

    I'm sure most of us have dealt with it at some point in time and each experience different, though we all probably had the same outcomes. There's only two to choose from.
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:45 AM GMT
    xassantex saidgays and ageism.

    sigh...will it ever end ?
    If you feel good with the guy, go for it .
    If the other isn't comfy with you then move on. It's not like you can talk him out of his hangups.
    As the OP implied, you could have two guys 40+ and neither will be at the same place in this game of life.
    When i was in my 20's i had 3 bf's : one my age, one who was 35 and the other 43. ( my ltr lasted a couple of months usually..lol ) .
    It's true that POV will be different but that's exactly what makes the relationship interesting. It destabilizes your established opinions.




    In my "oh-so-vast" experience I've noticed that many (okay, the few...) gay men that I have met at 40+ seem to not have the same level of "maturity" that a straight man of the same age might have. Face it - having children forces a man to step up into his traditional role of responsibility. It really does "change" a man. Also, partying and going out many times a week up until 60 is much more common among gay men. In no way am I saying they are lacking a necessary piece in order to mature healthily as a man, or that these things make someone immature. But it is arguable that there are often different attitudes of married vs unmarried men. Just my little observation.
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:50 AM GMT
    inmate_6655321 saidAlright, I think that there is something up with me. I tend to like older guys (20+...but there is a limit), however, it's a curse since most guys have a problem with dating a guy who's "barely legal" (I just turned 1icon_cool.gif. It's strange since I usually go on a date with older guys (honestly it isn't that old...23 or 22) and it's always the same story: "it feels strange dating you. you're too young. you're mature and all...but it's the age thing". Funny thing I've noticed: there are plenty of "older guys" out there that have the drama of a high-school aged guy. Has any guy from this age group (18-20) have faced this? Or any other guy has gone through this before? Any advice?


    you're joking?

    okay i'm only 22 and i'm going to follow Red on this one..

    wtf?

    i've NEVER heard anyone calling "20+" _OLDER_.. seriously?

    Both of my most serious relationships have been with OLDER men. My first love-interest was 20 years older, and my boyfriend now is 10 older.

    Dating within 4-5 years of your age isn't "older" or "younger" , your in the same 'generation' for Buddha's sake!
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    Sep 28, 2009 3:17 AM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier saidgay men that I have met at 40+ seem to not have the same level of "maturity" that a straight man of the same age might have. Face it - having children forces a man to step up into his traditional role of responsibility. It really does "change" a man.


    I will agree 100%. Having kids will make a man become an adult in an instant. Whereas gay men tend to have a prolonged adolescence because they generally don't have kids in their 20s or 30s, if at all.
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    Sep 28, 2009 3:25 AM GMT
    The age thing is just a form of bigotry. Hell I can see Straight couple wondering about it, but Gay gays Love to see Lobo do a show on PUMAs like E's Cougar but it will neverr happen
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    Sep 28, 2009 4:24 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    MunchingZombie said"
    Now Zombs, I think I disagree with you here. The age thing is quite real.

    It's amusing when it's 18 vs. 23, of course, since they're all in diapers as far as I can tell. But it makes me uncomfortable when I get hit on by 20-somethings, as I have two children both past the midway of their 20s.


    I can't believe I am going to do this my side and stomach hurts from reading all these. Here goes.

    Jp Even kids in diapers need to be socialized and learn how to play nicely. Yes they do make messes so a little directions can go a long way in making those messes not so bad.

    So if a 20 or 30 something hits on you don't feel uncomfortable be flattered especially when they must thing your not in the FIRST ALERT group. " Help it's fallen and can't get up" . Of Course if they are already in that group at that age then its ok to feel uncomfortable. Seriously if you get "Dude you got a cute ass" by a 20 something say thanks or tell them to put their glasses on.

    To " ThePenIsMyTie" you said " Men Age WAAAY better than Women" I can recommend a good optometrist for you unless you're talking about the 28 to 32 age group. Or JP icon_rolleyes.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2009 4:48 AM GMT
    I'm 19 and happily dating a guy whos 32. You will find someone icon_smile.gif

    and by the way, 20-23 as you said, is not old
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    Sep 28, 2009 11:55 AM GMT
    In general, folks near the same age have an easier time conversing, etc. That does not mean you can't have a loving and intelligent and fun relationship with an older guy...just requires a bit more searching.
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    Sep 28, 2009 1:32 PM GMT
    I think that in one sense, a difference in age should be viewed as a partially between a percentage of your age and not in years. The other aspect is generational (which also has a certain percentage component to it.)

    When your 4 or 5 years either side of 20, then the differences in maturity in a year or two are exponential.

    When your sixty, the differences in maturity of a decade are more likely to be physiological than experiential. However, a decade at this point can bring far different life experiences. (e.g. take someone who was in their 20's in the late 70's: pre-AIDS, and someone who was in their 20's in the late 80's: post-AIDS. There's major differences in life experience there even though they are in their 40's and 50's now.)

    At your [inmate_665532] age, in spite of your perceived maturity, there's no way that you have the experience to back it up. Acting more mature vs. gaining maturity through experience is two very different things.

    I remember being 22 and wanting to date a guy who was 32. He turned me down because of my age. I 'knew' I was mature, so that couldn't be it, particularly since so many people told me that I was far more mature for my age than most others. It must have been that he just didn't want to date me - just 'have fun' with me instead. In hindsight, I realized that the facade of maturity is nothing compared to the real thing.
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:41 PM GMT
    I dealt with it when I first started dating. I felt that young guys were so lost and stuck up and empty that I stuck to dating 26 year olds through 36 year olds from age 17 up to 19. In all honesty though, I enjoyed them more. I only hooked up with guys in their 20s back then. Emotionally, older men were so much more interesting. Had their shit so much more together too.
    Even though a few of them still seemed to think I was perhaps more mature than they were. My boyfriend is the youngest guy I've ever been with. He's only 5 months older than me.

    I realize now though, as a 21 year old, I couldn't see myself dating anyone younger than 20 right now either. I guess its this negative connotation I have with high school. I left high school early, meaning I've been out of high school for about 4 years now and just the thought of being with someone romantically who perhaps left high school less than a year or two ago, seems like robbing the craddle to me. So maybe they are telling the truth lol.
    Though the age difference doesn't seem that much, enough changes in your life when you hit 20 to not want to dabble with the teens anymore.

    Its not so much about maturity for me, I guess its just seems way too young for me. And being a guy who's paying bills and owns his own house and stuff, I find that i'm just in a different place in my life than even most people my own age right now.

    Either way the guys that are meant for you are the ones you won't be able to shake away. Trust me on that.

    And try not to glorify age. I never would've though the one for me would've been the same age as me.
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:45 PM GMT
    Rodmramer saidDamn Shame. Wait until you get older, you'll be reject by younger dudes. Straight men don't care about women age


    really? that has never happened to me. i've been rejected by older though. why two weeks ago a guy in his 50s told me i was too old icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 28, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    inmate_6655321 saidAlright, I think that there is something up with me. I tend to like older guys (20+...but there is a limit), however, it's a curse since most guys have a problem with dating a guy who's "barely legal" (I just turned 1icon_cool.gif. It's strange since I usually go on a date with older guys (honestly it isn't that old...23 or 22) and it's always the same story: "it feels strange dating you. you're too young. you're mature and all...but it's the age thing". Funny thing I've noticed: there are plenty of "older guys" out there that have the drama of a high-school aged guy. Has any guy from this age group (18-20) have faced this? Or any other guy has gone through this before? Any advice?


    i would say this is something most gay men go thru. at your age we are attracted to an older guy because of his experience, "wisdom", sophistication etc. and assume that he has a big dick and knows how to use it.

    enjoy it if you can. as you grow older you will soon learn that for the most part it's all smoke and mirrors icon_razz.gif