My coming out progress...

  • adidas0783

    Posts: 290

    Sep 28, 2009 6:48 PM GMT
    I know there have similar threads on coming out with great insight and some good/not so good stories. Regardless, it is something we have all gone through or are preparing to go through in our lives.

    So here goes. I recently came out to several close friends, a few co-workers and some family. Out of my family, the two who have mattered the most during my 26 years on the planet where Mom and Dad. I came out to them last weekend and it was the most liberating and emotional experience in my life.

    Leading up to my coming out to my parents it had been a gradual process for me. I had really reflected on my sexuality over the past year and when I finally realized that I am am who I am and that I had reached a point where I could be honest with myself....when I no longer had to question "am I gay?", I knew it was time. If I am honest with myself...I need to be honest with my loved ones...enough said.

    So fast-forwarding to last weekend. I sat down with my parents and told them I needed to tell them something and before I started, I began to crumble. As I sat there trying to catch my breath and before I said those three words, my mom said in a soft tone of voice "Aaron, you do not have to be ashamed....we just want you to be happy". At that very moment I completely broke down and said "I am gay". When I gathered myself and could talk coherently, I immediately felt a sense of freedom that I have never felt before. I felt this massive weight of denial, sadness and anxiety lift from my shoulders. Afterwards, both of my parents and I talked. Both told me how much they loved me, that they accepted me for who I am 100% and that nothing would ever change their love for me. I told them how much I loved them. My parents did tell me that they will need some time to adjust and to "process" the fact that I am gay. I left the conversation with me telling them that: I want them to feel comfortable talking to me, I realize that they need to adjust to this concept and that I could not have been given better parents/just how much they mean to me.

    I am the happiest I have been...EVER! It has to get better from here. There will be some pitfalls, but I know I have full support from the people who matter and belong to a community.

  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Sep 28, 2009 6:53 PM GMT
    Aw congratulations. I, myself, will be having this talk soon with my family. I'm ready...
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    Sep 28, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
    AWSOME BRO! So glad your experience was a positive one! Hope mines the same! Your courage grace and passion to live your life in truth is a goal of many!

    [url][/url]
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    Sep 28, 2009 11:54 PM GMT
    I came out almost a year ago and my parents were the same way. I think parents today are far more hip and accepting than we sometimes give them credit for. I only wish I would have come out sooner and not wasted so much of my youth and early 20's being scared, secretive, and guilt-ridden. The end result is still the same - I'm gay, the parents have to deal with it, and they do.
  • adidas0783

    Posts: 290

    Sep 29, 2009 1:51 AM GMT
    TucsonGradJock saidI came out almost a year ago and my parents were the same way. I think parents today are far more hip and accepting than we sometimes give them credit for. I only wish I would have come out sooner and not wasted so much of my youth and early 20's being scared, secretive, and guilt-ridden. The end result is still the same - I'm gay, the parents have to deal with it, and they do.


    I feel the same way, however, my parents are letting it all sink in and need time to process this. Now they were great, however, when my being gay has come up in conversation it still feels like there is a pink elephant in the room. Does this get better with time? I am completely honest with them. I am starting to date and want to eventually bring a guy home to meet the rents.
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    Sep 29, 2009 2:20 AM GMT
    Congratulations! I too am very lucky to have a loving, accepting family. As others have said, coming out is a process - both in terms of whom you tell andin termsof you and they adjust to not only hearing that you're gay, but that part of your life, maybe meeting other gay friends of yours and at some point meeting a bf. Then comes the almost inevitable time that you and your bf are at your parents' place watching tv and mom or dad walks in when you're in mid-cuddle!

    Just give yourself and the people around you time and a chance to work out the boundaries of what they can (or can't handle) and when.

    Best of luck.
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    Sep 29, 2009 2:26 AM GMT
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    Sep 29, 2009 2:30 AM GMT
    Awesome and congrats.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Sep 29, 2009 2:33 AM GMT
    My mom still tells people Im going to give her grandchildren. OY. I love her no matter what.
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    Sep 29, 2009 2:37 AM GMT
    good job... we're behind ya all the way.
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    Sep 29, 2009 2:43 AM GMT
    adidas0783 said
    TucsonGradJock saidI came out almost a year ago and my parents were the same way. I think parents today are far more hip and accepting than we sometimes give them credit for. I only wish I would have come out sooner and not wasted so much of my youth and early 20's being scared, secretive, and guilt-ridden. The end result is still the same - I'm gay, the parents have to deal with it, and they do.


    I feel the same way, however, my parents are letting it all sink in and need time to process this. Now they were great, however, when my being gay has come up in conversation it still feels like there is a pink elephant in the room. Does this get better with time? I am completely honest with them. I am starting to date and want to eventually bring a guy home to meet the rents.


    Yes time is a great agent for change and getting used to a gay son.

    Yea-my brother and I are both gay and i think it's better to do the meet my boyfriend in stages.Coincide the first meet and greet with an activity or casual BBQ.

    My brother and his partner have been together for years, but when my parents come to visit them they stay in a hotel to avoid the where shall we sleep question. It just the dynamic in our family, even though they are accepting of John.
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    Sep 29, 2009 2:46 AM GMT
    Hey Buddy...
    That's the words that I was looking for... I am honest to myself... So, I have to be honest to the ones I love too...
    When I came out, my mother said to me that she would love me more now...
    But she asked me time to understand...
    What I completely agree with her...
    Now, I feel like the happiest guy in the world...
    Congrats to you...
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    Sep 29, 2009 3:16 AM GMT
    What a nice outcome of events to coming out to family! when I came out to my mother she also asked me to give her time to adjust the fact I was gay! she had no problems with me being gay but more afraid of me catching AIDS (keeping in mind that I came out during the early AIDS epidemic of the early 1980s). My Mom was more concerned of me being emotionally manipulated and hurt by someone as she also was by my father. My father before he past away according to my mother already knew I will turn out gay since early on my adolescent years, although they never approached or questioned me about my sexual preference because they felt it would be healthier if I evolve and find out for myself!! it is nicely to read a nice post for a change!!


    CONGRATULATIONS!!


    ♥ Leandro ♥
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    Sep 29, 2009 3:41 AM GMT
    congratulations!!
  • pelotudo87

    Posts: 225

    Sep 29, 2009 3:55 AM GMT
    glad it worked out
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    Sep 29, 2009 8:17 AM GMT
    glad to hear that everything went well for you bro.
  • adidas0783

    Posts: 290

    Oct 02, 2009 12:35 PM GMT
    Thanks guys!

    It will just take some time for them to adjust. They still love me and accept me for who I am. The hardest part of this process for me is done. Now it is time to move forward.

    icon_smile.gif

  • _gingin

    Posts: 116

    Oct 02, 2009 12:41 PM GMT
    your life can only start skyrocketing from here

    i'm awesome happy for you! icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 02, 2009 12:55 PM GMT
    adidas0783 saidThanks guys!

    It will just take some time for them to adjust. They still love me and accept me for who I am. The hardest part of this process for me is done. Now it is time to move forward.

    icon_smile.gif



    Exactly... and you'll go forward with your head up and your eyes forward. Cuz noting in the world feels better than honestly being who you are.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 02, 2009 12:58 PM GMT
    Aaron, glad you took the initiative and congrats on the result!

    I hope as you share this information with others you feel should hear that
    your experience will be equally as positive. As time passes, I hope you take the time to help others who may not have the same experiences.
    You sound like a great guy who would be willing to give a helping hand to
    friends and others who might benefit from your help.

    Congrats again, awesome!!

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 02, 2009 1:53 PM GMT
    Mega hairy muscle hugs of congrats. You did the right thing. And yes, that pink elephant, will be hanging around for a time. But time is on your side.

    Just be the cool guy you are. You are not any different, just the same sweet guy.
  • adidas0783

    Posts: 290

    Oct 14, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
    You guys are great! icon_biggrin.gif

    Thanks for all of the words of encouragement. I have been lucky so far with having my parents and friends show their support. I know my parents have to adjust and they still are. It can only get better from here? Right?

    Feel free to share your stories and advice.