Do you ever ask anyone out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 2:43 AM GMT
    So what is the deal? Do gay guys wait to be asked out? I get hundreds of "What ups" , "Hey, sexy" ,,etc etc...but that's it. I never get an invite to do anything. Are these guys trying to get my attention and expect me to invite them out or are social networks populated by shy guys with no social skills. Or are are they just playing games/killing time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 2:51 AM GMT
    Are you talking the first or tenth communication here? I wouldnt expect an invitation in the first communication. I am sure he wants to get to know you better first. And, if it were me, I would want to get to know him better first, too.

    My suggestion for a first meeting is at the cafe of a nearby bookstore....nice and public. But if he were someone compatible, it sure would be nice to have someone to go the the art gallery with. Problem is, I like to know about what I am looking at....I've always gotta be learning....and it is hard to find a guy who has such similar interests.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 3:16 AM GMT
    Are all those "what ups" from guys in your area?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 3:20 AM GMT
    It's the complete opposite for me. Whenever I talk to someone near by they want to meet me immediately.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 5:28 AM GMT
    xrichx saidAre all those "what ups" from guys in your area?


    yep..they are and they say they would like to meet guys if pushed ..but never an invite...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 5:41 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    xrichx saidAre all those "what ups" from guys in your area?


    yep..they are and they say they would like to meet guys if pushed ..but never an invite...

    I think you should ask them out. If they say no, then they're probably just looking for online friends/flirts, not real life friends/dates.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 29, 2009 6:32 AM GMT
    So, hows about YOU do the invitin' ?
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Sep 29, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    crtrainer saidYou should ask if you're interested in them. You got a great build there - they might be intimidated. I always go for coffee - that way if there's no chemistry between us it doesn't last too long. icon_wink.gif


    Agreed, and if you do you can take a nice long walk and set up another date. icon_smile.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Sep 29, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    Have they seen your face photos before they start chatting you up? I wouldn't ask a guy out until I at least see the face photos. Also, I tend to email back and fourth a couple of times before the idea of wanting to date someone comes into play. Let's be honest here, I never have gone on a date with anyone from this site. I guess I don't really consider it a dating site and maybe these guys feel the same way.

    Also, someone else mentioned that they might be intimidated, and I can see that being a factor as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 2:47 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidHave they seen your face photos before they start chatting you up? I wouldn't ask a guy out until I at least see the face photos. Also, I tend to email back and fourth a couple of times before the idea of wanting to date someone comes into play. Let's be honest here, I never have gone on a date with anyone from this site. I guess I don't really consider it a dating site and maybe these guys feel the same way.

    Also, someone else mentioned that they might be intimidated, and I can see that being a factor as well.


    true - face is more important than the build. no amount of perfect build will work if the face is just not up to snuff.

    t
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 29, 2009 3:07 PM GMT
    Absolutely..... and its always prefaced on friendship and we have lunch.

    Since I have a bf, it shouldn't be any other way.

    I think some view the "going out" thing in a couple of ways, both are a little
    odd I think.

    One, they don't ask because they think they will be rejected and two,
    they think they might be perceived as needy, "stalkerish" or overbearing.
    Sounds kind of odd, but I've heard comments by friends and others that leads me to this conclusion. I think its all in the way its ask.....

    "Lets hang out" connotes anything, from a hook up to spending quality time.
    go figure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 3:23 PM GMT
    you can take the initiative you know, and invite the person out for drinks/coffee

    God helps those who help themselves ....icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
    Inviting happens after I've gotten to know a bit about the person, their background, hobbies, current life situation, a few photos, etc. Usually this was done through back and forth emails. "What's up" is a start of a conversation. If it stops there, that means people are not that interested.

    Not to say there aren't passive guys, but they would offer up possibilities if they want to be invited to something. i.e. "I'm into live music", or "I like long walks". If you are really interested in them you should invite them to do one of these things.

    The people the are not invitable are those who are passive, but they tell you up front what they DON'T like, and they have a long list of it. Indicates a passive-aggressive personality. Or those who are narcissistic that they're not reciprocating attention and respect to others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 29, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidSo, hows about YOU do the invitin' ?


    The point of my question was to determine if anyone other than me ever asks anyone or what percent of the population is aggressive rather than passive . The confusing part is that these guys make the initial contact (they hit on me ) and then go silent. Trying to find out what they want is exhausting so i tell them if they want to go out email me....why they waste their time in a non communicative mode is beyond my understanding
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 2:54 AM GMT
    Yeah, I think you need to be direct. Ask them out or ask them what they want. Maybe they just want to chat and nothing more. Or maybe they have short attention spans and found someone else to chat with. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 3:04 AM GMT
    I'm all about asking a person out and inviting them somewhere if I find myself interested in them.

    I live a pretty free and open life and I'm pretty secure with myself and my abilities. You could say I live a "case by case" life. Worst case scenario is that the person says no in which case I just continue on with no regrets since I made the first and didn't deny myself something.

    For all those guys who like to wait around and be asked out you'll only end up waiting a long time. Also I think the reason why most guys don't like to be the first to invite someone is because they are afraid of rejection.

    Alpha, if I was in your city and saw you I would invite you out for a drink and have you meet some of my friends and from there whatever happens happens.
  • neno

    Posts: 5

    Sep 30, 2009 8:11 AM GMT
    Hey handsome! It's a shame you don't get asked out you look pretty hot to me!

    As for the post I ask them out all the time, wether I contacted them or they contacted me.
    Sometimes you gotta be the one with the balls to say "I'd like to meet you"icon_lol.gif
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Sep 30, 2009 10:26 AM GMT

    I've been asked out before ... I'm far too shy to do the asking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 10:32 AM GMT
    jrs1 said
    I've been asked out before ... I'm far too shy to do the asking.


    ditto
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 10:54 AM GMT
    Most of the time people are just shy or afraid to ask you out first with the for the fear of rejection. Also sometimes there are some guys who ask you out but when you try to make a plan they bail out (look out for them, they are just playing games). In case I really like someone, will ask him out, if he says he has other plans, then I leave the ball in their court by asking them to get back when they have time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 12:16 PM GMT
    I've done the inviting, but only after he's done the first step of giving me his number.

    However I have to add that each time I didn't know that it was a date, or that he was interested.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 1:29 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said The confusing part is that these guys make the initial contact (they hit on me ) and then go silent. Trying to find out what they want is exhausting so i tell them if they want to go out email me....why they waste their time in a non communicative mode is beyond my understanding


    Having never talked to you IRL, but from the wording above I'm going out on a limb and asking: do you think maybe your personality is intimidating somewhat?
    Maybe you are giving off silent signals of 'why are you wasting my time, I'd never go out with you' and you don't even realize it.
    I'm not saying it's all your fault, it's just one reason that I used to NEVER ask a guy out that had a body like yours, due in part to my former low self-esteem.
    I'm over that now.
    So Alpha. Wanna go grab a bite to eat? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 1:32 PM GMT
    After meeting a guy and responding to the "what's up" and "hi sexy" comments, if there is chemistry, I've learned that sometimes the best move is the old fashioned question......."Wanna grab a cup of coffee"?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 1:37 PM GMT
    I used to ask people out all of the time. This was before I asked my partner out on a date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 30, 2009 2:03 PM GMT
    Yes, I ask.

    I can get to know someone much more quickly and accurately by interacting with them in person than I can through a series of text messages that stretch out over days and weeks. And they will definitely get to know me better face to face. Text and photos convey so little personality.

    So, I ask. And 90% of the time it turns out guys online refuse or are unable to step away from the computer (the other 10% never respond at all). I'd rather find that out right away than waste a month emailing back and forth. Move it offline or move on.